Jill, Derick, Israel: Back In Normal Murica (For Now) - Part 20

[socalrules]

I think Derrick hangs onto Pistol Pete because it was the only time he had anything close to popularity. He got to hang out with the cool kids, i.e. Athletes and cheerleaders. It's one of the reasons I think he sought out Jim Bob and ultimately, married Jill. He gets to be with someone on tv so he kind of gets to be popular too. 

What's interesting is that outside the costume, it doesn't seem as though Derrick has the fun loving personality you would think someone who was a mascot would have. He is pretty boring and uninteresting. It could be that the costume gave him a freedom he doesn't feel in his own skin. 

I think Derrick is currently drifting. He knows he doesn't want a real 9-5 but doesn't really want to do anything else. His being a missionary was preaching two times a week and from what was shown, he didn't appear to be that good at it. He obviously wasn't doing anything the other 5 days a week or TLC would have shown it. Marrying Jill was perfect for him because she expects that a man won't work outside of the home. Any direction or ambition Derrick had seems to dissipated once he joined Duggarworld. 

[HomeschooledHeartThrob]

2 hours ago, socalrules said:

I think Derrick hangs onto Pistol Pete because it was the only time he had anything close to popularity. He got to hang out with the cool kids, i.e. Athletes and cheerleaders. It's one of the reasons I think he sought out Jim Bob and ultimately, married Jill. He gets to be with someone on tv so he kind of gets to be popular too. 

What's interesting is that outside the costume, it doesn't seem as though Derrick has the fun loving personality you would think someone who was a mascot would have. He is pretty boring and uninteresting. It could be that the costume gave him a freedom he doesn't feel in his own skin. 

I think Derrick is currently drifting. He knows he doesn't want a real 9-5 but doesn't really want to do anything else. His being a missionary was preaching two times a week and from what was shown, he didn't appear to be that good at it. He obviously wasn't doing anything the other 5 days a week or TLC would have shown it. Marrying Jill was perfect for him because she expects that a man won't work outside of the home. Any direction or ambition Derrick had seems to dissipated once he joined Duggarworld. 

I am not standing up for Derrick but your post brought me to another thought I had awhile ago. With the Josh scandal is it possible that ALL members of Duggarworld have been discouraged from branching out in the world? I understand they weren't allowed to go far in the first place but even less so now that Joshgate happened. Central America? How perfect! We can still LOOK like we are doing well and there is less chance of us being caught doing something evil because less papparazi and less chances of us getting in trouble. Part of me also wonders if Derrick took his family to Central America in order to escape Jimbob. Imagine learning that your wife was sexually assaulted as a child...if he went to college and paid even half attention he doesn't have his head in the sand about it like Jill does. He and I are close in age and even when I was going through college there were so many posters/classes/mandatory assemblies about sexual assault and how it impacts the victim. I really woudn't be surprised if Cintral Murrica was his compromise of keeping Jimbob/Jill happy and getting the hell away from Duggarworld.

On 10/30/2016 at 1:55 PM, Chickenbutt said:

My hand raised to the sky........I promise to all that is holy, I will NEVER, EVER ask my younger son and soon to be DIL when they are going to get pregnant. I have said it in the past, all in good fun, but I will never say it again. Thank you FJ for the eye opening comments. I don't want to be "that MIL"

Good fun is one thing, constant pressure is another. Example, we got a puppy and she goes "Will this impair my ability to have a grandchild?" As if to imply MY baby was going to be FOR HER. Another example when we bought the truck she goes "Can you fit a baby seat in the back?" Mind you we have a 4 door sedan...why would we NEED to put a baby seat in the back!?!? 

She has also said things like "Wait until you are eating for two" In regards to me being careful with what I eat. 

I'm under the impression she wants me to pop one out and somehow gain 300 pounds in the process like she did. I think she's mad that I work out. And mind you I work out for health purposes (I was told i wouldn't walk at age 16 and be wheelchair bound...currently in my 20s and walking just fine!!/depression and anxiety/and IBS) It somehow kills her that I take care of myself...the fact she is a nurse you would think she'd be happy for me! 

