Colorado with the Moodys

[fiery redhead]

Every one knows first rule of the fight errrrr hike club is nobody talks about the fi..hike club......

 

 

 

 

Where Is My Mind. I hope the Maxkids find their own some day.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

You can easily take a mundane event and turn it into something top notch too ;).

I'm not sure what is more heart breaking, the fact that she describes her writing  as done easily or top notch.  Her problem is she takes mundane events and turns them into duller events experienced by bland characters who speak in a stilted and unnatural fashion.

 

I forgot about the ABC girls having chickens.  I'm calling it now:  The ABC Girls and the Easter Chicks.  The ABC Girls Have Fun with Aunties.  The ABC Girls and the Christmas Surprise.

ABC Girls:  Amy. Betsy, and Caroline Wellmen

[desertvixen]

it just makes me so sad to think they aren't just limited in their physical world, but to close off the world of books to kids and now kidults....It would be crueler than withholding food to me.

I'd be in this camp as well.  Not just the reading, but the imagining and fun that they seem to have missed out on.

[CyborgKin]

I must admit I haven't actually seen any Star Trek.  Stargate is more my speed.  (And the Sarah Connor Chronicles, as in my avatar image.  Now there's a show the Maxwells are missing out on.  It even has a Christian FBI agent teaching the Ten Commandments to an AI!  They'd approve of that, right?   To bad it was cancelled too soon.)

[apandaaries]

 

ABC Girls:  Amy. Betsy, and Caroline Wellmen

I always wonder about what part of her psyche was allowed to roam free and name the family the "Moodys." 

[Trynn]

Back by popular demand.... (and because I'm procrastinating on writing a really boring paper for a really boring general ed class I don't care about)

 

“We should have brought a first aid kit,” Mitch offered.

 

“That would have been really smart. I wonder why Aunt

Olga didn’t tell us to.”

 

The truth was that Aunt Olga simply hadn't thought of it. She'd thought, like most people who hiked regularly, that a first aid kit was just an obvious thing one should bring, much as how one always brings a map (or GPS) on a road trip. Aunt Olga was the type of woman who assumed that most people generally had enough brain cells that they didn't need everything spelled out for them.

 

And so it had completely slipped her mind that the Moody family would need to be told to bring a first aid kit, along with extra socks, and whatever other basic necessities you might need out in the woods.

 

Unfortunately, Mr. Moody had possibly a few less brain cells than Aunt Olga had anticipated, and so here they were, by the stream, wet and with achy feet.

 

Three hikers rounded the bend and approached them.

 

“Hello!” Grandma Maude greeted them cheerfully.

 

Mitch quickly stuffed his feet back into his shoes and stepped

forward, holding his sock. “Good morning, Miss Marple! I didn't know you enjoyed hiking! One of us ran

into a bit of a mishap on the bridge and they were wondering

if you have an extra pair of socks. They would be very grateful

if you did.”

 

Grandma Maude laughed, “So you got your foot wet?”

 

“How did you know?”

 

Seriously, you said you had a mishap on the bridge... I notice neither of you are bleeding, bruised, or otherwise injured, so it's not hard to deduce what else could have possibly happened.  She was in a good mood, so all she said out loud was, “You’re holding your sock.”

 

Alexa snorted. Jane turn to Alexa and gave her the "don't start laughing at them now" look. Alexa gave her the "but I can't help it!" look in return. The cousins looked away from each other and tried not to giggle.

 

Mitch swallowed hard. He had given it away with that. “Yes,

ma’am. And my sister has a blister.”

 

“Let me guess: You’re flatlanders. Am I right?” Alexa asked, her

blonde ponytail bobbing back and forth

 

Grandma Maude shot Alexa a look, but Alexa blinked back innocently. Grandma Maude stifled a smile. It wasn't like the Moodys would even be aware the term was a thinly veiled insult. In fact, Maude Bagwell could tell that Mitch had no clue what she was talking about because he had that dopey grin frozen on his face that all the Moody children wore when they weren't entirely sure of what was happening.

 

Finally, Mitch replied. “We are.”

