Lori Alexander never learning since 2011 - part 6

[Koala]

I think she has even mentioned having someone to come help with the house.  I am pretty sure aside from tossing some lettuce in a bowl and calling it dinner, Lori spends most of her time online speaking for The God of the Universe.  

According to her and Ken, she has always been controlling and mean spirited.   According to her she got angry and hit her kids with a "strap".  Worse, she encourages other parents to do the same with their kids.

She gets the top of the line treatment for her benign tumor, and tells cancer patients they can juice their cancer away.

I don't feel sorry for her at all.  She has had opportunity the likes of which most people can't imagine, and she has done nothing to better the lives of others.

 

[polecat]

2 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

       I understand those who feel sorry for Lori  but here is the thing, she has a choice. More than almost any fundie we know. She went to college. She has ties to the outside world. She can humble herself and go to counciling. She has people like her aunt she could ask for advice. Her ego keeps her from getting help. It's to hard. She is comfortable and has no financial insecurity. All she has to do is fuck Ken when he wants, cook, and clean.

2

She doesn't even have to cook or clean. Lori's job is trimmed down to 10-minutes-and-lube.

That really IS depressing. 

[molecule]

27 minutes ago, Koala said:

According to her and Ken, she has always been controlling and mean spirited.  

The only change is that she no longer directs it toward Ken, just toward other women. Actually, I think she is just as mean-spirited toward Ken as she probably always was, only now it's more subtle and passive-aggressive.

[Grimalkin]

9 hours ago, OnceUponATime said:

There are a core group of ladies following her who ask for help, and leghump a lot. Whether or not all of these ladies really exist is probably up for discussion. One day I checked out how many hits she got on her blog between two posts (ie 24 hour period). It was more than 1000

I am convinced her leg humpers and fans read and support her because it justifies them staying in shitty, miserable, possibly abusive marriages. Most people would say get the fuck out, or go to counciling, or just do something to improve your situation. Lori is telling them what they want to hear. Misery loves company.

[salex]

2 hours ago, molecule said:

The only change is that she no longer directs it toward Ken, just toward other women. Actually, I think she is just as mean-spirited toward Ken as she probably always was, only now it's more subtle and passive-aggressive.

Well, and he's more willing to overlook it since he's finally getting sex..... (and he's getting older and lives in a community property state)

 

[Grimalkin]

I just want to add Lori is probably one of the few people who tell Amanda (cabinet man's wife) that she is doing the right thing staying with him. I don't think Amanda has the strength to leave him at this time. How nice to hear someone tell her she is righr instead of leave the bastard.

[louisa05]

My great grandmother ran a farm by herself with the help of her young sons (the oldest of whom was all of 12 when she was left in this position) while keeping her family of nine children together after her husband died. 

Her alternative, which her father attempted to force on her, was to essentially give away all of her kids but the baby, sell the farm and move home to her parents. 

I suppose in Lori's version of Christianity, the latter was the "godly" plan. 

[molecule]

In today's passive-aggressive "my unhappiness in my marriage is what makes me holy" diatribe, Lori takes to task all the Christian books and blogs that talk about intimacy in marriage, completely ignoring the fact that most Christian marriage writers refer to marital intimacy as a parallel to the intimacy we will one day have with God. Most Christians view intimacy as oneness and knowing, but Lori says that the pursuit of intimacy is partly responsible for divorces.

Quote

Therefore, if you don't have an "intimate" marriage or a fulfilling sex life the way you would like, remind yourself what God's purpose for marriage is and be a covenant keeper; one who desires more than anything to please the Lord rather than please yourself. 

Her misery just oozes from everything she writes.

[littlemommy]

Jeez, I almost pity her. If she weren't so mean I would.

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, molecule said:

In today's passive-aggressive "my unhappiness in my marriage is what makes me holy" diatribe, Lori takes to task all the Christian books and blogs that talk about intimacy in marriage, completely ignoring the fact that most Christian marriage writers refer to marital intimacy as a parallel to the intimacy we will one day have with God. Most Christians view intimacy as oneness and knowing, but Lori says that the pursuit of intimacy is partly responsible for divorces.

