Lori Alexander 49: Immodest, Indiscreet, and Downright Inappropriate

[AliceInFundyland]

1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

It isn't as unusual as cardamom, but I've been thinking about lime sherbet lately. It's always nice in hot weather.

I miss the ice cream shop here that had Junior Mints and other candy in their fresh made ice cream. We would each get a cone and sit outside the downtown shop and watch the high school kids "cruise" the main street. It was funny to watch! I don't think they do that anymore.

On the subject of lime. Apparently last year they brought back lime Skittles but only sold them at Walmart. I had no idea. Now the only way to get them is in 3 lb bags from Amazon. I have talked myself out of this about fifty times.

Someday lime will have the renaissance it deserves!

....until then, there’s still this guy, if I get really desperate (originally pointed out by @HarryPotterFan)

Spoiler

Yes, that’s 27 lbs. of lime.

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

7 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

She’s talked about how her mother spanked her with a fly swatter and she was grateful. A lot of parents who spank use their childhood as an example for why it work. “If I had been spanked more I wouldn’t have done XYZ. “ or “I was a good kid because I was spanked.” 

When people say they were spanked and turned out fine, I always think (and sometimes say) "you obviously didn't, you think spanking was okay."

I have very strong feelings against hitting children, and the elderly, and the mentally disabled, and anyone else that might not be listening and behaving to one's satisfaction.  It shouldn't be done.

I was only spanked occasionally as a kid, but frequent beatings with any objects at hand (my mother) and closed fists (my father) started with puberty and continued into my 20s.  Always for being "mouthy".  I know the purported difference between spanking and abuse but both are inflicting violence.  I actually find spanking when done "right" to be worse in some ways.  "I'm supposedly in total control of my emotions at the moment and am going to calmly and purposefully inflict some pain and humiliation on a smaller, weaker person in my care to force control of their behavior or attitude.  And for a narcissistic twist I will also call it good and say it hurts me more and remind them that I love them as I do it." I understand losing your temper and swatting in frustration or fear, like when a little kid runs for the road or the stove.  I don't understand that.  

With people who rely on spare the rod, spoil the child - do they think the shepard was out there swatting his sheep with his rod?  Or was he maybe guiding them gently with it?

5 hours ago, Frog99 said:

I generally don’t use curse words, but in traffic all bets are off. 

I didn't curse, ever, not a even a hell, not even in traffic, until I was like 32 and married and playing Mario Kart.  Fuck came flying out of my mouth at my nemesis, fucking baby Peach, and I realized I LOVE the word.  It's cathartic and versatile and just feels so good in my mouth.  I rarely say any other swears...I don't use the c-word except towards myself as part of self-harm...but I just love the F word now.  One of the big surprises of my life.  It's not that it was forbidden, though it was, I just feel like it can be a really good word.

3 hours ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

According to 1 Peter 3:1, it has the possibility of helping. I don’t always do my best at being a good example of believing in God or following what the Bible says. Therefore I probably don’t make it look so appealing. That applies to more than just marriages though as well. 

It sounds like you're applying the philosophy that the only person you can change is yourself.  Others may change by watching you model certain behavior, but you can't force it.

1 hour ago, SilverBeach said:

As a Christian, I left eternal damnation behind. Doesn't square with the loving God that I believe in. It is a concept used by religions to control people. Jesus said his yoke is easy and his burden is light, and fear of eternal damnation is a very heavy burden indeed. I have joy, not fear. 

This is one of the major things keeping me from going back to church (panic attacks when I even darken the door are another). I don't WANT to worship a God that would have anyone suffering for ETERNITY.  Nothing any human has done to another no matter how horrific deserves ETERNITY.  I feel like people who espouse that view are sadists and/or they don't grasp eternity.

I used to love the theory that since the same word was used for hell and purgatory in early translations of the bible, it was that we'd all be purified to stand in God's presence over time, with the universe notnending until Jesus, the Hound of Hell, brought every last soul with him to heaven.  Because he wants nothing more for all his children to be together with him in the light.  Comforting, right?  Apparently also a heresy, so if you believe it, off to hell for eternity.  And I see you missed Mass last week too.  Well, that's another eternity for you, young lady!  At some point I just gave up.

