Sierra - Strawberries, Duggars, Strawberries

[catlady]

Mr CL and i both snore, and we've been known to wake ourselves up now and then.  we generally do that if we've fallen asleep in a chair and our heads tip back; neither of us is particularly noisy while lying down.  although Mr CL disproved that recently:  i had nodded off on the couch and woke up after midnight.  i heard an odd noise and eventually realized it was Mr CL snoring *upstairs*. so i thought, "no way in hell am i going up there now," set an alarm on my phone, covered up with an afghan, and stayed put.

[lumpentheologie]

11 hours ago, victoriasponge said:

Glad there's others though! My parents don't share a room because of shift work, so I haven't seen it as weird, but other people I know seem to think our relationship must be failing.

My fiancé and I sleep in separate beds (and ideally separate rooms as well).  He doesn't even snore but we are both terribly light sleepers and wake up whenever the other person moves if we're in the same bed. European hotel beds where there are two twin mattresses together on one bed frame are almost okay, but otherwise we would rather sleep on a couch or on an air mattress or something. We're going to be living together in a one bedroom apartment starting next month and one of us will sleep in the bedroom and one on an extra twin bed in the living room.  Our landlady thinks this is some serious red flag in our relationship and we can't really convince her it's not---but we're really very happy together and excited to get married in a few months. 

People can be really judgmental about sleeping arrangements, but usually just because they don't know better, especially if they're easy sleepers themselves. 

[curlykate]

Mr Curlykate and I have slept in separate beds for the majority of our 10 and a half year relationship.

I used to have to go to bed at the same time as he did, otherwise he would fall asleep first and I would never get to sleep. Then I broke my leg 7.5 years ago and had to sleep in the spare bedroom to prevent him from accidentally kicking it in his sleep. In the years since, we’ve spent most of our nights apart. We start out in the same bed, but usually half way through the night one of us ends up leaving because his snoring is keeping me awake. Trips/time away from home where we have to sleep in the same room is torture for me and I usually end up cranky because I never get enough sleep. We’ve had a lot of comments about sleeping in separate rooms and how it’s a big red flag in our relationship....but people have been saying that for years and we are clearly still together. 

[Shadoewolf]

Hubby has sleep apnea and snored horribly until I demanded he do something about it or I would move the two oldest girls into one room so I could have one to myself to sleep. His sleep study revealed he would wake up 53 times an hour, his neurologist couldn't believe his health wasn't worse. He fought the CPAP at first and took him awhile to find the right mask but for the most part now he's not keeping me up all night snoring and choking. He complains that I snore when I'm sick or really overtired. 

We tend to sleep separately as he usually falls asleep on the couch watching TV and I go upstairs to enjoy the big squishy bed to myself.  I miss the connection sometimes though. 

[candygirl200413]

Fun fact: About 40% of couples sleep apart for various reasons (ie: schedules, snoring, etc). https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/should-i-sleep-in-a-separate-bed_us_572278e5e4b01a5ebde51c14

I remember talking about it randomly with some friends in school and learned out of like 4-5 of us my parents were the only ones that slept in the same room but if it works for your relationship and everyone gets a good sleep that's all good!

[nastyhobbitses]

My problem is that I snore sometimes when my allergies are bad (because I'm congested), but I also talk in my sleep. I apparently scared the shit out of a camp counselor when I was 12 because according to her, at around 2 AM one night I sat bolt upright in bed, yelled "THE CAPITAL OF MONGOLIA IS ULAANBAATAR", and then laid back down to sleep. 

[Carm_88]

I sleep talk, sleep walk, and am a toss and turner until I get to sleep. On the plus side, I sleep fetal style so I need very little of the bed. On the down side, I steal blankets and make myself a burrito. 

[singsingsing]

I think separate beds/rooms are awesome. I'm pretty sure if I ever end up married/living with someone we'll wind up in separate beds at least. I'm a light sleeper and I know I couldn't stand to sleep in the same bed as someone who snores, tosses and turns, sleeps at different hours than me... Chronic sleep deprivation definitely won't help a relationship and that won't magically change just because you're in the same bed. No one should feel pressured to adhere to some kind of weird arbitrary social norm held by random people that you have to sleep in the same bed as your partner for ~reasons~. Do what works for you and ignore the judgy mcjudgersons.

