Spurgeon? Jessa's Poor Baby Part 2

[Imagine20]

 

My email is firstname@outlook.com & there's a person in Baltimore who was giving out my email address as her own for the longest time - utility co, cable co, phone co, doctor's office, rental agency, & my favorite, lifelock. Have also gotten emails for a person w/ the same name in Idaho & ironically, another person in my same town. It's a PITA.

While in law school i'd have that too. I'd get very intimidate details of they're lives, as well. Enough so really to track down the real person. One a med student doing training  in optometrics or something. A.patients entire chart was emailed to me.

I sent a email to the Dean of the program explaining HEPAA and ending it with my name (My name), Esq. Never got another of those emails

[morri]

Spudge needs to go on the poll too

[atheistjd]

Maybe a little OT but Did anyone catch Jessa saying she didnt change a single diaper the first week?

Just had a baby and I think I didn't change a diaper for the first week - recovering from labor and feeding ion demand were enough for me and my husband didn't mind as that was pretty much all he could do...

[IrishCarrie]

Since his initials are SES, I suggest we call him Cecil!

[Karma]

Maybe a little OT but Did anyone catch Jessa saying she didnt change a single diaper the first week?

All I can say is that if my DH had been happy to change nappies, I'd have agreed in a shot.  Sadly, the only ones he changed were when I was sick, or, rarely, if I was out and he was home with the kids.  I did insist though that once #2 (a boy) was toilet trained, he had to take him to the toilets if we were out.  

[Imaginary_Wonderland]

I keep expecting to wake up and hear this was a joke.

But no.

I just can't work out what Jessa was thinking by doing this to her kid. Did they change the name at the last minute thinking it would garner more attention and press.

I can only pin this as an attention seeking stunt. Can't see any other reason for it.

I know her pregnancy was over shadowed by two Josh scandals which can't have been easy on her, and perhaps Jill getting in ahead of her on courtships, wedding and baby. Those three events are what will be the highlight of her life.

But still naming your child is important business too.

[formergothardite]

I have a relative with a disabled child, now grown.  It has been painful to see this relative alienate people with her blunt, demanding approach to any aspect of her child's life.  Patience and politeness would have definitely brought more positive people and experiences to her child's life. 

I am a mother to a child with disabilities. and most days I try to be patient and polite, but some days I just say fuck it and don't give a shit if I offended the person. I have enough crap to deal with in my life without also being expected to always be polite to people who want to say offensive things about people with disabilities. I probably have alienated people, but guess what, they alienated me with how they treated people with disabilities, yet I'm the one who is supposed to always bend over backwards to be polite and patient? 

[CuttySark]

Email addresses at my university are typically [email protected] But for faculty and staff it's just @universityname.edu, without the extra u.

Ours is first . last [at] uni , with differentiations often made with first . middleinitial . last [at] uni. One of the Directors at the Physical Plant has the same name as one of the newer professors in the medical faculty. The director was there first so he got the email address without the middle initial, and he gets emails meant for this professor all the time, from students and from colleagues, about homework and research projects, even special consultation cases.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, the professor is a gynecologist. 

[morri]

ours here is also first.last@uni...

[nst]

I hope Jessa doesn't end up like Anna's sister Esther; married to a zealot and having a fuck ton of kids. 

and I think that has happened - yes I do 

 

[August]

What the everloving fuck?

 

I got rrustrated with all the Spurgeon talk and had to gogle to see what the real name was. 

All I can think of is a portmanteau of spooge and sturgeon. Like the libe you'd use to have sex with a fish. If I didn't know that baby was being starved and tortured I'd think this was e worst thing you could do to a person.

[CrazyCatLady]

Maybe Jessa is experiencing post-partum psychosis. Do you think they might change his name if they get enough negative feedback?

[batuityma]

I am a mother to a child with disabilities. and most days I try to be patient and polite, but some days I just say fuck it and don't give a shit if I offended the person. I have enough crap to deal with in my life without also being expected to always be polite to people who want to say offensive things about people with disabilities. I probably have alienated people, but guess what, they alienated me with how they treated people with disabilities, yet I'm the one who is supposed to always bend over backwards to be polite and patient? 

No you don't have to because it sucks and feels unfair.

 

(This part isn't directly aimed at you but the quoted poster was responding to me.) I never said that anyone has an obligation to be polite when addressing descrimination, or even that it will always be effective. I've just found it to be more effective than being rude if your intention is to change someone's perspective. I didn't say people should be required to do this though. Somedays I don't give a shit either and just don't have the energy or the desire to be an "advocate". But I try the best I can because I feel like things will never change if I just say forget it I'm sick of this. I might be delusional about the possibility of change. But when I look back at the history of how people with disabilities have been treated, there has been undeniable progress. Still a long way to go but an apathetic or abrasive attitude isn't going to further things along when it comes to any kind of discrimination. But yeah it is exhausting and infuriating at times to feel like it is your (general you) responsibility to always be the better person and not just fight fire with fire. That's not fair or even possible.

