The Hawkins Family

[Jessalyn]

Saw this comment and immediately was reminded of the princess bride scene

[Coy Koi]

Oh, and since there's still some doubt, here's one of the posts where he talks about the kids being in foster care:

 

[MarblesMom]

This man is so bizarre.  Is he not a native English speaker?  How can one individual completely botch up every single thing he types?

Thanks to Sis GJ who made the thread.  This family is gold.

[Mrs. Bean]

This man is borderline illiterate, my dad who learned English at 50 communicates better then Bro Gary 

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks,

Gary's pastor says it's okay for him to beg for money. So it's OKAY, folks.

Thanks @coykoi for putting Gary on my radar. He truly is a racist piece of crap.

Sis Jinjur

[Khan]

I really didn't think I would need to type these words but: seeing that man's good ween left me feeling vaguely nauseated. Especially with his milky gravy. 

@MayMay1123I'm very sorry for your loss. Please accept a virtual hug and a plate of spaghetti with good Sunday gravy. 

[Dandruff]

45 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

I make gravy (with real flour) every weekend. At least I assume it's real flour. I go to the real store, pay real money for it, store it in a real pantry.

I'm going to venture a guess that by "real" flour he means white flour.  Just a hunch.

[dilannsmom]

3 hours ago, ThunderRolls said:

1). Just to reiterate what others have said, "weenie gravy" is not traditional Southern food. My family would be horrified. 2). What is "real flour?" I'm so confused and disgusted by this family's eating habits. 3). OMG, this family represents every awful American stereotype. We're not all like this!  

1.)  Totally agree.  And I grew up on my mom's mom's depression era "poor man's" southern food.  No words for "weenie gravy."

2.) "Real flour"= Martha White self rise.  There is nothing like it.  I smuggle about 10-15 pounds into New York twice a year.  (Along with bone in Country Ham...cuz that hock makes mean bean soup!)

3.)  Exactly!

[Dubiousclaire]

3 hours ago, Howl said:

OK, true confession time.  Praise Rufus, one of my SiLs always has a crock pot of little weenies in kind of a sweetish BBQ sauce ready for guests when she hosts family events.  I LOVE them.  AFAIK, these are peculiar to her and are not a regional delicacy.  Bro Hawkins version? Just no. 

Sis Howl

 

 

 

Fancy cocktail weiners, in the grape jelly bbq sauce? That is gor-may fixins next to man-eatin red weenies in pink pepto tubby custard. 

[MarblesMom]

Forgive me if someone else has already suggested this, but somehow a post count title MUST be revealed to the greater FJ audience: "Looking for some good ween."

[Dandruff]

19 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

This man is so bizarre.  Is he not a native English speaker?  How can one individual completely botch up every single thing he types?

He's a preacher.  Words are his STRENGTH.

[Four is Enough]

1 hour ago, Nikedagain? said:

And I have to share this gem from the "About Us" section:

Trying to pick up pieces of broken marriages and divorce, we both were victims from fornication, raising our children to lean on GOD whatever the circumstances...

If they were victims FROM fornication, does that mean they got STDs?

 

ETA: Sista Four

[Dubiousclaire]

Why does reading his posts immediately remind me of the "stay in school, don't do drugs" & "this is your brain on drugs" (scrambled eggs) PSAs? 

It also reminds me of the upstanding citizens fearured on the A&E "Live PD" show. 

Sis D. Claire

[meowfundiecatz]

Ok, Folks. Let us all remember that THIS is the "kind" of Christian the Duggars are. They ARE Independent Baptists. Perhaps Jinger and Jeremy are Reformed Baptists now (or...something. Something Calvinist. Jeremy likes MacArthur so much), Jill and Derick SBC, and Jessa and Ben also somewhere on the Reformed side, but at the core, they are IFB. Edit: Joy and Austin are still IFB. Just forgot to add that. And Joe and Kendra, I assume, will stay IFB since Kendra's dad is their current pastor and he's an IFB pastor.

(To be fair, not all IFB churches are the "same." Hence, independent.  And I would dare to guess that the Bateseses would be more in line with The Hawkins Fam.) (Source: knows lots of former IFB members. Like fundie college attenders.)

