Josiah and Lauren Part 8: One Week to the Wedding (Now Married)

[amendgitan]

 

20 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

But, if I may nit-pick myself, please tell me Josiah (and multiple groomsmen) did not wear a black tie!  Um, no, Duggars.  Black is for mourning. 

That tie was actually navy!  Please tell me that it is my computer's fault and it wasn't black! 

I never really understand all the picking apart of people's wedding style choices. I mean unless it's outrageous. I don't understand the fascination with it either. (But I've never been into that kind of thing).

To me, black and white look great, her hair, flowers, and dress look nice. His colors are classy looking. 

No one is wearing anything ugly or strange.   

The cake is fine. 

17 hours ago, SpurgysingsHipHop said:

 it was a joke wow. Is this how uptight you guys always are? 

I was just congratulating her on being 3.5 seconds preconception otherwise known as 41 weeks before her due date... Sheesh!

That's what I thought? These people get pregnant within hours  of their wedding days  it seems  

 

[louisa05]

20 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

 

But, if I may nit-pick myself, please tell me Josiah (and multiple groomsmen) did not wear a black tie!  Um, no, Duggars.  Black is for mourning. 

That tie was actually navy!  Please tell me that it is my computer's fault and it wasn't black!

 

 

Do you remember the mid to late 90s when everyone was having a black wedding? I think I went to three at least with the bridesmaids looking like they were leaving for a funeral immediately following the ceremony. Fortunately, since that was in the period that I was in a million wedding parties, none of my friends did that. 

[Jenn The Heathen]

2 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Do you remember the mid to late 90s when everyone was having a black wedding? I think I went to three at least with the bridesmaids looking like they were leaving for a funeral immediately following the ceremony. Fortunately, since that was in the period that I was in a million wedding parties, none of my friends did that. 

My aunt did this.  I was in 6th grade and a junior bridesmaid and yeah, all black on a 12 year is interesting.

[nastyhobbitses]

2 hours ago, JillyO said:

The issue I have with Jana and Anna sewing her bridesmaid dresses is that they were literally raised to put themselves last (remember that weird "JOY" thing that Mee-chelle kept repeating on 19kac). They're not taught to say no when they really don't want to do something. So this is very different from me asking my hypothetical friend if she would want to sew my bridesmaid dresses and and her saying "You know what, JillyO, I would love to help you out but I don't think I have the time right now." I literally can't imagine a scenario where Jana would say "Thanks for asking, Lauren, but I'm too busy with my garden and raising my parents' kids right now. Sorry!"

None of this is Lauren's fault, of course. But it just shows another facet of their fucked-up lifestyle imho.

Yeah, fundie culture does not exactly teach girls (or boys, for that matter) about forming healthy boundaries in different aspects of their lives. For instance, I love to bake. Absolutely love to do it. I feel so happy when people compliment my cupcakes or bread or cookies that I work really hard on perfecting. I love to contribute to people's celebrations by making stuff for them. But if, say, someone asked me to make 100 cupcakes with extremely specific, complicated, expensive flavors for their engagement party right when I have a bunch of work deadlines or other life events going on, I know that I can say no, or offer something more manageable for my schedule (or say that I'll do it if they at least reimburse me for ingredients). The Duggar women are taught, in every single aspect of their lives, that such a thing is selfish and unacceptable. Now, this isn't unique to fundie culture -- I gave an example of comfortably saying no, but there are so many aspects of my life where I feel I have to fight so many ingrained instincts to acquiesce/let people walk all over me/talk me into doing stuff I don't want to do, all in the name of "keeping the peace", "not rocking the boat", "not seeming like a bitch". I've had plenty of sexual encounters that wouldn't have gone as far as they did had I not been worried about my Tinder date/new drunken acquaintance at a party/new boyfriend thinking I was a bitch (or worse, telling everyone I was a bitch) for saying no. I wouldn't call those situations assault or anything like that, but it made me realize the power that "no" holds, and it took a lot of work for me to feel comfortable wielding that power. 

[llucie]

The dress is very boring, but at least is a deviation from the usual A tipe dress all the fundies tend to choose. The flower arrangement seems very pretty also, and i like the colour theme. The cake and cupcakes seem too cheap, like a children did them following a youtube tutorial or something.

