Erin and Chad 4: Hoping She Loses the Polka Dot Cape

[CanadianMamam]

19 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

@Hisey My mom was like that though. Went into depression when the doctor said she couldn't have any more and she'd just had 5 in 10 years! She hated all of us ages 8+ but man did she love babies and toddlers. 

My grandmother was like that. She had 5 babies in four years took a 7 year break and then got lonely and had another 4 in 5 years. She could barely handle them but she loved babies.

and honestly I rarely complain about my stay at home mom life and I am not part of any movement. ItMs a choice I made and most of the time, I do love it. I love getting to be with my little people all the time and watch them grow and change.

[llucie]

So i dont want to be mean or anything, but i have to say that Erin is starting to remind me of Jill Rodrigues , with the constant need to remind everyone how happy she is and how perfect her life and her husband is. I see her in 10 years showing us the beautiful gifts Carson has bought for mama with his own money. 

[nokidsmom]

I am on the fence about Erin's posts about her life.  Personally I find them annoying because, in general, people who go on and on ad nauseam about how great their lives are, annoy me.  It's not about disliking Erin.  I see it as other posters have mentioned, that either she's still very naive and doesn't know how she comes across or she's fully aware of how lucky she is in comparison to other women in her fundie circles.   Who knows maybe one of her greatest fears was ending up like one of them.  So, if the latter, I get it though I still find it annoying.  

Edited February 27, 2019 by nokidsmom

[mollysmom]

I just realized my mom had 5 kids in 7 years. I know at one point she had 3 of us in diapers. No wonder she was so grumpy! Haha

Edited February 28, 2019 by mollysmom

[mstee]

Erin is not my pet fundie, but I really like this post. It not only resonates with me as the mom of a 9 month old, but it also gives me hope that she may not blanket train her kids. I remind myself as a parent to be kind often during those frustrating moments. I don’t think my daughter will remember me being kind through those frustrations, but I think she would remember me flipping out, so I really hope to be patient and kind, especially as she gets older and the challenges are greater. Hopefully Erin can too even when her family is bigger. 

[ophelia]

Everly is a doll. What a beautiful baby girl! And I second @mstee in the hope that Erin loves and cherishes her kids and doesn't use the harsh methods her parents did.

[nolongerIFBx]

1 hour ago, ophelia said:

Everly is a doll. What a beautiful baby girl! And I second @mstee in the hope that Erin loves and cherishes her kids and doesn't use the harsh methods her parents did.

Quote

@msteeErin is not my pet fundie, but I really like this post. It not only resonates with me as the mom of a 9 month old, but it also gives me hope that she may not blanket train her kids. I remind myself as a parent to be kind often during those frustrating moments. I don’t think my daughter will remember me being kind through those frustrations, but I think she would remember me flipping out, so I really hope to be patient and kind, especially as she gets older and the challenges are greater. Hopefully Erin can too even when her family is bigger. 

Except that Erin and Chad have been taught that to spank their child is love. It isn't done out of frustration. I heard it many. many times growing up. My mother is such a pushover her 4 lb yorkie now has her trained to let him sleep with her and he has no manners, but we never got away with anything. Why? Because she loved us and believed that true love was to spank us because it was what was required by God for us to grow into Christian adults. Anything less was giving into her desires rather than what God wanted. Not spanking us meant she didn't love us enough to be bothered. It isn't done because they have had it, kid is on their last nerve, they've told them 20 times and are now frustrated/angry enough to hit and yell. It is the controlled, automatic consequences for first offence wrong doing if you truly love your child and that love should overcome your own inhibitions.

Edited March 7, 2019 by nolongerIFBx

[AliceInFundyland]

Regarding spanking. 

I was watching the very unpleasant Michael Jackson documentary last night.

The triggering point for the men (when they could separate what he did as abusive and not loving) was seeing their little babies. The fragility.

I know they hold on to a lot of things. I hope maybe this is something they privately let go. Like they see their vulnerable little kids and don’t feel that need.

Could go either way.

[Melissa1977]

While I suspect Erin is certaintly stricter than she wants to show, I hope she doesn't beat babies. Maybe I'm too naive, but I find beating babies such a red line! Even Zsu was against it (not sure if she still thinks the same, though). 

