Lori Alexander 45: Sensoring and Sensibility

[Koala]

Lori's Instagram must have been directed at herself.  

Today, she writes:

Yesterday?  Well, yesterday she had no problem teaching a man.

Reader:

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My in laws are separated and heading for divorce and it is terrible. It is my father-in-law who has made it so tough on the family.

The "Wise Mentor's" advice?

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 Maybe give them each a copy of this post and the one I will link for them to read:

https://thetransformedwife.com/how-does-marriage-benefit-her/

Silly Lori...she forgot that Paul commanded her not to teach men.  She also forgot her own post from 2016:

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I don’t teach nor scold men since I am told to not teach men (1 Timothy 2:12). 

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I am not supposed to teach men anything 

She's not supposed to teach men anything, yet this is the second time (recently) that I've seen her encouraging her readers to give her posts to male family members.  Why?  Because LORI ALEXANDER MOST CERTAINLY DOES TEACH MEN.  

[Loveday]

15 minutes ago, Curious said:

uh wow.  I'm worried for this guy's wife.  I'm pretty sure that the God/Jesus of the bible doesn't expect woman to stay with abusive husbands to the point of death.  I mean if they allow divorce for cheating, it seems like a no brainer that the prospect of being beaten to death (probably for something like not making a sammich fast enough)  would also be an acceptable reason to get a divorce.

Someone is going to get killed following Lori's advice and when that happens I hope she is held responsible.

Pretty sure he's divorced. I can't imagine why. 

I went down that rabbit hole late last night. He's not right in the head.

[Sarah92]

12 minutes ago, Loveday said:

Pretty sure he's divorced. I can't imagine why. 

I went down that rabbit hole late last night. He's not right in the head.

Yes people have been saying he's divorced and I certainly hope that's the case. In his comments he talks about avoiding emotional arguments and anecdotes because they aren't rational arguments. Give me a break, he's about as rational as a wet sock. Classic narcissistic. What's scary is the number of people who agree with him. Can you imagine them counseling others to stay with abusive spouses because of Davies? Makes me sick. I went on a reporting spree for many of his posts but I don't think it will do any good. 

[dairyfreelife]

1 hour ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

What happened with Paige Patterson?  He was president of Southeastern Seminary when my husband went there.  I didn't know him well, but he seemed OK.

https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2018/april/paige-patterson-divorce-domestic-abuse-swbts-cbmw.html

http://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/paige-patterson-southern-baptist-defending-the-indefensible/

 

[Emilycharlotte]

27 minutes ago, Loveday said:

Pretty sure he's divorced. I can't imagine why. 

I went down that rabbit hole late last night. He's not right in the head.

K.B. Davies is disgusting, and if he doesn't raise every red flag a person has, that person's red flags are broken and they need serious help before they end up dating a sociopath or joining a Jim Jones-type cult. 

Also, I am really sick of the gospel of death he preaches. His message is, to appropriate a fundy term, a lie from the pit of Hell.  

[Imrlgoddess]

Her take on domestic violence just reeks of her WASP'y suburban princess privilege.  Only someone who's never actually seen bruises or scars on someone or had them delivered would have the stance she has.  I know and have known too many women who have endured it for years, or done something about their situation.  One of my moms friends from way back took it for over a decade.  One day she met him at the door with a gun.  She shot him dead, put the gun on the table, called the Sheriff and said, "I shot him, come get me.".  She served what little time the jury gave her and that was it.  Not one person in our little bible belt community could blame her for it.  

It's disgusting the scapegoat strategies these people will play to continually criminalize the fairer sex for simply existing.  Never mind that none of those bastards would exist in the world if a woman hadn't carried their ungrateful asses for 10 months.  

woooooo saaahhhhhh.  Sorry, touched nerve. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Oh so modest and discreet we are...boasting about how our kids know when we have sex! Why the hell even bother to close the door?

 

[Sarah92]

Being in the mental health setting I've seen the haunted look in people's eyes as they recount their abuse. I've seen it in friends as well, it's always heartbreaking.  Anyone who would recommend an individual stay in an abusive relationship after seeing that level of devastation is heartless. 

Davies likes to claim that people, specifically feminist women, are possessed by demons. I think he's projecting big time. He's a false prophet if I ever saw one.  

I can guarantee that if guys were the ones on the receiving end of more abuse than women they'd certainly change their tune. Just like it's easy for guys to say that women should submit because men are the ones that benefit from it the most. But if it was the other way around? Ha 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

1 hour ago, Curious said:

So one wonders why then did Lori send ALL her kids to public/christian schools instead of homeschooling them the entire time?   The majority of her kids always went to college.

Once again do as I command, not what I do.

I don't understand why none of her fangirls ask about her blatant (and dangerous) hypocrisy.