[eveandadam]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

I think separate beds/rooms are awesome. I'm pretty sure if I ever end up married/living with someone we'll wind up in separate beds at least. I'm a light sleeper and I know I couldn't stand to sleep in the same bed as someone who snores, tosses and turns, sleeps at different hours than me... Chronic sleep deprivation definitely won't help a relationship and that won't magically change just because you're in the same bed. No one should feel pressured to adhere to some kind of weird arbitrary social norm held by random people that you have to sleep in the same bed as your partner for ~reasons~. Do what works for you and ignore the judgy mcjudgersons.

You sound just like a friend of mine whose girlfriend left her a few weeks ago and who is now sleeping soundly for the first time in 3 years. Her girlfriend insisted that they share a bed every night. That would have been terrible for me as well! I'm glad she can get some sleep again!

[FecundFundieFundus]

I'm a terrible sleeper (and have passed that along to the kids, yay) but my spouse can and will fall asleep in any situation or position. He's fallen asleep on two ottomans with his butt, legs and arms dangling off. We have a king sized bed, wall of pillows down the middle and two sets of blankets so I don't murder him in my sleep for disturbing my blankie nest. Apparently if you twitch my covers while I'm sleeping I'll let out an eerie, keening wail. Scared the shit out of him the first few nights we spent together.

My guide to sensitive sleeper baby/toddlers:

Spoiler

 

Montessori bedroom with all soft toys so when the midnight wailies hit, s/he can go play with stuffies instead of screaming out of boredom. Their own tiny tiny room with thick curtains, a white noise machine and fan going. Tried cosleeping but it made everything worse for everyone but my sleeping beauty hubs. Ymmv. Get a sippy of water/last bottle of milk in bed- not advised by peds, but unless the pediatrician is coming over to go on baby duty all night long I'm gonna do what works. Full tummy works. Early bedtime, they sleep longer when they go to bed early. Usually. Not always, and I'm still up with a kid right now at 2 am, so maybe I'm full of shit. As an adult, I rely on NyQuil or benadryl most nights, so it might get better for the kid or it might not. Either way, I'm no longer crawling into my parent's bed so your participation in their sleep routine has an expiration date. Just hang in there.

 

 

[Iamtheway]

4 hours ago, curlykate said:

Mr Curlykate and I have slept in separate beds for the majority of our 10 and a half year relationship.

I used to have to go to bed at the same time as he did, otherwise he would fall asleep first and I would never get to sleep. Then I broke my leg 7.5 years ago and had to sleep in the spare bedroom to prevent him from accidentally kicking it in his sleep. In the years since, we’ve spent most of our nights apart. We start out in the same bed, but usually half way through the night one of us ends up leaving because his snoring is keeping me awake. Trips/time away from home where we have to sleep in the same room is torture for me and I usually end up cranky because I never get enough sleep. We’ve had a lot of comments about sleeping in separate rooms and how it’s a big red flag in our relationship....but people have been saying that for years and we are clearly still together. 

I really don’t get why sleeping apart would be a red flag. You’re asleep. If you spent all of your awake time apart though. I’d say that would mean something is wrong.

[SweetJuly]

Disclaimer: No judgment at all on couples who decide to sleep apart. I am a huge advocate of people living their lives as suits them best and doing what works for them.

Having said that, at the moment I cannot imagine having separate bedrooms or even separate beds. I have a very hard time falling asleep without my husband present next to me. It's the worst when I know he's on a business trip and won't come home at all, but even if he's just going out with friends and coming back later I will either not fall asleep or sleep very badly and lightly until he finally arrives. Even if we don't cuddle, we usually hold hands or have our legs touching when falling asleep. We do keep quite close physical contact during the day too when we are together, so what we do when we're sleeping is just reflecting the general dynamic in our relationship.

