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John David and Abbie 6: Flying Off to the Honeymoon


Coconut Flan

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2 hours ago, WhoompThereItIs said:

I've been married over a year at this point, and still maintain my maiden name. Haven't really caught any flack for it, from either set of parents or friends who did change their names. I plan to change it eventually (Hubs has a really cool, ethnic last name), but honestly I've just been lazy. Also, I received my PhD and have published journal articles in my maiden name, and I like sharing the Dr. *Smith title with my Dad (who also has his PhD).

*not our real last name.

Wow - that was eerie  to read.  Everything  you wrote applies to me, except that I’ve been married for 26 years!

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5 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I worked with a young woman whose surname started with the letter W. She got engaged to a man whose surname started with a G. I excitedly told her, "Now you get to move up in the alphabet, like I did!" She gave me THE most withering glare, and said, "I'm not changing my last name."

 

lol

Lol—was this me? My surname starts with a W and my husband starts with a G. We each kept our own name. Our children have two last names, W— G—, no hyphen. People are eternally confused. It’s so irritating because it’s just not that complicated. People just don’t care enough to pay attention. Even my own father continues to mail me things as E—W—G—, even though my name is and always has been, E—W—. 

We do call ourselves the W—G— family when referencing all four of us. My husband often gets called Mr W— (and he’s actually Dr G—) and I absolutely love it. 

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5 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

In Denmark, most people have two surnames (one from their mum and one from their dad), they will usually choose to use just one of them in day-to-day life, whichever one they prefer. When they get married, they'll usually keep one of their own, and take one of their spouse's, and the spouse will do the same. When my mum and step-dad got married, she changed her last name from Smith Jones to Smith Brown and my step-dad changed his name from Miller Brown to Smith Brown*. 

Alternatively, they each keep their own surname, and if they were to have children, they would get one surname from each of the parents. 

*not their real surnames 

My husband has a Danish last name, and I swapped my easily-pronounced-and-spelled maiden name for his when we got married. 

In the US, the vast majority of kids are given their fathers’ last names, so to me keeping my “maiden name” was as equally sexist as taking my husband’s. Plus I just don’t care that much in general and having the same last name streamlines logistics in many cases.

We would not have each taken a matching, new last name because he already had a child with his last name, and that idea wasn’t interesting to us, anyway.

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People can have strangely strong opinions about names within families. My last name is uncommon and difficult to pronounce, so my parents use a very anglicized pronunciation, and that's how I was raised saying it. But when I moved out I thought about it for a while, considering that many of my more distant relatives are willing to correct people and pronounce it the old way, so I started pronouncing it that way too. For some reason this INFURIATES my brother. He tries to start an argument about it every time he hears me introduce myself. He thinks I'm rejecting my upbringing, lol.

FWIW, I would never consider taking a different surname, but I definitely understand that we can all have deeply held and idiosyncratic reasons for how we choose to call ourselves.

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One thing I'm unsure of when it comes to changing my name if I marry is that my current name is unique. The first name and the last name on their own aren't, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one on the planet with that particular combination. There are a handful of others with slightly different spellings but I know for sure that I'm the only one with my first, middle, and last name combo. I don't know how I'd feel suddenly being one of 100,000 'Emily Smiths' for example. It would just feel weird. I'm used to being the only one.

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1 hour ago, crancraz said:

Lol—was this me?

LOL - no, because they only have one child (a boy) and he has his father's surname, as will the potential/future child(ren).

We do call ourselves the W—G— family when referencing all four of us. My husband often gets called Mr W— (and he’s actually Dr G—) and I absolutely love it. 


They've invented a shortened version of their last names, and when referring to themselves, call their family the GrifWills*.

 

*not the nickname they use

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1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

One thing I'm unsure of when it comes to changing my name if I marry is that my current name is unique. The first name and the last name on their own aren't, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one on the planet with that particular combination. There are a handful of others with slightly different spellings but I know for sure that I'm the only one with my first, middle, and last name combo. I don't know how I'd feel suddenly being one of 100,000 'Emily Smiths' for example. It would just feel weird. I'm used to being the only one.

I agree with this. My parents had no idea what they were getting me into. But here I am. I’m the only me. It does something weird to your identity. I’d still be the only me with another last name. But I’ve grown accustomed to being this version.

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8 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I’m the only me.

Now that I'm married, I'm one of five mes. When I google my first name and my maiden name, there are literally hundreds of me, but only three are in the USA. The rest are in Germany. lol

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10 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I agree with this. My parents had no idea what they were getting me into. But here I am. I’m the only me. It does something weird to your identity. I’d still be the only me with another last name. But I’ve grown accustomed to being this version.

I'm pretty sure our daughter was the only one with her first/last combo... right up until a year ago, when our nephew married a woman with the same first name as our daughter.   

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1 minute ago, Cheetah said:

I'm pretty sure our daughter was the only one with her first/last combo... right up until a year ago, when our nephew married a woman with the same first name as our daughter.   

What seals the deal on mine is my middle name. 