[Carm_88]

@HomeschooledHeartThrob I thought that as well that Derek was trying to get away from the scandal. I don't know if he truly thought about Jill or if they decided together to distance themselves from it but I have to say that from where I am sitting right now...it wasn't a good idea. I think if anything Jill is more traumatized now. Looking back at the scenes from their wedding day and comparing it to the Jill who was on the show last week...! Central America is not for Jill. What Derek did was take a very sheltered young woman and put her in a situation that she had no clue about. I don't think that Derek did it maliciously but that being said, I don't believe they should go back. 

[calimojo]

Prior to the scandal,  after the last episode when the whole family sat down to that big interview,  they showed previews of the coming season, one of which appeared to be a clip where Derick and Jill tell Jimbob they are going on go on a mission.  I remember in the clip Jimbob was shown to look upset by this news. Then after that, the big scandal hit and they never showed any thing from that next season.  That was also going to include info about Joe leaving for Crown college and a few other things.  That footage is out there still and I am sort of surprised that TLC has edited that film to leave out Josh and reduce Jimbob and Michelle and repackage it. 

So, I don't think that Derick taking Jill to CA was in response to the Josh scandal.  It is possible though, that they originally were just going to go on a mission trip for a month that changed into something longer once the Josh Scandal broke. 

I just get disappointed in Derick.  I remember when JB took him, Ben and John David out to that zip line and rock climbing place before Derick's wedding.  Poor Ben was out of his element trying to impress JB,  John David clearly thought the whole thing was  stupid, and Derick just was pretty cool.  He obviously thought JB was lame, but he just went with things in a calm and relaxed way.  I thought he might just stay like that,  where he was rather amused at JB's ridiculousness, but would go along just enough to stay in good standing with him. 

 

I do think Derick has his small rebellions.  The man bun for example, even working  as a substitute teach is  a sort of rebellion, given JB's stance on public education.  But sadly he also seems to be at a nearly delusional point in his ideas about conversion of Catholics, and his own personal mission.  And, he seems either unaware, or possibly uncaring about his wife's happiness.  She has lost her spark, and she really seems unhappy in CA.  I mean for the duggars to actually act like something isn't rosy and perfect is something right there, and it seems as if Jill can't even really fake being happy about going back to CA.

 

[2manyKidzzz]

But Jill has to do what her headship requires. So back to SCA she goes I guess. Unless Jeebus changes his mind and lets them know. Somehow. 

[Carm_88]

3 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

But Jill has to do what her headship requires. So back to SCA she goes I guess. Unless Jeebus changes his mind and lets them know. Somehow. 

Pregnancy is the only thing that will keep them in the US. So she best start practicing because "Practice makes progress..." Well you all know how it goes! 

[2manyKidzzz]

1 minute ago, Carm_88 said:

Pregnancy is the only thing that will keep them in the US. So she best start practicing because "Practice makes progress..." Well you all know how it goes! 

Well, Derick did sort of say that when asked. That they would change their plans if she was pregnant. 

I hope so. 

[SassyPants]

52 minutes ago, HomeschooledHeartThrob said:

I am not standing up for Derrick but your post brought me to another thought I had awhile ago. With the Josh scandal is it possible that ALL members of Duggarworld have been discouraged from branching out in the world? I understand they weren't allowed to go far in the first place but even less so now that Joshgate happened. Central America? How perfect! We can still LOOK like we are doing well and there is less chance of us being caught doing something evil because less papparazi and less chances of us getting in trouble. Part of me also wonders if Derrick took his family to Central America in order to escape Jimbob. Imagine learning that your wife was sexually assaulted as a child...if he went to college and paid even half attention he doesn't have his head in the sand about it like Jill does. He and I are close in age and even when I was going through college there were so many posters/classes/mandatory assemblies about sexual assault and how it impacts the victim. I really woudn't be surprised if Cintral Murrica was his compromise of keeping Jimbob/Jill happy and getting the hell away from Duggarworld.

Good fun is one thing, constant pressure is another. Example, we got a puppy and she goes "Will this impair my ability to have a grandchild?" As if to imply MY baby was going to be FOR HER. Another example when we bought the truck she goes "Can you fit a baby seat in the back?" Mind you we have a 4 door sedan...why would we NEED to put a baby seat in the back!?!? 

