Chelsy and John Maxwell 4: Will She Blog Post the Honeymoon

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, theologygeek said:

They could have done what my sister did.  My nephew's wedding was in another state.  My sister had limo buses transport people.  There were about 400 at his wedding.  Not everyone went on the buses, but a lot did. 

As for the food, soup as the main course for a wedding is embarrassing.  The guests must have been starving.  Why do these parents not split the costs in half?  If they put so much emphasis on weddings, then start saving when the kid is born.  They don't go to college, so there's no reason they won't have enough money for a decent wedding.  If you have enough money to buy a house in cash, then you have enough money for chicken and potatoes. 

You may as well bring up circumcision now that you have brought up the dreaded wedding topic. I mean, Marlin Bontrager talked about Steve’s scrotem. We may as well talk about foreskin as well

[HereticHick]

I think Chelsy makes it pretty clear that she didn't want a winter wedding--she wanted a warm weather wedding, outdoors, at her family farm--basically the wedding her brothers got. But she wasn't willing to wait 5-6 months for it.

[theologygeek]

3 hours ago, pandora said:

Ah yes, because when catered food isn't in the budget, limo buses definitely are.

In their circle, this is a more than generous wedding offering. I think I'd be stuffed after a bowl of soup topped with sour cream and cheese, chips, and a slice of cheesecake. The Bontragers clearly put a lot of effort into an affordable wedding- her family made all the food, and found and decorated the best venue local to them at their price point. No one is required to spend tons of money on a wedding (and I bet they did spend a chunk- it doesn't have to look like what a chunk of money is to someone else). It was important to Chelsy that guests felt welcome and she and John stayed later than they might have preferred to talk to as many people as possible, and had their siblings as greeters so every attendee felt personally welcomed. She served a meal and provided lots of seats even in a crowded venue for her guests' comfort. I see graciousness in her wedding, not an embarassment. I know we go in circles here about this issue and my two cents might not change anyone's perspective- but god, snobbery bothers me.

John paid cash in full for his house.  The least he could have done was sprung for a main course.  She probably spent her whole life dreaming about her wedding day.  If one can only afford to give their guests a bowl of soup, then perhaps one should have a longer engagement until they can afford some chicken and potatoes too. 

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

You may as well bring up circumcision now that you have brought up the dreaded wedding topic. I mean, Marlin Bontrager talked about Steve’s scrotem. We may as well talk about foreskin as well

It's embarrassing.  Who in their right mind throws a party and gives their guests a bowl of soup? 

[theologygeek]

2 hours ago, Lisafer said:

I agree that weddings can be over the top. But not just Americans--I've heard about some Indian weddings that I just can't even imagine! 

My own wedding to Mr. Lisafer was very plain and simple. I'm afraid some here would be appalled because we didn't have a meal--just cake, cookies, nuts and punch. The ceremony was at 1:00 in the afternoon. We were paying for most of it ourselves and no way could we afford a meal. The snack reception was in a church basement and my mother-in-law loaned her gorgeous collection of vintage glass serving dishes and candleholders for us to use. 

It was lovely. I had a wonderful time.  And when we got back from our tiny honeymoon we were broke as hell, lol. 

I don't care what Chelsy fed her guests. But there is some kind of something that seems lacking from her wedding. A sense of disappointment, or lack of soul. Lack of joie de vivre, perhaps. 

But you're comparing yourself to people who are not broke.  John bought his house in cash and renovated it.  He's not poor, and neither are his parents. 

[Lisafer]

5 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Here we go again.  Nope, the Bontragers are probably quite wealthy compared to many of their guests.  And they aren't Italian either.  I love a good Italian wedding but not everyone has giant feasts at weddings.  It is a regional and cultural thing. 

See how Chelsy had to explain that they had more food than the usual Fundie wedding because of the Mennonite factor?  Having more food than Chelsy provided would have probably been labelled very pretentious by the guests.  Remember, punch, cake, nuts, and mints are the norm for many people, Fundie or not. 

The church hall was probably the biggest place they could find in the area to accommodate all those people and the reception decorations looked nicer than I expected.  I wonder if they had enough food or whether it was FHB (family hold back).  Although a lot of her extended Mennonite family were hard at work in the kitchen to pull off that shindig successfully.

