Jana 6: What's in Store for 2018?

[justoneoftwo]

5 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

And she only hung onto that one for what? SIx weeks/six months then weaned him/her to get pregnant again! I think she has been more VISIBLE with Josie and probably has given her more one-on-one time due to doctor visits and things like that where it would look very bad for a sibling to take the child. Like any mother with live-in help she can play Mommy when she wants and forget about it when she doesn't want. After all there's her adult kids (nanny and housekeeper Jana, the surrogate Dad, John David, the one with "wisdom" if needed (Grandma)). 

This is insanely insulting.  Mothers with live in help are common and don't "play Mommy."  They are mothers, with family or others living with them who also have relationships with the other family members including children.  Please try to have some consideration for other family structures and think about your assumptions.  

[MoonFace]

23 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I’m 30 years old, I’ve been ‘out in the world’ far more than Jana, and I’ve never met a man I’ve been remotely interested in marrying. I’ve barely met any men I’ve even been interested in dating. It happens. Not saying it’s the case for Jana, but it’s just as likely as her being ‘too picky’.

I agree with you.   I don't think there is such a thing as being 'too picky'.   This is the person you will spend the rest of your life with so why settle? 

Wouldn't it be better to be happy on your own (even if you never marry and are the 'spinster' aunt) than to be in a hellish relationship that you'd be pressured to pretend is all happy and joyful?   

We don't know about Anna's true feelings - but many here at FJ feel that she deserved/deserves better than Josh.   Many of us feel that she was pressured in to staying with the 'brand'.  Maybe Jana saw some of what went on with that disaster and figured the devil she knows than the devil she doesn't know?    

[IReallyAmHopewell]

16 hours ago, justoneoftwo said:

This is insanely insulting.  Mothers with live in help are common and don't "play Mommy."  They are mothers, with family or others living with them who also have relationships with the other family members including children.  Please try to have some consideration for other family structures and think about your assumptions.  

It's Michelle I'm insulting.

[Illmarryyoujana]

11 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

It's Michelle I'm insulting.

But you also insulted other mothers who have live in help. 

[nausicaa]

18 hours ago, justoneoftwo said:

This is insanely insulting.  Mothers with live in help are common and don't "play Mommy."  They are mothers, with family or others living with them who also have relationships with the other family members including children.  Please try to have some consideration for other family structures and think about your assumptions.  

I'm really surprised this response has downvotes and "confused" reactions.

Seriously, we're now going to say women with live in help are "playing mommy"? Sometimes this forum can push 1950s expectations onto women more than a Lori Anderson Facebook post. 

[justoneoftwo]

2 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

It's Michelle I'm insulting.

And "any mother with live in help" so any mother (but not father) who lives in multi generational housing, or has a live in nanny (who is only legally allowed to work a particular number of hours a week) or who has a husband who "helps."  You actually implied they were all playing mommy and were like Michelle, I'm not sure why someone being insulted by that is confusing.  

[nausicaa]

17 hours ago, MoonFace said:

I agree with you.   I don't think there is such a thing as being 'too picky'.   This is the person you will spend the rest of your life with so why settle? 

Not gonna lie, whenever people talk about others being "too picky," I'm always really curious about the dynamics of their own relationships.

Also, it's the rare woman I know who's saying "I'm not dating anyone with less than a six pack and $250k a year." Most women have reasonable standards like sharing the same religion or career goals, being kind, holding down a job, being responsible, or wanting the same size family.

I've even seen women (including myself) pushed towards dating people we have made clear we are not physically attracted to in any way with "you're being too picky." Visit r/deadbedrooms to see how that plays out...

[IReallyAmHopewell]

2 hours ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

But you also insulted other mothers who have live in help. 

I'm VERY SORRY for upsetting anyone.  I should not have built an example around a stereotype. I am truly sorry.

7 minutes ago, justoneoftwo said:

And "any mother with live in help" so any mother (but not father) who lives in multi generational housing, or has a live in nanny (who is only legally allowed to work a particular number of hours a week) or who has a husband who "helps."  You actually implied they were all playing mommy and were like Michelle, I'm not sure why someone being insulted by that is confusing.  

Again, I'm very sorry.

[MsSaylor]

Sometimes it seems like posters cant snark on the Duggs without someone really stretching what was said to apply to people the poster was not refererring to at all. This was a particularly odd example of that to me. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

I met my now husband at the extremely tender age of 35. I had never met a man I was interested in marrying prior to that. Being picky in matters of character is SEVERELY essential. 

[nausicaa]

31 minutes ago, MsSaylor said:

Sometimes it seems like posters cant snark on the Duggs without someone really stretching what was said to apply to people the poster was not refererring to at all. This was a particularly odd example of that to me. 

Really? I'm not trying to beat her up, she apologized. But the exact quote is, "Like any mother with live-in help she can play Mommy when she wants and forget about it when she doesn't want."

