Chelsy and John Maxwell 4: Will She Blog Post the Honeymoon

[Lisafer]

So glad I didn't wait until marriage for my first kiss! Hey, Judgy Chelsy, my first kiss after a first date in a parking lot in the dark is a precious memory to me. I don't regret it for a second. 

 

[Markie]

I had my first kiss on the midway at the Western Fair when I was fourteen. It was ackward and we both had braces, but I definitely prefer it than playing tonsil hockey in front of hundreds of people while my brothers and brothers in law seraded us with noise makers, and was anywhere near Steve or Terri Maxhell. 

[meowfundiecatz]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Chelsy’s post is very long. No wonder it took her two months to post. Most of it is completely expected since we all watched the live feed. But this line below the picture right here annoys me to no end. Chelsy this is terribly presumptive of you. You PROMISE no one will regret it? How would you know this!? Just because you didn’t? Well I can positively say I would regret that decision for I am an extremely private person and having my first kiss in front of hundreds of people sounds like my very worst nightmare. So you are wrong Chelsy. There must be at least one fundie girl embarrassed by PDA. Not all fundie girls are exactly like you. 

A perfect example is Jessa Duggar Seewald. They punked everyone and had their first kiss in private.

[JermajestyDuggar]

My first kiss made my legs into Jello. Luckily I was sitting down. If I had that first kiss standing in front of hundreds of people, my knees would have buckled and I would’ve fallen. 

Like I said before, I’m a private person. Therefore my husband proposed with no one in sight. We hate PDA. It makes us uncomfortable. Our first kiss as man and wife was quite chaste and sweet. 

50 minutes ago, meowfundiecatz said:

A perfect example is Jessa Duggar Seewald. They punked everyone and had their first kiss in private.

I’m glad Jessa was confident enough to do that. I can’t imagine some meek and submissive fundie girls bucking the fundie norms.

[catlady]

i too am uncomfortable with PDA's, and i always liked the idea that Jessa and Ben opted for privacy.  my first kiss was at 16 with a cute guy i'd met at a roller rink.  we snuck off to a dimly lit corner by the lockers, and it was rather awkward for the first little while; i would have been mortified if his friends blew noisemakers and such.  so, sorry Chelsy, you're wrong if you think i wouldn't regret waiting until i was 25 and in front of 110 people.

[pandora]

I have to admit, I myself have been known to make a big deal out of firsts in life ( I keep a journal, and the entry I wrote at 16 on cloud 9 after my first kiss was so. many. damn. pages.) I don't think any ideal first kisses happen in public, but I think I understand the buildup and excitement that leads fundies to decide their first foray into kissing should be over the altar (of course, they're also wacky about purity), lover of firsts that I am. But... for people who are supposed to be enjoying their first kiss and making a big deal out of it, smashing it together with marriage/ other new physical stuff/ finally sleeping in the same bed/ being alone together doesn't seem to be that great of a way to savor something they (and I) think of as special. What Austin and Joy Forsyth said only a few months after their wedding in that TH stuck with me- they said it's crazy how quick the newness wears off. That's sad. I don't normally feel like I should be giving anyone unsolicited relationship advice, because a) that's bothersome, and b) I'm 22 and have only been with my boyfriend for three years, which doesn't feel that long. But there's this weird sense of vertigo in hearing these married with children couples who are close to my age and have been together less time than the two of us, saying the newness is gone and that people shouldn't even kiss before marriage cause it's so special then. I don't think my relationship has lost the newness yet, we still have lots of firsts currently happening now and lots ahead (and what I hear from older couples is that you keep finding those moments as long as you're together). So to me, even just beyond wanting a first kiss to be private, if you want it to be special, I don't think planning for a kiss to happen as part of a 24 hour sequence sounds special.

And on a more practical note...how the hell do you know you're even a little bit sexually compatible if you've never even kissed? Seems like it should be part of the questionnaire if fundies are serious about marriages working. 

[Themanda Duggar]

15 minutes ago, pandora said:

And on a more practical note...how the hell do you know you're even a little bit sexually compatible if you've never even kissed? Seems like it should be part of the questionnaire if fundies are serious about marriages working. 

With no experience they may not realize if they’re not sexually compatible, they may just think they don’t like sex much.  I imagine a lot of young fundie girls (I used the word girls instead of women because I really hope they’ve learned about sex before adulthood) are told that it’s a marital obligation that they have to endure to make babies and happy husbands, and not that they should be able to be able to choose to participate, and their desires and feelings about it matter.