[HideousGreenShirt]

Ughhh I need to see more photos, SiRen. It's bad enough I can't view the cringey arm clutching video because Europe. 

So inconsiderate not to share these homemade bridesmaid dresses yet. C'mon now, you can't wait a year to get married but you make me wait 24 whole hours for more official photos? 

[Dandruff]

5 hours ago, Greendoor said:

Josiah, in the couch vid, say he wants to take the first year to get to know her.  This must mean he realizes he has married a virtual stranger.

Wasn't that a Gothard directive - to spend as much time together as possible the first year with minimal outside distractions?  I hope that's not the reason Josiah made his comment.

I liked Lauren's dress a lot, and Josiah looked nice in his suit.

Josiah's apparent seriousness could have been for any number of reasons.  I do wonder whether he had to sign some family paperwork before the wedding and wasn't thrilled about it.  Do the kids get their shares of the TV money once they marry?  Do they and their spouses need to agree to occasional interviews (if they haven't alienated the media) to support the family "business"?

[Coconut Flan]

3 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

Wasn't that a Gothard directive - to spend as much time together as possible the first year with minimal outside distractions?  I hope that's not the reason Josiah made his comment.

I think it was more Dr Ed Wheat who told Michelle and Jim Bob not to have a TV the first year so they could concentrate on their relationship.  

[Alice in Fundieland]

No tv and no pets for the first year of marriage is the advice JimBob and Michelle were given. 

[amendgitan]

33 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Do you remember the mid to late 90s when everyone was having a black wedding? I think I went to three at least with the bridesmaids looking like they were leaving for a funeral immediately following the ceremony. Fortunately, since that was in the period that I was in a million wedding parties, none of my friends did that. 

I wish that's what my friends did in the 90's. Instead, I was shoved into monstrosities of taffeta in various shades of pink and turquoise. Fun times. 

They could actually wear the dress again but not me!!

[Daisy0322]

2 minutes ago, amendgitan said:

I wish that's what my friends did in the 90's. Instead, I was shoved into monstrosities of taffeta in various shades of pink and turquoise. Fun times. 

They could actually wear the dress again but not me!!

I was a flower girl in 97 (I was 4 or 5)... layers and layers of frilly Lacey ruffles in burgundy.  My hair was in Shirley temple curls, ruby red lips, French tipped nails... I looked like a China doll.

[amendgitan]

22 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

Josiah's apparent seriousness could have been for any number of reasons.  I do wonder whether he had to sign some family paperwork before the wedding and wasn't thrilled about it.  Do the kids get their shares of the TV money once they marry?  Do they and their spouses need to agree to occasional interviews (if they haven't alienated the media) to support the family "business"?

They absolutely get their share once married. They actually get it before marriage once they reach 18, but they probably willingly hand it over to the parents until they marry. 

1 minute ago, Daisy0322 said:

I was a flower girl in 97 (I was 4 or 5)... layers and layers of frilly Lacey ruffles in burgundy.  My hair was in Shirley temple curls, ruby red lips, French tipped nails... I looked like a China doll.

I forgot about burgundy!!!

[eveandadam]

So it happened, Josiah really is married now... to a teenage bride...

I wish them both happiness!

But while I'm really looking foward to JD getting married (to a fully grown up woman!), I kind of feel very sad about Josiah. Why? I don't know exactly...Maybe he is broken and sad, maybe he does not acutally fit into the fundie lifestyle, maybe this is not what his heart actually desires, maybe he is JB's least favorite child...

Josiah, whatever happened in the past couple of years, I will always see you as the most artsy Duggar child (burnt orange and burnt yellow), the one with the most daring and stylish fashion sense (pink shirt and bow tie), the prankster (pranks with the film crew) and the funny and sensitive one (rescued the ktitens while renovating a house).

[louisa05]

I have five bridesmaids dresses from the 90s. Blue, blue, blue, blue and beige floral. 

The first was a nice shade of blue but had puffed sleeves that would have left Anne Shirley elated. The second was pastel blue and the other main color was a pastel aqua that somehow clashed. That wedding was a total nightmare and we looked like deranged garden fairies. The bride was very happy because "it looks exactly like I imagined it when I was six!". And it truly did look like a six year old planned it all. The third was not hideous and I re-wore the dress for chaperoning prom the next spring. The fourth likewise and also got a prom chaperoning re-wear. 

