Spurgeon? Jessa's Poor Baby Part 2

[ClaraOswin]

I just registered [myfirstname][mysurname]@gmail.com and [firstinitial][middleinitial][mysurname]@gmail.com

I have a really common first name and I've never minded it (as a kid I always really liked meeting other girls with my name, actually] but I have an uncommon surname, which can be a good and a bad thing. I sometimes wish I were less google-able, for example. As far as I know I'm the only person with my first and last name and since I like anonymity I'm sometimes kind of jealous of people who can't be googled. I guess if you were wanting attention for whatever reason then having a common name might be a disadvantage, though.

Of course, since he was born into minor celebrity status that wouldn't be an issue for Spurgeon Seewald no matter what his name was.

I sometimes wish more than 2 people had my name because I don't like being that I can fairly easily be googled. And with public records and whatnot it's so easy for find people's addresses. I was on a forum a few years ago and some of those people ended up being seriously nuts and stalker-ish. To this day, I still worry about them tracking me down even though I was just some random poster. I made ONE thread that people just jumped on and it went from there.

 

I'm a fan of derivatives, when it comes to nicknames, inside jokes, etc.  So I would do something like start with Spud and jump from there to... ...Tater Tot.  How appropriate!

Or I would go from Spurgeon to Sphagnum and then call the kid Mossy. 

What I found ridiculous was all the content in parenthesis, explaining what each phrase meant.  Was that really part of her letter or did the media add it for the public translation?  If it wasn't intended for public consumption, she would not have written it that way, at least I hope not.

I have a friend whose given name is Mildred and she goes by Bunne as a nickname (pronounced Bunny).  I like the name Bunne and it suits her, but I also think Mildred is fine, just out of popularity at the moment, but nothing actually wrong with it.  Millie is a perfectly good nickname IMO.  My friend is in her 60s and I presume she's used the nickname for many years, perhaps going back to a time when Mildred really bothered her.  All speculation, of course.

I actually don't mind Mildred. It's what I would call and "old lady name"...which are names I gravitate towards. I think some of them are gaining popularity again.

I don't know any Bunnys but I do know a Candi.

[Cerealgirl]

Laboring with choo-choo. Can we just stop and appreciate that some more?

I want that to be my post count.

[pnwgypsy]

My email is firstnamelastname@gmail, and I keep getting mail regarding someone else from an HMO - some of the info is urgent, but however many times I tell them, back the emails come. I am seriously worried that my namesake may miss vital appointments.

My email is firstname@outlook.com & there's a person in Baltimore who was giving out my email address as her own for the longest time - utility co, cable co, phone co, doctor's office, rental agency, & my favorite, lifelock. Have also gotten emails for a person w/ the same name in Idaho & ironically, another person in my same town. It's a PITA.

[batuityma]

I may catch some flack for saying this, but nobody tried in any way to compare racism to having the challenges of having an intellectual disability that significantly limits or impairs an individuals's ability to function independently in society, right?  To clarify, I am disabled and I am strongly opposed to discrimination against those with disabilities.  Further, I am well aware that certain disabilities and genetic disorders have widely varied impact on an individual's functioning level.  I just really, really hope that everyone posting here can understand why comparing skin color to being intellectually disabled (or disabled in any way) could be, um, awkward.  Indeed, that type of comparison, if a person were to make it, could well illicit some angry responses.  People might even start tossing around "horrid" words like "FUCK" and "RACIST".

 

Sorry, my post was really disjointed and I could have worded it more clearly.

I wasn't comparing race to intellectual disability. I was responding to lascuba saying that, as a POC, she has had to discuss race so many times that she has lost patience for it and doesn't feel the need to be polite anymore.

I was (awkwardly) drawing a comparison to my personal experience being tired of addressing the issue of discrimination and the ID community. I was trying to explain that even though I've also lost patience, I still feel that being polite is more effective that using insults.

I get what you are saying though. I really didn't make it clear.

 

[Season of life...]

I think I find the name so gross because it seems like the word for when someone vomits and ejaculates at the same time. 

And can we please stop being caught up in being offended that someone didn't react kindly to racism? 

This took my mind someplace it should never have gone. One day, probably on his wedding night, Spurgeon is going to learn the importance of knowing how legos work. It will be helpful if his family could reach a consensus on his moniker before then so the following scenario can be avoided:

"Oh, Quincy...yes, yes, yes Elliot...OH STURGEON!!" 

[Whoosh]

Sorry, my post was really disjointed and I could have worded it more clearly.

I wasn't comparing race to intellectual disability. I was responding to lascuba saying that, as a POC, she has had to discuss race so many times that she has lost patience for it and doesn't feel the need to be polite anymore.

I was (awkwardly) drawing a comparison to my personal experience being tired of addressing the issue of discrimination and the ID community. I was trying to explain that even though I've also lost patience, I still feel that being polite is more effective that using insults.