Not all Bates raise kids identical. From what I see in IG, Erin likes co-sleeping while Alyssa puts the newborn crib in the closet (I have the vibe that she sleep-trains babies but it's speculation). Every Bates adult child will make things different at their own home. But despite different views, I would be extremely surprised if some of them didn't spank kids. I doubt they even know a family that don't do that. But beating babies? I can't see it, it's too much cruelty and all of them seem down-to-earth enough to put such a logical boundary.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Melissa1977
Tricky grammar

[kmachete14]

@Melissa1977 There is definitely a contingent of "conservative/strict" parents who will spank, but not beat. I was spanked, it was humiliating and a power struggle, but I was never beat or feared my parents were violent. And while they didn't think twice of spanking, they would never beat (or even spank) a baby.  I put a spoiler because I have questions about beatings that might be triggering.

Spoiler

Perhaps as the Bates children move towards this fundie-lite / conservative Christian community they will adopt that view instead of the Pearl's ideas, for example. However, we will never truly know and it is scary to think that behind the cute pictures and posts on being loving and patient, that they really do think a good beating is done in love. Also, what is considering "beating?" A PVC pipe/switch/ repeated "full-force" spankings? I can't imagine these 20 year old, fashion forward, soft spoken, giggly young wives actually doing that, but it just goes to show that this cult really has its claws in them. 

[TeaELSee]

Did anyone else notice during last nights show they spent a few minutes talking about Brooklyn! At the beginning of the scene she was missing from the group activity and I thought, “here we go again!”  Much to my surprise they brought her out from her nap then went on to talk about her as an individual. 

The show focuses on Bradley and Carson so much, (even when they were babies) it was nice to see them shower Brooklyn with compliments. Now it’s Kacis turn!

[Hisey]

6 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

While I suspect Erin is certaintly stricter than she wants to show, I hope she doesn't beat babies. Maybe I'm too naive, but I find beating babies such a red line! Even Zsu was against it (not sure if she still thinks the same, though). 

Not all Bates raise kids identical. From what I see in IG, Erin likes co-sleeping while Alyssa puts the newborn crib in the closet (I have the vibe that she sleep-trains babies but it's speculation). Every Bates adult child will make things different at their own home. But despite different views, I would be extremely surprised if some of them didn't spank kids. I doubt they even know a family that don't do that. But beating babies? I can't see it, it's too much cruelty and all of them seem down-to-earth enough to put such a logical boundary.

I think you need to look at the kids. The ones who are giggly, carefree, and doing naughty things are probably not being beaten (maybe an occasional swat, but not beaten). Can you remember the little Duggar boys from ten years ago, sitting quietly at an interview with hands folded? Those kids were probably being beaten. Their behavior tells you how they are treated. I was actually encouraged when Kaci and Bradley cut each other's hair. I thought it was a good sign that they felt free enough to do something questionable without being overwhelmed by fear.

Has anyone seen the video of Erin "volun-telling" Chad that he has to build (and pay for!) a stage for Carlin's wedding? She comes off really badly--selfish and immature, with a vague idea that a weight-supporting stage could be made from pallets. Chad is visibly displeased, and Erin admits that she planned to tell him on camera so it's harder for him to say no. The poor guy looks unhappy. I think people like him --talented and giving -- are taken advantage of in the Bates family. 

When Zach points out that pallets aren't structurally safe, Whitney says that "us girls" don't care about details like that. LOL, nice, Whitney. And when someone expresses a concern for Chad, Erin dismissively says that "it's a Saturday for him." Maybe he'd like to spend his Saturday resting, after building all week?

[QuiverDance]

On 2/9/2019 at 9:48 PM, fluffernutter said:

I think I'd be totally skeeved out if my kids tried to surprise us with a re-do on our bedroom. First of all, it's kinda private and they don't frequently even enter our room, unless they ask to get something out of it.  (they are 17, 21, and 25 and two don't live here). Second, it's our room. If anyone is going to redecorate it would be us, not them. 

Agreed.  My kids never even enter our bedroom.*  It would creep me out so hard if they were in it digging around and moving stuff.  Plus, I already have it decorated the way I want it. 