[Lgirlrocks]

I was fifteen when I had my first kiss. It was with a neighbor kid that I had been friends with for a while. While it was awkward I regret nothing. I get waiting for sex until marriage but not waiting for a first kiss. It’s almost rediculous. They can’t even cheek or forehead kiss. Those kisses are more intimate and special than lip kisses imo. 

[Black Aliss]

My first kiss wasn't all that and there were a lot of bad kissers between then and my spouse. I shudder to think what it would be like to discover after reciting my vows that I'd just married one of those sloppy face-suckers.

[ophelia]

5 hours ago, kpmom said:

And add to that the fact that the groomsmen actually blew noise makers when they kissed!  Good grief!

Some of these fundie weddings resemble Broadway shows, imo.

I felt embarrassed just by reading about it. How immature!

I loved the songs she chose. Especially The Battle Hymn of Love. I listened to it on Spotify after reading her post and LOVE it. But (cheesy) country songs are my thing so this was obviously a good fit.

I had my first real kiss when I was 12. I still remember the exact date. It was horrible and still I was on cloud nine.

[Anonymousguest]

My first kiss was the summer between 9th and 10th grade, with a neighbor boy who was 2 yrs older. I moved away shortly after that and never saw him again. We wrote a few letters. I don't regret it, and it's a sweet memory.  My first kiss with DH was special, and so was our very quick wedding kiss. 

The thing I just can't get over is the whole no touch to consummating the marriage in a matter of hours. 

[feministxtian]

I don't remember my first kiss...but that TH where they say the newness wears off quickly is sad. Mr Xtian and I have been together over 20 years and it STILL is something new every day. I don't know how to put it but even after all this time, we're still learning new things about each other...people change over time and it just makes things fun. Neither one of us is the same person we were 20+ years ago...

But, I don't think these fundies even get the opportunity to figure out who they are in the first damn place, and I don't think there's much of an opportunity to grow and change over time...and that's sad. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think Tori and Bobby’s talking head about right after the wedding was also striking. They felt uncomfortable kissing right away after the wedding when they were together because it still felt like hey were doing something they weren’t supposed to. One minute they weren’t allowed to kiss and the next minute they could kiss as much as they wanted. 

What an uncomfortable wedding night! 

[Howl]

8 hours ago, Anonymousguest said:

The thing I just can't get over is the whole no touch to consummating the marriage in a matter of hours. 

Good grief.  It's not even zero to one hundred on the wedding day/night, it's zero to 10,000 for these people. 

I do have the impression that Chelsy and John seem very attracted to each other, so at least they have that going for them. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, Howl said:

Good grief.  It's not even zero to one hundred on the wedding day/night, it's zero to 10,000 for these people. 

I do have the impression that Chelsy and John seem very attracted to each other, so at least they have that going for them. 

See that’s why I’m so annoyed by chelsy’s “promise.” Those two were practically wearing one another’s clothing they were so glued to one another. Some fundie parents don’t allow that. Those two were showing so much PDA at the wedding, I was actually a little uncomfortable. So it worked out well for them. Great. But not everyone is just like them. 

[ophelia]

12 hours ago, vspielman said:

This brought back a memory that made me smile.  Very early on in my social work career, I met a 30 year old grandmother.  She'd had her daughter at 15 and that daughter gave birth to a granddaughter at 15.  I still remember being SHOCKED at such a young grandma!  Good grief, I was so green back then - laughing.

A 30 year old grandma. Damn. I'm turning 30 this year haven't got a kid yet. I can't wrap my head around the fact that there are people out there that now become grandparents.

[Jana814]

16 minutes ago, ophelia said:

A 30 year old grandma. Damn. I'm turning 30 this year haven't got a kid yet. I can't wrap my head around the fact that there are people out there that now become grandparents.

I’m going to be 38 & I don’t have kids. I can’t wrap around my head either that someone my age could be a grandmother. 

[singsingsing]

I have to admit that with every one of these weddings involving a first kiss at the altar, I always wonder how the bride in particular feels afterwards. Maybe because my own first kiss (like most first kisses, I think) was fairly crap, I feel so sad for these women. I didn't mind at all that my first kiss wasn't so great, because I had no expectation that it would be, and there was certainly no pressure for me to hop on camera and tell the world that it was ~*~amaaaaaazing!!!~*~.

But what must it be like to build up this crazy fantasy in your mind of your super holy and magical and special FIRST KISS!!! and then have it be a total letdown? Hopefully they know that most first kisses aren't so great and that it'll (usually) get better with practice. But man, to experience that in front of a thousand people, up on a stage... That sucks.