 

There was an awkward silence, and then Jane spoke up. “We have a blister kit, but no extra socks.”

 

This wasn't entirely true. As former boy scouts, Jane, Alexa, and Grandma Maude knew to be prepared for just about anything. However, they'd only brought one extra pair of socks each, and, in addition to being unsure if their socks would even fit Mitch's big foot....

 

Seriously, Alexa fumed privately, who has the utter nerve, the GALL to ask strangers for extra socks?! Do the Moodys think these things grow on trees?

 

Jane shot Alexa a look that meant she was thinking the same thing. It's one thing to ask for first aid supplies. She thought, as she searched through her bag. People run out of those all the time, and they're relatively cheap. But socks?

 

Even for the Moodys, that was weird.

 

Grandma Maude caught Jane and Alexa's gaze and rolled her eyes before quickly turning back to the Moodys. “Did you already use your blister pads and bandaids?”

 

“No,” Max shook his head. “Aunt Olga didn't tell us to bring a first aid kit, so we just didn't think of it.”

 

Flatlanders indeed! Thought Maude as she pressed her lips into a thin line. Out loud all she said was, “hmm.”

 

Jane turned to Alexa. “Alexa, is the first aid kit in your bag?”

 

“Who knows what all you stuck in mine when you thought I wasn't looking.” Alexa said as she shrugged off her backpack and unzipped it. “It's like you think I want to carry all your extra weight for you.”

 

“Sorry Cuz, just wanted to make sure you were prepared, that's all.”

 

“I am always prepared, Jane.”

 

“Yeah, so prepared in fact that you decided to bring half your library with you?”

 

“I thought I'd get bored!”

 

“Books are weight, Alexa.”

 

“But...”

 

“Your kindle's in the side pocket.”

 

Alexa blinked, stunned into silence. “What would I do without you.” Alexa asked as she took out the blister kit. “I didn't even know these things existed.... here you go, Mr. Moody.” She handed the blister kit to Dad.

 

“Thank you so much,” Dad said. He found a thick pad and applied it to Mollie's blister. Jane vaguely wondered why the 11 year old girl couldn't apply her own damn blister pad, but wasn't sure she wanted a confrontation, so she said nothing.

 

Alexa began to take pity on the poor dumb flatlanders. “I've been in your shoes before,” she said. “Blisters are no fun. Anyone else got one?”

 

Jane, asked Mitch, “What happened?”

 

“I was trying to beat my time crossing the stream,” Mitch

admitted. “So on my second crossing, I was in such a hurry

that I slipped and fell part way in.”

 

Jane glanced at the “bridge,” if you could even call it that. Someone had come along and laid some logs across the stream, side by side. The logs weren't even tied together, and it looked precarious.

 

I knew the Moodys were dumb, but I didn't know they were this dumb..... holy cow.

 

Grandma Maude suppressed a smile. “How..... tragic,” she said. “You all can keep

several blister pads, because with a wet sock, you'll probably need them.” She watched as Mr. Moody took out some blister pads, then handed the kit back to her. “Are you going to the lake?” She asked, trying to be polite.

 

“Yes, we are; thank you for your generosity.”

 

Mitch handed a million-dollar-bill tract to Grandma Maude. “This

isn’t real, but if it was, that’d be incredible. It has the million-

dollar question on the back.”

 

“If it was real, I'd wonder what bank you robbed,” Grandma Maude said thinly. "And why you were giving out stolen goods." She was well familiar with the tracts. Alexa had come home from her job at Insert Name of Popular Restaurant Here ranting about the idiot who'd left her one instead of a tip.

 

“The million Dollar question....” Jane started to say.

 

“Is, 'Will Bernie Sanders win the 2016 election?'” Alexa finished.

 

“No, no, Alexa,” Jane corrected, “It's, 'will Alexa show up to Joshua's party in an appropriate outfit, or will she be wearing something weird?'”

 

“Well I think the real million dollar question is, 'will I ever find a date for Joshua's party or am I going to have to stay home and wash my hair?'”