There is nothing to explain to them because all of that was BEFORE she was transformed so she gets a pass. The tampering with her birth control, again a pass, that was BEFORE she was transformed. So, Lori was able to screw up for 20 something years, but now she has seen the light and is trying to make sure everyone doesn't make her mistakes. That is her whole deal.

[molecule]

In today's post . . . 

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All women’s natural inclination is to wrest control from the men who are stronger than them. This is why Eve ate the forbidden fruit. She wanted to be in control and rebelled against her husband and God. This is why feminism began and unfortunately, we have all inherited this trait. 

So apparently feminism is in the bible?

[Loveday]

This comment on Lori's blog post from this morning (her blog, not FB) has me almost shaking with rage:

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I’ve often wondered about “marital rape”. I’ve told my husband it sounds kind of fun. [she inserted a sweet little smile right here]  So all these women get married and then keep all their goodies to themselves? Why would they marry? That’s a raw deal for sure. Talk about bait and switch! I’ve seen from a few of your male commenters that are regularly rebuffed by their wives and if these wives wear the name Christian they should be ashamed of themselves. I guess I can see where feminists would use the term marital rape because by feminism is synonymous with selfishness, but no Christian woman should ever have a reason to use marital rape.

[delphinium65]

6 minutes ago, Loveday said:

(quote from 'M')  I’ve often wondered about “marital rape”. I’ve told my husband it sounds kind of fun.

Fun.    To tell a man no, and have him do it anyway?  To have him totally ignore her wishes, and just go ahead and satisfy himself?  Methinks 'M' has confused rough, but consensual sex with forced participation against one's will.  

[Loveday]

I thought nothing Lori or her minions might say would ever surprise me again after all the crap I've read on her blog over the years, but that line made my jaw drop and my blood boil.

[Liza]

Hey Lori:

Read this article.  Your teachings DO encourage men to abuse their wives.  In other words, when you give men power over women (submission), you are, in effect, giving men permission to take it a step further to abuse.  Evangelical husbands have the highest rate of abuse according to this.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-07-18/domestic-violence-church-submit-to-husbands/8652028

 

 

5 minutes ago, delphinium65 said:

quote from 'M')  I’ve often wondered about “marital rape”. I’ve told my husband it sounds kind of fun.

Whoever "M" is, she needs to learn that her fantasies of being 'taken' by her husband, when she is actually interested in him are VERY different from rape.  Rape is a horror no woman should ever go through, yet, one in 4 are sexually molested or raped ... according to reports.  My guess is many more are unreported.

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Update on that book review from Hannah that was negative then went positive overnight. 

Back story here.

https://thingsgodlywomensay.tumblr.com/post/172525333764/an-amazon-review-that-went-from-negative-to

Anyway she has now added at the bottom of her review that her account was hacked. That is what happened when the negative review appeared. Sure, makes total sense! See below.

 

Spoiler

Then a comment calls out her lie. 

[refugee]

5 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

I think one of the thing that's most annoying are these people's magical ability to read minds. They just know when people say they're trying to follow Jesus but actually just want to do whatever they want. 

And I'm sorry when they say kids learn apologetics I don't quite believe them. Learning Bible verses isn't apologetics. Also with the way they argue and believe Lori, I doubt they teach their children a good defense for their faith. But then again I could be wrong, I'm not a mind reader. 

I read an interesting discussion of apologetics on Twitter, of all places, the other day. I will never look at the topic quite the same way...

Basically, many were agreeing that the apologetics techniques they learned were shallow and manipulative indoctrination techniques. More of a “gotcha” than honest discussion.

[SuperNova]

1 hour ago, delphinium65 said:

Fun.    To tell a man no, and have him do it anyway?  To have him totally ignore her wishes, and just go ahead and satisfy himself?  Methinks 'M' has confused rough, but consensual sex with forced participation against one's will.  

That comment from M made me sick. I was married as a teenager to a highly abusive partner. I still remember the day in group therapy when I first heard the term marital rape. It never occured to me that rape in a marriage was possible. I knew I had to participate and my desire was not a factor. Very often I would tell myself that it was what I wanted. There wasn't very many times that I would even bother saying no. It wasn't forced on me against my will for the simple fact that I had no will of my own. But rape? That's not me, I told myself. I stayed in self denial for a long time. It took many, many years of therapy to understand what happened to me. When I finally understood, I was so angry at myself for "letting" it happen. And then it took awhile to work through the anger but I did it.

Lori, M, and the other women who claim to have the answers have no real understanding of what they're advocating and worse, they don't care to. They are comfortable and safe really just by chance since their only criteria for a man is a nice paycheck. How quickly would they change their tunes if they found themselves or their daughters in my situation?