She has also said things like "Wait until you are eating for two" In regards to me being careful with what I eat. 

I'm under the impression she wants me to pop one out and somehow gain 300 pounds in the process like she did. I think she's mad that I work out. And mind you I work out for health purposes (I was told i wouldn't walk at age 16 and be wheelchair bound...currently in my 20s and walking just fine!!/depression and anxiety/and IBS) It somehow kills her that I take care of myself...the fact she is a nurse you would think she'd be happy for me! 

I absolutely believe that Derick got out of dodge to put some distance between his family and JB/Duggarville, abolsutely!

However, I think he was also desperate, as he had a fragile wife, was recovering from surgery himself, a new baby and NO MEANS of financial support. He made a knee -jerk decision, and truth be told, probably the only choice he felt that he had that time.  In the condition that HE was in, plus the needy wife and new baby, finding a new job in the states would have been a stretch.

You know, for all the Jesus talk, these folks ALL seem weak. There is no boots straps and moving forward to care for one's selves, at all.

[gustava]

Oh good grief.  Poor sheltered little Jilly needs to get over herself.

 

[Carm_88]

5 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

You know, for all the Jesus talk, these folks ALL seem weak. There is no boots straps and moving forward to care for one's selves, at all.

They are weak. They make silly decisions, if Derrick had truly wanted to get away from Duggarville he would have continued to work at Walmart until he had saved enough money to get his wife and son away from there. That would have been the smart, responsible, adult thing to do. It was definitely a knee jerk reaction but that's it when you don't think. 

[nst]

again after tonights repeat of Jill's wedding and the last episode -she seems the saddest yet the same at the same.  Yet more weary 

[Bad Wolf]

We moved to a different state when I was pregnant with Wolf 1. It took me quite a while to find myself. Emergency c section didn't help, nor Mr. Wolf working a new job. And at least I understood the currency and spoke the language. 

That being said, the Dillards came home twice and had plenty of visitors. Derick wasn't working a 40  plus hour job either.  That's what happens when you shelter your kids from the real world. They don't get the chance to grow.

[HarleyQuinn]

I also moved to a different city right after having baby Quinn. But I was lucky enough to be raised to cope (and prefer) with being away from home. Jill never has. CA was a terrible idea because they weren't doing anyone any good with their conversion tactics, but it's even worse now seeing how freaked out Jill was. Neither she nor Derick strike me as very smart people. They messed up, and I hope they don't go back for the sake of all those people they harass. 

[Lurky]

10 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I absolutely believe that Derick got out of dodge to put some distance between his family and JB/Duggarville, abolsutely!

However, I think he was also desperate, as he had a fragile wife, was recovering from surgery himself, a new baby and NO MEANS of financial support. He made a knee -jerk decision, and truth be told, probably the only choice he felt that he had that time.  In the condition that HE was in, plus the needy wife and new baby, finding a new job in the states would have been a stretch.

The other thing about Dereck is that he was super-naive and believed what he'd been told.  Prior to the wedding, Jill was ALL about her heart for missions etc, and it's one of the things that attracted her to D.  He was presented with the idea of a wife who'd had missions experience, and had travelled overseas more than the average USA person, and knew what she was getting into.  SHE presented herself like that, and Jim Bob presented her like that, and the TV show was "proof".

Part of me argues with myself, and thinks he should have done more research and realised the difference between what she was presenting and reality - you know, the fact she'd never been alone, even, so it would be a massive culture jump.  But the other part of me absolutely hates it when men do that "are you SURE you can handle it?" thing.  He wanted into the cult, and they wanted him in, so they handed him the rose-tinted spectacles that he put right on.

Adapting to new cultures can be very hard.  A lot of FJers have shared stories about how they struggled moving overseas, and only realised that once they got there - but equally there are lots of FJers who took to it like a duck to water, or only struggled for a few weeks.  BUT that's not even the tip of the iceberg with the Dillards - as Bad Wolf says

8 hours ago, Bad Wolf said:

That being said, the Dillards came home twice and had plenty of visitors. Derick wasn't working a 40  plus hour job either.  That's what happens when you shelter your kids from the real world. They don't get the chance to grow.