 

“Girls!” Grandma Maude stopped them before they could get into a more serious argument. She turned back to the Moodys. “Thanks,” She said, with all the enthusiasm she could muster. “That's.... neat.”

 

Grandma Maude jerked her head in Alexa and Jane's direction. Jane caught on first. “Oh yes, I would like one too please.” She held out her hand to Mr. Moody, who gave her a tract.

 

“I would also like to read what the, er, real million dollar question is, Mr. Moody,” Alexa said humbly, wondering what the fuck this was about.

 

“Oh, and I'd like one for my husband,” Grandma Maude asked, with a twinkle in her eye. “I know he is minimally interested in such things.”

 

“And I'd like one for my little niece, Jessica.” Alexa asked.

 

“And I'd--”

 

“That's enough, girls,” Grandma Maude said firmly. “We don't want to exhaust the poor Moody's supply.”

 

The Moodys crossed the stream without saying goodbye. Alexa turned to her grandmother. “What the every loving fuck--” she wanted to know.

 

Maude sighed. “Alexa, have I taught you nothing?”

 

“Well, you taught me that when a man and a woman--”

 

“No no, not that. What have I taught you about fires?”

 

“How to start one with one match,” Jane said. “I'm guessing you're thinking kindling?”

 

“That's correct,” Maude said. “the paper this is made out of is perfect for making fire starters.” She turned over the tract. “The million dollar question,” she read out loud, “is, 'are you a good person?'”

 

Jane and Alexa started to hike on ahead of Maude. “Hey, come back!” Maude exclaimed, “we have to snark on this!” But Jane and Alexa were already too far up the path.

[Trynn]

And..... because I'm still procrastinating on that stupid paper.....

 

Trick or treating with the Moodys

 

Jane and Alexa, needing little excuse to go out trick or treating, had quickly volunteered to take their little cousins, Kate and Xander with them. They were going out for the kids, of course. So of course they had to wear their own costumes and have their own trick of treat bags. They had spent weeks scouting out the best neighborhoods for the event, and had even put the family dog in a lion costume. Alexa was going as Wednsday Addams, and had argued that she needed “kitty kat” to complete the look. Jane had made noises about people who bought animals from the shelter to use as costume props, and Alexa had pointed out that taking the well loved family dog for a walk in a costume was hardly the same thing as adopting a black cat to complete a witch outfit and then dumping it the next day.

Grandma Maude had rolled her eyes at this, but decided it wasn't a battle she wanted to pick.

Alexa had tried to convince her cousins to go as other members of The Addams Family, but Jane pointed out that neither one of them had the figure to be Morticia, and at any rate the littles didn't even get the reference.

“This is the best neighborhood,” Jane said as Alexa, Kate and Xander and stepped out of the car. Alexa set “Kitty Kat” down on the ground. The little dog immediately began trying to get out of her costume, but Alexa had put in enough safety pins to make that impossible.

“Hey look,” said Kay, “there's the first house, and their porch light is on. Let's go!”

“Oh wait Kate! Kate no! Kay come back--” but Kate and her brother were already racing up the walk. Alex sighed.

“What?” Jane asked. “What's wrong with that house?”

“It's the Moody's house, Jane.”

“Oh dear,” Jane said as she dropped her keys into her purse and picked up her torch.

“Yeah.... I'm not really sure this is a good idea...”

“Why not? We could give them a really good scare.” Jane turned on the torch. Paper flamed lept out of the prop. She adjusted the state of liberty crown on her forehead. “Or at least, you could. You're dressed like a witch. Sort of.”

“And little Xander went as Satan.... we should be so proud.”

Speaking of the devil, he'd already rang the Moody's doorbell. Jane and Alexa hurried to catch up, the dog trotting at their heals.

Mrs. Moody opened the door. “Hello?”

“Trick or Treat!” Shouted Kate and Xander, holding out their little plastic pumpkins.

Mrs. Moody blinked. “Er....” she glanced around at the group on her porch. “We don't really celebrate--”

“I'm sorry about that,” Jane said, attempting to be polite. “The porch light was on so the kids thought....”