[Lgirlrocks]

5 hours ago, Curious said:

So one wonders why then did Lori send ALL her kids to public/christian schools instead of homeschooling them the entire time?   The majority of her kids always went to college.

Once again do as I command, not what I do.

I don't understand why none of her fangirls ask about her blatant (and dangerous) hypocrisy.

Has she ever come out and said she was wrong for doing it? People can change their beliefs. My only problem would be the fact that Lori’s kids are all grown and no longer in school. 

3 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Oh so modest and discreet we are...boasting about how our kids know when we have sex! Why the hell even bother to close the door?

 

Most kids know there parents are having sex they just don’t admit it or really want to think about it. It’s gross!

2 hours ago, Loveday said:

This comment on Lori's blog post from this morning (her blog, not FB) has me almost shaking with rage:

It’s not about holding back for fun. Some women just aren’t always in the mood, same with guys. There are many reasons for not having sex and none of them make rape okay. Every period. 

[delphinium65]

3 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

That comment from M made me sick. I was married as a teenager to a highly abusive partner. I still remember the day in group therapy when I first heard the term marital rape. It never occured to me that rape in a marriage was possible. I knew I had to participate and my desire was not a factor. Very often I would tell myself that it was what I wanted. There wasn't very many times that I would even bother saying no. It wasn't forced on me against my will for the simple fact that I had no will of my own. But rape? That's not me, I told myself. I stayed in self denial for a long time. It took many, many years of therapy to understand what happened to me. When I finally understood, I was so angry at myself for "letting" it happen. And then it took awhile to work through the anger but I did it.

Yes means nothing if saying no is not an option.  I have no idea who I first heard say that, but it stuck with me.  

[Sarah92]

I didn't think I could reach another level of appalled and disgust with Lori and many who follow her but I did. These people seemed to have no empathy and live totally outside of reality. Marital rape is fun? Just no. There's nothing more to say to that disgusting comment. 

[EowynW]

Thise fundie attitudes about sexmake me so uncomfortable. TMI but my fundie sister and her husband have sex a lot. Up to 7 times a week. She gets UTIs often, and is currently down with a kidney infection that is threatening hospitalization. She says she enjoys sex, but has never had an orgasm in her nearly 2 years of marriage, and he's all over her and she never tells him no. Sometimes.... I wonder about them, about her, and how she's really doing. But it's hard to break through those teachings to get real honesty and authenticity, so... 

 

[quiversR4hunting]

18 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Re: Domestic abuse...

The passage in Ephesians 5 that starts with "husband LOVE your wives..." is part of the marital covenant. If a husband is abusing his wife, he has irretrievably broken the covenant and therefore it is null and void. 

This is not just my opinion...I've spent some time researching this. Mention it to "the godly mentor" and her head might damn well explode. 

@Ken what say you regarding the Ephesians 5 passage I referenced above? 

I am glad you pointed out Ephesians 5. As many on here know I am Catholic. As many on here know Catholics (in a very broad stroke) are against divorce BUT do not condone it as a sin above all sins. So I have been thinking of Lori's awful post about staying with an abuser and decided I needed to go read what the USCCB has to say about the subject. I am going quote a few things from here: http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/domestic-violence/when-i-call-for-help.cfm  The article is good, I suggest people read it in full.

First the "Introduction" after a battered wife's question. Literally this is the first 2 paragraphs from the Catholic Bishops of America. BTW at the end of the introduction paragraph there is a highlighted yellow box giving website and phone numbers to the national domestic violence hotline.

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As pastors of the Catholic Church in the United States, we state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified. Violence in any form"—physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal"—is sinful; often, it is a crime as well. We have called for a moral revolution to replace a culture of violence. We acknowledge that violence has many forms, many causes, and many victims—men as well as women.2

The Catholic Church teaches that violence against another person in any form fails to treat that person as someone worthy of love. Instead, it treats the person as an object to be used. When violence occurs within a sacramental marriage, the abused spouse may question, "How do these violent acts relate to my promise to take my spouse for better or for worse?" The person being assaulted needs to know that acting to end the abuse does not violate the marriage promises.

Further down it gets to taking scripture out of context. This is exactly what @Ken and Lori do every time they talk about abuse and submission and suffering. They take it all out of context (we already knew that). I just hope some of the people on "Always Learning" & "The Transformed Wife" and Lori Alexander facebook pages would read this entire article by the USCCB. Scripture references are in bold.

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The Church Responds to Domestic Violence

Scripture and Church Teachings

Religion can be either a resource or a roadblock for battered women. As a resource, it encourages women to resist mistreatment. As a roadblock, its misinterpretation can contribute to the victim's self-blame and suffering and to the abuser's rationalizations.

