Dillards 36: Seating for Family of Four Now

[MsSaylor]

Yes I think hey whats the point of worrying about myself when my son has so much more obvious issues. Also like many of us girls who are "spectrumy" as I call it, I have learned to cope and "pass" (i think but god im never sure). 

[Rachel333]

ADHD is another one where girls and women with the disorder have been overlooked because it presents so differently. I thought this was a good article on it.

I definitely have some ASD traits but I don't really see any reason to pursue a diagnosis. It has been helpful to be aware of those traits, though. Years ago I took one of those online Asperger's tests and scored really high, well into the Asperger's range, and over the years I used it as a guideline on what I wanted to work on, and my score has gone down. I'm much more socially adept than I used to be thanks to the work I've done. It still doesn't feel natural at all--I feel like I'm just copying what others do socially--but I like interacting with people and like that I'm better at it than I used to be.

[seraaa]

29 minutes ago, MsSaylor said:

Yes I think hey whats the point of worrying about myself when my son has so much more obvious issues. Also like many of us girls who are "spectrumy" as I call it, I have learned to cope and "pass" (i think but god im never sure). 

We all do our best! I get what you mean, though.

26 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

ADHD is another one where girls and women with the disorder have been overlooked because it presents so differently. I thought this was a good article on it.

I definitely have some ASD traits but I don't really see any reason to pursue a diagnosis. It has been helpful to be aware of those traits, though. Years ago I took one of those online Asperger's tests and scored really high, well into the Asperger's range, and over the years I used it as a guideline on what I wanted to work on, and my score has gone down. I'm much more socially adept than I used to be thanks to the work I've done. It still doesn't feel natural at all--I feel like I'm just copying what others do socially--but I like interacting with people and like that I'm better at it than I used to be.

It used to really bother me - still does, sometimes and if I'm honest - that I couldn't find it within myself to do what others appeared to be able to do so naturally. But as you say, these things are skills, and they can be learned and practiced. 

The article is interesting!

[MsSaylor]

Definitely whether you pursue a diagnosis are not being educated and aware of the issue has been helpful to me and it probablly never would have happened if my son didnt have Autism. I read about it obsessively for about 2 years. Then I came to peace with the reality of my sons particular situation, the face that myself and other family members also have traits and its part of what makes us who we are and also that my two daughters were likely to also have traits if not diagnosis themselves. Im so grateful for the fact that both my daughters have met developmental milestones and are verbal that Im not bothered by little traits I see in them. My older daughter is bossy and rigid (directs the play of others) and my younger daughter has sensory quirks. That little stuff is just normal around here

 

ETA I have always had the distinct feeling of being different and unnatural with a lot of things and now I gave an understanding why somewhat and that has been a good thing for me! 

[seraaa]

6 minutes ago, MsSaylor said:

ETA I have always had the distinct feeling of being different and unnatural with a lot of things and now I gave an understanding why somewhat and that has been a good thing for me! 

I'm glad to hear how it ended end up being helpful for your family

Honestly, the understanding - the why - can be such a psychological relief

[nst]

2 hours ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

Lmao, seriously. They're actively working to convince us that we're living our lives all wrong. Guess what assholes!? Many of us think you're living your life all wrong too and they're going to tell you ALL about it every time you post!

Preach it to the choir!!! 

I think Derick is counting the days to when he can go back to SCA.

but my favorite thing ever is someone said these people post videos to people in their own homes or to that affect

[freethemall]

4 hours ago, lomo6 said:

It sounds like we're around the same age. 

Amongst my friends with children (late 20s to mid 30s), there's a split in how they deal with their kids on social media. Some people definitely do what you say -  publish a birth announcement photo, but then keep it pretty quiet or maybe post a photo or two per month. But I definitely have friends who document their entire lives in Facebook/Instagram, including a lot who try to make it seem less narcissistic/self-involved by injecting humor into it ("guess whose baby screamed during the entire grocery store trip? I'm sure all the fellow shoppers looooved me!").  I do have a late-30s cousin who makes a huge deal of keeping her two kids off social media (she has never posted a photo of their faces), but she has very strong opinions on politics and issues like digital privacy. 