*Edited to clarify:  I am remarried, and so is their dad, and that is a boundary in both homes.  When I was a single mom and/or married to their father, they were in and out of my bedroom all the time.  It's not my son's favorite.  He's nine and would probably still climb in bed with me if he could, so sometimes I hang out with him in his room till he goes to sleep or we camp out on the sofas together after a movie night.  

 

19 hours ago, nolongerIFBx said:

Except that Erin and Chad have been taught that to spank their child is love. It isn't done out of frustration. I heard it many. many times growing up. My mother is such a pushover her 4 lb yorkie now has her trained to let him sleep with her and he has no manners, but we never got away with anything. Why? Because she loved us and believed that true love was to spank us because it was what was required by God for us to grow into Christian adults. Anything less was giving into her desires rather than what God wanted. Not spanking us meant she didn't love us enough to be bothered. It isn't done because they have had it, kid is on their last nerve, they've told them 20 times and are now frustrated/angry enough to hit and yell. It is the controlled, automatic consequences for first offence wrong doing if you truly love your child and that love should overcome your own inhibitions.

This makes me so sad.  

 

22 hours ago, mstee said:

Erin is not my pet fundie, but I really like this post. It not only resonates with me as the mom of a 9 month old, but it also gives me hope that she may not blanket train her kids. I remind myself as a parent to be kind often during those frustrating moments. I don’t think my daughter will remember me being kind through those frustrations, but I think she would remember me flipping out, so I really hope to be patient and kind, especially as she gets older and the challenges are greater. Hopefully Erin can too even when her family is bigger. 

What I want to know is who's flour container is getting dumped out twice in one day?  Keep your flour where your kids can't reach it, dumbass. Maybe I have non-adventurous kids, but they NEVER destroyed my furniture (intentionally) or made huge messes for fun. 

 

 

 

Edited March 8, 2019 by QuiverDance

[formergothardite]

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

Chad is visibly displeased, and Erin admits that she planned to tell him on camera so it's harder for him to say no. The poor guy looks unhappy

What Erin did was an asshole thing to do. It sounds like Chad would have said no if he hadn't been surrounded by people and being filmed. 

I do get the impression that the Bates in general tend to take advantage of Chad and that Erin doesn't like for him to put up boundaries and say that he isn't going to do things. 

[Hisey]

44 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

What Erin did was an asshole thing to do.

I know! Imagine purposely putting your husband on the spot, and laughing about it!. She must expected him to say no (maybe he is starting to put up some boundaries) and so she waited till it would be really hard to do so.

I also think Chad is saving for a new home, and wouldn't want the additional expense of lumber for a stupid stage for his obnoxious SIL's wedding. That's interesting. So when he builds things for the Bates, he's expected to provide the lumber, too, free of charge? No one even mentions Carlin paying him back for lumber (if he had to buy some).

Erin knows all this, and she had probably heard that used pallets could be gotten for free. So she naively came up with the idea of Chad tearing apart crappy old pallets on his day off and re-building them into a stage. 

She comes across as pretty dumb and very selfish in that clip.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Hisey

[nokidsmom]

On 3/8/2019 at 1:01 PM, formergothardite said:

What Erin did was an asshole thing to do. It sounds like Chad would have said no if he hadn't been surrounded by people and being filmed.  

I do get the impression that the Bates in general tend to take advantage of Chad and that Erin doesn't like for him to put up boundaries and say that he isn't going to do things. 

Given that Erin has reported about about Chad's refinishing work / woodworking and that he did some work for her parent's newly renovated bedroom, had me wondering this very same thing.   Gil and Kelly have managed to impart some of their grifting values to to their daughter which is no surprise.  Except this is her husband's time and effort.  I can see he would be pretty annoyed.   I wonder if the attempt to make her home sound perfect is because there are some tensions, this could be one of them.

And as far as springing it on her husband while being filmed, the Batesesese have a precedent (that I know of) in putting people on the spot like this.  Reminds me of Zach's first courtship proposal.   Shows no respect for the person, though I suspect Zach was probably pushed to do it because some idiot in his family thought it was a good idea.   Maybe it was the same with Erin, but this is her husband for sakes.  