1 hour ago, Beermeet said:

Yes!  I too left that behind.  Filed it under " Catholic feelings I no longer have".  Otherwise, ehat is the point of our Earthly lives?  To be constantly threatened by God?  Why?  I believe we are here to live, love and learn soul lessons.  Not all these threats and rules that are man made.  Faith is a beautiful thing.  Not a threat of hell. Imo.

We are here to "know, love, and serve God" according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, unless they've updated it.  I so wish I could feel as some of you do, "yearning" describes it best, but I have so much garbage to work around and damage to undo (and always that voice that says what I was taught is right and ignoring it for something more "feel good" will result in hell for eternity....the way is narrow, after all.  

I feel the happiest and most joyful and at peace spiritually when I see African American church services on television (real or fictional, like on Greenleaf - hey that's a show I would recommend on Netflix). Unfortunately in real life I can choose between Catholic, Catholic, or Catholic.  All more relaxed than those I experienced in the US, but they still trigger the panic attacks.

[HurricaneBells]

You have me curious... The question came from something Jessesgirl said but goes for anyone who believes the same and cares to answer. Do you care so much about saving their soul that you would let it interfere with your relationship while you are living? Coming from an almost 40 year old whose father has been trying to convert her since childhood. I am at peace with his perseverance but it is an irritation in our relationship. I cannot imagine having that same irritation between hubs and I. Just curious is all. And welcome Jessesgirl, you sure know how to make an entrance. That was a great read LOL

[Liza]

Lori's Facebook page is getting a lot of responses and the vast majority are calling her out for the loon that she is in several of the newest posts.  She has just posted that all the studies about hitting your children being a negative or not working are false.  False?  Yes, of course, anything that Lori disagrees with is, by definition, false. 

 It would all be fine if it weren't for some of the young mothers who follow her and believe she has to be right because what?  she is a mother?  she is older?  she says she is a good Christian?   I honestly believe Lori's teachings are dangerous and could (just as Michael Pearl's child abuse manual, "To Train Up A Child:) result in the death or serious injury of a woman one day.  A woman who stays too long in an abusive relationship or does not call a Suicide Hotline.   And that is just the beginning. 

She is a potential harm to women and children.  Period.   If Lori is innocently doing this, she is stupid ... If she knowingly is doing this, she is evil.  

[delphinium65]

Today Lori's off about breastfeeding in public again. Ken must be seeing a lot of babies being breastfed these days!  She says of Mary that 'There isn’t one single Bible verse that tells us that she breastfed openly!' Then later in the same post she says 'And furthermore, do we really have to be so dense to think that if it’s isn’t in scripture it must not be a real thing!'  Make up your mind, Lori, which way is it? 

She wraps it up with 'Sorry for ranting. It annoys me when women make excuses for their ignorance.'  Yes, it annoys me too. I'm looking at you, Lori.  

[laPapessaGiovanna]

9 hours ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

He's agnostic. 

I can live with him not wanting to lead, it's more so the thought of his soul being in eternal damnation. As a Christian. that is a helluva scary thought. 

 

Sorry but as agnostic person myself I couldn't help rolling my eyes at this. How would you feel if I told you that l'd hope for your own good that you let go of those old superstitions? Not particularly respectful isn't it? 

[SweetLaurel]

7 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

  15 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

She’s talked about how her mother spanked her with a fly swatter and she was grateful. A lot of parents who spank use their childhood as an example for why it work. “If I had been spanked more I wouldn’t have done XYZ. “ or “I was a good kid because I was spanked.” 

I have never understood this.  Why would people be grateful for being hit?  It boggles my mind.  We were what  I call 'beaten' as kids.  My parents called it 'spanking'.  Belts, paddles, switches,  hands, didn't matter - whatever was close and hard and mean.   None of us are 'grateful'.  Why would we be?  And if someone had been spanked more they might not have done XYZ?   Or maybe if they'd had decent parenting they might not have done XYZ.    Any grown adults ever said 'Yeah, my spouse smacked me around a lot, thank goodness!  If they had done it more, maybe I would have learned and done better!"   That makes no sense to me. To me, it is people making excuses for the people they love - their parents - and trying to make the abuse, not abuse.  Just like abused spouses do.   Or in Lori's case, because she loves her little power trips  - beat the kids, smack Ken,  tell women they don't love God and his perfect ways if they don't follow her rules, tell everyone how much their portion of food is!  Whatever!  Rant off....sorry...  