“Oh, it's that night again, isn't it?” Asked Mrs. Moody, pressing her hands to her temples. She had a headache. Mr. Moody and Mollie came out and joined her. “Why don't you go inside, dear,” Mr. Moody told her. “I'll handle this.”

“Thank you dear,” said Mrs. Moody. “I need to lie down.”

“We left the porch light on our Aunt Grace, who is coming to visit later tonight. We do not celebrate Halloween, but if you wish, we are just starting to have our evening bible study. You could join us--”

Katie's smile was starting to falter. “You.... don't have candy?”

Mollie stared wide eyed at Katie, who was dressed as Queen Elsa (drink!). Her eyes also took in Xander's devil costume and Alexa's “witch” dress. Alexa suddenly wished she had known someone with a black cat who would let her borrow it. It would freak out Mollie Moody even more. She could tell Mr. Moody was a wee bit frightened of their appearance, because a vein in his temple was twitching. Her whole body froze. She did not want to be on the receiving end of Mr. Moody's anger again.

“Hold on, daddy.” Mollie Moody spoke up. “I have something for them.” She darted into the house.

Jane had been trying to get them out of there quickly and efficiently. Now, however, the only thing to do was wait in the awkward silence. Finally, Mr. Moody said, “Celebrating the devil's birthday, are we?”

“No,” said Xander, thinking Mr. Moody was joking, “my birthday isn't till December.”

Alexa face palmed.

Katie, who was a little older and a little more familiar with religious people's objections to the holiday, spoke up. “We're not celebrating the devil,” she said. “We're just trick or treating.”

Mr. Moody, who had just stared open mouthed at Xander's comment, caught onto this quickly. “Yes, little girl,” he said, “but do you know why you go trick or treating every year?”

“To get candy,” replied Katie.

“Well,” said Jane, “nice seeing you this evening, but I really think we should--”

But just then, Mollie reappeared in the doorway with some home made cookies wrapped in plastic. “These are for you,” she said, dropping 2 cookies each into Xander and Katie's orange plastic pumkins. “And here's a little reading material, too.” She gave them each a million dollar tract.

“Thank you,” Alexa said to Mollie. And she meant it. It wasn't the 9 year old's fault she was living in a crazy cult family. Her intentions were probably pure, but Mr. Moody was warming up for an anti Halloween sermon. “That was a very nice gesture. And now we really need to get going.”

“Yes,” Jane said, “lots of houses to hit. Thank you for the offer of bible study but, uh, our parents told us not to enter anyone's houses.”

“Yes,” said Alexa. “Even grown women must obey their parents, eh Mr. Moody?” She had already put an arm around Katie and was steering her toward the porch steps.

“Just a moment, girls. I have to ask you something.”

Jane grabbed Xander's arm. “Come on,” she told him firmly. She smiled at Mollie and thanked her for the cookies.

“Girls, do you see yourselves as good people?” Mr. Moody called after them.

Jane and Xander kept going, but Alexa turned around and said, “No, Mr. Moody. I'm a witch. I'm as evil as they come. And if you don't leave us alone, I'll put a spell on you.”

Mr. Moody's mouth dropped open. She and Jane hurried the children from the porch.

 

 

That night, Mr. Moody led the family in a 2 hour long bible study wherein he ranted against the evils of Halloween, and prayed for Alexa's soul to be freed from the spirit which had obviously possessed it. “I have seen her eyes,” he said. “There was evil in her eyes!”

Mollie Moody doubted this. She had seen nothing but compassion and gratefulness in Alexa's eyes, but she dismissed the doubts immediately. Her father had said Alexa had the devil in her, and her father was always right. Mollie decided to say a special prayer for Alexa in her room at night just before bed.

The next morning, the Moody family woke up early, as was their custom. At first they thought they were seeing snow, but then they realized their trees had been strewn with toilet paper.

Mitch smelled something weird outside, and discovered, to his horror, that their house had been egged. He ran to tell father, who shook his head and put an arm around his son. “Truly, the devil was out to get us tonight. We will have to pray a hedge of protection around the house.”