[HermioneSparrow]

No wonder Chad looks so freaking exhausted all the time. I bet the Bates will take advantage of Kelton's plumber abilities as well. This reminds of Whit's talking head saying she didn't want the Bates to know of her party planning abilities because they would make her plan all the parties.

[formergothardite]

21 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

Gil and Kelly have managed to impart some of their grifting values to to their daughter which is no surprise. 

Yes. She grew up thinking that taking advantage of people is normal. And she doesn't seem to see that she needs to keep her family from taking advantage of her husband, instead she participates in manipulating him into doing things. 

 

[nokidsmom]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Yes. She grew up thinking that taking advantage of people is normal. And she doesn't seem to see that she needs to keep her family from taking advantage of her husband, instead she participates in manipulating him into doing things. 

I can see this becoming a problem for them, meaning Erin and Chad, if it's not already.   It's bad enough her family tries taking advantage, but it's up to her to stand up along with Chad in saying "no".    They have their own family to focus on, not having to do all this free stuff for her parents and siblings.  

[AliceInFundyland]

7 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

No wonder Chad looks so freaking exhausted all the time. I bet the Bates will take advantage of Kelton's plumber abilities as well. This reminds of Whit's talking head saying she didn't want the Bates to know of her party planning abilities because they would make her plan all the parties.

That makes me like Whitney a little more. Anything that shows her resistance to The Borg.

[Hisey]

13 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Yes. She grew up thinking that taking advantage of people is normal. And she doesn't seem to see that she needs to keep her family from taking advantage of her husband, instead she participates in manipulating him into doing things. 

 

Yes, it's definitely manipulating him to wait till he's on camera before asking him. It's such a childish and obvious manipulation, too. 

They've only been married five years, and he already looks so angry. God knows what they've been asking him to do. He seems like a pretty even tempered guy and he clearly adored her. I wonder what has happened to make him look so stressed and pissed off. It's strange she doesn't see it, and is just laughing away.

[Melissa1977]

Erin is a Kelly mini-me, and manipulation is one of their strengths. Also, Erin was raised as the spoiled daugther (while Michael, just 1 year older, was a slave). Erin had chores but her music was the priority, she was always praised, etc. I wonder if she's still behaving like the princess of the house and I wonder if Chad is getting tired of it. 

 

[LSUlover]

On 3/8/2019 at 11:25 AM, QuiverDance said:

Agreed.  My kids never even enter our bedroom.*  It would creep me out so hard if they were in it digging around and moving stuff.  Plus, I already have it decorated the way I want it. 

*Edited to clarify:  I am remarried, and so is their dad, and that is a boundary in both homes.  When I was a single mom and/or married to their father, they were in and out of my bedroom all the time.  It's not my son's favorite.  He's nine and would probably still climb in bed with me if he could, so sometimes I hang out with him in his room till he goes to sleep or we camp out on the sofas together after a movie night.   

 

 

 

 

 

I have been living with my boyfriend since October of last year, right now we are in a small 2 bedroom apartment (we are building a house) and his 15 year old daughter lives with us full time and his 23 year old daughter is over most days.  His office is currently in our bedroom and I hate it because the girls are constantly walking in there if the door is open.  I know that I am going to have a battle with that in the new home because the youngest already thinks that things will continue and she thinks that she can use the big tub that is going in our master bath.  That freaks me out to no end and I know that there will be battles because that is not going to be allowed.  My late husband and I did not encourage my daughter to come in our personal space and to this day even though she is almost 30, she respects that.

I just don't understand kids that feel that they can go into their parents bedrooms and do whatever they want.  (if the parents are fine with it, then whatever but it still freaks me out.)

[QuiverDance]

Oh I would not like that at all! 

PS I am also an LSU person!

[Hisey]

4 hours ago, LSUlover said:

I know that I am going to have a battle with that in the new home because the youngest already thinks that things will continue and she thinks that she can use the big tub that is going in our master bath.

I guess it's a personal opinion type of thing. My teen daughter uses our big tub once in while, and I don't care as long as she cleans it out afterwards. Actually, I'm glad she's found a healthy way to relax after long day at school.

It would be different if she left it dirty, of course.

Edited March 13, 2019 by Hisey