And this is why Jill was pretty much set up to fail by her parents.  She'd pretty much never been alone, never done even basics that all of us have done, like go shopping alone, adapt to a new school/university/job environment, be responsible for a household, never had to adapt to living with housemates or alone.

But above all, she's never had to rely on herself, and build emotional resilience.  For sure, she's had difficult circumstances and abuse, and awful things happen to her, but that was in the context of telling her parents everything, and her parents dictating how she felt about it, or how she responded.  But she hasn't had to work through a problem and solve it for herself, and that's heartbreaking. 

As much as I roll my eyes over her completely falling apart in Dangerous Sintral America, because she's in her mid 20s, and she's faced the most limited actual trauma you can (in a guarded compound, with guards accompanying her when she leaves the house, and non-stop skyping home, and TV cameras, and grifted money), I'm so angry that her parents left her emotionally crippled like this.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I also moved to a different city right after having baby Quinn. But I was lucky enough to be raised to cope (and prefer) with being away from home. Jill never has. CA was a terrible idea because they weren't doing anyone any good with their conversion tactics, but it's even worse now seeing how freaked out Jill was. Neither she nor Derick strike me as very smart people. They messed up, and I hope they don't go back for the sake of all those people they harass. 

I feel like if they were actually doing something productive in CA that could have helped with the adjustment a bit. When you're busy volunteering at an Orphanage every afternoon or helping to dig wells or something it can really help the time pass more quickly. It also keeps your mind occupied (so less time to miss home) and helps you meet new people, while also strengthening your language skills. All of which strengthen your ties to the community and helps ease the loneliness (or fear) you may feel.

But they never intended to be useful in any actual capacity. So I'm honestly not too surprised she's reacted so poorly to the transition. Plus, like you said, she's been emotionally stunted by her shit parents to the point that she can't cope well being far from them. With time and a lot of effort she'll likely improve with that out of necessity - but this mission idea was a horrible idea from the start because they didn't realize how unprepared Jill actually was until they were there.

I don't think they should return either. Mostly for the sake of the people they were harassing, but also for Jill and Izzy's sakes - because if one of his parents is constantly scared and miserable it's going to have an impact on him too. They should return to Arkansas and, once they've saved some money, move away from the TTH - possibly to Oklahoma since Derick has ties there and it's close enough for visits to family in Arkansas.

[Carm_88]

Derek and Jill just wanted to harass Catholics! I still don't get why that is even a thing. If some priest came up to them and started to tel them about Jesus, they'd sure as hell shout persecution. Why can they not leave people alone? I know heathens who will never know Jesus personally. 

[ksgranola1]

I remember Derrick saying when he was asked about the sudden decisin to move to CA, it was just after Scandel 1, he said,  "I have to protect my family."

[habert]

21 hours ago, ksgranola1 said:

I remember Derrick saying when he was asked about the sudden decisin to move to CA, it was just after Scandel 1, he said,  "I have to protect my family."

Filmed or in print?

[socalrules]

The problem is that the move to CA wasn't sudden and wasn't as a result of the Josh Scandal. Prior to the scandal they had already filmed Derrick and Jill telling everyone they were going on a mission. I think it was just lucky for them this all occurred at the same time.

I do not buy into Derrick wanting to protect Jill and IZZY from the Duggar family. It is obvious he wants to be a part of that family or he wouldn't be so willing to live in their houses, be on their shows and take money from their fans for a "mission". If Derrick wanted to protect his family, he wouldn't have stayed in CA for as long as they did when it was obvious his wife was suffering. CA did not in anyway improve Jill's Life. Derrick is all about Derrick, Jill and IZZY are just along for the ride. What's sad is that Jill doesn't realize that Derrick gets to live out his dream of being a grifting, lazy "missionary" because of her. Otherwise he would still be a low level accountant at Walmart. She doesn't realize the power she has to make or break his lifestyle because the show is about the Duggars, her parents have the money to fund the lazy lifestyle and he has "fame" because of her. 

[defraudedbychipendales]

On 10/26/2016 at 7:31 AM, VelociRapture said:

I have three shirts right now:

One says "Bun in the Oven"

Another says "I'm Hungry" up top and "Me Too" on the bump

And the third, and most appropriate, says "Pregasaurus Rex" with a pregnant T-Tex on it

They're cheesy and I usually only wear them around the house, but they fit and make me laugh. So I'll call it a win.