Then there was the beige wedding. The dress was a sheath with an extremely muted floral print on it with a sheer beige overlay that made the print even more muted. We had to wear beige hose and beige shoes. In the pictures, we blended into the decor at the front of the church which also had a lot of beige. We did have enormous bouquets. Absolutely huge with flowers of all colors. Damn thing must have weighed five pounds each. There were only two bridesmaids and the other one pointed out to me right before the ceremony that it was kind of like we were just plant stands. 

I was a candle lighter in a 90s wedding with a theme: "Victorian Christmas". Thank god I was only a candlelighter and got to pick my own dress. The bridesmaids were wearing some hideous combination of a frumper and a Victorian dress that was striped and it and the white blouse under it were all made of taffeta. That wedding was my friend who has since left fundie land. She hates looking at her wedding pictures and is a bit embarrassed by the entire thing now. 

[nickelodeon]

Okay, I'm checking out all the posts defending long, loose curls on the bride and trying to figure out which one of you is secretly #1 Gothardite Hair Enthusiast, Nathan Bates.

[pandora]

30 minutes ago, Alice in Fundieland said:

No tv and no pets for the first year of marriage is the advice JimBob and Michelle were given. 

 "Kids, TV and pets are gonna be too distracting in this first year of marriage, but pregnancy and having a newborn are totally not gonna interfere with you two getting to know each other. Quick reminder that though you just made an adult commitment you're still under my umbrella of authority. Also, it's not that much like legos. Good luck on the marriage!" -JB

[Analytica49]

For some reason I always had a bit of fondness for Josiah. I think it dates back to when he was very young, and he used to do talking heads in which he was quite articulate, observant, and even witty. He also had a fashion sense I didn't ever see in his older brothers.

So this wedding makes me a bit sad, because it probably represents his enmeshment in the cult and how hard it will be for him to have the kind of life I would have wanted for the young boy I watched years ago.

I know we can't necessarily read someone's state of mind from photos. But his words and his body language in the TLC video are very distressing. I noticed of course that Lauren is snuggled in to his body, leaning towards him, and (as everybody has commented) gripping his arm. But he just doesn't seem to reciprocate. At all. I would have thought he would be holding her hand, or have his arm around her. Or maybe just sort of lean into her.

Past footage of him has seemed to suggest he is not introverted or shy ordinarily. If he had been uncomfortable on camera in the past, I would understand. But he's had years of being filmed--practically grew up being filmed and talking to the camera.

When he turns to Lauren, I thought he was going to say how lucky he is to have married her, or how beautiful she is. But instead he says he is "thankful"--not for her, but "for family."

 

The other feature of the video that puzzles me is that he talks about "slowing down ... on as much work stuff as I can." But (other than maybe John-David) it has never seemed as if the Duggar men work all that hard. The way Josiah describes it, one would think he has been doing really stressful work and putting in 60-hour weeks. Has he??

In any case, while I don't doubt it's important for him to take the time to get to know the woman he has married, how many people outside of the Duggars can slow down their lives just because they got married?? Obviously there's the honeymoon, and that's a break from work. But everyone I know has to keep working, just as hard or even harder, after they marry, especially if they have career ambitions, or if they simply aspire (as in my own family) to a better life than they were raised with.

It just seems rather privileged to be able to be able to "slow down" because you're married. Shouldn't Josiah, who is now the sole provider, be expecting to work hard, to support all the blessings that they expect to come their way?

 

[Quiver Full of Kittens]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Do you remember the mid to late 90s when everyone was having a black wedding? I think I went to three at least with the bridesmaids looking like they were leaving for a funeral immediately following the ceremony. Fortunately, since that was in the period that I was in a million wedding parties, none of my friends did that. 

I was in a black wedding just about three years ago. As maid of honor, I wore a black knee length dress, white sash, and red shoes. The other bridesmaids wore black knee length dresses (all different) red sashes, and black shoes. Our bouquets were red, white, and black silk roses. 

[Gillyweed]

3 hours ago, amendgitan said:

Their engagement announcement video was off. As she gazed in scripted devotion to him, he used distancing language to describe how he knew she was the one: 

"It came upon you, just like, she's the one. This is it. I could tell that we'd work well together, serve well together and yeah, just something that came upon you." 