Her misery just oozes from everything she writes.

I've been thinking about this...I think Lori is one of those people who is miserable and wants to make everyone else miserable so she doesn't feel so bad being miserable. My mother was like that. She was a miserable, bitter woman who just wanted everyone else to be just as miserable. For the life of me I can't remember my mother ever laughing...I mean like a serious, laugh so hard you're crying, belly hurting laugh. My father...all the time. My mother...never. She and Lori would have gotten along well. 

[Florita]

I think yesterday's and today's posts are Lori rehashing the argument she started on January 24 that led to the infamous "Horse of Truth" statement from Ken. http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2016/01/stipulations-to-our-obedience.html

Yesterday she argued again that it is okay to disagree with your husband and pretends that Ephesians 5:22-24 (wives obey husbands in everything) doesn't exist because she doesn't want to deal with it, or admit she's wrong.

The comment that got under her skin (and Ken's) back in January said that husbands & wives form a blending of wills. And today she's arguing that non-sexual intimacy isn't Biblical.

How soon until someone disagrees with her and Ken rides out on his high-horse o' truth once again?

[Koala]

God their marriage must suck.

[molecule]

1 minute ago, Koala said:

God their marriage must suck.

Hmm. I work in marriage ministry. Maybe I should offer to mentor her . . .

[refugee]

30 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I've been thinking about this...I think Lori is one of those people who is miserable and wants to make everyone else miserable so she doesn't feel so bad being miserable. My mother was like that. She was a miserable, bitter woman who just wanted everyone else to be just as miserable. For the life of me I can't remember my mother ever laughing...I mean like a serious, laugh so hard you're crying, belly hurting laugh. My father...all the time. My mother...never. She and Lori would have gotten along well. 

Did we have the same mother?

[polecat]

Intimacy in marriage means ... 

When he brings me home a big, tall unsweetened iced tea because he knows I don't feel well and that's all I can stomach.

When I know his night at work was really hard, so I make his favorite breakfast and then snuggle next to him so that he can fall asleep in my arms (even though I work days and he works nights).

When he calls me at the exact time of my birth on my birthday because he knows my mom did it my whole life and he knows how much that tradition meant to me and that she's not here to do it anymore.

When I make him his favorite cookies just because.

When he sends me back to our room with a book and instructs our kids to "Leave mom alone! She needs quiet time!"

When I do the same for him.

When we schedule a date night just to go for a drive and chat because why not? 

Lori and her ilk cheapen marriage by making it a series of contractual obligations. "If you do this, I'll do this." They cheapen intimacy by making it all about sex -- and they cheapen sex by making it all about 10 minutes and lube.

 

[happy atheist]

On March 23, 2016 at 9:58 AM, crawfishgirl said:

I suspect a large percentage of that number is from FJ.  Just as Ken likes to make up statistical numbers, I will do so here - I declare it to be 75% from FJ.

 

 "In the 95th Percentile at the Ken Alexander School of Statistics" is our newest post count title!

[feministxtian]

Lori just doesn't get intimacy...like @polecat said in her post...

For us it's getting up at 1am to drive hubby to the hospital so he can get relief from the pain (not anymore but it was part of my life for 4 years)

Its propulsively vomiting when they take your husband into surgery.

Its my husband holding me up in the shower after orthopedic surgery.

Its hubby making my lunch for work.

It has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with doing for your spouse for no reason whatsoever but to do it. 

[cindyluvs24]

This!!!!  They just don't get it.

[quiversR4hunting]

@polecat and @feministxtian you both made me tear up! So sweet  and exactly what marriage should be

[Koala]

Her thinking is so unbelievably simplistic.  I would say childlike, but honestly, I have never met a child who wasn't capable of complex thought.  

She's been spending her days making flow charts (I guess to try to justify what she already believes).

-Stay at home moms cook healthy meals for the families, while the evil working moms serve fast food or microwave dinners.

-Homeschool moms teach their children about Jesus.  Public school children learn about evolution (or as Lori put it- monkeys  )

It's like she's honestly not capable of grasping that people don't fit into the boxes she tries to shove them into.

Not all working moms serve garbage for dinner, and not all stay at home moms cook dinners from scratch.

