Carlin and Evan 1: Front Hugging Before Courting

[HurricaneBells]

Godless heathen here.... im going to have our little fella walk me down the aisle! Figure its appropriate since he has already brought us together for life. Plus will be cute AF!

[neurogirl]

@HurricaneBells That sounds absolutely adorable and would make me cry watching that. 

I consider myself very independent, not sure if I'm going to change my name, etc, but I still wanted my parents involved in the proposal. I had a very rocky relationship with them during adolescence, to the point where I considered going very low contact with them, but after years of therapy and family discussions my relationship with them has done about a 160 degree arc (ha) and is so much closer to the loving family dynamic I always wanted. My boyfriend was with me during that arc, and I wanted to acknowledge the new relationship I have with my parents and include them in our happy future. My parents were DEFINITELY touched and surprised that I wanted them involved (fiancé proposed in front of them) so the gesture did have meaning. Since I am an only child, I will have both my parents walk me down the aisle, to honor them. Fiancé does question a little that I'm sweeping some of the rockiness under the rug, but it's my choice and I'd rather choose to be happy and grateful for the effort my parents made to improve their relationship with me. 

So that's one poster's reason for wanting the parents involved in these modern times.

[candygirl200413]

I'm so glad about your relationship with your parents improving! @neurogirl. I feel with most of you that still liked the traditional aspect even though you identify as someone who is more independent. In my culture, I actually learned the brother gives you away but I'm still up in the air if I would want my twin brother to do that ( I rather have him standing as my man of honor) and then have my dad walk me. I already know I'm keeping my last name but I actually googled it randomly today and I guess I didn't realize how is one greeted when married and their maiden name? A lot of women I know I realized have hyphened their names or changed it to their husbands and the one who kept her name is a doctor so she is rarely referred to as a Mrs. Like would it still Mrs. candygirl even though my husband is technically mr. candyboy?

[RosyDaisy]

My husband has a great relationship with my father, so his approval and support were non-issues. Just for shits and giggles, my husband asked anyway. It was funny. Daddy's response: "It ain't me you need to ask". He thought my husband was serious!

[nokidsmom]

 

On 9/23/2017 at 11:29 AM, singsingsing said:

I get that, but I think most (non-fundie) people in this day and age follow the tradition just for the sake of tradition. It's just one of those antiquated social forms that some people still participate in because it makes them feel good for whatever reason

Regarding involving a parent or parents when one gets engaged as a tradition or a polite formality, I totally get that and don't fault anyone for doing that if they so choose.  

However, Mr. No and I didn't do that when we got engaged.  In fact, when my mom suggested "it would be nice for future Mr. No to ask your father for your hand" I refused.  My answer: "my hand is my own to give". 

Sounds harsh, I know, but by way of background, my Maxwellian parents were having a very, very difficult time with me leaving home, involving guilt trips and a whole bunch of other emotional manipulation.  I understood their feelings but I could have done without the guilt trips and power plays.   I felt having Mr. No talk to my dad would subject him to the same.  Furthermore, I thought my father would not see it as a formality but that he would be actually giving permission, much like the fundie dads we read about here and I was not going to give him that opening.

Hate to offer a negative view from my own personal experience and I am glad for those here who had a more positive experience with involving parents in proposals / engagements.  I always thought I would do the same when the time came, but when it did, with the resentment, guilt, and tension I noped out of that one.

 

[singsingsing]

39 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

However, Mr. No and I didn't do that when we got engaged.  In fact, when my mom suggested "it would be nice for future Mr. No to ask your father for your hand" I refused.  My answer: "my hand is my own to give". 

Sounds harsh, I know, but by way of background,

It doesn't sound harsh at all to me. If I ever get engaged, I'll be exactly the same - the guy won't be asking either of my parents for permission. No explanation necessary to justify that!

[nvmbr02]

@nokidsmom No reason to explain. It is up to you to decide what it right for you. I would likely felt the same way if I had any thought that my dad would actually think he had any say in my decision. I did want his support and "his blessing"but I didn't feel I needed his permission, if that makes sense. And really, my dad had many misgivings about my husband back then. He thought I was too young to get married (probably was) and had only met then BF one time before we were engaged, even though we had been together for over 2 years at that point. Plus, we had broken up for about 6 weeks right before we got engaged and my dad blamed him for upsetting me even though the break up was more me then him. But my dad knew that it was what I wanted and knew I was an adult living my own life who could make decisions for myself.

[nokidsmom]

@singsingsing and @nvmbr02, thanks.  I didn't want to sound like a total wet blanket on the subject, especially with others having more positive experiences with parents being involved in this sort of thing.   I often thought of this as a nice formality but with my parents' attitude and their belief that that it was too early for me to leave home (despite the fact I was 23 and just finished four years of working my way through college!) I could see they would not take it as such and that they actually had "veto authority" over my decision to get married, which was ridiculous, so I just didn't do it.  I wasn't going to put myself or Mr. No in the position of having to get "permission".

 

[llg1234]

 

Carlin and Evan went  on a date. Carlin, once again, proclaimed that it was the best time ever. It's amazing that Evan is constantly able to outdo himself.