Im not seeing the warmth or excitement that John David shows toward his woman. 

Poor Lauren and Josiah. I hope they can live happy lives. 

[WiseGirl]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Do you remember the mid to late 90s when everyone was having a black wedding? I think I went to three at least with the bridesmaids looking like they were leaving for a funeral immediately following the ceremony. Fortunately, since that was in the period that I was in a million wedding parties, none of my friends did that. 

Way better than the 80s wedding I was in.  Think Gone With the Wind. Picture, if you will, a peach-colored poofy dress, complete with some netting/slip underneath (thank goodness no hoop).  It gets better, add in a big picture type hat with flowers on it, white lace gloves, and a parasol.  Admit you are jealous.

 

[Jaedzia]

1 hour ago, Alice in Fundieland said:

No tv and no pets for the first year of marriage is the advice JimBob and Michelle were given. 

No pets? Not happening. I can live with no TV for a year but no pet? As soon as I was married all I wanted after my husband was a cat. My mother refused to let us have a cat, only dogs. I wanted a cat so bad. Quite grateful my husband is an animal lover, too. 25 years of marriage and we have/had five cats. All three of my mother's children turned into cat lovers and she has no idea why! lol

As for the topic, I don't know. I hope they are happy together. The cake was cute. The dress was boring in my opinion. I too want to know who was in the wedding party. Hurry up, people. 

[BlondeIdol]

I just watched that weird clinging arm couch video. Not that it matters but I had never heard Lauren talk before and I was not expecting her voice to sound like that, haha. 

Josiah seemed very serious and Lauren looked excited. I am sure they were both overwhelmed and tired for obvious reasons. Probably had a long day BUT Lauren and Josiah seemed to be on a different pages. Like Lauren just accomplished a huge a life goal and seems VERY into Josiah. She can't even let go of him. Josiah seems a lot more business as usual about the whole thing or maybe I am reading too much into it. Lauren is ready to jump him though.

[Sister Mozz]

I can't remember what exactly Gothard teaches about this, but "taking a year off," or at least the idea of it, is mentioned in the Bible.

 

http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/24-5.htm lists it in a bunch of different translations, but KJV says: "When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken."

 

I thought it was very noteworthy that Josiah said he wanted to slow down in order for them to get to know each other. 

[Daisy0322]

20 minutes ago, WiseGirl said:

Way better than the 80s wedding I was in.  Think Gone With the Wind. Picture, if you will, a peach-colored poofy dress, complete with some netting/slip underneath (thank goodness no hoop).  It gets better, add in a big picture type hat with flowers on it, white lace gloves, and a parasol.  Admit you are jealous.

 

That reminds of that friends episode when Rachel is in Mindy and Barry's wedding!!!

3 minutes ago, Sister Mozz said:

I can't remember what exactly Gothard teaches about this, but "taking a year off," or at least the idea of it, is mentioned in the Bible.

 

http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/24-5.htm lists it in a bunch of different translations, but KJV says: "When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken."

 

I thought it was very noteworthy that Josiah said he wanted to slow down in order for them to get to know each other. 

Im sure that the fundies found a way to twist that into something fucked up but in general taking the first year to really focus on your relationship isn't bad advice

[Mama Mia]

5 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

According to this forum it’s already been decided Lauren is an arranged marriage vapid clingy badly dressed  Jill/Anna Clone who dosen’t know how to brush her hair/wear makeup  and will absolutely  Make Josiah  miserable. Did I miss anything?

I hope this young girl isn't reading here.  

I think that might be overstating it just a bit.

People like to discuss wedding fashions. People like to discuss perceived personalities. I don’t think it’s even necessarily the same people commenting on the different aspects.

I do think sometimes some posters can get super  judgy on what a wedding should / shouldn’t include. But overall it’s just interesting to see what people wear, how they decorate, etc...and comment on our likes and dislikes.

Personally, I think she looked great. I think they’ve ALL looked great. They are Attractive young women, in fancy dresses, on their wedding day. In that situation it would be hard NOT to look amazing !  Geeze, at their age beautiful is the default! 

I think her demeanor was perfectly normal for a young person in love. And with the usual disclaimers for we never know what is going on, etc....his demeanor was ....not. 

I hope they are happy together.