Dillards 36: Seating for Family of Four Now

[nst]

I post on instagram and facebook my art 

no photos nada 

the art is my focus 

[Fluffy14]

I hoped she would have a hysterectomy. Not because I hoped she would have a hysterectomy under normal circumstances.  Hell no. But Jill is no normal circumstance. Her belief is that God supercedes rational thinking. God gave us a brain to make sound decisions based on fact.  When somebody or anybody, Jill included, will not make a choice based on education, and good judgement , yah, YES, my wish was for something to intervene.

does that make me horrible ? Evil? No. 

She is surrounded by birth culture. An obsession if you will to bear children. It is not based on science and biology. It is based on HER PERCEPTION of God's will, or God's call. It over rules everything in the natural realm. Even biology.

Ironically, biology and science are from God but in this warped obsession to bear children it loses and doesn't count. It's ungodly. Jeeez they might as well say it's the devil.

So, in my mind if that person is unable to make wise decisions, has already proven that it is the case. When does it end? When a child is born with a brain injury, and has to live a compromised life? When the woman Dies?  And or the baby dies? 

So I stand by it. And will not be intimidated for having that opinion. This second birth was proof  enough to me that Jill is misinformed,  ill equipped , to avoid putting a baby or herself at risk. Her belief over rules risk.

40 hrs in labour after a c-section gives a clear indication of her judgement skills, or her respect for medical advice. I tried a vbac with my third in a hospital under scrutiny , monitors galore and my OB was not going to let me labour more than 8 hours.  Sure enough things turned bad in seconds, and she saved my baby's  life.

You have to respect your body, your baby, you medical care team. It doesn't MATTER what you want. The goal is to have a healthy baby and mother.

So if something happened and she is unable to have more kids then, that is what it is. She has two little kids to raise where some women have none. The ability to make a baby and birth it never should be abused.

And certainly I can accept people not wanting to give her the opportunity to screw up more births. I think those were the basis of those comments. From my opinion they didn't come from a place of malice like people have suggested , but more from a concern for the future children. Condemning  people for saying it, doesn't make anyone better, I just think it is trying to stop a train before it wrecks and there are casualties. And in that respect it could be considered a deeply caring statement.

 

[seraaa]

51 minutes ago, Nikedagain? said:

I really don't know what to do. I can tell that she is trying so hard NOT to stim at times. Her fingers on her favorite hand will be twitching by her side. I don't ever tell her not to. That teacher was quite militant about certain things. (we called him the autism nazi..) but mostly very positive. I think it helps her terrible anxiety to stim.  But now she's conditioned. She is going in to middle school, in a class of TONS OF TISM! Lots of jumping, flapping etc. I know the teacher is completely tolerant, even joins in. Maybe my girl will gradually feel comfortable. I just want her to be less anxious!

 

I do not know her, but from my own experience I know it can be nice to have some places where you can let  down your guard somewhat. Maybe that classroom will become that place for your daughter, eventually. She may come to it on her own once she gets used to the new environment and feels more comfortable. At any rate, it sounds like a safe place where she could try it out.

She will then have both ways of dealing with it at her disposal! 

Like you, my parents also never told me to stop, which I am glad about. I do not know how I would have felt had someone pointed out these things to me, or tried to control where and when I did it. Not well, I think. That is my personal opinion, these things are so subjective.

You sound like a very supportive mother, I'm sure your daughter is very glad to have you

 

[debdebdebby13]

17 hours ago, sndral said:

Where did baby Sam get those lips? Derick, Jill, and Izzy all have narrow lips, Sam has Jessa lips, IMO.

I think some of the biblical quotes may be in reference to the planned return to the 'mission field.'

My first though was "that could be Jessa's baby." The cute little piggy nose is reminiscent of Jessa as well.

[backyard sylph]

4 hours ago, MsSaylor said:

Yes I think hey whats the point of worrying about myself when my son has so much more obvious issues. Also like many of us girls who are "spectrumy" as I call it, I have learned to cope and "pass" (i think but god im never sure). 

I think it's just what most people do, unless they need a lot of help to manage even the basics. Clearly my school counselors (we didn't have the internet back then) knew something was "wrong," but didn't know what to do about it. Later, an older girl coaxed me into taking high school debate, and I wasn't very good at it, but it taught me confidence and poise. Sort of. Acting or something.

So now I just like to think of myself as an eccentric, but my family worries about me becoming more hermit-like as the years pass. I'm torn; is that really so bad? I shop, go to the symphony, and sometimes out to eat. If I were required to work at a place for an hourly salary, I'm sure I could still do it. Other people do. Or maybe someone would buy my paintings or quilts and then I wouldn't have to worry about that. :-)

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, FleeJanaFree said:

Do hashtags break your privacy settings on Instagram?