Sis. Meowfundiecatz

[ViolaSebastian]

36 minutes ago, dilannsmom said:

2.) "Real flour"= Martha White self rise.  There is nothing like it.  I smuggle about 10-15 pounds into New York twice a year.  (Along with bone in Country Ham...cuz that hock makes mean bean soup!)

Stridently disagree. White Lily or GTFO.

On another note, from the KFC post that @Coy Koi posted: "a piece of money?" I have never heard this expression before in my life, and I've lived in a variety of states. 

[Georgiana]

I'm sorry, Bro Gary, but there's hardly an epidemic of kids being born WITHOUT THE MOTHER PRESENT. I mean, she may later abandon the child OR may even have one of those wacky haircuts that the KJV "saids" are wrong, but she's usually there for the birth and initial paperwork. 

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, Coy Koi said:

I'm so proud that the Hawkinses have finally gotten the attention they deserve here.  I've been trying to make G-Haw happen for months! For those who missed it, here's the first post I shared:

Cool story, bro.

And here's one of his nasty posts with comments:

  Hide contents

 

 

It BIBLE, y'all.

And this one is way too long to post it all, but there's a very epic fight in the comments here. Click on the FB symbol and see it, it's great fun.

He is really a nasty piece of work.

 

Ok folks,

Jesus has long hair.  Men used to wear it long for centuries, still do.  F this guy all around.

I can't even think straight I'm laughing so hard!  So, WEENS!!!!!11!1!!1!!!

FWIW:  I'm from the north and cocktail weens ( I can't say weenies anymore, just like that!)  In the yummy sweet bbq sauce and in pig in a blakent form.  I make a good southern gravy too, not sure what fake flour is tho.

PINK WEENS. 

Sis. Beermeet

 

[Candydandy]

Well folks, I never knew people like this really existed. It looks like he's trying to raise 30k for the motorhome? Maybe if he brushed up on language skills, he could find a job to pay for said van. I have to admit God has never let us down either but there is work involved. We don't just wish for a new car and then beg for the money because well Jesus. It just doesn't make sense to me. Are we really down the rabbit hole? 

Sis. Candy 

[snickerz]

Quote

We have lost GOD in AMERICA because of Pray, Preaching,Practicing,ect.

Huh?

[Beermeet]

41 minutes ago, snickerz said:

Huh?

It's because you don't speak Weenese.

Get it?!  I crack myself up.  Lol!

[mango_fandango]

Y'all,

Gary is an illiterate fuckwit who is incredibly rude, racist and really fuckin whack. (Attempted a triple-R thing).

Thanks for snarkin.

Sis mango_fandango

[JermajestyDuggar]

Ok folks this fella needs to take a JillRod class on grifting. First he doesn't even have a litter of children to parade around. FOUR kids? That is it? No one is going to give you much for a normal sized family. Second those kids don't look half starved. People aren't worrying they will pass out on stage since your kids look healthy. Third you are both DIVORCED. That's huge. So many of these judgmental assholes will not give you a penny because of that alone. So in conclusion, you will never make it as a grifter. Just get a damn job like everyone else. You can make some foot long weens and sell them out of a little Ween cart. Maybe squirt a little Ween gravy on their buns for a fun surprise. 

Sis Jerm

[Soulhuntress]

Janis Joplin comes to my mind.   And the video is perfect (and a palate cleanser)

 

[TuringMachine]

Why does he keep saying KING JAMES BIBLE in all caps?
 

[Nikedagain?]

8 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Ok folks this fella needs to take a JillRod class on grifting. First he doesn't even have a litter of children to parade around. FOUR kids? That is it? No one is going to give you much for a normal sized family. Second those kids don't look half starved. People aren't worrying they will pass out on stage since your kids look healthy. Third you are both DIVORCED. That's huge. So many of these judgmental assholes will not give you a penny because of that alone. So in conclusion, you will never make it as a grifter. Just get a damn job like everyone else. You can make some foot long weens and sell them out of a little Ween cart. Maybe squirt a little Ween gravy on their buns for a fun surprise. 

Sis Jerm

I laughed so loud at this I woke my daughter! (she'll drift back off, no worries....)

Ok folks, this has been the best thing today. Thank you @Coy Koi for the gift of Bro Gary!

 

Sis Nikedagain?