Not all homeschooling moms sit around teaching their blessings about Jesus all day long.  I have Atheist friends who homeschool.  

The way she simplifies evolution to "monkeys" is mind blowing in itself.  The people who have enabled Lori have done her absolutely no favors.  She has had every opportunity in the world.  Parents with money to support her and send her to college, a husband who provided her with what amounted to a household staff so she could stay at home and hit her kids and make big salads.  And look where it's gotten her.  If she weren't so damn mean, she'd be pitiful.

Wow...I can barely read that myself.  I should shouldn't type on 3 hours of sleep. 

Okay, seriously- I should stop now.

[Grimalkin]

25 minutes ago, Koala said:

Her thinking is so unbelievably simplistic.  I would say childlike, but honestly, I have never met a child who wasn't capable of complex thought.  

She's been spending her days making flow charts (I guess to try to justify what she already believes).

-Stay at home moms cook healthy meals for the families, while the evil working moms serve fast food or microwave dinners.

-Homeschool moms teach their children about Jesus.  Public school children learn about evolution (or as Lori put it- monkeys  )

It's like she's honestly not capable of grasping that people don't fit into the boxes she tries to shove them into.

Not all working moms serve garbage for dinner, and not all stay at home moms cook dinners from scratch.

Not all homeschooling moms sit around teaching their blessings about Jesus all day long.  I have Atheist friends who homeschool.  

The way she simplifies evolution to "monkeys" is mind blowing in itself.  The people who have enabled Lori have done her absolutely no favors.  She has had every opportunity in the world.  Parents with money to support her and send her to college, a husband who provided her with what amounted to a household staff so she could stay at home and hit her kids and make big salads.  And look where it's gotten her.  If she weren't so damn mean, she'd be pitiful.

Wow...I can barely read that myself.  I should shouldn't type on 3 hours of sleep. 

Okay, seriously- I should stop now.

Koala dear you are wrong. Lori Anderson thinks great thoughts. You are jealous of her hard core critical thinking skills that are unmatched by any other.

shame on you and your rebellious thoughts.

[lilwriter85]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

Her thinking is so unbelievably simplistic.  I would say childlike, but honestly, I have never met a child who wasn't capable of complex thought.  

She's been spending her days making flow charts (I guess to try to justify what she already believes).

-Stay at home moms cook healthy meals for the families, while the evil working moms serve fast food or microwave dinners.

-Homeschool moms teach their children about Jesus.  Public school children learn about evolution (or as Lori put it- monkeys  )

It's like she's honestly not capable of grasping that people don't fit into the boxes she tries to shove them into.

Not all working moms serve garbage for dinner, and not all stay at home moms cook dinners from scratch.

Not all homeschooling moms sit around teaching their blessings about Jesus all day long.  I have Atheist friends who homeschool.  

The way she simplifies evolution to "monkeys" is mind blowing in itself.  The people who have enabled Lori have done her absolutely no favors.  She has had every opportunity in the world.  Parents with money to support her and send her to college, a husband who provided her with what amounted to a household staff so she could stay at home and hit her kids and make big salads.  And look where it's gotten her.  If she weren't so damn mean, she'd be pitiful.

Wow...I can barely read that myself.  I should shouldn't type on 3 hours of sleep. 

Okay, seriously- I should stop now.

That's been the big problem with Lori. I doubt she would ever acknowledge non-Christian or non-religous homeschoolers. I would love to make her spend time with people in those categories. I knew a Buddhist family that homeschooled and there is no way Lori would have liked them. I don't even think Lori would have liked the fundie lite homeschooling family that lived next to me when I was growing up. The mom in that family did bookkeeping for several small businesses. She did some of the work from home, other times she went out to the businesses in the evenings, early morning hours, or on weekends to work.

 

[usmcmom]

I've been traveling so haven't really had the opportunity to comment for the past week. I think there have been ten posts since I could easily comment!!

Anyway, I think what Lori has done regarding her marriage is made kind of a mental list of all that it is NOT. Through her blog she's turned that list into all that marriage MUST NOT BE.  It is the only way she can justify living in a way that must be so terribly miserable; and also make herself the epitome of a godly, sacrificial wife.   