I think you join that hashtag title group .  Try an experiment.....hashtag something like,  #love,  on a post.  Then, go back and click on that hashtag.   I'm not 100% if you are set to private on IG or FB if others will see though.  Always assume others can see is my motto though.  

#paranoidgenxer

[Snarkle Motion]

5 hours ago, MsSaylor said:

That sounds like a lot when I type it out. Heh. Ive thought about getting an eval but it doesnt seen entirely necessary. 

 

5 hours ago, seraaa said:

The benefits of a diagnosis, imo, are getting access to help that might not otherwise be available and the peace of mind that can be afforded by understanding something about yourself which you may not have done previously. It can be insightful. 

If you don't feel a diagnosis would do anything for you, though, that's also cool! 

Also, I constantly - and I don't think it's uncommon for some of us- question whether or not I'm autistic enough to count, and I have a diagnosis. It's a spectrum, and each person has a unique cluster of traits, but the powerful narrative rooted in the old stereotypes is strong

If you are an adult, I'd recommend against getting tested. Autism is a developmental disorder so technically it needs to be diagnosed during childhood. There are not really well established procedures for testing adults and neuropsychiatric testing is EXPENSIVE. 

However, if you think a spectrum diagnosis helps give you framework for understanding your symptoms than just go ahead and conceptualize it that way. You could discuss this conceptualization with treatment specialists to see if it makes sense, but actual testing would not really be useful to most adults.

[Beermeet]

Hashtags can be fun rabbit holes!

My cousin on IG did #marriedasfuck when posting her wedding pics.  I clicked on it and was treated to lots of newly married couples pics!  Lifted my spirits.

[nastyhobbitses]

So now that the internet has deduced that Sammy has Down Syndrome and Zika and Jill's uterus was torn out and fed to wild beasts as a sacrifice to the blood god and she also has Zika and bipolar disorder and Izzy is actually the son of Rhaegar Targaryen, I'm just going to go ahead and deduce that #Molly means that Jill is TOTES DOING ECSTASY AND IS TAKING SAMMY AND IZZY TO DEBAUCHED TECHNO RAVES AND/OR HAS JOINED A DRUG CARTEL. JILL DUGGAR? MORE LIKE JILL ESCUGGAR! /sarcasm

I am glad that she seems like she's doing alright, and that Sammy looks like a mini James.

[backyard sylph]

3 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

So now that the internet has deduced that Sammy has Down Syndrome and Zika and Jill's uterus was torn out and fed to wild beasts as a sacrifice to the blood god and she also has Zika and bipolar disorder and Izzy is actually the son of Rhaegar Targaryen, I'm just going to go ahead and deduce that #Molly means that Jill is TOTES DOING ECSTASY AND IS TAKING SAMMY AND IZZY TO DEBAUCHED TECHNO RAVES AND/OR HAS JOINED A DRUG CARTEL. JILL DUGGAR? MORE LIKE JILL ESCUGGAR! /sarcasm

I am glad that she seems like she's doing alright, and that Sammy looks like a mini James.

You've created a fine analogy for everything wrong with the internet, pretty much all of it. Sometimes I feel "we" deserve to go back to rocks and sticks.

[Beermeet]

@Fluffy14.  Here is why I disagree with that line of thinking:  where does it begin or end?  Who is to decide?  How to regulate such a thing?  It gets freaky dystopian society fast.

You know what I mean?  

[seraaa]

15 minutes ago, Snarkle Motion said:

If you are an adult, I'd recommend against getting tested. Autism is a developmental disorder so technically it needs to be diagnosed during childhood. There are not really well established procedures for testing adults and neuropsychiatric testing is EXPENSIVE. 

I definitely agree that the value of a diagnosis will vary from person to person, and that it's a personal decision.

Speaking personally I was diagnosed in my early 20s by an NHS specialist in a service which caters to individuals who are 18 and over.

If it had been prohibitively expensive, I probably would not have pursued it, but we have universal healthcare in the UK so I decided to go for it.

It has been worth it, for me, because it made me eligible to use the services of an organisation which caters to adults with Aspergers. I have done so and have found it helpful. 

[Hashtag Blessed]

17 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

@Fluffy14.  Here is why I disagree with that line of thinking:  where does it begin or end?  Who is to decide?  How to regulate such a thing?  It gets freaky dystopian society fast.

I'm going to go ahead and defend Fluffy14, and say that an idle hope is not the same thing as saying we should actually have the power to decide weather or not someone gets to procreate. I wish that all the Duggar children would have two or fewer kids, that doesn't mean I want them put in jail if they have more. I just want to snark on them forever. I don't think that's so much to ask. 

