All Things Dillard - Part 6

[physicalscience]

I can't remember now. Maybe one of the wedding planning episodes? Maybe someone else remembers.

snipped.

Found it courtesy of WTF Fundie Families on tumblr, both Jill and Jessa talk about it.

Episode: Jill Says Yes to the Dress

Jill's here: wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087329010/okay-jill-i-know-youre-kidding-but-this-is

Jessa's here: wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087986650/there-might-be-hope-for-this-guy-yet-if-he-can

[nastyhobbitses]

snipped.

Found it courtesy of WTF Fundie Families on tumblr, both Jill and Jessa talk about it.

Episode: Jill Says Yes to the Dress

Jill's here: wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087329010/okay-jill-i-know-youre-kidding-but-this-is

Jessa's here: wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087986650/there-might-be-hope-for-this-guy-yet-if-he-can

OK, did Ben and Jill just not develop object permanence? It's 8 hours. Your spouse will still exist in 8 hours. They will still exist during those 8 hours. You can find plenty of ways to entertain yourself for 8 hours. Such as getting a job yourself. Or doing your job, as it were. Most people figure this out when they're three or so. Going to work for 8 hours is not like being deployed to Iraq for two years. It's really sad how the fundie lifestyle has made these young people so incapable of independence that they can't handle being alone for part of the day.

[missegeno]

For a while, my partner and I both worked from home for separate companies. on one hand it was nice to always have him around, but on the whole it was really bad for our relationship. It's just too much of one person. You need a bit of absence to make the heart grow stronger I suppose. Things got better between us and we appreciated each other more after I got a new job outside the home. Sure I hated leaving in the morning, but it was really good for our relationship.

It saddens me to think that neither of the married duggar girls are going to let their relationships have that breathing room. I mean, jessa can't even speak at a women's event without Ben onstage with her. It's going to be hard for these couples to not suffocate their relationships. Embracing codependency seems the only way to survive their approach in the long term. And it seems they already have. :-(

[Kayel]

snipped.

Found it courtesy of WTF Fundie Families on tumblr, both Jill and Jessa talk about it.

Episode: Jill Says Yes to the Dress

Jill's here: wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087329010/okay-jill-i-know-youre-kidding-but-this-is

Jessa's here: wtffundiefamilies.tumblr.com/post/100087986650/there-might-be-hope-for-this-guy-yet-if-he-can

Wow, I totally missed that when first watching the episode. :sleeping:

I can see the admiring look at (future) headship, but where is the obedience in Jill saying "I don't think we've agreed on that"? I often wonder who the real headship is in fundieland. Boob? J'chelle? Boob? J'chelle? Grandma Duggar? Oh, the confusion... :think:

I disagree with "okay-jill-i-know-youre-kidding", because in the video you can see that even Dullard is confused about whether she was joking or not...

[FunDieDumDum]

To me this behavior pattern from the Duggar kids is completely unsurprising. They've lived their entire lives up until marriage spending almost no time alone, ever...and in fact being actively discouraged/forbidden from doing so, for fear of having a lack of "accountability". Is it really fair to then expect them to suddenly enjoy being alone, something which they have NEVER experienced to any measurable degree their entire lives? Far from enjoying it, I'd imagine it's a source of anxiety for them - I'm pretty sure it would have been for me if I'd been raised the way they have.

Over time however, I hope that they will each, with the support and understanding of their spouses, gradually learn to see the value of time spent alone, and begin to develop the self-reliance and independence that has been (by all outside appearances) stifled up until now. It's something to hope for at least! :roll:

[Rescinded and Mended]

Jill didn't look like she was kidding the slightest little bit there. I can just imagine the conversation between them off-camera.

Derick: Sweetie, I have a college degree. I can get a job and support us. Then we wouldn't have to depend on the money from the show if anything ever happened.

Jill: Well, you shouldn't have to do that at all. The show won't end. You should be at home with me and our future children all the time, just like my dad is with my mom.

Derick: But most people have to get out there and work for a living, outside of the home.

Jill: Have I ever told you how we got money when my family was poor, when I was really young?

Derick: No, how?

Jill: My dad would ask people to bless us with love offerings. He would tell them that they would be glorifying God by making donations of food and clothing...we got everything we ever needed. You and I could be such a blessing to others if we went overseas to other countries to minister, and then we could ask others to bless us as we do The Good Work. Now, doesn't that sound nice?