I get what you are saying though. I really didn't make it clear.

 

Thank you for responding and for understanding what I was saying.  I completely do understand what you are saying and where you are coming from.  I honestly don't think that people need to always choose to be polite when addressing difficult issues, but I completely agree that if you are hoping to change a specific individual's mind in incremental ways, taking the polite route is the way to go.  I simply don't think that is always the goal and I don't think it needs to be.

On the topic of parenting a child with disabilities - I am not a parent, so of course I have no idea.  However, I did a lot of work with all kinds of kids back in the day and from a professional standpoint I can understand and relate somewhat to what you are talking about.  Trying to help even the best intentioned people to understand is very challenging and can be quite frustrating.  Keep fighting the good fight.

[Kittikatz]

I don't remeber who the original poster was in this topic, but it has gotten ugly. Even if you disagree with her husband's actions or attitudes,  namecalling is not an effective way to persuade or educate anyone else to see things your way, no matter how "right" you may be. IMO, there is a natural inclination to gravitate towards or choose those who are similar to oneself. Awareness of having this inclination and having a desire to challege it is key. For some fortunate souls, this happens in childhood, lead by parental example or modeling the behavior of more enlightened peers or adult authority figures. For some, like myself, one may not encounter many people who are in any significant way "different" until college or even later in life, at which point it can be an isolating or threatening experience, or as in my case ... A pleasant and enriching surprise. Teach, teach, teach, persuade, persuade, persuade. 

I tell my kids this: home is your safe place. The world will sometimes be unfair to you. It does not change who you are or determine how you treat others. Even when someone treats you poorly, remember that you do not know their story. They may be dealing with illness, grief, addiction, abuse, financial problems, family problems, job loss, etc. Give everyone a chance, but if they prove themselves to be toxic, just move along. There is always another opportunity, job, or potential for a realtionship.

OP's husband may be very overwhelmed at work, like many, and taking an unfortunate shortcut. The suggestion to redact identifying information on applications could be just the ticket here. 

Agreed. I am hesitant to wade into the name-job debate, but people do tend to judge others on superficial elements. Recruiters are also only human and don't want to look foolish. I have a somewhat ethnic, multisylabic name, and when I was looking for a job back when I was in my early twenties, my much older boyfriend at the time laughed and told me flat out that I'd never get a call because "nobody would want to bother phoning someone whose name they couldn't pronounce easily". He was of Chinese heritage and went by a three letter common name rather than the one his family called him by. I didn't want to believe him, but the next week, sent out eight resumes that were identical except for one thing - four were with my real name and four with an easy, very short, western sounding first name that was similar enough to my real name to pass as a nickname. I got two calls for interviews - exciting when I'd not gotten a call back from anyone before. Both interview calls were from companies who got the nickname resumes. Two job offers resulted, I choose one and a career was born. Now almost nobody in my life remembers a time I wasn't (insert nickname here). In our context, I don't know that it is racist (the company I went to work for was extremley diverse ethnically, similar to the city as a whole, but most of the people had short names) or whether it was just a convenience/intimidation factor around an unfamiliar name, but it irked me that boyfriend du jour was right, and it does really suck and is far from fair, but attacking people isn't going to change hiring bias. As a less personal aside, a friend is working in Paris, and she reports the same kind of hiring bias based largely on the district people live in. A friend in Brazil says something similar, while someone I know in Beunos Aires says last names and possible family connections and past associations and family political alignments all impact resume screening in his field. None of this is fair or right or nice, but it is part of life and something that is only going to change gradually as society shifts and evolves. That said, I hate my nickname and think it's rather ugly and harsh sounding... Fifteen years with a name I don't like is personally sad, so I still wish that idiot ex had been wrong...

 

[GodsKnickers]

I like Spud.

We've also been referring to little Seaweed as 'Algae.'

[artdecades]

Consider it appropriated and claimed then.

It's a top 50 name in Mexico, which has over 100 million people.  I'd bet there are more Israels just in Mexico alone than among the chosen.  I guess Mexico has done what you claim they cannot.

Sure, just cuz a lot of people do something that means its ok. Lets also just totally ignore the historical atrocities the catholic church (Mexico is 83% Catholic) has committed against Jews. But keep on with your snarky tone and insults and pretend that cultural appropriation doesn't exist.

[halcionne]

 

What I found ridiculous was all the content in parenthesis, explaining what each phrase meant.  Was that really part of her letter or did the media add it for the public translation?  If it wasn't intended for public consumption, she would not have written it that way, at least I hope not.

The bits in parenthesis are part of the letter. http://www.dillardfamily.com/index.cfm?p=blog&id=4e4c5171-c8f9-4e1d-b84b-a780357ff457

[Jingerbread]

Oh, okay. So it's not racist to prefer persons with anglo-sounding names, all other things being equal, as long as you hire the person with a non-anglo name if they clearly have the better credentials? Get outta here.