[Fun Undies]

2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

-snip- I'm pretty torn between wanting to proudly show off my kid and wanting to protect her privacy -snip-

Samesies.  I can freely admit though that I'm a bit paranoid because of too many crime shows, and am highly aware (thanks to my criminology studies) of How predators think.  So if I'm about to post anything, then I think, "am I revealing anything - like school, teacher names, what parks they like to go to, etc."  

On the flipside, I make it a general rule for myself to follow the "if you don't mind your SO, minister or boss seeing this, then post it"-rule, when it comes to social media.  And I do try to think, "is my kid going to be mortified if they read this in 20 years?".

My FB is super private, and only family and friends - and even then, I still apply the same above questions to my posts.  With my public Instagram, I focus on chronic health issues, and general fitness, so I rarely post about my kids.  I don't share their names, much less anything else.

I'm probably hyper aware, and really just because you post about your kid, doesn't have to mean anything bad will happen - but I'll admit to erring on the side of (perhaps extreme) caution for myself and kiddos anyways.

[Palindrome]

29 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

...and Izzy is actually the son of Rhaegar Targaryen...

Thank you for making my morning with that line! HAHA

[klabourdeth]

It sounds like we're around the same age. 
Amongst my friends with children (late 20s to mid 30s), there's a split in how they deal with their kids on social media. Some people definitely do what you say -  publish a birth announcement photo, but then keep it pretty quiet or maybe post a photo or two per month. But I definitely have friends who document their entire lives in Facebook/Instagram, including a lot who try to make it seem less narcissistic/self-involved by injecting humor into it ("guess whose baby screamed during the entire grocery store trip? I'm sure all the fellow shoppers looooved me!").  I do have a late-30s cousin who makes a huge deal of keeping her two kids off social media (she has never posted a photo of their faces), but she has very strong opinions on politics and issues like digital privacy. 

I had a professor in university that was like your cousin. She will not post any photos of her kid. The main thing I remember through that she would have get rows with family members if they post photos of her son. But also got into a huge argument with the day care when images of her son appeared in the paper or website.

As for friends on social media a majority of them who have kids it's all they post. Either photos of their kids or a posting complaining about how hard it is to be a parent. Usually the ones that post nothing but their kids I just unfollow them so that I don't have to see the posts often.

And this maybe controversial to some but I also have a policy of flagging any photos of children/babies that are naked or just something barely covering their gentiles.

[Hashtag Blessed]

2 minutes ago, klabourdeth said:

I had a professor in university that was like your cousin. She will not post any photos of her kid. The main thing I remember through that she would have get rows with family members if they post photos of her son. But also got into a huge argument with the day care when images of her son appeared in the paper or website.

 

My kneejerk reaction to this is to think it is a tad extreme, but then I remember how paranoid I am with my own social media. I don't even have kids, but I did have an ex who was borderline stalkery when we broke up, and since then I have had private accounts, turn off location services on non-essential apps, and pretty much never post status updates. My policy is now: if you really want to know about my life then text me and ask. Plus I never post pictures of anyone else's children unless I ask the parent first. It feels like a simple courtesy that is becoming more necessary these days. I love seeing pictures of my friends' and relatives' kids though. I think keeping private accounts with limited friends lists is a good compromise. 

[HarryPotterFan]

48 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Izzy is actually the son of Rhaegar Targaryen

I'd start watching Counting On again if this was true. Or if Jill or any of the Duggars went to a rave. Now I'm picturing JRod at a rave.

As far as I'm aware, there aren't any "gold-standard" tests for undiagnosed adults with autism. A massive problem in autism research is that lifespan issues get such a small percentage of research dollars. And there's not enough resources for adults in general. Self-advocates and parents are pushing for more, though. I wonder how common it is for adults to be underserved when they have conditions that are typically diagnosed in childhood (in terms of support services, non-pediatric doctors with familiarity of the condition, etc).

Also, NPR has a good article on autism being underdiagnosed in females: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/07/31/539123377/social-camouflage-may-lead-to-underdiagnosis-of-autism-in-girls

[Fluffy14]

24 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

an idle hope

Yup, exactly. Nothing more. Just a giant wish to avoid catastrophe.  

3 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

. Plus I never post pictures of anyone else's children unless I ask the parent first

We as parents had to sign consent forms at school for our kids to appear in local news articles. And at the time I always said no. I did not want to advertise to my abusers what my kids looked like. 