[SongRed7]

10 hours ago, dairyfreelife said:

You all talking about tunnels...I have the opposite problem. I have a serious phobia of bridges. I'm petrified of heights and bridges give me a panic.

Ditto!  I haven't been over the Chesapeake bridge you speak of and my goal in life is to avoid it at all costs. I have driven over the Chesapeake Bridge/Tunnel.  15 miles of hell over open water...but it wasn't too bad after the first mile or two since it is flat and not too high and has wide berms so you aren't right on the edge.  

The worst bridge I ever drove over was the Sunshine Skyway Bridge over Tampa Bay.   I had to play mind games with myself to get over that one.  We were there for a family trip and staying in Sarasota.  I hadI to psych myself up for 5 days for the return trip.  It wasn't any better the second time over it.    I did feel accomplished...but I still panic at the thought of that bridge! 

[Meeka]

What I don't understand in regards to spanking is when they admit that there are other ways to discipline but chose to spank because it is easier. Ken admits this. Since when do parents do what is easier rather than what is better. It is easier to feed your children junk food or go out to McDonald's every day but instead parent often take the time and effort to make healthy food for their children and get them to eat it even though it is not easier. 

It also irritates me when they think that gentle parenting is the same as permissive parenting. My parents were definatly gentle parents and they never once spanked or even yelled. My sisters and I also grew up to be good moral people who hold down jobs, never been any trouble and are certainly not the problems that Lori and her ilk imagine we would be due to gentle parenting. My parents were quite strict, in fact, and we had quite a few rules of things that we had to do and were not allowed to do. However, they understood that we were children and using brute force to make a child do something, something that we probably were not even able to understand, does not work. 

My grandmother had 9 children and she also never spanked or yelled at them. All of them, except for 1 since she died as a child, are all wonderful people who never got in trouble with the law, have addictions or anger problem, are kind hearted people, and are all still married to their 1st spouses. This is the legacy of my family. What kind of legacy do parents who spank want to leave to their children just because spanking is easier?

 

[PinkPrincess0213]

Annddd we're back to breastfeeding again today.

With this gem thrown in:

Um, ok?

[Loveday]

13 minutes ago, SongRed7 said:

Ditto!  I haven't been over the Chesapeake bridge you speak of and my goal in life is to avoid it at all costs. I have driven over the Chesapeake Bridge/Tunnel.  15 miles of hell over open water...but it wasn't too bad after the first mile or two since it is flat and not too high and has wide berms so you aren't right on the edge.  

The worst bridge I ever drove over was the Sunshine Skyway Bridge over Tampa Bay.   I had to play mind games with myself to get over that one.  We were there for a family trip and staying in Sarasota.  I hadI to psych myself up for 5 days for the return trip.  It wasn't any better the second time over it.    I did feel accomplished...but I still panic at the thought of that bridge! 

The Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel is pretty horrific. Going north on it is the worst, because you can't see the Eastern Shore at all for the longest time, and that feeling of being out in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight is scary. Coming back south, on a clear day you can at least see the two tall buildings of Town Center in Virginia Beach for most of the way (we have a tiny little 'downtown' that anyone from a real city would die laughing at!), so at least you can tell yourself there really is land on the other side of the bay!  I cross that bridge as infrequently as possible, and never, EVER on a windy day. OMG.

[Alisamer]

A friend of mine is a recovering Fundie, who was brought up with Ezzo's teachings. She and her (also former fundie) husband have two little boys, and they are very gentle parents. They discussed it before the kids were born and decided there could be NO hitting. None. 

And you know what? Their kids are great! They're kids, so they're not perfect, but they behave better than most other kids I've been around that are their ages. Part of that is personality, of course, one is very empathetic and gentle and the other is more rambunctious and rough and tumble, but they both listen, because they know they are listened to. Their parents explain why the rules are the way they are, even though they don't always understand. And sure, sometimes there are meltdowns and tantrums. But generally, they are GREAT kids. Sometimes the parents lose their temper and raise their voices, but they always apologize afterward, and try not to do that at all if they can help it. And these kids have never been hit or had their spirits broken.

