Jill and Derwood 62: Law School Rumors and Boring Sam

[Mama Mia]

I didn’t even know they were called smash cakes. I just know I have pictures of me with one, pictures of my kids with theirs, AND pictures of my grandkids with theirs .... so they’ve been a tradition, at least with some people, for a loooonnnggg time. Just a small cake, made by whoever made the cake for the party ( parent/ grandparent / grocery store )  the baby gets it to them self. 

I have some great photos of one kid who covered themselves in cake. One of my kids wanted nothing to do with it. My very loud family ( particularly her grandfather, who had a dramatic, extroverted personality and couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t )   kept trying to get her to smash her face in, for the photos. She was not impressed.

[AprilQuilt]

11 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I was watching an old home video of my first birthday party not that long ago, and my reaction to the cake was to very tentatively poke at it. Seems like a lot of kids have that reaction.

And it's such a normal evolutionary one! Babies are wary of scarfing down new things, for  very good reason - ALL the advice for weaning is about introducing one new food at a time, letting the baby squish it/suck it/chew it/spit it out without any pressure to actually eat it, offer things another time if the baby doesn't fancy it on one occasion. They need time to figure out what food is and whether it's safe, why on earth would a giant orange cake be any different? It's lovely when little kids are clearly enjoying it, but just expecting them to perform is weird and crappy.

4 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

I love this - have never heard anything called "claggy" before, but the phrase is so onomatopoedic! (Though I'm not a fan of sticky stuff on my hands or feet myself, ha ha.)

ha! thanks! maybe it's a northern england thing. I'm not even sure, but it's definitely a word I'm fond of. My partner has a word, 'clutty', for foods that stick to the roof of your mouth.

[felicitysbow]

1 hour ago, AprilQuilt said:

ha! thanks! maybe it's a northern england thing. I'm not even sure, but it's definitely a word I'm fond of. My partner has a word, 'clutty', for foods that stick to the roof of your mouth.

Peanut butter is known as "cluttybutter" by my family

[Rachel333]

I was curious if I had a cake for my 1st birthday so I looked in one of my baby books (I was the first kid, so I have a bunch of thick photo albums from my first years ) which happened to be nearby. I did get a bit messy with my cake! I know my mom was very proud that I made it to my 1st birthday without ever having sugar, so the cake would have been my first experience with sugar.

Spoiler

(I definitely had a mullet there for a while. )

[Jkaeekjj]

4 hours ago, Shadoewolf said:

I think this has to do with Jill being raised on TV. Most of her life has been staged, adjusted and unnatural so it's not only natural to her because in the TTH that's how it was done, but also no wonder she feels like she needs 'the' moment. Add in the need to establish their own brand outside of TLC...

Problem is Jill's not savvy enough to stage it right or to edit it. TLC would've shown Sam poking at the cake and if he wouldn't dig in then cut away to someone else then cut back and showed him covered in it. Jill just posts with no thought to the potential outcome where a TLC producer knows way better than to show footage of Sam being forced. Surprised with some of the backlash that she hasn't pulled the video down. 

Good observation, and one that I feel is the main tragedy of JB&M’s decision to put their family on display for years. 

This scripted life is the only way Jill (and possibly some of the others) knows how to live. To them, it equals success. Jill was forced to perform during many of her formative years, so she sees no issue with making her children do the same. It’s what put food on the table during her childhood. It will likely be the only way her family is supported, with the type of husband she has. Unfortunately, she’s not very good at it, and she knows it. She could be getting desperate, because she doesn’t know how to live any other way. 

Honestly, I just feel sad for her and her children. I think she sees her future, and it isn’t a bright one. She has limited options in how she can support her family, and she’s doing the only thing she knows...perform for the cameras. 

 

[DillyDally]

7 hours ago, artdecades said:

Sam was so cute with his prodding and they ruined it and made him upset. I certainly also didn't miss Jessa's comments in the background of how "spurgie" did with his cake. I am sure it makes Jill seethe when Jessa gets these perfect moments.

I played that scene several times (I have too much time, haha) and I am 100 % sure it Jill who said "At least he's not throwing up and gagging like Spurgie did." Jessa wasn't even at the party (or at least not filmed).

Having Israel smash Sam's arm into the frosting when the little guy was perfectly happy to just explore with one finger... Yeez, those people are weird. Also, what if Israel will try that again with regular food? How should be expected to tell the difference between that "special occasion" and regular food that is supposed to be eaten, not toyed with?