Abused women often say, "I can't leave this relationship. The Bible says it would be wrong." Abusive men often say, "The Bible says my wife should be submissive to me." They take the biblical text and distort it to support their right to batter.

As bishops, we condemn the use of the Bible to support abusive behavior in any form. A correct reading of Scripture leads people to an understanding of the equal dignity of men and women and to relationships based on mutuality and love. Beginning with Genesis, Scripture teaches that women and men are created in God's image. Jesus himself always respected the human dignity of women. Pope John Paul II reminds us that "Christ's way of acting, the Gospel of his words and deeds, is a consistent protest against whatever offends the dignity of women."11

Men who abuse often use Ephesians 5:22, taken out of context, to justify their behavior, but the passage (v. 21-33) refers to the mutual submission of husband and wife out of love for Christ. Husbands should love their wives as they love their own body, as Christ loves the Church.

Men who batter also cite Scripture to insist that their victims forgive them (see, for example, Mt 6:9-15). A victim then feels guilty if she cannot do so. Forgiveness, however, does not mean forgetting the abuse or pretending that it did not happen. Neither is possible. Forgiveness is not permission to repeat the abuse. Rather, forgiveness means that the victim decides to let go of the experience and move on with greater insight and conviction not to tolerate abuse of any kind again.

An abused woman may see her suffering as just punishment for a past deed for which she feels guilty. She may try to explain suffering by saying that it is "God's will" or "part of God's plan for my life" or "God's way of teaching me a lesson." This image of a harsh, cruel God runs contrary to the biblical image of a kind, merciful, and loving God. Jesus went out of his way to help suffering women. Think of the woman with the hemorrhage (Mk 5:25-34) or the woman caught in adultery (Jn 8:1-11). God promises to be present to us in our suffering, even when it is unjust.

Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage. Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment. An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.

 

[feministxtian]

@quiversR4hunting I was born, baptized, educated, first communioned, confirmed Catholic. 

In 1997 when the X threw us out, after a history of abuse towards me and the children, my parish priest told me to go home, submit more, control the children better, have sex whenever he wanted to have it and divorce was not an option. He told me that if I got a divorce and even if I got an annulment, I would be barred from the sacraments forever. (I know now he was wrong, but...), 

A friend took me to her church, on the fundie side, and I spoke to her pastor. He's the one who told me about the Ephesians 5 passage that starts "husbands love your wives...". 

I tried over the years to go back to the RCC, but I kept running into idiots. In VA, my father very much wanted to convert when he got sick. But, he was too sick to attend RCIA classes. Parish pastor said that if he couldn't attend the classes, there's no way he would be permitted to be admitted into the RCC. We had to get a USAF chaplain to do his funeral. When my mother died, the priest originally didn't want to offer a funeral Mass for her because she hadn't been to church in years...they denied her last rites for that reason too. All her "friends" could come visit her and talk shit about me but wouldn't show up to help take care of her. 

When we moved to AZ, we attended a non-denom, fairly large church. When hubs had his surgery, they organized an entire brigade of help, from groceries and house cleaning to just coming to hang out w/hubs while I was at work. They even paid our rent and utilities for a month since some of the leave time I had taken from work was unpaid. 

SO...hell would freeze over before I would even think about going back to the RCC...especially now as they have doomed me to hell if I don't go back. (that's in the catechism too)

 

[Imrlgoddess]

9 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

In 1997 when the X threw us out, after a history of abuse towards me and the children, my parish priest told me to go home, submit more, control the children better, have sex whenever he wanted to have it and divorce was not an option. He told me that if I got a divorce and even if I got an annulment, I would be barred from the sacraments forever. (I know now he was wrong, but...)

When I was a small child (toddler-ish) my moms parish priest told her something similar-go home and endure it, basically.  At that time my father was still healthy and working.  He drank regularly and still had enough of that left over USMC swagger that he pushed her around and attempted to "discipline" my sister.  This went on a couple years, he got sick & we moved near my grandmother (maternal).  I remember a handful of big fights, my grandma would always tell her to go back home and fix it.  I assume it was after the last big blowout that I can recall...I must have been about 5 or 6...she met his advance with a cast iron skillet and later told him she'd hold his body in state after he died to keep him from ascending to heaven. (He was 16 years her senior with heart disease) He never spanked me or my sister after that and he didn't push my mom around physically anymore.  She didn't leave....but she did put the fear of God (quite literally) into him.  She was already in trouble with the church for marrying a divorced non-denominational man with previous children, I guess she didn't want to be denied what sacraments she had left.  

[TeddyBonkers]

Not a Catholic, but my aunt is. She got an anullment after 20 some years of marriage because my uncle refused to stop drinking. (No idea if there was verbal abuse, but it seems likely.) 

She got remarried to a pretty stand-up guy. So, shout out to her Church, I guess!