[Hashtag Blessed]

5 minutes ago, Fluffy14 said:

We as parents had to sign consent forms at school for our kids to appear in local news articles. And at the time I always said no. I did not want to advertise to my abusers what my kids looked like.

That is exactly why people should ask. You never know what someone has in their past. I haven't seen my ex in nearly ten years, but there's always the back-of-the-mind fear that he'll contact me again. It lessens little by little with time but still. My experience was not even that bad. So I can't even imagine having abusers in your past who might creep on photos of your kids. I'm so sorry. 

[Snarkle Motion]

46 minutes ago, seraaa said:

I definitely agree that the value of a diagnosis will vary from person to person, and that it's a personal decision.

Speaking personally I was diagnosed in my early 20s by an NHS specialist in a service which caters to individuals who are 18 and over.

If it had been prohibitively expensive, I probably would not have pursued it, but we have universal healthcare in the UK so I decided to go for it.

It has been worth it, for me, because it made me eligible to use the services of an organisation which caters to adults with Aspergers. I have done so and have found it helpful. 

That makes complete sense. I think it's different in the states as we don't have readily available access to assessments and resources like you described. I just hate the idea of paying a lot of money for a diagnosis that really won't be "useful" in terms of providing significant additional clinical information. It may give piece of mind. I'm not familiar with many adult services available for someone who didn't carry the diagnosis from a young age.

Also it's  but more reasonable to diagnose someone in their early 20s as technically the brain is still developing and you have more accurate recall of childhood experiences. It may also affect resources at college for young adults. But after mid-late 20s the diagnosis is nebulous and could be a variety of other things since you don't have info from development. However, treatment wise I would definitely go with assuming an autism spectrum diagnosis and think it's fine to conceptualize oneself if  it helps make sense for you.

@HarryPotterFan made a bunch of really great points better than I did. Because we don't have good diagnostic tools, I worry for people essentially being scammed into spending lots of money on testing that we don't really have reliably developed yet.

[SapphireSlytherin]

All this talk of FB and privacy - I have several different "groups" of friends that I share specific things with. 

For instance:  My "standard" setting is "friends except work." Anyone I work with (or used to work with) gets sorted into a group called "work." 

I have another setting called "family" (self-explanatory); a group called "travel" - which is where I freely share photos trips/vacations as they happen, because everyone in that group is completely trusted. I have a "lurkers" group - these are the people with FB accounts who seldom post and/or react to my posts. They're rarely included in anything "major" I might share... Dunno if I'm their "entertainment" or what.

Anyway. I have about a dozen different "groups" of friends and I'm choosy about who sees what. It takes a bit of time, initially, to get people dumped into these "buckets," but once they're in, your privacy settings get a whole lot easier. And yeah - some people are in more than one 'bucket.'

[WiseGirl]

@HarryPotterFan you beat me to posting that link. As a teacher of students with special needs I am seeing an increase of girls being diagnosed. Unfortunately, imo, they are being diagnosed when they are much older. Another problem is that ADD/ADHD symptoms can overlap with spectrum symptoms which leads to late diagnosis as well.

[CorruptionInc.]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

@cascaronesI've noticed that too. Just looking at my family is really interesting. My cousin (1984) and sister (1986) both have sons and I (1988) have a daughter. Out of the three of us:

- Cousin has no Facebook page and only posts photos of her five year old on Instagram.

- Sister has both accounts and shares photos of her 1.5 year old son on each. On Facebook she shares at least one per day.

I have FB & IG except I am not on them much.

FB was mostly because my sister used to live overseas and it was a good way to keep in contact. I am unable to use skype very well.

I go out a lot, but I don't "check us in" because quite frankly, it's insignificant.

The photos on both IG & FB are my pets and art; sometimes people catch a photo of me but it's rare - I hate having my photo taken!

[Snarkle Motion]

@Fluffy14I think that if "god decided to close the womb" for Jill it would not be the worst thing. Less children born into the cult. And Jill appears a bit overwhelmed with her current life as is without bringing more kids into the mix.

I would never wish an unwanted hysterectomy on anyone, particularly with Jill's belief system, as her reproductive organs are essential to her identity. I don't wish infertility on anyone who wants children either because that's painful. But i personally think it's okay to hope Jill will be happy with the children she has and focus on them if "God" decides it's not in the cards for her to have more.

Like if wishing a hysterectomy on someone is okay, then it's okay for me to wish Jill gets into a catastrophic car crash that ruins her reproductive ability? Like that doesn't feel right. But I think wanting "god to close the womb" on baby hoarders like Michelle is acceptable, even if painful due to not getting the additional child/children she desires. Or to hope Erin and Chas decide to limit their family size for Erin's health. I think that's reasonable.