I have a Celtic sounding first name that gets mispronounced as a normal boy name. And is out there as a variant on said boy name. Other females have my name, spelled better.

My last name is changed from a Jewish name to something my grandpa and his brothers liked. 

Those are out there. But I got the email accounts :) 

Some mom took my last name and there was a point in time where i got her pta notices. 

The third semi me is in another country.

And then my parents had to put something in the middle. More than once I have faced stupid questions like “is that an ethnic name?”  Because, it doesn’t sound like a name for a blonde white girl. They made it up. I haven’t seen it out there on anyone.  

It’s a funny thing. Even though I am estranged from my father...I am saddened a bit by the thought of our family closing down. There were genetic issues from the Jewish DNA. It was not a fruitful line.  I never wanted to change my name. It’s just me. My brother. My dad’s male cousin has kids (but he was adopted because of said genetic issues).

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I have three completely normal names. The first is a name that was quite common in the 70s and 80s but is still pretty common now and has an even more common alternate spelling. The second is a name that was very common in the 40s and 50s (surprise, it's my grandma's name). The surname is less common in English Canada but very common in Quebec. But put them together (even just the first and last) and I'm the only one. I see some alternative spellings on Facebook, but there's really only one other woman who comes up when I google myself. We have the same name, just one letter off. Our instagram handles are the same, just one letter off. I 'run into her' virtually speaking whenever I google myself (so maybe once or twice a year). Sometimes I want to send her a message and be like, "Hey other me" but I feel like our destiny is to never actually communicate...

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Just now, singsingsing said:

 Sometimes I want to send her a message and be like, "Hey other me" but I feel like our destiny is to never actually communicate...

Years ago I actually did this on facebook (to another "me") she added me and I love following her life 

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My maiden name was a long, hard to pronounce and spell (for most), unusual Italian name. In September I traveled to Italy with my Octogenarian parents to visit the small village where my father's father was born. Half of the people in that village had my dad's last name. ,

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54 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Sometimes I want to send her a message and be like, "Hey other me"

One of the five mes registered our name's web address. She uses it as her professional website. I monitor whois just to see if she'll ever let it lapse because I WANT IT. lol

But then, since my first name is unusually spelled, nobody'd ever be able to find it anyway. haha

 

 

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I have a very common first and last name. There are probably a million people with my name combination. I even know a woman with my name AND birthdate—it got REALLY confusing at a doctor’s office once.  

However, my first name is spelled in the original, Old English way which helps differentiate me. However NO ONE ever spells my name correctly—even people who have known me forever (and seriously, it’s a one letter difference—think Gennifer vs Jennifer). But if my name is spelled incorrectly, I assume they mean another person since it’s such a common English name combination. 

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Growing up I always thought that I would keep my maiden name when I got married. I'm a feminist and always had the "I don't need to change my name to a man's name" mindset. I'm in my mid-twenties in Canada, and most of my friends are keeping their names when they are married and it doesn't seem to be a big deal anymore. My husband didn't care one way or the other either.

But when we got engaged (my husband is African), my dad really exposed how incredibly racist he is (imagine the worst racist things you can think and he's probably said worse to me multiple times), and I totally changed my mind because I don't want to have that name link with him anymore as a result. My maiden name has become my dad's name in my mind, and it really highlighted to me that I already have a man's name, and at least by changing my name I can choose which man's name I have.

My husband is also leaving behind a lot (culture, language, family) to move to Canada to be with me, so I don't feel like in changing my name to his that I'm the only one sacrificing/changing as a result of getting married.

Thinking into the future of having mixed race children that don't look like they "match" either parent, I also want us to have a common family last name to reduce problems with people not believing they're my children especially when traveling or in emergency situations. Since they will be born and raised in Canada, I also think it is important for them to at least have that link to their father's culture through their last name.

I still haven't done the paperwork to change my name legally yet... I'm still transitioning over my social media and everything and trying to decide if I want to keep my maiden name for work purposes so that I have a better work-life separation (I work with students a lot, so it would be nice to be harder to find online). But I don't feel like less of a feminist at all because I decided in the end to change my name to be the same as my husband's!

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Oh, I have this need to own any internet accounts possible @SapphireSlytherin

I completely understand that.

It’s fairly exhausting and annoying. I could give two shits about social media. But on the off chance my name ends up in the news or something. I want to own all that stuff. 

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There are lots of reasons to make either decision. I have a friend who is extremely traditional in every way but did not change her last name because, as she said, this is my name. Done, end of story.

I have friends who have not legally changed their names but their kid's friends call them Mrs. Husband's Last name and they've added it to Facebook (b/c it makes husband happy). I like this idea but worry about travel. You're better off if your last name matches your kid's on your boarding passes.

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I would change my last name in a heartbeat if I could. My surname is short, easy to spell, and somewhat easy to pronounce but I have hated it for a long time because it is an adjective, and not a very good one at that. It makes for some weird pairings if hyphenated, even with names that are not nouns, as it will never not be a descriptive word. It also doesn't go well with a lot of first names (at least not the ones I would like for future children).