Things might very well change once our daughter is born or one of us develops health issues  

[PumaLover]

I had no idea so many couples sleep separately. Mr. Puma and I sleep separately most nights. I have insomnia and I also work from home so I get up hours later than he does. I fall asleep on the couch every night listening to TV and then go to bed after he's left for work. Nothing against him. I'm just a light sleeper and we have such different schedules. Also any little movement in the bed wakes me up. 

He never knew he had sleep apnea (it's SEVERE). The first night I slept over with him, I was up all night because of his snoring, and then he stopped breathing and was choking. I seriously thought my new boyfriend was dying in his sleep! I woke him up several times that night and he was shocked to hear that he stopped breathing so many times. He went for a sleep study a few days after. They sent him home with the CPAP to monitor and apparently it was so serious that they immediately prescribed him a CPAP. He's used it ever since. He even got a battery powered one so he can stay alive on camping trips. (Oh, speaking of camping trips–I sleep on my own twin size air mattress on those too. I need my sleep!)

[AliceInFundyland]

My sleep habits, history with partners...and the one I have my eye who can’t make it four hrs without waking up  make me think I’ll be a separate sleeper. But I will give it another try before I throw in the towel. A big bed, no snoring, lots of blankets amd some white noise and I could make do. Haven’t given up hope yet.

[emmeline]

On 6/13/2018 at 11:21 PM, Daisy0322 said:

My son is 9 months right now and barely sleeps ever... people are actually mean to him when they find out sometimes (I've lost friends over it) and so I try not to talk about it. But most days I'm so tired I could fall over. I'm so grateful he's mine and not someone else though because most people act like they'd drop him off at the firehouse. It is really upsetting especially when his own grandparents won't babysit because "he's not a good baby". I admit he's a hard baby but that doesn't make him less worthy of being loved 

Big hugs. And to be copping that sort of comment from his grandparents too of all people...  the expectations that some people place on babies are just ridiculous. Sending you much love. Since his grandparents aren't supportive, I hope you have someone else around who is. Having my husband to tag team, or take him when he woke in the morning so I could get a little more sleep, was a lifesaver. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

I don't share what goes on in our bedroom with anyone, and that includes sleeping arrangements, sex life, private discussions, etc. That's between me and my husband. Only. 

That's OUR life and OUR business. And nobody outside our marriage can form an opinion on something they don't know about. lol

 

[JordynDarby5]

My dad and our last dog were both loud snores. Sometimes Dad would wake up the dog who'd glare at him before going back to sleep and snoring. We used TV to drown both of them out. 

Its really no big deal if couples chose to share a room or not. I've known couples who decided not to after a few years because one was a light sleeper or one snored badly or had different work schedules and didn't want to wake each other up. My parents had a guest room with a bed made up and TV for when they got sick they'd sleep in their until they were better. Also in hopes not to get each other sick.  

[JesSky03]

20 hours ago, Daisy0322 said:

My husband snores... usually I just kick him in my sleep and he stops haha but sometimes he goes to the couch. He could probably use a BiPAP but he won't listen, what do I know... I'm only a respiratory therapist lol 

My sister is a respiratory therapist too and finally convinced her husband after 6 years of marriage to go for a sleep study. Lo and behold the guy has sleep apnea. Its funny because now that he is sleeping better he is bragging about his machine (not sure which one he is on). 

18 hours ago, MargaretElliott said:

Once, when I was a teenager, I went on a road trip with my family. My dad has sleep apnea and refuses to use a CPAP machine because he can't sleep while wearing it. He snores at shouting volume. Despite earplugs and melatonin, I hadn't had a proper night's sleep in about ten days. Then came the night where we had a hotel room with a low ceiling- it acted as a reverberation chamber. That's the only time I've ever actually wanted to kill someone.

I ended up lying in the bathtub with the door closed and earplugs in, hands over my ears, and crying because I just wanted some fucking sleep. To me, at least, snoring is serious business.

Anyone actually know what Sierra's up to at present? Other than needing validation?