Is affirmative action still in place?  If it is, doesn't that mean the person who is a minority (which gets decided by name if you can't look at people) is supposed to get preference?

[MyMilkshake]

I hope Jessa doesn't end up like Anna's sister Esther; married to a zealot and having a fuck ton of kids. 

[EmCatlyn]

I don't have anything against nicknames (Thumper is an adorable nickname imo) but it was weird to see "choo choo" like that in that open letter. But I guess the thing that really made me feel unsettled was just the letter itself :-/

I agree about the letter being unsettling.  You have to wonder if these people understand the difference between private and public.  I mean they know about keeping secrets and hiding shame, but do they realize that things they are not ashamed of and don't need to hide should also be private?

The tone of the letter said "sis to sis" down to the pet name for their child that sis would know but strangers wouldn't.   But it was posted publicly.  <shaking head>

[eandre31]

The letter made me feel icky too. I feel like they are selling more and more of their private life and thoughts to keep interest and $$ flowing. Why couldn't she send that letter in a private email? 

[O Latin]

Email addresses at my university are typically firstnamelastname@u.universityname.edu. But for faculty and staff it's just @universityname.edu, without the extra u. I apparently have the same name (first and last) as someone who works in the university president's office, so her email address is the same as mine except mine has the extra u, so I occasionally get emails meant for her. The first time this happened, though, the email happened to be from a professor whose class I was taking at the time. I was so confused because I thought my professor was actually emailing me, but I had NO idea what he was talking about (it wasn't anything important or confidential, fortunately). 

[Whoosh]

Is affirmative action still in place?  If it is, doesn't that mean the person who is a minority (which gets decided by name if you can't look at people) is supposed to get preference?

Not sure what your point is here.  Affirmative action, whether it is still in place or not, IS discrimination.  In fact, another term for it is "positive discrimination".  While it has always been controversial, the purpose of affirmative action was to combat the harms of plain old standard discrimination.  

A racist is a person who believes one race is better than another.

In other words, affirmative action is based on the fact that, although one race is not "better" than another, racists believe one race is better and therefore discriminate against people of other races.  The purpose of affirmative action (while it is controversial) is to place everyone back on a level playing field since NO ONE RACE IS BETTER THAN ANOTHER.  So, while the implementation hasn't been ideal and it is controversial, theoretically and ideologically, that's not racist.

[KnittingOwl]

There are two other people in this country with my exact first/last (married) name. And one of them accidentally gave my email address (it's my first/last name) to various things for their kid's sports teams. It was annoying. But thankfully neither of them are famous or anything.

I know far too much about someone with my same first/last name (my email is firstnamelastname@gmail.com) and her family members who live in Texas. It's kind of disturbing. I'm also kind of surprised she hasn't figured out that she's not getting email from her kids' activities yet. After 2 years. 

[Fluffypaws]

I haven't ran into or known of anyone with a very unique or bizarre name. My mom used to work with a lady whose name was Babette. Bab as in "babble" and ette.

 

That's all I've got to offer for names

[MakeItSo]

talking about interesting names...back in grade 7 there was a kid whose middle name was just "L". It didn't stand for anything, it was just L. His mom apparently liked the sound of his First name, MI, Last Name but didn't want to pick an actual name. I thought that was very strange...but then Spurgeon happened.

[KnittingOwl]

Laboring with choo-choo. Can we just stop and appreciate that some more?

 

I want that to be my post count.

how is that not a user title yet?  It is great!

[roddma]

Maybe a little OT but Did anyone catch Jessa saying she didnt change a single diaper the first week?

[Artemesia]

Maybe a little OT but Did anyone catch Jessa saying she didnt change a single diaper the first week?

She claims that Bin has wanted to be on diaper detail. Maybe payback for the horrific name?

[roddma]

Maybe Im over thinking, but I wonder if Bin is doing diaper duty because it's a boy. Tough I've never seen Boob change any diaper on any gender.

[eandre31]

I've heard from friends who have had babies and have a significant other that if the mother is breastfeeding the partner can take over diaper duty more often so that mom doesn't have to be doing the feeding and the changing all the time. Im a single mom, but if I ever have another one this sounds like a good idea to me 

[Granwych]

Sorry, my post was really disjointed and I could have worded it more clearly.

I wasn't comparing race to intellectual disability. I was responding to lascuba saying that, as a POC, she has had to discuss race so many times that she has lost patience for it and doesn't feel the need to be polite anymore.

I was (awkwardly) drawing a comparison to my personal experience being tired of addressing the issue of discrimination and the ID community. I was trying to explain that even though I've also lost patience, I still feel that being polite is more effective that using insults.

I get what you are saying though. I really didn't make it clear.

 

I have a relative with a disabled child, now grown.  It has been painful to see this relative alienate people with her blunt, demanding approach to any aspect of her child's life.  Patience and politeness would have definitely brought more positive people and experiences to her child's life.