All Things Dillard - Part 6

[nastyhobbitses]

I wonder if Derrick is concerned that he married a woman who is not capable of taking care of herself, much less their children? She is lost without someone to tell her what to do or if she is alone.

I remember my father always telling me that some of the reasons he married my mom were that she was smart and competent. He said he knew we kids were in completely capable hands in any emergency - including if something ever happened to him.

Edited for grammar.

One of the most important lessons my mom taught me was to always remember that if you marry someone, you're not just so-and-so's spouse. You still have your own life and you exist independently of the person you married. I think Jill, along with her abandonment issues and limited education, has had it drilled into her that her destiny is to be a Wife. Her identity as an adult depends wholly on the man she marries. Before that, her identity was being Jim Bob Duggar's daughter. Without daddy or Derick around to validate her identity and give her direction, she's lost.

[JenniferJuniper]

I thought Jill was clingy before, especially while pregnant and Derick was working at Walmart. It seemed she was calling and texting him a lot (besides driving him to and from work). I suspect that now, given what happened with Josh, she'd prefer to keep Derick in sight. Doubt he'll be working in an office again anytime soon.

Somewhere I read that someone who knew Derick at work said that she not only drove him to and from work, she came to his work cafeteria every day to have lunch with him.

Clingy for sure, but JIll is also someone who has never spent time alone. Ever. Didn't the show seem to imply James was getting his edumacation from Jill during the day? Another way to fill what Jill probably felt was an empty day.

[lascuba]

Somewhere I read that someone who knew Derick at work said that she not only drove him to and from work, she came to his work cafeteria every day to have lunch with him.

Clingy for sure, but JIll is also someone who has never spent time alone. Ever. Didn't the show seem to imply James was getting his edumacation from Jill during the day? Another way to fill what Jill probably felt was an empty day.

It's interesting to me how different personalities react to this. Look at the Bates--Alyssa has made it very clear that she hated the lack of privacy in her family home and really enjoyed being a newlywed in her own home several states away from her family, while Erin freaked out at the prospect of leaving home after getting married and had her siblings over all the time because, in her words, "I'm not used to being alone, and I don't like it." Jill seems to be more like Erin in that regard, except that she transferred that to being constantly on Derrick, and more than just in the way of the newly infatuated. I don't really think it's hugely significant as it's likely just about the personalities people are born with, but in Jill's case you'd think she could have occasionally gone to her family's house if she was bored/lonely instead of going to Derrick's job every.single.day for lunch and gym time. It's like she isn't all that close to the siblings outside her buggy group--the buddy group she led. Hmmm. (I know, I know. My "Jill sucks" bias is showing.)

[wotdancer]

One of the most important lessons my mom taught me was to always remember that if you marry someone, you're not just so-and-so's spouse. You still have your own life and you exist independently of the person you married. I think Jill, along with her abandonment issues and limited education, has had it drilled into her that her destiny is to be a Wife. Her identity as an adult depends wholly on the man she marries. Before that, her identity was being Jim Bob Duggar's daughter. Without daddy or Derick around to validate her identity and give her direction, she's lost.

QFT. I had a psych professor who refused to refer to his spouse as "my wife"; he always called her by her first name when referring to her in the third person, and one day he explained that he did that because he respects her identity as her own person first and foremost. I love that way of thinking! - but it's very un-Duggar...

[pnwgypsy]

Are you perhaps noticing his jaws looking odd or crooked? I wondered if (on top of the bad haircut) he may have TMJ. I do and sometimes braces are one of the treatments (I realize he needed his teeth straightened too) and his jaws look very strange to me. They don't look aligned. Anyway, I wonder if that's partly what's causing him to look a little odd. Of course I'm not a dentist or anything, it's just something I noticed when I was looking at photos last night. I'm going through TMJ treatment myself so I notice people's jaws a lot more! ;)

I thought his jaws looked crooked as well in a recently posted pic.

[SassyPants]

Somewhere I read that someone who knew Derick at work said that she not only drove him to and from work, she came to his work cafeteria every day to have lunch with him.

Clingy for sure, but JIll is also someone who has never spent time alone. Ever. Didn't the show seem to imply James was getting his edumacation from Jill during the day? Another way to fill what Jill probably felt was an empty day.

Using just a bit of logic and reasoning here, wouldn't that have been the perfect time to get that MW certification under her belt? All that free time, yet the testing apparently did not get done and according to the show, there was no nursery until Izzy was practically being pulled from her uterus.

I hate illogic, hate it.

There is no such thing as an empty day. What a waste and there are 18 more just like her-

No 2 parents cannot successfully raise 19 productive, self directed, critically thinking, independent members of society. There are not enough hours in the day.