This reminds me of when we were traveling with our inlaws. Thankfully my husband and I had our own room, but apparently his stepmom ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor with the sink water running (so wasteful I know) because his dad was snoring so loudly. At home his mom and stepdad sleep in separate rooms.

I apparently used to snore when I was a little kid but had my tonsils and adenoids removed when I was 5 (also had endless ear infections). The only time I snore now is if I fall into a super deep sleep and my mouth is open lol. 

[NakedKnees]

I had no idea so many couples don't share beds! We do probably 99/100 nights, but if one of us has a cough we usually sleep separately. This might be ultra tabboo to admit, but we also sleep separately if one of us is angry. I know "never go to bed angry" is a classic adage, but it's never worked for me- a few hours (or a night's) distance and then returning to resolving the issue works 100x better.

Other than that, we sleep together. About a year ago, we realized that we hadn't slept apart in over a year. I went ahead and planned a girls' weekend at the beach partially to make sure I was still capable of sleeping without him, hahahah.  It all went well.

[Rachel333]

9 minutes ago, NakedKnees said:

I know "never go to bed angry" is a classic adage, but it's never worked for me- a few hours (or a night's) distance and then returning to resolving the issue works 100x better.

I've never been married so I'm not speaking from personal experience, but it seems like it might often be better to just table an issue and discuss it later after a night of sleep than to stay up arguing. I know I often feel totally differently about things when I'm looking at them well rested rather than being tired.

[Iamtheway]

3 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

I've never been married so I'm not speaking from personal experience, but it seems like it might often be better to just table an issue and discuss it later after a night of sleep than to stay up arguing. I know I often feel totally differently about things when I'm looking at them well rested rather than being tired.

This has always been my reasoning. If you still remember what you were angry about when you wake up you will be well rested for the fight. 

[MargaretElliott]

Agreed. The "Never go to bed angry" philosophy has never worked for me, because I often need time to "buffer" and process both my own thoughts and feelings, and those of my partner, and try to make sense of them. Trying to figure it out all in one go while tempers are running high leads to incorrect assumptions, misunderstandings, and usually tears. It also gives me time to think of some snappy comebacks, and do research (if applicable) to see who's actually right.

[nastyhobbitses]

10 minutes ago, MargaretElliott said:

Agreed. The "Never go to bed angry" philosophy has never worked for me, because I often need time to "buffer" and process both my own thoughts and feelings, and those of my partner, and try to make sense of them. Trying to figure it out all in one go while tempers are running high leads to incorrect assumptions, misunderstandings, and usually tears. It also gives me time to think of some snappy comebacks, and do research (if applicable) to see who's actually right.

I'm the same way. I'd rather be rested and have my arguments and rebuttals fully formed. It takes me a long time sometimes to formulate how I want to respond to conflict and think over my position. I'd rather go to sleep pissed off, and wake up in the morning a lot less pissed off because I've had time to cool down, get some perspective, and think things through. Also, angry naps are great. 

[HarryPotterFan]

Both of my parents snore. My mom was in complete denial about it. We recently found out she is sleep apnea. She hasn’t had the CPAP machine long, but I think she’s finally actually getting a good nights rest (she didn’t fall asleep at a meeting this week!!). A couple years ago my parents and I were sharing a hotel room, and she let out a snore that was so loud I screamed in fright and woke her up.

18 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I sleep talk, sleep walk, and am a toss and turner until I get to sleep. On the plus side, I sleep fetal style so I need very little of the bed. On the down side, I steal blankets and make myself a burrito. 

I might be a sleep cuddler. Once I was sharing a bed with a friend and apparently I rolled over and threw an arm and leg over her. I felt bad because this is a friend who doesn’t even like hugs. But she also tried to wash my mouth out with soap on the same trip, so...

[Daisy0322]

45 minutes ago, HarryPotterFan said:

 

I might be a sleep cuddler. Once I was sharing a bed with a friend and apparently I rolled over and threw an arm and leg over her. 

I wish I was! I'm a very touchy/ huggy person but I just get hot and feel clostrophobic (sp?) cuddling.