Plus, I would love to leave the past behind and also be less find-able on social media by people I used to know.

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, I'll just drop my middle name, toss my maiden in there and take a new one.  



This is what I did. Our kids also have my maiden name as a second middle name. My maiden name stops with my sister and I - so it was important to keep it going one way or another.

We constantly remind the kids why they have the names they do, in the hope that when it comes time to have their own children they consider adding it in there as well. Their middle names are important names from special family members as well
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My mom always wished hyphenating was a thing when she got married. She was pretty close to her parents especially her dad and would have loved to have done that and had for her kids. Her mother wished keeping a maiden name was a thing but more for practical reasons. One of her husband's brother married a woman with the same first name as her. So they both had the same first and last names. Except she was really bad with money and constantly running up debts everywhere but my grandmother got the calls and nasty letters instead. It was a pain in the butt. She eventually changed everything to be legally under her Mr and Mrs. Husband first and last name.  

My sister-in-law couldn't wait to take my brother's last name because she had a really common first and last name. Every grade there was always at least four other girls with her first and last name in every grade. She was so bummed when she learned there was another teacher in her district with the her first name and the same married name (which was a surprise to us all we have a very common Swedish last name but Swedish last names aren't that common where we live)

One of my cousin lucked out by marrying a man with the same last name as her. She bragged how great it was to not have to change anything. The only downside is having to tell people they are not related because that is the first question everyone has when they find out. 

Growing up it was probably 70 percent taking husbands' names and 30 percent hyphenating. I never really knew any woman who kept her maiden name although it was a 50/50 chance she'd go back to it after divorce. Or if she was living with her boyfriend but not married but raising a family with him she usually kept her maiden name and any kids they had usually had her maiden name as their last name.  I was fascinated by actresses who didn't change their last names when they married (I didn't realize it was probably working reasons) and Lucy Stone who didn't change her last name when she married. If I ever get married I'm keeping my last name. I love my last name and have no real interest in changing it. I always wanted my kids to have my last name. 

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We really struggled when deciding what to do. We knew we wanted matching surnames (and we both wanted our kids to have the same surname as us). He was happy to change to mine but his parents didn’t like the idea of the surname dying out - DH’s brother is gay with absolutely no plans of ever having children and his Dad is an only child. His Grandad had sisters, who then had only daughters. I was reluctant to be the reason it died out. My parents are very traditional (fundie lite) so they thought I should change my surname. Anyway. We toyed with hyphenating, but both surnames are long. My surname is super common but his is rare - I hadn’t heard of it before I met him.

In the end I changed my surname legally but kept my maiden name socially, so I answer to both, or sometimes people double barrel it (without a hyphen). So we all have my husband’s surname and my maiden name is tacked in the middle for me, and used about 75% of the time. It’s messy but we’re all happy.

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I very much agree with @BernRul and @SorenaJ
SO and I have talked about it and agreed to BOTH hyphenate our names when we get married, and if we ever have a kid, kid will have that hyphenated name as well. If the latter would be legally impossible, we would both legally change our last name to something completely new and then give that name to kid as well. 
Regarding a possible kid's last name, SO had initially assumed that a possible kid would automatically get his last name. I very much disagreed with this, and I disliked that he just assumed that, that he had not even considered the possibility of a child getting my last name. We talked about this at length, and I am glad that I could get him to see things from a different perspective, that he was able and open to look at different options and no longer just assume there was only one valid option. 

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My current last name is one that I've liked my whole life. It's easy to spell, easy to pronounce, classic without being as common as something like Smith or Thompson. It's also being used as a first name, becoming more popular within the last 5-10 years. 

When I marry my fiancé my last name will be probably the same level of common, still easy to pronounce, but a weird spelling (a Z where the vast majority of people with this last name have an S). I like the Z though, it's kind of fun and I like that it's a unique name in its own way. I think I'm going to take my current last name and just add it as a second middle name.

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11 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I agree with this. My parents had no idea what they were getting me into. But here I am. I’m the only me. It does something weird to your identity. I’d still be the only me with another last name. But I’ve grown accustomed to being this version.

I’ve only ever done a google search (which is obviously a 100% accurate way of knowing :pb_lol:), but I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who had my first and maiden name. My first name is more common for the time period I was born for the States (it’s a name inspired by the region my mom’s family is originally from), but my maiden name doesn’t appear to be that common. Now that I’m married there are a few others with my first and last name combination - though I don’t think they have my short and common middle name. 

I’ve become a lot more private since welcoming my daughter though, so I actually like that my “new” name gives me a bit more anonymity right now. I still like my maiden name and I’m happy to be from the Wagner* family, but I’m also pretty content being one out of several Alison Mastronis* now too. 

*Obviously not my real names. Lol! 

ETA: I also realize not everyone feels the same about their less than common names. If you really love your name and don’t want to change it if you get married then I hope you don’t. Your name should be what you want it to be since you’re the one who has to have it throughout life. :) 

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