It's pretty damn easy to still convey criticism of Michelle and lop off the "Like any mother with live-in help" part.

[MsSaylor]

@nausicaa you are right, it was worded poorly. I just like to snark sometimes without everything being directed at the Duggars becoming personally offensive to other groups when that wasnt the intention. Maybe extending a little grace for poor word choices, or calling it out in a leas harsh way. I will admit that live in help for mothers could not be farther from my personal reality and the idea that that was a common thing ( at least to the extent that Michelle Duggar, Kelly Bates etc utilize the free labor of the children and others) seemed odd to me. I will also admit to skimming and times and kind of just going with my overall intrepretation rather than analyzing exact word choices. But I respect that others have different reading and responding styles. That response just seemed over the top to me, thats all.

[QuiverDance]

On 7/4/2018 at 6:41 PM, Daisy0322 said:

Maybe she job st doesn't want a husband lording over her... JB and michelle will get too old to boss her around eventually then she will be free

Best. Case. Scenario.  For real.  

[Mama Mia]

5 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Not gonna lie, whenever people talk about others being "too picky," I'm always really curious about the dynamics of their own relationships.

Also, it's the rare woman I know who's saying "I'm not dating anyone with less than a six pack and $250k a year." Most women have reasonable standards like sharing the same religion or career goals, being kind, holding down a job, being responsible, or wanting the same size family.

I've even seen women (including myself) pushed towards dating people we have made clear we are not physically attracted to in any way with "you're being too picky." Visit r/deadbedrooms to see how that plays out...

And some of us, like, say, *cough*, me, tended to rush in and out of  relationships FAR too impulsively. And either he, or me, or both, should have been quite a bit more interested in matching goals, compatibility, temperament, etc.

Call me crazy, but I would think It’s a GOOD thing to not just marry a guy cause he’s there, and you’re ( maybe ) kinda jealous of all the weddings.

[Lurky]

On 7/12/2018 at 12:53 PM, Mama Mia said:

I mean really, we constantly go on about how women shouldn’t be defined by men or children, but then that’s exactly what we do. Yes, it’s different because she lives with her parents and doesn’t have a paid full-time career, but she has hobbies, she has friends, she more than contributes to running a household. Except for the monumental family size - her life isn’t that different from many women all over the world. 

Hard disagree. Jana shares a bedroom with her pre-teen sisters, isn't allowed to go out without an accountability buddy, isn't allowed to make the most basic choices like whether she works, has been raising her siblings since she was 6 or 8 years old and now is the de facto babysitter for her niblings.  Her culture treats her as less than her married younger sisters, and she has an enormous pressure to keep sweet.    Who she can be friends with is super-prescribed, and she can't even go out for coffee with them alone - and when JD marries, her sibling at home nearest to her in age will be 10 years younger, so it won't be like, eg Jana and Jessa getting to go shopping together as sibs who are also friends.  She loves music, but she wouldn't even be allowed to join a choir or a music group without an accountability buddy.

This isn't about being single, this is about having been given a woefully lacking education, being expected to work so hard at home and on brand Duggar, and the only meaningful choice she's allowed to make is whether to accept marriage proposals or not.  That is NOT normal in most countries of the world!

[candygirl200413]

^^^, this. In a general world this would obviously not matter but in a cult like this we can't always apply our rules with their life and every once in a while I think we forget that. 

[nastyhobbitses]

On 7/13/2018 at 4:42 PM, nausicaa said:

I'm really surprised this response has downvotes and "confused" reactions.

Seriously, we're now going to say women with live in help are "playing mommy"? Sometimes this forum can push 1950s expectations onto women more than a Lori Anderson Facebook post. 

I think it also has racist and ethnocentric connotations. Maybe it's not quite "live-in help" (though that is common in many Asian and Middle Eastern countries, and we CAN talk about the exploitation of domestic workers in those countries but let's stick to one topic for the moment, shall we?), but in a lot of countries and cultures, children are routinely cared for by extended family or other immediate family members as well as their mothers. Now, mind you, most moms aren't at Michelle's level of baby hand-off, but in a lot of cultures, it's downright expected that grandmas, aunts, significantly older siblings, cousins, etc. pitch in with watching and looking after a kid. I think it's absolutely right to criticize Michelle for pretending she's a more involved mother than she really is, for forcing her daughters into developmentally inappropriate parenting roles (far beyond the expected level of older siblings helping out with younger kids), and for doing little to protect her children from abuse (and taking part in the abuse), but to say that mothers who have other people involved in their child's care aren't really mothers is a very, VERY Western-centric, white-centric view of childrearing. 