I was spanked as a child and I can remember being spanked, but I can't remember anything I did that prompted a spanking. I learned to be afraid of making mistakes, to hide them if I could, and to never ever ask for anything I wanted. And of course now, if I say, "wow I really wish I had taken dance as a kid, I've wanted to since I can remember" my mom will say "well, you never SAID anything!" Well, no. Of course I didn't! I'd get the screaming "we're not made of money" speech if I had! You'd think the constantly checking out dance books at the library, being super excited about the hand-me-down ballet slippers, watching anything on TV I could find with dance in it, etc. might have been a clue, but apparently not.

I do think Lori spanked because it was easier, and because she is lazy. I think many fundies spank because they have a billion kids, and taking time to work through one child's needs will take them away from the others long enough for someone to misbehave, so they just swat butts and move on to the next crisis. 

[Koala]

8 minutes ago, Meeka said:

My parents were definatly gentle parents and they never once spanked or even yelled. My sisters and I also grew up to be good moral people who hold down jobs, never been any trouble and are certainly not the problems that Lori and her ilk imagine we would be due to gentle parenting. My parents were quite strict, in fact, and we had quite a few rules of things that we had to do and were not allowed to do. However, they understood that we were children and using brute force to make a child do something, something that we probably were not even able to understand, does not work. 

My grandmother had 9 children and she also never spanked or yelled at them. All of them, except for 1 since she died as a child, are all wonderful people who never got in trouble with the law, have addictions or anger problem, are kind hearted people, and are all still married to their 1st spouses. This is the legacy of my family. What kind of legacy do parents who spank want to leave to their children just because spanking is easier?

It warms my heart that your parents and grandmother have such a wonderful legacy.  You grandmother, especially!  That is amazing.  So many people in that generation hit- she must have been a very wise woman, to have the sense to break the cycle.  How wonderful, that she knew before the studies were there to tell her!

I honestly feel that nothing that I've done in this life, compares to the fact that I started the generation that never once spanked, in my family.  I am so happy that when my children look back and remember their father and I, they can honestly say that we never raised a hand to them.  I know that sounds crazy, but I take so much comfort in that.  

The older I get, the more bitter I get about what my mother and grandparents put me through.  I go through times of almost disbelief that they could have done such horrible things, and then gas-lighted me into blaming myself.  I guess that the bitterness should be dissipating as I age, but for right now, it's not happening at all.   

Anyway, I am glad you shared that, because it makes me so happy to know that families like yours are out there.  Gives me hope for humanity.

As for Lori- I just can't right now.  She's vile.   

 

[SweetLaurel]

5 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I was spanked as a child and I can remember being spanked, but I can't remember anything I did that prompted a spanking. I learned to be afraid of making mistakes, to hide them if I could, and to never ever ask for anything I wanted. A

THIS.  I agree -  yeah, the spankings taught me stuff - they taught me to be a great liar, to sneak and hide and deny, to be terrified and walk on egg shells.  Good times.   Grateful?  Not so much.  

[Liza]

14 minutes ago, Koala said:

The older I get, the more bitter I get about what my mother and grandparents put me through.  I go through times of almost disbelief that they could have done such horrible things, and then gas-lighted me into blaming myself.  I guess that the bitterness should be dissipating as I age, but for right now, it's not happening at all.   

@Koala  First, I am so sorry for the pain you went through.  These things have a lasting painful impact.  With me, it was my father, who abused me physically, emotionally and verbally.   He never stopped with the verbal...  so I did.  I no longer speak to him.  He is getting very old now and I dont feel guilty at all for the cut-off because he never owned up.  I tried to forgive him (for ME) not for him, but you cant forgive someone who never stops.  I get it but I also GET that it is NOT me and it never was.  It was him.  As an adult, I learned he had done this to his younger brother and to his second wife (once and she kicked him out the door!).    Oh, and, yes ... my father blamed me also for the abuse.  It is typical abuser stuff!   

[Meeka]

30 minutes ago, Koala said:

You grandmother, especially!  That is amazing

She definately was an amazing woman. She would be almost 100 yr old if she were alive today, she lived until she was 90 years old, and she worked hard. My grandfather was an offshore fisherman and so was gone continuously from March to October so she did everything herself. She grew all of the vegetables, raised chickens for eggs and meat, raised sheep for the meat and wool & sewed and knit the families clothing. All this was done without electricity and plumbing and her home was immaculate. One of her expressions were "I may have been poor but I've never had dirt or rags". All of her children grew up to graduate from college or university as education was so important to her so they wouldn't struggle like she did. 