[Rachel333]

I was curious how long the "smash cake" tradition has been around. I didn't find any real answers, other than that doing the whole formal photoshoot thing for the occasion is of course a fairly recent trend, and calling it a "smash cake" seems to be fairly recent as well.

I did read, though, that there's a Mexican tradition, "la mordida" of smashing the birthday celebrant's face in the birthday cake. And that in ancient Roman times they apparently smashed cake over the bride at weddings.

Here's the google trends result for "smash cake:"

Spoiler

 

[SassyPants]

I know many, may families do the smash cake thing. My family did not. Wasting food/money/resources was a big no-no. I recently attended the first BDP for my great nephew. They had a bakery smash cake for him- I watched his mom slide 99% of that cake into the trash. Oddly, there was no cake for anyone else. Maybe that’s how some justify the cost. My gd kept asking us how come there was no cake. They did have cookies.

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t see anything wrong with the smash cake video. Sam laughs when Jill sticks his hand in and when she smears it on his face, and as soon as he whines about it she says ‘Ok, all done.’ and starts to clean him up. The video is too long and boring, so it feels awkward, but this of all things is not an example of the Dillards abusing their child. 

Also...letting a baby smash a small cake and then throwing it away (because it’s a mushy pile of crumbs) isn’t teaching them that it’s ok to waste food any more than having a party and giving them presents is teaching them to expect a party and presents every day. It’s a special occasion. 

[SassyPants]

9 minutes ago, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t see anything wrong with the smash cake video. Sam laughs when Jill sticks his hand in and when she smears it on his face, and as soon as he whines about it she says ‘Ok, all done.’ and starts to clean him up. The video is too long and boring, so it feels awkward, but this of all things is not an example of the Dillards abusing their child. 

Also...letting a baby smash a small cake and then throwing it away (because it’s a mushy pile of crumbs) isn’t teaching them that it’s ok to waste food any more than having a party and giving them presents is teaching them to expect a party and presents every day. It’s a special occasion. 

Obviously it would not be a “teachable” for a 1 year old, but it is a waste of food, money and resources. just not a custom that is palatable for many, particularly those who lived through the depression where commodities like sugar and flour were precious. Different times, different value placed on various items.

[kiwi]

What grates me is Israel being told to “push his hands in as HARD as you can” - by what sounds like Joy? Then everyone laughing at him for doing it. Talk about bloody mixed messages, the kids going to do it again at some point and be punished for it and wonder where the heck he went wrong!!! 

Jill clearly didn’t think it through. She had to hover holding the plate cos the cake/plate didn’t fit the high chair tray!!! A simple cupcake would be sufficient.

As for the hand-me-down candles, I wonder if thats the university/college pistol pete one on the cake not the #1? Would make more sense hoarding that vs a $1 easily accessible candle. 

[artdecades]

4 hours ago, DillyDally said:

I played that scene several times (I have too much time, haha) and I am 100 % sure it Jill who said "At least he's not throwing up and gagging like Spurgie did." Jessa wasn't even at the party (or at least not filmed).

Having Israel smash Sam's arm into the frosting when the little guy was perfectly happy to just explore with one finger... Yeez, those people are weird. Also, what if Israel will try that again with regular food? How should be expected to tell the difference between that "special occasion" and regular food that is supposed to be eaten, not toyed with?

Oh god, my bad. I thought it was Jessa on Ben's lap in the beginning of the first video but it's Joy on Austin's lap

2 hours ago, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t see anything wrong with the smash cake video. Sam laughs when Jill sticks his hand in and when she smears it on his face, and as soon as he whines about it she says ‘Ok, all done.’ and starts to clean him up. The video is too long and boring, so it feels awkward, but this of all things is not an example of the Dillards abusing their child. 

Also...letting a baby smash a small cake and then throwing it away (because it’s a mushy pile of crumbs) isn’t teaching them that it’s ok to waste food any more than having a party and giving them presents is teaching them to expect a party and presents every day. It’s a special occasion. 

She does not say its over when he starts crying though. He screamed when Israel did it and then she did it herself and made him scream too. I don't know if its abuse, but its not a nice thing to do to anyone on their birthday.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 hours ago, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t see anything wrong with the smash cake video. Sam laughs when Jill sticks his hand in and when she smears it on his face, and as soon as he whines about it she says ‘Ok, all done.’ and starts to clean him up. The video is too long and boring, so it feels awkward, but this of all things is not an example of the Dillards abusing their child. 