[HarleyQuinn]

Jill seems like hands down the clingiest of the kids that courted/married. She's ALWAY holding on to Derick in some form. Holding hands, putting her hand on his thigh when they take pictures, It's like she consistently has to point out "MINE MINE MINE"

One of the many things I find annoying about Jilly Muffin.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Jill seems like hands down the clingiest of the kids that courted/married. She's ALWAY holding on to Derick in some form. Holding hands, putting her hand on his thigh when they take pictures, It's like she consistently has to point out "MINE MINE MINE"

One of the many things I find annoying about Jilly Muffin.

Typical teenager with her first "real" boyfriend. Probably has their bedroom wall plastered with Pinterest "boyfriend" pictures of them kissing in every possible pose.

[halcionne]

Jill seems like hands down the clingiest of the kids that courted/married. She's ALWAY holding on to Derick in some form. Holding hands, putting her hand on his thigh when they take pictures, It's like she consistently has to point out "MINE MINE MINE"

One of the many things I find annoying about Jilly Muffin.

As much as I dislike Jill, I can't really blame her for this. She's pretty much behaving exactly the way she was raised to with regard to a husband. He is her 'god,' and she must 'worship' him. To me it's just another example of how enthusiastically she follows her family's cult. And I'm tired of seeing enthusiastic, affectionate women being called clingy.

[JenniferJuniper]

Typical teenager with her first "real" boyfriend. Probably has their bedroom wall plastered with Pinterest "boyfriend" pictures of them kissing in every possible pose.

Lots of young girls also get some of that out of their system with their One Direction, Jonas Brothers, New Kids on the Block, pick-your-era-boy-band phase. Another normal thing the Duggars weren't allowed.

[ClaraOswin]

I don't think that showing affection - hugging, hand holding, etc. equals being clingy.

But I've seen other signs of Jill being clingy on the show. Someone earlier brought up a talking head segment on the show when Jill and Derick were saying what they each think is an acceptable time to be apart. And Jill was like "no time apart is acceptable." Derick said an acceptable amount of time would be while he was at work. And she basically said she didn't agree with that. To me, that is a big red flag.

I think the problem is that she seems to immature as far as relationships go. And I'm sure that's because of her upbringing.

[iweartanktops]

Lots of young girls also get some of that out of their system with their One Direction, Jonas Brothers, New Kids on the Block, pick-your-era-boy-band phase. Another normal thing the Duggars weren't allowed.

Instead they have photos of teenage JB on their bedroom wall. *BARF*

[IreneIssh]

I don't think that showing affection - hugging, hand holding, etc. equals being clingy.

But I've seen other signs of Jill being clingy on the show. Someone earlier brought up a talking head segment on the show when Jill and Derick were saying what they each think is an acceptable time to be apart. And Jill was like "no time apart is acceptable." Derick said an acceptable amount of time would be while he was at work. And she basically said she didn't agree with that. To me, that is a big red flag.

I think the problem is that she seems to immature as far as relationships go. And I'm sure that's because of her upbringing.

Wow. That's intense. Does anyone remember what episode this is from? I don't think I've seen that TH segment.

[nokidsmom]

Wow. That's intense. Does anyone remember what episode this is from? I don't think I've seen that TH segment.

Hearing about this makes me think two possibilities: 1. That it was Jill who pushed Derick into quitting Walmart and going into the mission field or 2. Issues arose at Derick's employment with show demands and perhaps Jill's neediness, namely in the form of absenteeism, and he decided to leave Walmart before it left him. I can see no. 2 being a possibility because he was a tax accountant with end of month/quarter/year closings. If he was not at his job enough during these critical times due to demands from his wife and in-laws that would cause a problem in short order.

Neither possibility is good for him as if it was his plan to continue at Walmart a bit and build his regular career, then it was disrupted by needy wife and demanding in-laws.

[ClaraOswin]

Wow. That's intense. Does anyone remember what episode this is from? I don't think I've seen that TH segment.

I can't remember now. Maybe one of the wedding planning episodes? Maybe someone else remembers.

[MatthewDuggar]

Hearing about this makes me think two possibilities: 1. That it was Jill who pushed Derick into quitting Walmart and going into the mission field or 2. Issues arose at Derick's employment with show demands and perhaps Jill's neediness, namely in the form of absenteeism, and he decided to leave Walmart before it left him. I can see no. 2 being a possibility because he was a tax accountant with end of month/quarter/year closings. If he was not at his job enough during these critical times due to demands from his wife and in-laws that would cause a problem in short order.

Neither possibility is good for him as if it was his plan to continue at Walmart a bit and build his regular career, then it was disrupted by needy wife and demanding in-laws.

Those are good points, but who really knows. His out-of-office email indicated he had taken employment elsewhere, which is a blatant lie unless he was referring to TLC filming.

[halcionne]

I don't think that showing affection - hugging, hand holding, etc. equals being clingy.