Mitch shuddered, glad he had his father there to protect him from the evils of the outside world.

[Naga Viper]

Awesome, Trynn!  Here's to Maude and the girls trolling the Moodys any time you feel like procrastinating!

[Trynn]

Awesome, Trynn!  Here's to Maude and the girls trolling the Moodys any time you feel like procrastinating!

Thank you. I should also let you know that it's, to quote Sarah.... not all fiction! These are based on real life experiences people!!!!!! You can use every day events when you write your books!!!!! You can turn a mundane event into something extraordinary!!!!

Oh dear, I'm afraid now I have an urge to write about Maude doing something mundane.....

No, actually, that was the urge to vomit. Damned food poisoning from the party

[nausicaa]

I always wonder about what part of her psyche was allowed to roam free and name the family the "Moodys." 

Hate to break it to you but that was preordained as well. It's a reference to the dude of Moody Bible fame. 

[Othello]

Why would they want to come to CO anyway? There's too much pot and too many gheys!

(at least in Denver/Boulder. Maybe they're avoiding the cool spots. They'd have too much explaining to do while walking down the street with kids asking what the interesting smell is)

[apandaaries]

Hate to break it to you but that was preordained as well. It's a reference to the dude of Moody Bible fame. 

Ah, but of course. That makes much more sense than having used her imagination. 

[CyborgKin]

The Million Dollar tracts that I've seen were plastic, but they weren't American ones.

Oh and I assume Mollie Moody has no idea who Elsa is

[nastyhobbitses]

The Million Dollar tracts that I've seen were plastic, but they weren't American ones.

Oh and I assume Mollie Moody has no idea who Elsa is

She's a character in a movie that shows the dangers of isolating children and not letting them explore and live up to their full potential (or be afraid of their full potential) -- of course a character based on the Maxwell children wouldn't be allowed to see such corrupting material.

[MamaJunebug]

Would that I had Trynn's way with words!  As is, I did think of a story arc for the ABC girls.

Ch. 1: "Abi becomes Chicky Mama"

Ch. 2: "Bethy & Christina learn to gather eggs"

Ch. 3: "Abi learns that the chicken in those styro plates at Costco are the same as her chickens"

Ch. 4: "Abi leads Bethy & Christina into vegetarianism"

Ch. 5: "Bethy learns that Grandma Moody can't tell cheese from paper"

Ch. 6: "Bethy leads Abi & Christina into veganism"

Ch. 7: "Grandpa Moody shuts down the publishing empire with an epilogue"

[mango_fandango]

@Trynn your fanfiction is amazing.

I've spent so much of my time gawking at fundies that I kind of feel tempted a lot of the time to write my own fundie story/fanfiction type of thing. I love writing (but I do also read, unlike Poor Sarah). I play Sims 3 a lot and have created a few 'fundie' families there. 

[Palimpsest]

::Coughs::  I'm about to sound incredibly stuffy but we don't want to give Steve any ideas.

What @‌Trynn writes is parody not fan fiction.  It is against the FJ rules to post fan fiction or real person fiction.  Legal reasons. 

http://www.freejinger.org/resources/free-jinger-rules/

‌@Curious, do we need to clarify this anywhere?  I just got all worried about it - probably totally unnecessarily. 

Not being a degreed legal professional^TM, I think we are fine if we make sure to credit the original work, as I do with song parodies, and I don't think anyone could possibly mistake Trynn's parodies for fanfic in a court of law! However, should we be changing Moody names to make it crystal clear.  For example:   "Bored with the Rings" turned Frodo into Frito.

[Trynn]

Re the million dollar tracts, I wasn't sure what they were made of, so I decided that they would want to mimic real money as much as possible without running into counterfeit issues. So I decided the paper would be real paper, to get close to the texture of real money. It was, admittedly, handwavium.

Gosh, I didn't think of that. Should I instead link to my blog and write these there? Would I be able to link to my blog at that point?

I know we can't do real people fan fiction. I thought those were kinda creepy anyway when they involved minors.