Also...letting a baby smash a small cake and then throwing it away (because it’s a mushy pile of crumbs) isn’t teaching them that it’s ok to waste food any more than having a party and giving them presents is teaching them to expect a party and presents every day. It’s a special occasion. 

I was just going to say the same thing, it really wasn't that bad, Izzy was the one who made the red marks on Sam's arm and Jill quietly corrected him and told him to be gentle. She wasn't shoving his hands in the cake then shoving his hands in his mouth.  1 time she pushed a little bit, then he started to cry and she stopped it. For 99% of the video Same was clapping and giggling, he was fine until the end, and when he started to fuss she stopped it.  I saw nothing wrong with it. I think, no I know people hate on Jill just to hate on Jill, I get it, she's a hot mess, but sometimes you just have say, while it wasn't great, it wasn't awful either. She tried and it was a pretty good effort, aside from the weird looking cake, that I didn't get.  I've been broke but was lucky my BFF did cakes on the side so we always had pretty cakes for the birthday, I just had to pay for the ingredients.

52 minutes ago, artdecades said:

Oh god, my bad. I thought it was Jessa on Ben's lap in the beginning of the first video but it's Joy on Austin's lap

She does not say its over when he starts crying though. He screamed when Israel did it and then she did it herself and made him scream too. I don't know if its abuse, but its not a nice thing to do to anyone on their birthday.

OMG ABUSE, are you fucking kidding me? The kid cried for 3 seconds, that isn't abuse, the future of the world is in deep shit if allowing a child to cry for more than a few seconds garners even off hand thoughts of abuse. Izzy grabbed Sam's hand a little too roughly, Jill stopped him then more gently did what Izzy was doing, then realized he wasn't having fun, and put a stop too it, as I said above this have gone beyond BEC here, It wasn't that big of a deal, I've seen worse at birthday parties, he was fine, she was fine, Izzy was fine, the only the wrong with that party was the ugly fucking cake. Everything else was an absolutely normal looking small family gathering  for a 1 yr olds birth day party.

[libgirl2]

On 7/28/2018 at 3:48 PM, Bad Wolf said:

She didn't say whether to drain the canned veggies. How am I ever going to be able to make this? Last time she told me to unwrap the bouillon cube. Such a relief.

I read elsewhere that you do not drain the canned veg. This is where the "broth" comes from. 

[artdecades]

50 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I was just going to say the same thing, it really wasn't that bad, Izzy was the one who made the red marks on Sam's arm and Jill quietly corrected him and told him to be gentle. She wasn't shoving his hands in the cake then shoving his hands in his mouth.  1 time she pushed a little bit, then he started to cry and she stopped it. For 99% of the video Same was clapping and giggling, he was fine until the end, and when he started to fuss she stopped it.  I saw nothing wrong with it. I think, no I know people hate on Jill just to hate on Jill, I get it, she's a hot mess, but sometimes you just have say, while it wasn't great, it wasn't awful either. She tried and it was a pretty good effort, aside from the weird looking cake, that I didn't get.  I've been broke but was lucky my BFF did cakes on the side so we always had pretty cakes for the birthday, I just had to pay for the ingredients.

OMG ABUSE, are you fucking kidding me? The kid cried for 3 seconds, that isn't abuse, the future of the world is in deep shit if allowing a child to cry for more than a few seconds garners even off hand thoughts of abuse. Izzy grabbed Sam's hand a little too roughly, Jill stopped him then more gently did what Izzy was doing, then realized he wasn't having fun, and put a stop too it, as I said above this have gone beyond BEC here, It wasn't that big of a deal, I've seen worse at birthday parties, he was fine, she was fine, Izzy was fine, the only the wrong with that party was the ugly fucking cake. Everything else was an absolutely normal looking small family gathering  for a 1 yr olds birth day party.

i specifically said that in response to AnnEggBlandHer claiming that those of us who didn't like the video thought it was an example of abuse. No one here, to my knowledge, said she was abusing him. And there is a difference between "allowing your child to cry for more than a few seconds" and directly causing your child to cry. All I was pointing out that it was not nice. 