She is my role model.

[Jessesgirl25]

1 hour ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

Sorry but as agnostic person myself I couldn't help rolling my eyes at this. How would you feel if I told you that l'd hope for your own good that you let go of those old superstitions? Not particularly respectful isn't it? 

I would agree that it would be disrespectful IF I was saying that to him but I am not. Those are just my thoughts. I’m not pounding him over the head with a KJV demanding he read it or he must believe it. 

An example of when the contention and worries come is when he sees me reading the Bible and then later with friends if we get on the topic of religion he tells them that I read the Bible and write things down and it’s “f*cking weird” etc., etc. So MOST of the time it is a remark coming from him that sparks a disagreement. 

Am I wrong for arguing? Probably. Sometimes I can walk away, sometimes I can’t. I’m not a rigid or strict Christian, have hardly stepped into a church in the last 20 years. 

Sorry I kind of went a little long on your question, just felt I needed to clarify that I’m not walking around our house praying the Lord’s Prayer and demanding we all be saved, lol. 

 

[Frumper]

13 hours ago, Frog99 said:

Can we add to this people who stop at green lights, people that drive under the speed limit, people that let everyone and their brother into the lane, and the one I regularly encounter- the left lane driver. Kentucky has a warning that the left lane is for passing only and fines will be given. They must be serious because that was the clearest left lane I have ever seen! 

Yes!  I live in northern Kentucky which is basically a suburb of Cincinnati OH.  It is simultaneously hilarious and infuriating how many Ohio drivers hang out in the left lane compared to KY drivers.  Even if they have a line of 15 cars piled up behind them some of them simply will not get over.  This year I went from having a 45 minute commute each way to about 15-20 minutes and not dealing with all of those left-lane loiterers has done wonders for my mental health!

[Jessesgirl25]

9 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

It sounds like you're applying the philosophy that the only person you can change is yourself.  Others may change by watching you model certain behavior, but you can't force it.

I absolutely try to change and get better everyday. Well....most days, lol. I have days where it’s more difficult. I’m not trying to force anything on him or make him change, most things are just thoughts in my own muddied brain that never make it to the surface. 

5 minutes ago, Frumper said:

Yes!  I live in northern Kentucky which is basically a suburb of Cincinnati OH.  It is simultaneously hilarious and infuriating how many Ohio drivers hang out in the left lane compared to KY drivers.  Even if they have a line of 15 cars piled up behind them some of them simply will not get over.  This year I went from having a 45 minute commute each way to about 15-20 minutes and not dealing with all of those left-lane loiterers has done wonders for my mental health!

This is a true statement! Buckeye here, lol! 

[Imrlgoddess]

1 hour ago, SweetLaurel said:

I have never understood this.  Why would people be grateful for being hit?  It boggles my mind.  We were what  I call 'beaten' as kids.  My parents called it 'spanking'.  Belts, paddles, switches,  hands, didn't matter - whatever was close and hard and mean.   None of us are 'grateful'.  Why would we be? 

This. A thousand times.  The same thing happened in our household, I'm not grateful for any of it.  All  that did was root a deep distrust for my mother which will never be shaken.  My poor sister is neurotic because of the fear our parents instilled.  I keep seeing the memes float around facebook about "if kids had more of this- picture of belt- there wouldn't be this-picture of some random not good kid thing".  

I can't say I've never armchair quarterbacked someone's style of parenting or discipline, it's a process that I'm constantly working on.  I knew as an adult and as soon as I got pregnant I didn't want to be like my mother.  Thankfully my daughter & I have a great relationship.

 

ETA: the bridge talk....come on down and have a go at our Huey P Long bridge.  The builders started at each bank and aimed to meet in the middle...well they were off a bit so there's a fairly noticeable curve in the top.  The train track runs through the center and it's 2 lane on each side.  Fun days are when the train is running and you're stuck between it and an 18-wheeler which has just enough room to fit.  Good times....

[polecat]

2 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

Today Lori's off about breastfeeding in public again. Ken must be seeing a lot of babies being breastfed these days!  She says of Mary that 'There isn’t one single Bible verse that tells us that she breastfed openly!' Then later in the same post she says 'And furthermore, do we really have to be so dense to think that if it’s isn’t in scripture it must not be a real thing!'  Make up your mind, Lori, which way is it? 