I've noticed a lot of the same thing. I've been surprised to see a few people my age who are adamant about very few photos of their children being online. I also know a lot of Russian people who are superstitious about it and go to great efforts to not show their kid's faces, including a few famous ones like Nasiba Adilova, a Russian it-girl in Texas who will put stickers and emojis on her kids faces on her popular instagram to hide them. Something about the evil eye...

[SuhrEnity]

Just now, freethemall said:

 I've been surprised to see a few people my age who are adamant about very few photos of their children being online.

I have no pictures of my children online at all. Not for superstitious reasons but because at 6 and 9 they can't give me permission to post pictures of them online and I value their consent in that decision.

[freethemall]

1 minute ago, SuhrEnity said:

I have no pictures of my children online at all. Not for superstitious reasons but because at 6 and 9 they can't give me permission to post pictures of them online and I value their consent in that decision.

Hm, you're a better parent and person than me, I'm probably more in the over-poster category....

[SuhrEnity]

Just now, freethemall said:

Hm, you're a better parent and person than me, I'm probably more in the over-poster category....

Not at all. It's all personal preference. I know how I feel when people put up pictures of me without asking me and because I know how I feel about it I just don't do it to them. But my sisters post pictures of their kids all the time. I just choose not to. There is no right or wrong way

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

I definitely have some ASD traits but I don't really see any reason to pursue a diagnosis. It has been helpful to be aware of those traits, though. Years ago I took one of those online Asperger's tests and scored really high, well into the Asperger's range, and over the years I used it as a guideline on what I wanted to work on, and my score has gone down. I'm much more socially adept than I used to be thanks to the work I've done. It still doesn't feel natural at all--I feel like I'm just copying what others do socially--but I like interacting with people and like that I'm better at it than I used to be.

I might have written that. My dad agrees I'm likely Aspy - and it explains a LOT of my social difficulties in grade/middle/high school. (He's a retired band director/guidance counselor.) I asked him why he didn't get me formally dx'd and he said he didn't want me medicated my entire life.

As an adult, I flap (which I'd never noticed until my DH pointed it out to me) when stressed/excited; I have to remind myself to make nicey-nice small talk before asking someone for something I need (work-related); I have issues with tags in clothes - they HAVE TO be removed; I have issues with noises; I get so rabbit-holey about some things that hours can pass and I will not have eaten/gone to the bathroom/etc.

[Rachel333]

I don't care about social media, but I do think that letting your kid be on a reality show is a profoundly bad parental decision.

[MadeItOut]

46 minutes ago, freethemall said:

Hm, you're a better parent and person than me, I'm probably more in the over-poster category....

I have lesbian friends from school days who are married and adopted a wee boy. They have decided to keep him entirely offline, so those of us who've moved away to this day don't know what he looks like. At first it felt weird to ask how 'baby boy' is settling, but over time it's become normal. I have so much admiration for them for sticking to their guns no matter what. I know it was hard sometimes, but they're great mama bear types and he's the most loved on child.

[frugalitymom]

At this point it appears that everyone is healthy and happy.  We have speculated because it's what we do but at this point we might never know what all went down.  I was floored when Pickles mentioned the size of Sam's head.  It was like she was desperate for a debate and knew that would bring it on.   If Jill doesn't get pregnant again then we can speculate on why unless they feel the need to explain things.  Who knows they might be posting criptic things just to screw with us because they have nothing better to do.

[justoneoftwo]

1 hour ago, frugalitymom said:

 Who knows they might be posting criptic things just to screw with us because they have nothing better to do.

I imagine them messing with people.  I don't think its true, but it would be great.

[VelociRapture]

@cascaronesI've noticed that too. Just looking at my family is really interesting. My cousin (1984) and sister (1986) both have sons and I (1988) have a daughter. Out of the three of us:

- Cousin has no Facebook page and only posts photos of her five year old on Instagram.

- Sister has both accounts and shares photos of her 1.5 year old son on each. On Facebook she shares at least one per day.

