The Hawkins Family

[Lurky]

2 hours ago, Koala said:

Oh my god...please, for the love of all that's holy, tell me you are kidding.

Would that I were.  Apparently they bought Nurie her wedding dress when she was 13 (because no 13 year old's body ever changes as they grow up, and let's not even get into the whole "and she might end up like Sarah Maxwell", let alone not want to get married) - and 16 year old Kaylee really wanted one, and luckily they were gifted one for her from a family friend that "fits like a glove", even though they have to adjust it to meet their modesty standards.

(As someone said in-thread, it's not even as though wedding dresses are hard to find in thrift/charity shops anyway, so there was no reason not to wait until, you know, the girls were actually engaged, and try to find one then)

[PraiseDog]

32 minutes ago, AlwaysExcited said:

Ok, folks, y'all.

Do we now for sure that bro Gary's weens are not actually weeds? Because he seems to be high AF. 

sis. AlwaysExcited

Quite likely he is, cuz folks,his helpmeet adds plexus to make that ween gravy pink.

SisDog

[Dubiousclaire]

@Lurky I make the same KJV comment to people and am usually meet with a blank stare. 

@cleopatra7 excellent history timeline. A+ at the Duggars academy. 

His posts are like the Jimmy Fallon google translate song lyrics bit. Some things get lost in translation. Not sure what his native language is though.

Honestly, I used to be a literacy tutor for third graders. Never saw anything this bad.  Wait, those kids had a solid four years of ebil public school. 

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks, I took a look around Becky's FB page to see what kind of woman would marry Bro Gary. She appears to have graduated from an actual accredited school (Alderson-Broaddus University), and used to work as a nurse. I'm not sure where it all went wrong.

One of her posts compared Obama to Hitler.

She had this as her profile picture for a while:

Spoiler

I'm assuming she didn't realize that the frame was a promotion for the movie Loving, because she seems just as racist as her headship.

She loves her some Plexus.

Spoiler

Sis Jinjur

[Nikedagain?]

2 hours ago, Dandruff said:

I'd like to see the Hawkins and Rod families on Wife Swap.

I think it would work.

Uh oh. David would have to share snacks with Sis Becky...

[DancingPhalanges]

Ok folks. I had to go through and do a massive upvote because the sisters here in FJ Land are glorious. Bro Gary and Evangelist Wife Becky are horrible. The fact they have children with them spewing their vile shit to is depressing. I hope the two in foster care are in a better situation. The memes on both of their FB pages make me sick. Ugh.  This thread will always require drinks and snacks.

Sis. Dancing Phalanges 

[Nikedagain?]

6 minutes ago, General Jinjur said:

I'm not sure where it all went wrong.

Sis, I fear it was the fornication. 

 

Seriously, this has been a SEVERELY trying week (severe autism + puberty = just unfair, like are you kidding me??) and the FJ Sisses and Bro Gary have literally kept me laughing out loud. 

[Lurky]

56 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

I don't know about high, but he does say people accused him of "dranking". He indignantly proclaimed that he hasn't drank since he got saved, not realizing that if people think you've been dranking, it's probably better if you have indeed been dranking. People who have been dranking can theoretically stop dranking. People who act like they've been dranking when they have not been dranking, well...not a lot can be done for them.

Ok folks I officially have The Lurgy and Sis @Coy Koi made me laugh so much I'm still coughing.  I love all my sisters (& brothers) in FJ anyway, but this thread makes me so happy.  Is there an award for Services to FJerites we can give Coy Koy for uncovering Bro Gary, & to @General Jinjur for thread-starting?

29 minutes ago, DancingPhalanges said:

This thread will always require drinks dranks and snacks.

FTFY

ETA Isn't drank some kind of slang for cough syrup that gets you high?

Sis Lurky

[Carol]

37 minutes ago, DancingPhalanges said:

This thread will always require drinks and snacks.

Sis. Dancing Phalanges 

Hallelujah!!  Praise the Lord!!

Sis Carol

[General Jinjur]

38 minutes ago, Nikedagain? said:

Sis, I fear it was the fornication. 

Ok Sis, of course you're right! How could I forget that they suffer from fornication?

I am truly blessed that y'all are with me as we walk through this ween of life.

Purple drank for all y'all, and may your weens be ever gravied.

Sis Jinjur

[mango_fandango]

That photo of him in the suit and stupid cowboy style hat makes him really look like John Shrader. Bung a pair of glasses on him and I bet we'd be hard pushed to spot the difference. (Minus the Zambia crap ofc). 