[brusselsgriffon]

2 hours ago, llg1234 said:

 

Carlin and Evan went  on a date. Carlin, once again, proclaimed that it was the best time ever. It's amazing that Evan is constantly able to outdo himself.

Is that caption a country song? 

(she looks cute though, ngl) 

[candygirl200413]

I mean I'm just hoping he can keep this momentum going because at this rate every day is going to seem like the best day ever for her.

[VelociRapture]

Guess we know where Fundie Zoolander likely stands on the taking a knee protests (hint, it's on the wrong side of the constitution and history):

 

[Chewing Gum]

On 30-9-2017 at 11:49 PM, llg1234 said:

 

Carlin and Evan went  on a date. Carlin, once again, proclaimed that it was the best time ever. It's amazing that Evan is constantly able to outdo himself.

I'm always wondering who's taking the picture? As it isn't a double date, do you ask a stranger to take a photo while attacking your boyfriend with a donut? Do you take a phoneholder-thingy and minisculy plan to sufficate him with a donut? All these questions...

[RosyDaisy]

They have chaperones for dates. My guess would be one of them.

[Chewing Gum]

23 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

They have chaperones for dates. My guess would be one of them.

Ofcourse  I knew that. I sometimes forget the Bates do that as well. 

[faraway]

I kind of wish these two would elope, I'd watch that. 

[HereticHick]

20 hours ago, faraway said:

I kind of wish these two would elope, I'd watch that. 

What? You want to deprive Carlin the opportunity to be a total bridezilla, trying on a thousand dresses, bullying her bridesmaids & preening for the camera? And what about Evan's need to primp and preen??

[Lilipad]

On 9/24/2017 at 7:06 PM, candygirl200413 said:

 A lot of women I know I realized have hyphened their names or changed it to their husbands and the one who kept her name is a doctor so she is rarely referred to as a Mrs. Like would it still Mrs. candygirl even though my husband is technically mr. candyboy?

Didn't change my name either...

Both pre and post marriage , I use Ms.   I like it because it's independent of marital status.

In real life though, other than various types of forms , I don't know where greetings are even used!

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

What? You want to deprive Carlin the opportunity to be a total bridezilla, trying on a thousand dresses, bullying her bridesmaids & preening for the camera? And what about Evan's need to primp and preen??

Pfft. Please. Forget Carlin. Evan is going to be a Groomzilla. It’s going to be phenomenal to witness them plan their wedding (five years from now... they need at least that long to grow up a bit.) 

[HereticHick]

On 9/24/2017 at 7:06 PM, candygirl200413 said:

 I already know I'm keeping my last name but I actually googled it randomly today and I guess I didn't realize how is one greeted when married and their maiden name? A lot of women I know I realized have hyphened their names or changed it to their husbands and the one who kept her name is a doctor so she is rarely referred to as a Mrs. Like would it still Mrs. candygirl even though my husband is technically mr. candyboy?

Whatever you feel comfortable with. If you want to be Mrs. Firstname Birthname, be that. If you want to be Ms. Firstname Birthname, be that. Switch back and forth, according to the situation, if you like.  But, honestly, apart from filling out forms, my "title" rarely comes up in my personal experience here in the US.  For example, I was on a panel today, and our nameplates just had FirstName/LastName/Job Title on them. No Mr or Mrs or Ms.  

You may live in a more formal society.

Speaking as someone who kept her "maiden" name, I will warn you that no matter what you do, sometimes you will get letters, or checks, addressed to you with your husband's last name attached. You may find yourself in a situation where a computer glitch causes you to be seated separately from your husband on a plane. You may find some hotel clerks giving you the side-eye if you check in after your husband has arrived, and you don't have the same surname.

All these things have happened to me. I choose not to make a big thing about it. I know other women who get very offended about it. Do what works for you, and remember that these aren't always intentional or malicious mistakes.

[to be honest, I sometimes write my husbands surname after my own, on my nametag at events where I don't know many people, and it might be helpful for others to know that "I'm with him." Even though legally, that isn't my name.

[TShirtsLongSkirts]

On 01/10/2017 at 8:28 PM, VelociRapture said:

Guess we know where Fundie Zoolander likely stands on the taking a knee protests (hint, it's on the wrong side of the constitution and history):

 

It's quite funny to me that he chose to post that screenshot of the video with the grand total of 1 like (definitely him) and 3 views. 

[HurricaneBells]

12 hours ago, TShirtsLongSkirts said:

It's quite funny to me that he chose to post that screenshot of the video with the grand total of 1 like (definitely him) and 3 views. 

The only thing better would have been to include a thumbs down hahaha!. So I guess in the abscence of any discussion or outrage, that pretty little ring on THAT finger is her purity ring from her folks.... right?

[HarleyQuinn]

I'm surprised Bieber let her push a doughnut in his face.  

[BeccaGrim]

The one I feel bad for is the chaperone (probably Katie) who has to go along on all these donuts eating perfect dates. 

[habert]

Evan calls her baby, hmmm...