[singsingsing]

Yeah, I didn't think anyone was accusing Jill of being abusive in this case. Just that forcing Sam's hands into the cake and then smearing it on his face was weird and unnecessary and yet another example of Jill just completely missing the mark with these videos she insists on doing all the time.

[Georgiana]

18 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Yeah, I didn't think anyone was accusing Jill of being abusive in this case. Just that forcing Sam's hands into the cake and then smearing it on his face was weird and unnecessary and yet another example of Jill just completely missing the mark with these videos she insists on doing all the time.

Yeah, and like others have said, I'm starting to realize that one of the reasons that Jill comes off so awkwardly on social media is that she clearly tries to stage certain situations/photos rather than leaning in to the situations and moments that organically develop around the house.  Jill has a specific image she wants to cultivate for her family, but it's not genuine and too far off from the truth for her to fake successfully.  

Jessa seems to just clean the rough edges off the life she has, which comes off much better.  I'd wager a guess that Jessa probably wouldn't have forced her kids into the cake, she'd just make a joke about them being hesitant...which is a totally relatable post because we ALL know kids who are fussy about getting their hands messy and people are well aware kid birthdays don't always go as planned.  Jill is trying to convince people that she and her family are something they're not, and she's not savvy enough to pull that off.  So it comes off as weird, staged, and trying way too hard.  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

38 minutes ago, artdecades said:

i specifically said that in response to AnnEggBlandHer claiming that those of us who didn't like the video thought it was an example of abuse. No one here, to my knowledge, said she was abusing him. And there is a difference between "allowing your child to cry for more than a few seconds" and directly causing your child to cry. All I was pointing out that it was not nice. 

Ok, cuz I was all WTF?  Thanks for clearing that up.

[Carm_88]

It's just another example of Jill forcing a moment. Just let Sam do what Sam wants to do. Don't push his hands into the cake, let him explore it at his own pace.

[Ilovebrownies]

It’s not abusuve but watch it without sound,  It looks bad,

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

I apologize, I shouldn’t have put words in anybody’s mouth by using the word ‘abuse.’ It was the general tone on here that Jill was excessively harsh with Sam and after watching the video myself, I was surprised. But didn’t mean to add confusion or elevate the situation! 

[nausicaa]

6 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Obviously it would not be a “teachable” for a 1 year old, but it is a waste of food, money and resources. just not a custom that is palatable for many, particularly those who lived through the depression where commodities like sugar and flour were precious. Different times, different value placed on various items.

Wow, you must be fun at parties...

A cake in general is a waste of food, money, and resources. Everyone could just have their two graham crackers and be done with it. Same with wrapping paper, paper hats, or hell birthdays in general. I'm guessing Christmas trees and confetti are also not "palatable" to you? Basically anything that is done for fun can be argued to be a waste of resources, if that's your criteria. 

My parents were pretty frugal and my mom hated throwing parties, but we still have pictures of all three of us siblings with our faces smeared with cake and frosting from our first birthday cakes. My Depression-era grandparents were in attendance and laughed about it.

I strongly doubt you lived through the Depression (but if you are 90 years old and regularly posting on a forum, that's pretty cool) and most of the people I know who have lived through extreme poverty don't really talk about it or use it as an excuse to back pat. 

The frugality virtue signaling on the Duggar threads is so transparent (and inconsistent) and I don't know what people think they are accomplishing with it. 

[Rachel333]

I'm really not bothered by food waste on an individual level. If someone wants to "waste" their own food that's their business and why should anyone else care? Individual food waste is absolutely nothing compared to the massive amounts of food waste that goes on at an industrial scale.

[acheronbeach]

I too find the cake smashing thing distasteful.  I know I'm in the minority, but I find it obnoxious.  

Why would you give a kid enough food for like six or eight people just to destroy it and make the room/themselves totally filthy?  Why would I want to watch that?  IMO, it falls into the category, "stuff that is way cuter when you're the kid's parent."  Invariably, guests end up on cleanup duty after little Kelcie or Jaxxon smears cake onto the floor/upholstery/people.  

You probably think I'm a total downer, but I also dislike the "smashing cake into your new spouse's face" at weddings.  

[Rachel333]

Just now, acheronbeach said:

You probably think I'm a total downer, but I also dislike the "smashing cake into your new spouse's face" at weddings.  

That seems to be a common opinion, and I think I'm with you on that.