Oy, Chels?  Whatever did Cassidy do to get on your wrong side?

The sis-in-love stuff always strikes me as overly soppy, but this

is rather pointed, no?

I eagerly await the edit.  Five, four, three ...

 

I appreciate your explanations! I can see that there's a wide range of cultural practices in this thread, and sometimes people don't realize that the punch and cake weddings are still quite common in certain areas. 

People can snark away, of course--I just don't find this wedding particularly snarkworthy. More bland than anything. 

@CTRLZero: that's my favorite part of weddings! When something funny or unusual happens like you described, it gives a uniqueness to the event!  

@theologygeek I see it as cultural more than a money thing for them. I could totally be wrong, of course! 

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, theologygeek said:

  If one can only afford to give their guests a bowl of soup, then perhaps one should have a longer engagement until they can afford some chicken and potatoes too. 

Damn, I guess I should have held off on getting married till I could afford chicken and potatoes. 

I fed people food, it wasn't fancy, it wasn't chicken or potatoes and thinking about it I bet soup would have actually been better. No one seemed offended. If they were, well sucks that I didn't have the wedding they wanted. 

1 hour ago, Lisafer said:

I see it as cultural more than a money thing for them. I could totally be wrong, of course! 

It is very much a cultural thing, but even if it was a financial thing, it is rather ridiculous people expect a couple to shell out tons of money so they can have a big dinner. If a couple wants to do that, it is great, but they shouldn't be expected to do so. This is one day of their life, there is no sense in pressuring people into spending money they can't or don't want to spend on it. 

[Lisafer]

4 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Damn, I guess I should have held off on getting married till I could afford chicken and potatoes. 

I fed people food, it wasn't fancy, it wasn't chicken or potatoes and thinking about it I bet soup would have actually been better. No one seemed offended. If they were, well sucks that I didn't have the wedding they wanted. 

It is very much a cultural thing, but even if it was a financial thing, it is rather ridiculous people expect a couple to shell out tons of money so they can have a big dinner. If a couple wants to do that, it is great, but they shouldn't be expected to do so. This is one day of their life, there is no sense in pressuring people into spending money they can't or don't want to spend on it. 

One of my siblings had a picnic in the park after a courthouse wedding. It was fun, and nobody was offended by it. If I could have afforded food, it would probably have been catered barbecue served buffet-style. That's very common where I live. And delicious.  

[nelliebelle1197]

9 hours ago, HereticHick said:

This is total BEC, but they forgot to take some of the labels off the candles on the reception tables. 

Oh, and I loved the line that about the tablecloths being washed and stored for her sister's future wedding. No pressure, Allison!!

I love a good taco soup, but I would have paired it with something like cheese quesadillas. The menu says "vegetables" but I got the feeling that it was just some sort of crudites to have on the side--maybe carrots or cucumbers.

I respect Bontrager thriftiness --too many Americans, IMHO, spend too much on their wedding ceremonies, and put too little into savings, esp. for college.  But this whole wedding felt rushed to me.

Thank you. I get sick of all the wedding judgements. It is a celebration of a marriage, not some throw down party. People's expectations are nuts. I am glad Chelsey did what she could afford and made it as nice as she could with her resources. The issue with the wedding is not that it did not fit the DOZENS of different tastes around here but that STEVE'S VASECTOMY REVERSAL WAS A CENTERPIECE OF THE VOWS.

[pandora]

2 hours ago, theologygeek said:

John paid cash in full for his house.  The least he could have done was sprung for a main course.  She probably spent her whole life dreaming about her wedding day.  If one can only afford to give their guests a bowl of soup, then perhaps one should have a longer engagement until they can afford some chicken and potatoes too. 

It's embarrassing.  Who in their right mind throws a party and gives their guests a bowl of soup? 

I'm a vegetarian, and this has awakened me to the fact that I've clearly been attending weddings all wrong up until now- instead of eating sides and celebrating with the happy couple, I should have been demanding that their wedding be put off until they can afford to stuff me a goddamn portobello!

[Coconut Flan]

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