My sister does not have a mean bone in her body, but when talking about her marriage, I kind of see this behavior in her. She doesn't hold her marriage up as THE Godly model but she does talk about the misery of it in ways that make it sound Godly. She always puts a scriptural spin on it.  Yet, occasionally - especially over the last few years, she's confided in me straight up just how sad she's been for the past thirty years. She recently told me "I've served him submissively for almost 30 years because I believed that's what the Bible told me to do.  I've gotten nothing back and it's just been a way for him to get his way all the time."  It breaks my heart! 

************************

Back to Lori's post about spanking - the Debi Pearl chapter.   While reading all the comments on that one, it occurred to me that the only touch Lori's kids probably received as children were when they were being hit. Since Lori admits she spanked out of anger - the only touch they received might have been angry touches.   I am very sad thinking of any children growing up like that. 

[refugee]

2 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I've been traveling so haven't really had the opportunity to comment for the past week. I think there have been ten posts since I could easily comment!!

Anyway, I think what Lori has done regarding her marriage is made kind of a mental list of all that it is NOT. Through her blog she's turned that list into all that marriage MUST NOT BE.  It is the only way she can justify living in a way that must be so terribly miserable; and also make herself the epitome of a godly, sacrificial wife.   

My sister does not have a mean bone in her body, but when talking about her marriage, I kind of see this behavior in her. She doesn't hold her marriage up as THE Godly model but she does talk about the misery of it in ways that make it sound Godly. She always puts a scriptural spin on it.  Yet, occasionally - especially over the last few years, she's confided in me straight up just how sad she's been for the past thirty years. She recently told me "I've served him submissively for almost 30 years because I believed that's what the Bible told me to do.  I've gotten nothing back and it's just been a way for him to get his way all the time."  It breaks my heart! 

************************

Back to Lori's post about spanking - the Debi Pearl chapter.   While reading all the comments on that one, it occurred to me that the only touch Lori's kids probably received as children were when they were being hit. Since Lori admits she spanked out of anger - the only touch they received might have been angry touches.   I am very sad thinking of any children growing up like that. 

So true. And a lot of us submissive wives have made the "Charlotte Lucas" bargain. Because our lifestyle kept us at home, if we do seek to strike out on our own, we're so limited in our options. You can't live on minimum wage here, unless you can find a bunch of people to cram together in a rental to share expenses.

Frankly, I settled for material comfort when things went south in our relationship because of the horrible damage of patriarchy. I thought I could live with the emotional abuse, even though it made me self-destructive. I can see that now. I'm happy to report that being out of patriarchy for a couple years, together with family therapy, is making things much better.

I didn't marry an asshole, I married a pretty decent guy. Patriarchy transformed us into an increasingly unhealthy (co-dependent?) relationship. I'm glad to say he's becoming recognizable as the guy I fell in love with decades ago.

Before I married, I was "management" but with such a huge work gap on my resume, job hunting has been... stressful. And I'm old. Old and tired. I don't have the physical strength or energy for a lot of the minimum wage jobs out there.

/whine

Guess my mood is lower than I realized when I sat down this morning. Apologies. But like someone said in one of these discussions, FJ sort of helps me sort out my thoughts, as the *thought* of therapy makes me anxious enough I have trouble breathing. Even though family therapy is doing good, and our teens seem to be helped by their own individual therapy, I... can't. I just can't.

[feministxtian]

I really hate reading the blogs like Lori's that make marriage seem like unending years of misery for the wife. I mean, my marriage is NOT perfect by any means, and we've had some times where leaving was definitely a possibility...but we chose to stick it out. HOWEVER...even then, I was not willing to try to work things out to leave a life of misery. If things hadn't gotten better, I'd have been gone. But...Lori and Ken (and other fundies) will never know what intimacy in marriage really means. We've been through the wringer in the last 19 years, and that's one of the reasons that we've chosen to stay together. 

He rushed home from work when I called him and told him my dad died.

He bought me my Mustang for my birthday

He makes me coffee EVERY morning

He's making me pancakes right now! 

Yeah....think I'll keep him!