[formergothardite]

I do get that being polite is usually the best way to deal with a person who says/does something offensive. I just don't think that if a person snaps and is blunt about it that they are the one at fault or the one to be blamed if the other person doesn't change their offensive/racist behavior. I don't remember who wrote the "racist fuck" post but I don't think the blame is on her for not being super polite and patient about racist actions. IMO she shouldn't be the one being criticized for not sugar coating racism. 

[batuityma]

Fair enough. But I have a different opinion about the last part.  I did think it was justified for me to criticize the person who called my husband a racist fuck. Because  A.  Her reaction was completely out of proportion to the tone and intent of my post. and

B. My post had nothing to do with racism (something I gave up on explaining because race was all anyone wanted to talk about). She was out of line for making that assumption. 

 

 

[Whoosh]

Honestly, I feel for you that you are taking quite a lashing for your post, but...

1.  I disagree that the reaction was out of line with your post.  Racism that results in discriminatory practices that harm others is unacceptable.  Your opinion may differ, but that doesn't make anyone else wrong and certainly won't change the opinions of those who believe racism is unacceptable.  As others have stated - intentions don't always ultimately matter.  The actual impact of the behavior is what matters.

2.  Your blatantly racist post had everything to do with racism.  The fact that you can't see that is part of the problem and harms people.

[formergothardite]

I went back to read just to see again the posts involved. You admitted that your husband  wasn't proud that he discriminated when hiring based on names, but that he did it anyway. Just based on that one post, your husband, no matter how unproud he felt about it, was acting in a very racist way. The other poster didn't sugar coat this in anyway. What your husband did was racist and is unacceptable and from that original post it wasn't even that he was being forced to do this, he discriminated because he found it more convenient. 

 She isn't to be blamed because you want to continue seeing your husbands actions as not being racist. It is often hard to see the racism when it comes from people we love and are close to. 

[VelociRapture]

I do get that being polite is usually the best way to deal with a person who says/does something offensive. I just don't think that if a person snaps and is blunt about it that they are the one at fault or the one to be blamed if the other person doesn't change their offensive/racist behavior. I don't remember who wrote the "racist fuck" post but I don't think the blame is on her for not being super polite and patient about racist actions. IMO she shouldn't be the one being criticized for not sugar coating racism. 

Being polite is the best tactic most of the time - but there are times when it just isn't doable or reasonable.

In regards to lascuba, no one here has any clue how often she deals with these issues on a daily basis except her. While the reaction may have seemed out of line to us, it's entirely possible that this is s conversation she is forced to have multiple times a day, every single day. Completely normal to not always want to/be able to "keep sweet" constantly.

I would guess the same is true for you and others who deal with tough topics like race or disabilities on a regular basis. It isn't fair to have to deal with these issues constantly - it's even less fair when people label you as mean or angry or rude the one time you lash out when you just had a hundred polite conversations about it. 

I'm well aware that I was born privileged due to pure genetic luck. I will never have to have multiple conversations daily about race and its impact on my life or career. I don't need to worry about the things that others do, simply because I'm as pale as Casper the ghost. The one thing I can do is try to be understanding when someone (like lascuba) lashes out due to my ignorance - it isn't fun or fair necessarily, but it's also not fun or fair for her to have to deal with ignorant comments constantly. And it can be an excellent learning experience for all involved as well. Just based off this conversation alone, I feel like I've learned a bit more and that is always a good thing.

[Boogalou]

I haven't ran into or known of anyone with a very unique or bizarre name. My mom used to work with a lady whose name was Babette. Bab as in "babble" and ette.

 

That's all I've got to offer for names

That was the name of a character in Gilmore Girls.

[batuityma]

Honestly, I feel for you that you are taking quite a lashing for your post, but...

1.  I disagree that the reaction was out of line with your post.  Racism that results in discriminatory practices that harm others is unacceptable.  Your opinion may differ, but that doesn't make anyone else wrong and certainly won't change the opinions of those who believe racism is unacceptable.  As others have stated - intentions don't always ultimately matter.  The actual impact of the behavior is what matters.

2.  Your blatantly racist post had everything to do with racism.  The fact that you can't see that is part of the problem and harms people.

I can take the lashing. I really am trying to listen to what people are saying. I really am. I just have a hard time with people not listening to what I’m saying either.

About the blatantly racist part. I brought this it up briefly in the beginning. But then after seeing my words get twisted and my point misconstrued, I didn’t bring it up again. I assumed I would be accused of splitting hairs and derailing the real issue.