[catlady]

i have a friend who was a grandfather at 38; he had his daughter at 19, who in turn had her son at 19.  i had a coworker who got married at 18 and had her son and daughter at 19 and 20, each of them had a baby at 18, so coworker was a grandma at 37 and had 3 grandchildren by age 40.  i'm 48 and have no kids, so i try to imagine what that's like now and then.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have seen some fundies kissing before marriage. Olivia Meggs and Ethan Plath were kissing in their engagement pics. I think it would be better for some fundies if they saved their first kiss for getting engaged. And I’m all for private engagements if that’s what they want. That way their first kiss is more private and they can still feel like their courtship was “chaste.”

[singsingsing]

43 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I have seen some fundies kissing before marriage. Olivia Meggs and Ethan Plath were kissing in their engagement pics. I think it would be better for some fundies if they saved their first kiss for getting engaged. And I’m all for private engagements if that’s what they want. That way their first kiss is more private and they can still feel like their courtship was “chaste.”

Seriously, they could at least give these people like five minutes alone and out of sight of chaperones and nosy siblings occasionally to get to know each other a little better and maybe try out kissing in private. Sure, I suppose if you're extremely motivated and desperate for some action you could absolutely get up to some defrauding shenanigans in five minutes, but if you truly value physical purity or saving yourself for marriage or whatever you want to call it, you'll be able to contain yourselves. I have friends who waited until they were married to have sex, and they were alone together all the time. Waiting was important for them, so they waited. Probably because they were adults capable of self-control and were freely choosing this for themselves.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Seriously, they could at least give these people like five minutes alone and out of sight of chaperones and nosy siblings occasionally to get to know each other a little better and maybe try out kissing in private. Sure, I suppose if you're extremely motivated and desperate for some action you could absolutely get up to some defrauding shenanigans in five minutes, but if you truly value physical purity or saving yourself for marriage or whatever you want to call it, you'll be able to contain yourselves. I have friends who waited until they were married to have sex, and they were alone together all the time. Waiting was important for them, so they waited. Probably because they were adults capable of self-control and were freely choosing this for themselves.

I think much of it just comes down to this ridiculous fundie competition of who can stay purest before marriage. Just imagine living your life like that. Then suddenly you are married and it’s all over. I guess the next competition is to see who can get pregnant the fastest after marriage. Then who can have the most children. I’m not saying all fundies have this mindset. But I imagine it’s hard not to! 

[molecule]

I went to high school with a girl who went on to become a mom at 15--just like her mom, grandma, and great-grandma, etc. had. When she became a mom, the baby had a grandma who was 30, a great-grandma who was 45, a great-great-grandma who was 60, and a great-great-great-grandma who was 75. It's the only family I ever knew who could take a six-generation picture. 

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

11 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

My first kiss wasn't all that and there were a lot of bad kissers between then and my spouse. I shudder to think what it would be like to discover after reciting my vows that I'd just married one of those sloppy face-suckers.

Once a boy kissed me and it was like a fish was attacking my mouth.  I stopped and said, no, like this, and showed him how it was done and what I liked.  He was very receptive to constructive criticism and a very fast learner.  It was still 10 years before I married him though 

If that first kiss had been after I said vows binding myself to him and in front of other people?  NIGHTMARE FUEL. 

[singsingsing]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think much of it just comes down to this ridiculous fundie competition of who can stay purest before marriage. Just imagine living your life like that. Then suddenly you are married and it’s all over. I guess the next competition is to see who can get pregnant the fastest after marriage. Then who can have the most children. I’m not saying all fundies have this mindset. But I imagine it’s hard not to! 

I totally saw this reflected in some of the courtship stories I used to read eight-ish years ago. I think a lot of fundies have relaxed somewhat since then, but these courtship stories were ridiculous. One would be like, "We met on March 18th. Started courting on April 2nd. We got engaged on June 1st and married on September 30th!" And then the next would be, "We met on July 1st, starting courting on July 5th, got engaged on August 1st and married September 29th! #Blessed!"

(Okay, well they probably didn't say #Blessed because I'm not sure hashtags were a thing in 2010, but you get it, haha.)

And then it would be like, "We didn't kiss before we were married." "Well WE didn't even TOUCH before engagement!" And then, "WE purposed to stay totally pure by not even touching until we were pronounced husband and wife!" I was totally expecting to see one where they didn't even meet until they were standing at the altar together. Or like, "My dad woke me up and told me I was getting married that day. I was so surprised and nervous, but sooooo excited when I walked down the aisle wearing a modest potato sack and saw that my future husband was Chris! I'd spent so long thinking he was a creep because I'm 17 and he's 41 and he was always staring at me, but now I realize it was all part of God's miraculous plan!"