I love the "I'm hungry" one. I didn't stop eating for nine months...literally.

[JillyO]

10 hours ago, socalrules said:

I do not buy into Derrick wanting to protect Jill and IZZY from the Duggar family. It is obvious he wants to be a part of that family or he wouldn't be so willing to live in their houses, be on their shows and take money from their fans for a "mission". If Derrick wanted to protect his family, he wouldn't have stayed in CA for as long as they did when it was obvious his wife was suffering. CA did not in anyway improve Jill's Life. Derrick is all about Derrick, Jill and IZZY are just along for the ride. What's sad is that Jill doesn't realize that Derrick gets to live out his dream of being a grifting, lazy "missionary" because of her. Otherwise he would still be a low level accountant at Walmart. She doesn't realize the power she has to make or break his lifestyle because the show is about the Duggars, her parents have the money to fund the lazy lifestyle and he has "fame" because of her. 

I'm not sure sure that's true. Remember, Derick actually had been a missionary abroad (in Nepal) for two years before he met Jill. And I think that's exactly what he wanted to do, and I think he was prepared to do it. He actually had the necessary education to be sent out as a "proper" missionary by a missions board or whatever you call them (i.e. not by SOS). Jill, on the other hand, had been playing at being a missionary for like a week each year and thus throught she knew all about it. Personally, I think Jill and Derick just drag each other down. Derick can't be a proper missionary because of Jill (because Jill is miserable anywhere but home and because she doesn't have the education for them to be sent out on a proper mission together anyway), and Jill is forced to live a life she clearly doesn't like because Derick wants to be a missionary. I don't think Derick would be a low-level accountant if he hadn't married Jill. I think he would be a single missionary somewhere in the world, or maybe he would have met a nice, non-fundamentalist but still conservative Christian girl who actually wanted to share his lifestyle and they would be on a mission somewhere together. And everyone would be better off for it. Except for the poor locals who would still get harassed. Did I mention I hate missions?

 

[Percy]

I agree with @JillyO, Derick was a missionary when he met Jill and that was the future he saw for himself and his family.  He was sold Jill on her heart for missionary.  I think Jill's reality is not currently matching with her vision on what her life would be like.

My husband and I moved away from home soon after we goy married.  We had to rely on each other.  I don't think we would still be married if we had the opportunity to retreat to another place after arguments.  We had to work things out.  I was not a happy camper until I found a job I enjoyed and made some friends.

I think Jill is in that transition phase and just needs more time to adjust to her new reality. She needs to find herself a 'job' (helping with a children's ministry, running a picture book library just something) and some friends.

I also think that the missions is Derick's calling.

[marmalade]

On 11/2/2016 at 3:52 PM, ksgranola1 said:

I remember Derrick saying when he was asked about the sudden decisin to move to CA, it was just after Scandel 1, he said,  "I have to protect my family."

Well, the decision had been made before Joshgate I. THAT is on partially aired film that many people (myself included) actually saw..on the show as previews for the next season TWO DAYS before Joshgate hit. Derick may have made that statement after Joshgate, but it's very possible that his reasons for going to Danger America changed in between the time he announced his decision to the family and what he told someone at a later date. Because I doubt Derick knew ANYTHING about what Josh did before the scandal broke. Remember, to the girls it was "nothing," except when it wasn't (see Jill's tears during the Megyn Kelly interview). I'm sure many more tears were shed by her behind the scenes. 

[Carm_88]

On 11/2/2016 at 8:22 PM, ksgranola1 said:

I remember Derrick saying when he was asked about the sudden decisin to move to CA, it was just after Scandel 1, he said,  "I have to protect my family."

Yes he's doing a very good job of that. Taking them to a country where his wife is terrified and is now suffering from PTSD from the shower rack incident. Derrick is not protecting his family, he's living the grifting dream. He quit his job at Walmart because he didn't really want to be there, it had nothing to do with protecting is family. That's just shit. 

[ksgranola1]

On 11/3/2016 at 4:06 PM, habert said:

Filmed or in print?

Print. Of a reporter inquiry at the airport.