My initial post was about making an assumption that someone doesn’t speak English well just by looking at their name on a resume. I thought the issue I was talking about was discrimination based on immigration status. Not that there wouldn’t be some overlap into race but it’s mostly a separate issue. The resume could belong to some white guy named Edvard Dvoracek with a degree from a Czech university.  His resume might get overlooked in favor of some other white guy named Todd Smith. They’re both white. Race isn’t the issue there. It’s something else. The end result still being the same - blatant, unfair discrimination. But still, how is that racism? It just seemed like certain people wanted to bring racism into it because that is their own personal hot button issue. But racism wasn’t what I was even talking about.

And I’ll say it again even though no one seems to want to hear it.  In my post I said that this discrimination is WRONG. I wasn’t condoning it. In fact I was angry at my husband about it. I also said something about this practice probably being a common occurrence in the workplace. People took that to mean I thought that made it acceptable. I did not say that. I don’t think it is acceptable.

 

[iweartanktops]

I just want to say that I appreciate this conversation about race. It's difficult for everyone involved, and it often requires a good, long look in the mirror, which many aren't willing or able to do. 

 

 

I can take the lashing. I really am trying to listen to what people are saying. I really am. I just have a hard time with people not listening to what I’m saying either.

About the blatantly racist part. I brought this it up briefly in the beginning. But then after seeing my words get twisted and my point misconstrued, I didn’t bring it up again. I assumed I would be accused of splitting hairs and derailing the real issue.

 My initial post was about making an assumption that someone doesn’t speak English well just by looking at their name on a resume.  I thought the issue I was talking about was discrimination based on immigration status. Not that there wouldn’t be some overlap into race but it’s mostly a separate issue. The resume could belong to some white guy named Edvard Dvoracek with a degree from a Czech university.  His resume might get overlooked in favor of some other white guy named Todd Smith. They’re both white. Race isn’t the issue there. It’s something else. The end result still being the same - blatant, unfair discrimination. But still, how is that racism? It just seemed like certain people wanted to bring racism into it because that is their own personal hot button issue. But racism wasn’t what I was even talking about.

And I’ll say it again even though no one seems to want to hear it.  In my post I said that this discrimination is WRONG. I wasn’t condoning it. In fact I was angry at my husband about it. I also said something about this practice probably being a common occurrence in the workplace. People took that to mean I thought that made it acceptable. I did not say that. I don’t think it is acceptable.

 

Bold is mine. That is racism. 

[MyMilkshake]

Depending on my mood, I'm going to call the baby:
Sponge, Baby Sponge, Spongy ( maybe spell it Spongi like Daddy's name. lol), or Spongeon, because that sounds adorable compared to Spurgeon.
I really wish they'd named him Noah, or Jonah. Haddon would've been very nice and would've tied in with the Spurgeon thing. But I HATE that they afflicted him with the name Spurgeon. Awful awful name. Maybe he could shorten it to Geon (and pronounce it John).  Spurgy sounds revolting.

[Whoosh]

You are bringing up national origin now, but earlier you were talking about Asians if I recall correctly.  I do agree that discriminating against people based on their name can be racist, sexist, xenophobia, you name it.  I do not agree, based on the sum total of your posts on this issue, that the situation you described had "nothing to do with racism".  I did not go back to look at the order of the posts, so perhaps some people jumped the gun and called it racism before you confirmed that it was indeed racism, but that doesn't change the fact that it was about racism.  I have paid a great deal of attention to everything you have said.  I SIMPLY DON'T AGREE WITH YOUR EXPLANATIONS AND JUSTIFICATIONS AND EXCUSES THAT CLAIM THIS WAS NOT RACISM.  When someone says something blatantly racist, it really, SEVERELY does not matter if they "did not intend to be racist".  Period.

Further, in your post, you stated that it was WRONG, but he did it anyway and you seemed fine with that because there is no perfect solution and the racist solution was more convenient for your husband than any other option.  THAT'S RACIST and you seemed to be justifying it by saying "no perfect solution, so I choose racism".  

[batuityma]

I just want to say that I appreciate this conversation about race. It's difficult for everyone involved, and it often requires a good, long look in the mirror, which many aren't willing or able to do. 

 

Bold is mine. That is racism. 

Please explain. I'm seriously asking. In the example i just gave about the two white people how is that about race. I am open to listening if this really is where I am being ignorant.

[iweartanktops]

Racism - the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

Paraphrased: Racism is basically discriminating against someone based on the thought that the race in the position of power is superior. 

I see your statement that I bolded as racism, because your husband assumed, by someone's name, that they may not speak English and that he chose more "English" (White) sounding names over the names who didn't sound White. 

You mentioned discrimination based on immigration status. I would file that under racism. 

Edited to add that I haven't slept in three days, so anyone else, please feel free to help me out here. I'm exhausted.