Sis mango_fandango

[Gobsmacked]

1 hour ago, AlwaysExcited said:

Ok, folks, y'all.

Do we now for sure that bro Gary's weens are not actually weeds? Because he seems to be high AF. 

sis. AlwaysExcited

Ok folks. Ha

Brilliant thought Alwas Exiteded

Sis GS

[Joyleaf]

4 hours ago, acheronbeach said:

Why does he speak like this?  He shouts a bunch of cliches, and finishes each sentence with a grunt.   Is this a legitimate American preaching style or is he just a weirdo? 

 

8:10 "Ain't no such thing as Christian rap!"  Also bad - drinking beer with "the Crowd", smoking dope with "the Crowd", rock and roll and - inexplicably - country music.  

OK folks
I didn't have time to watch it all but I love how he casually starts off with
"Another week has come and gone and the Lord hasn't come yet."
Like people need to be informed that the Lord hasn't come back yet for another week in case they didn't figure out by themselves that the Apocalypse is not happening right now. 
Sis Joyleaf

[Coconutwater]

I could not get through more than 2 minutes of that video. I stopped at all the ways you can't get into heaven stuff. Who needs to be baptized more than once? The grunting is obnoxious, this is gold snark material. 

[ThunderRolls]

4 hours ago, acheronbeach said:

Why does he speak like this?  He shouts a bunch of cliches, and finishes each sentence with a grunt.   Is this a legitimate American preaching style or is he just a weirdo? 

SNIP

 

The Hawkins are seriously their own breed. It's like their ancestors were off on an island for awhile and then unfortunately came back. 

[lomo6]

Oh...my god. Is this guy for real? I've never had to work so hard to avoid cackling in my open-office space. It's one thing to be semi-illiterate, but another to simultaneously lack all self-awareness. 

[AlwaysExcited]

23 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

Ok folks. Ha

Brilliant thought Alwas Exiteded

Sis GS

Thank you, sis. GS. 

Now when you have discovered my brilliance, please send me money. I'll send you Plexus and Facebook rants. 
Very good deal. Very good. A REAL deal, not like these modern, liberal half-deals. 

sis. AlwaysExcited

[snickerz]

 

Quote

Ok folks my wife got up this Morning amd made me Gravy. Have to have toast because oven don't work. Thanks Becky Hawkins I love you. This was my Spiritual Birthday present. I'm Saved and full of Gravy.
Bro Gary Hawkins

OK folks, I think I found my new fave fundy phrase: I'm saved and full of gravy.

[Joyleaf]

5 minutes ago, snickerz said:

 

OK folks, I think I found my new fave fundy phrase: I'm saved and full of gravy.

OK folks
This is wonderful.
praise sis snickerz!
For I'm saved and full of gravy!
Sis Joyleaf

[Gobsmacked]

11 minutes ago, snickerz said:

 

OK folks, I think I found my new fave fundy phrase: I'm saved and full of gravy.

Am now choking on vegetable quiche!! Sans gravy!!!!!

[Bad Wolf]

9 minutes ago, snickerz said:

 

OK folks, I think I found my new fave fundy phrase: I'm saved and full of gravy.

Ok folks. That made me LOL. I'd rather be saved and full of chocolate, but hey.

sis. badwolf

[Gobsmacked]

27 minutes ago, Coconutwater said:

I could not get through more than 2 minutes of that video. I stopped at all the ways you can't get into heaven stuff. Who needs to be baptized more than once? The grunting is obnoxious, this is gold snark material. 

He isn't grunting, he is slurping Gravy, the grunting happens when he has to wipe the delicious pink dribbles off his chin. He coughed because Sis Becky is feeding him too fast, a spoonful went down the wrong way. 

He speeds up towards the end so he can lick the plate before the Gravy goes cold. 

[lomo6]

My other question about this grifting is...who the hell gives people like this money? Because of Bro. Hawkins' incoherence, I couldn't tell if he was asking for 10k or 30k....but even if it's the former sum, I've only ever seen people ask for that much on the Internet because of a hospitalization or serious illness. Does he actually expect to raise even close to that amount? I'm guessing most of his Facebook audience is middle class at best...

 

[MayMay1123]

Ok folks,

I am seriously *crying* from laughing so hard! Good thing no one is home but the 2 kittahs, who are currently ignoring me, as usual. "I'm saved and full of gravy" is one of the very very best things i've ever read on FJ...seriously

[mango_fandango]

Is it possible this guy has some kind of learning difficulty? Or is he just an ignorant undereducated fundie and proud of it?

Sis mango_fandango