I'd like to not have to change too many names around if I don't have to because then I will never remember who is who. But let me know if what I'm doing poses a problem.

[Palimpsest]

Re the million dollar tracts, I wasn't sure what they were made of, so I decided that they would want to mimic real money as much as possible without running into counterfeit issues. So I decided the paper would be real paper, to get close to the texture of real money. It was, admittedly, handwavium.

 

Gosh, I didn't think of that. Should I instead link to my blog and write these there? Would I be able to link to my blog at that point?

 

I know we can't do real people fan fiction. I thought those were kinda creepy anyway when they involved minors.

 

I'd like to not have to change too many names around if I don't have to because then I will never remember who is who. But let me know if what I'm doing poses a problem.

 

 

No, no! I'm 99.9% sure that what you write is obvious parody!  I just wondered whether we needed clarification because so many people were calling it fanfic.  The mods have clamped down on fanfic on the Duggar side so they probably know the limits well.

I've parodied the Moodys and channeled Poor Sarah several times too.  I think I've always cited the source and made clear that it is NOT Sarah's writing so I don't think it counts as  Real Person Fiction. 

I'm probably just being over-anxious.

[quiversR4hunting]

Re the million dollar tracts, I wasn't sure what they were made of, so I decided that they would want to mimic real money as much as possible without running into counterfeit issues. So I decided the paper would be real paper, to get close to the texture of real money. It was, admittedly, handwavium.

 

Gosh, I didn't think of that. Should I instead link to my blog and write these there? Would I be able to link to my blog at that point?

 

I know we can't do real people fan fiction. I thought those were kinda creepy anyway when they involved minors.

 

I'd like to not have to change too many names around if I don't have to because then I will never remember who is who. But let me know if what I'm doing poses a problem.

 

 

can you link your blog to a blog here? In the new format all of us get to create one blog. Maybe your FJ blog could link to your blog? I don't know the rules with the blog. LIke you, I'm in school and trying to stay focused!

[CyborgKin]

She's a character in a movie that shows the dangers of isolating children and not letting them explore and live up to their full potential (or be afraid of their full potential) -- of course a character based on the Maxwell children wouldn't be allowed to see such corrupting material.

I should have seen that connection, it's perfect!

Does that mean we should start calling Sarah the Snow Queen?

Re the million dollar tracts, I wasn't sure what they were made of, so I decided that they would want to mimic real money as much as possible without running into counterfeit issues. So I decided the paper would be real paper, to get close to the texture of real money. It was, admittedly, handwavium.

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the US ones are paper.  The Australian ones are plastic because all Australian notes are plastic.

[Trynn]

can you link your blog to a blog here? In the new format all of us get to create one blog. Maybe your FJ blog could link to your blog? I don't know the rules with the blog. LIke you, I'm in school and trying to stay focused!

Or maybe my FJ blog could stay on FJ? I could do that.... If I knew how. I'm pretty technologically inept.

Out of curiosity, how is what I do parody cs fanfiction? I'm not trying to make the Moodys look dumb on purpose, (they do a good enough job themselves) which is usually the purpose of a parody?

I almost think what I do is more satire?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

 

Or maybe my FJ blog could stay on FJ? I could do that.... If I knew how. I'm pretty technologically inept.

 

Out of curiosity, how is what I do parody cs fanfiction? I'm not trying to make the Moodys look dumb on purpose, (they do a good enough job themselves) which is usually the purpose of a parody?

 

 

 

I almost think what I do is more satire?

To create a blog on FJ one of the least technical things one could do.    Go to blogs > create blog > give it a name.  To create entries you do the same except "create blog entry."  the specific click by click instructions are in the FAQ.  

[Trynn]

To create a blog on FJ one of the least technical things one could do.  [emoji4]  Go to blogs > create blog > give it a name.  To create entries you do the same except "create blog entry."  the specific click by click instructions are in the FAQ.  

Any luck doing that from tapa?

[Sweet Fellowship]

Well if she loves writing - won't it be taken from her because idol?

As long as Sarah's writing makes Stevo money, it won't be taken from her.