[Mama Mia]

On 7/14/2018 at 10:46 AM, Lurky said:

Hard disagree. Jana shares a bedroom with her pre-teen sisters, isn't allowed to go out without an accountability buddy, isn't allowed to make the most basic choices like whether she works, has been raising her siblings since she was 6 or 8 years old and now is the de facto babysitter for her niblings.  Her culture treats her as less than her married younger sisters, and she has an enormous pressure to keep sweet.    Who she can be friends with is super-prescribed, and she can't even go out for coffee with them alone - and when JD marries, her sibling at home nearest to her in age will be 10 years younger, so it won't be like, eg Jana and Jessa getting to go shopping together as sibs who are also friends.  She loves music, but she wouldn't even be allowed to join a choir or a music group without an accountability buddy.

This isn't about being single, this is about having been given a woefully lacking education, being expected to work so hard at home and on brand Duggar, and the only meaningful choice she's allowed to make is whether to accept marriage proposals or not.  That is NOT normal in most countries of the world!

I thought that the idea that she had to have an “accountability buddy” every single place she went had been disproven long ago ? And that she had a good friend who lived on the property and helped out or tutored or something ? I could be mistaken of course. I know she is VERY restricted, but seriously, if she was completely miserable, she COULD leave. Millions of people with far less resources - or education - she at least has a GED - leave their families, for a multitude of reasons. 

[Lurky]

1 hour ago, Mama Mia said:

I thought that the idea that she had to have an “accountability buddy” every single place she went had been disproven long ago ? And that she had a good friend who lived on the property and helped out or tutored or something ?

Have we had any proof she goes places by herself, though? 

The Duggars have had different Fundy Maidens living with them to help homeschool etc, but if Jana is allowed to go out with that person, but not alone, it's still an accountability buddy, even if it's also a friend.  So we see Laura (?) going on a lot of trips with Jana, and of course it's fun to travel with a friend for a lot of people (though I do wonder who schools the younger ones when their teacher is away) but it's weird Jana can't even go to visit Jinger without company.

(It's super-lucky Jana likes Laura, because it must be so uncomfortable if they didn't get on, sharing the bedroom and being the only grown up woman in the household.  I know the Duggars often have other people living in the TTH, and it must be annoying for their kids if they don't like the person near their age, and having to keep sweet...)

[Mama Mia]

11 minutes ago, Lurky said:

Have we had any proof she goes places by herself, though? 

The Duggars have had different Fundy Maidens living with them to help homeschool etc, but if Jana is allowed to go out with that person, but not alone, it's still an accountability buddy, even if it's also a friend.  So we see Laura (?) going on a lot of trips with Jana, and of course it's fun to travel with a friend for a lot of people (though I do wonder who schools the younger ones when their teacher is away) but it's weird Jana can't even go to visit Jinger without company.

(It's super-lucky Jana likes Laura, because it must be so uncomfortable if they didn't get on, sharing the bedroom and being the only grown up woman in the household.  I know the Duggars often have other people living in the TTH, and it must be annoying for their kids if they don't like the person near their age, and having to keep sweet...)

I thought she had been seen places alone in the past ? I could be completely misremembering though.

Your mention of going to see Jinger brings up an interesting point though - how much do we know about what is required, and what is a preference ? In another thread people have been talking about travel, and willingness / desire to travel alone. There are a fair number of people who just don’t like to travel, eat in restaurants, go to movies, etc...alone. And with the Duggar’s, particularly the single young women, I wonder if there’s an added element of stalker fear. There are so many creepers out there. Not trying to excuse the sheltering / over-protectiveness / control - just made me wonder. 

[Lurky]

9 hours ago, Mama Mia said:

I thought she had been seen places alone in the past ? I could be completely misremembering though.

It's difficult to tell, isn't it?  If there's an insta photo on a Duggar account of her looking alone (as an example), then who took the photo?  And if it's someone popping up to FJ to say "I saw her alone", that's even less trustworthy.

9 hours ago, Mama Mia said:

There are a fair number of people who just don’t like to travel, eat in restaurants, go to movies, etc...alone.

I do get this, but at her age, surely most young women would travel to stay with family alone?  I guess to me, if she is allowed to travel etc alone, but never does because she hates it, that's because her parents have bought her up to be that scared/uncomfortable/unconfident.  For most young women her age, even if they loathe traveling alone, they'll have commuted to work alone, so it wouldn't be as big a deal to travel to hang out with a sister, or whatever, even if they'd prefer to travel with someone else.

(And I know, there are reasons like anxieties and agoraphobia that stop some people traveling alone, but if that's the case here, the Duggars have enough money to get treatment for her...)

[karen77]

Well, I guess they are officially over!

 

https://people.com/sports/tim-tebow-dating-miss-universe-demi-leigh-nel-peters/

 

 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! 

[SapphireSlytherin]

Poor Jana...

 

[bertnee]

Maybe People spelled Jana Duggar wrong? 🤣

Also whenever I see this thread title, I automatically answer "nothing" in my head.

[KeshetParparNesicha]

Aw, that was going to be my 2019 prediction.