But I've seen other signs of Jill being clingy on the show. Someone earlier brought up a talking head segment on the show when Jill and Derick were saying what they each think is an acceptable time to be apart. And Jill was like "no time apart is acceptable." Derick said an acceptable amount of time would be while he was at work. And she basically said she didn't agree with that. To me, that is a big red flag.

I think the problem is that she seems to immature as far as relationships go. And I'm sure that's because of her upbringing.

Again, that's how she was raised. I agree, also, with posters who point out that she never had a chance to get this kind of thing out of her system. Derick is basically Jill's first crush.

[lascuba]

I wouldn't think Derrick was pushed into quitting, exactly. I think he immersed himself in the the ATI fundie world, which is big on self-employment, so even without anyone explicitly saying so, he might have been feeling some internal pressure to live up to the stupid ideals his dumb ass decided to embrace. The fact that Jill, if she wasn't just trying to be cute and cheesy for the cameras with the "no time away is acceptable" comment (any other Duggar and I'd assume attempted cuteness, Jill, being Jill, was probably serious), might have been unhappy with not being attached at the hip during the workweek, would have been another factor even if she wasn't saying, "I want you to quit." The fact that TLC was there, probably offering a long-term contract to be a full-time mi$$ionary, clinched it for him...he could quit Walmart, be a good ATI boy, make his wife happy, and do "godly" "work" he enjoyed without making any financial or material sacrifices because TLC was footing the bill. But then Joshgate 1 happened, TLC cancelled, and, oh look, a donation button. Let's hope the upcoming specials don't lead to anything more and his stupid decisions catch up with him.

[AlysonRR]

... I suspect that now, given what happened with Josh, she'd prefer to keep Derick in sight. Doubt he'll be working in an office again anytime soon.

He might be defrauded by a female colleague's immodest top or short skirt or (God forbid) shorts! Because we all know it's the female's responsibility to cover up, not the male's responsibility to have some freaking self control :| :|

[MatthewDuggar]

Derrick may have been laid off eventually anyway... This just in...

fortune.com/2015/09/30/walmart-job-cuts

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Jill seems like hands down the clingiest of the kids that courted/married. She's ALWAY holding on to Derick in some form. Holding hands, putting her hand on his thigh when they take pictures, It's like she consistently has to point out "MINE MINE MINE"

One of the many things I find annoying about Jilly Muffin.

I do this with my husband. I don't know we are always hands on with each other and we've been married for 19 years. :o It isn't a mine mine mine thing, we just genuinely love each other.

[nokidsmom]

Those are good points, but who really knows. His out-of-office email indicated he had taken employment elsewhere, which is a blatant lie unless he was referring to TLC filming.

Giving the timing, it's quite possible that his new employment was the mission field.

It's hard to know what was really behind his leaving but I always wondered when he and Jill got married how he would be really able to continue at his job namely because of filming demands. Hearing how needy/clingy Jill is and how she really could not understand that they had to be apart so he could work his job, just sounds like he had additional pressures that interfered with his employment.

[EmCatlyn]

I suspect Ben enjoyed the money, attention and perks from the show and all that may have influenced his big ideas for some kind of ministry. Whether or not he expected to never work a day in his life? Maybe, maybe not but certainly having the money roll in courtesy of the show didn't hurt. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he saw Jessa as a meal ticket though.

Now, I don't get that same read on Derrick however. I get the impression that show or no show, he had goals for himself and would do fine either way. I don't think he cared about the show as much as his wife did but he's stuck going along. Let's face it, his wife's family and their influence is bigger than him.

Frankly the shows are happening because that's what Jessa and Jill want. I don't think it matters whether Ben or Derrick are on board or not. They are missing the show, the money, the perks, the attention. They have no idea what else to really do and are trying to keep this gravy training going in whatever way they can. In spite of talk of being a missionary and midwife (Jill) and ministry (Jessa) the real deal is both are panicked over how they are going to fare without the show.

I agree, and I think it isn't just the money and the perks and loot connected to being on TV that matters to the girls (though greed is certainly there). I think they liked feeling "special" and that the admiration of fans filled some emotional need in their lives.

[physicalscience]

The fact that Jill, if she wasn't just trying to be cute and cheesy for the cameras with the "no time away is acceptable" comment (any other Duggar and I'd assume attempted cuteness, Jill, being Jill, was probably serious), might have been unhappy with not being attached at the hip during the workweek, would have been another factor even if she wasn't saying, "I want you to quit."

snipped.

I thought Jessa said something like this in regards to Ben being gone during the day, too? I remember watching that and being shocked.

[physicalscience]

snipped.

I thought Jessa said something like this in regards to Ben being gone during the day, too? I remember watching that and being shocked.

As a matter of fact, I found the clip! Thank jeebus for WTF Fundie Families on tumblr <3 <3

wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087986650/there-might-be-hope-for-this-guy-yet-if-he-can