She wraps it up with 'Sorry for ranting. It annoys me when women make excuses for their ignorance.'  Yes, it annoys me too. I'm looking at you, Lori.  

She's remarkably stupid sometimes. Does she really think that women's breasts have been a source of shame throughout history? Or that all cultures have the same taboos around body parts and breastfeeding that ours does?

There is some gorgeous breastfeeding art of the Madonna and child -- some with him looking milk-drunk or dozing off at the breast, some where he's popping off to check out stuff around him, some where his mother is comfort nursing him ... The expressions and experiences are so diverse -- but the male painters captured them perfectly. So perfectly that there's just no way they could have unless they were seeing breastfeeding regularly. I can't imagine too many modern American males would recognize the "got distracted by a bunch of beads" breastfeeding moment! 

Lori, women have breasts. Breasts are functional. They're glands that secrete milk for babies. I don't know why that gets you in such an uproar, but you truly need to get over it. 

31 minutes ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

An example of when the contention and worries come is when he sees me reading the Bible and then later with friends if we get on the topic of religion he tells them that I read the Bible and write things down and it’s “f*cking weird” etc., etc. So MOST of the time it is a remark coming from him that sparks a disagreement. 

This just strikes me as really disrespectful. He's essentially mocking you publicly, in front of friends. The problem isn't so much your religious beliefs or his lack thereof but his failure to respect your feelings. 

[Koala]

1 minute ago, Imrlgoddess said:

I keep seeing the memes float around facebook about "if kids had more of this- picture of belt- there wouldn't be this-picture of some random not good kid thing".  

I despise those memes, and I am so sorry about you and your sister. 

Belts are very triggering for me.  They must be either worn, or put away.  I don't like to see them lying about, or draped over a chair until they're next worn.  

I hate to admit this (because I know it sounds crazy) but I used to actually hide them.  My husband would be trying to get ready for work, and he'd be like, "Hey, have you seen my belt?"  Then I'd have to tell him whatever bizarre place I'd stashed it.  Bless his heart, I don't know if he's ever figured out why.  I lean towards neat freak, so he probably just attributes it to that.  He knows that I was abused as a child, but he doesn't know any of the specifics, because I haven't yet brought myself to say it out loud.

To be VERY CLEAR- I wasn't hiding them from him.  He's the most wonderful, gentle man you'd ever meet.  I was hiding them....I don't know, it was almost like a compulsion.  I don't even really like to touch them.   Seeing them is just too much.  I don't mind if they're being worn...but if they aren't, they must be put out of my sight.  

Now that I think about it, I am the same way with a lot of objects.  There are many things I simply won't have in my house, and will go out of my way to avoid in a store.  God, that's fucked up.  But, @Ken and Lori Alexander, THAT is what abuse does to kids.

[Imrlgoddess]

@Koala That makes absolute sense.  I never gave it much thought but I didn't keep a fly swatter in the house for years and years.  That was my moms chosen tool, especially for me.  I guess we all have little ticks whether we understand what they are or not.  It doesn't make us weird or fucked up...just cautious.  

[Liza]

I KNEW Lori is having a dangerous effect on women ... here is an example of the thinking of a woman on her page.

Second to last paragraph she says  "your husband asks and your body is one so no  you can't be raped".    

It's hard to believe that any woman alive believes that a woman cannot be raped by her husband.  Just so sad.

 

[Sobeknofret]

8 hours ago, HurricaneBells said:

You have me curious... The question came from something Jessesgirl said but goes for anyone who believes the same and cares to answer. Do you care so much about saving their soul that you would let it interfere with your relationship while you are living?

No.

I am in the same situation as @Jessesgirl25in that I am a believer and he's agnostic. I will never let our relationship suffer because of proselytizing, not that Quakers do it anyway. I believe that God is all-merciful and all-loving, and will not let a soul slip through His hands that He can save.  My job is to just be the best that I can be, and let God take care of the rest. I love my husband with all my heart and soul, and I pray everyday for him, but I have to trust God with this issue. We've been together almost 30 years at this point, and we have a really solid relationship. I try to model the love of God to him as best I can by my actions, but in the end, his relationship with God is his own to mediate, and I would be overreaching in huge ways to interfere with that.