- I post photos of my almost 8 month old on Instagram and Facebook. I post much more often on Instagram though because those privacy settings are more straightforward - if I don't add you to my friends list you don't see anything and I don't use hashtags. On Facebook it's a few times a month and only for special occasions or milestones. I also routinely delete photos of her off of my Facebook page - such as old profile pictures with her in them. I deleted a batch just now actually. I have them all on our computer or printed in her album, so if I want to see them I can. I'll likely stop posting even that many photos of her on Facebook after she turns one. 

(I only have 20 photos of her in an album on Facebook right now - mostly her "month old" photos and a few from her NICU reunion in May. And I've been untagging photos of myself others have posted too. I'm pretty torn between wanting to proudly show off my kid and wanting to protect her privacy, especially considering my husband had a falling out with some extended family members and I don't want any of them seeing stuff about her.)

ETA: I DO post about my dog pretty freely though. I love that derpy little pup!

[Beermeet]

I do honestly feel that putting kids on TV is a bad thing.  Same with over sharing that I see around.  SM is new.  My friends and I thank our lucky stars there was none when we were kids to young adults.  Those stories and memories are in our heads only!  

We have yet to understand the full effects.  But, until you are old enough to make that decision for yourself,  I don't think it's fair.   Child professional actors have quite a bit of trouble later in life unless the parents are super protective and proactive in their lives.

personally,  I post minimal stories and pics of my kids.   And, I only have friends and family on  FB.  

[justoneoftwo]

56 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm pretty torn between wanting to proudly show off my kid and wanting to protect her privacy,

I'm like this too, H is more on the privacy side, I want my "village" to be a part of his life and think of him as part of theirs.  It is particularly hard when your support network is far away.  I text photos of him every day.  

[Beermeet]

@VelociRapture. Yes, my cat's SM game is strong!  I love sharing kitteh pics!

Some of friends and family post anything and everything.   Looking at mine, you'd think I never really go anywhere!  I don't feel like it's a good idea to post that we will be out of our house for any length of time or when my husband is out of town.  I did share pics from Kauai when we went but after we got home.  Because they were pretty and yes, I wanted to tell my FB world we went!  Lol!

[SassyPants]

6 hours ago, JoyJoy said:

she most likely won't have as many kids as she wants.  

She most definitely is not going to have 10,15 or 20 kids, no way.

[Nikedagain?]

5 hours ago, seraaa said:

 The whole thing prompts questions about what the balance should be between striving to fit in with society's expected norms and practices, and what reasonable accommodations ought to be made for people by society. A stim, as long as nobody is being harmed, can be a good thing.

I really don't know what to do. I can tell that she is trying so hard NOT to stim at times. Her fingers on her favorite hand will be twitching by her side. I don't ever tell her not to. That teacher was quite militant about certain things. (we called him the autism nazi..) but mostly very positive. I think it helps her terrible anxiety to stim.  But now she's conditioned. She is going in to middle school, in a class of TONS OF TISM! Lots of jumping, flapping etc. I know the teacher is completely tolerant, even joins in. Maybe my girl will gradually feel comfortable. I just want her to be less anxious!

[FleeJanaFree]

31 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

 

- I post photos of my almost 8 month old on Instagram and Facebook. I post much more often on Instagram though because those privacy settings are more straightforward - if I don't add you to my friends list you don't see anything and I don't use hashtags. 

 

Do hashtags break your privacy settings on Instagram?

[HarleyQuinn]

I think it's intetesting that we live in a world now that allows us to quasi-diagnose yourself online.

When I first read about maladaptive day dreaming, I realized I did it all the time, but I never let it get in the way of my real life. It was just something I did when I was bored or exercising. Though it seems like that's not considered a mental disorder by all doctors.

[VelociRapture]

31 minutes ago, FleeJanaFree said:

Do hashtags break your privacy settings on Instagram?

I'm not sure. I just err on the side of caution to be safe.

[Carm_88]

36 minutes ago, FleeJanaFree said:

Do hashtags break your privacy settings on Instagram?

I don't believe it does. If you're friends only then you are friends only.