Derick: I wouldn't have to work a desk job. I wouldn't have to work or stress about it at all!

Jill: Yep, totally.

Derick: This is a great idea! How soon until I can quit?

Oy. I can only marvel at the mental gymnastics involved.

[singsingsing]

I really interpreted that as them saying what they think they're supposed to say. Fundies tend to have this really weird, over-the-top, saccharine approach to love and romance. Thus the beautiful, majestic pearls, and the courtship proposals that look more like marriage proposals, etc. I don't know, maybe Jill actually does desperately want Derick by her side 24/7, but when they say, "OMG even a second is too long to be apart!" I take that as them trying to be 'romantic' and show how in love they are.

[HarleyQuinn]

I do this with my husband. I don't know we are always hands on with each other and we've been married for 19 years. :o It isn't a mine mine mine thing, we just genuinely love each other.

I bet you let your husband spend his entire work day without you though?

I don't know, the constant touching screams insecurity to me, not love. There's nothing wrong with touching our spouse. There's plenty wrong with being a stage 5 clinger, like Jill is.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Maybe so. When I was younger, hubs did some of that over-the-top, romantic stuff for me, and I loved it back then. We also ate lunch together every time I was at work for about 6 months, which I enjoyed. It was really sweet.

I really was surprised at how quickly Derick left Wal-Mart, but I could also see wanting to leave the country and escape Joshgate 1.0.

*Edited to add this was a reply to S3's post, since another reply before I could post mine.

[nst]

Jill didn't look like she was kidding the slightest little bit there. I can just imagine the conversation between them off-camera.

Derick: Sweetie, I have a college degree. I can get a job and support us. Then we wouldn't have to depend on the money from the show if anything ever happened.

Jill: Well, you shouldn't have to do that at all. The show won't end. You should be at home with me and our future children all the time, just like my dad is with my mom.

Derick: But most people have to get out there and work for a living, outside of the home.

Jill: Have I ever told you how we got money when my family was poor, when I was really young?

Derick: No, how?

Jill: My dad would ask people to bless us with love offerings. He would tell them that they would be glorifying God by making donations of food and clothing...we got everything we ever needed. You and I could be such a blessing to others if we went overseas to other countries to minister, and then we could ask others to bless us as we do The Good Work. Now, doesn't that sound nice?

Derick: I wouldn't have to work a desk job. I wouldn't have to work or stress about it at all!

Jill: Yep, totally.

Derick: This is a great idea! How soon until I can quit?

Oy. I can only marvel at the mental gymnastics involved.

First I love your post :) brilliant

but do Michelle and JB really spend every second together - there have been plenty of episodes where Michelle was gone with JD and JB didn't see her :D but I get what your saying

[pnwgypsy]

WalMart has apparently laid off 450 employees across all divisions at HQ according to an AP news report.

Maybe Derek saw that coming?

[SassyPants]

Maybe so. When I was younger, hubs did some of that over-the-top, romantic stuff for me, and I loved it back then. We also ate lunch together every time I was at work for about 6 months, which I enjoyed. It was really sweet.

I really was surprised at how quickly Derick left Wal-Mart, but I could also see wanting to leave the country and escape Joshgate 1.0.

*Edited to add this was a reply to S3's post, since another reply before I could post mine.

Didn't he leave WM right before Josh 1.0?

[nst]

Didn't he leave WM right before Josh 1.0?

i swear I heard Jill saying in the Megan Kelly interview that she called him at work crying about the in touch article coming public

am I wrong ? :D

[Rescinded and Mended]

Did he? I may have my timing off. I think you may be right, he left Wal-Mart before Joshgate. :think: I'm not sure how much Joshgate affected their timing for leaving the country afterward. Maybe they hastened their departure because of it.

[MatthewDuggar]

He left after Joshgate 1.0

radaronline.com/celebrity-news/derick-dillard-quits-walmart-job-company-speaks-out/

[nokidsmom]

Derick did leave after Joshgate 1.0 but it's not clear on the timing as far as Joshgate being a factor in his leaving. IIRC he mentioned something about talking to his manager about leaving for missionary work in May but whether that took place before or after Joshgate is not known. However given that Joshgate broke May 21 and it was confirmed in early June that he left Walmart, so if he left solely because of Joshgate, it was a quick departure.

Given it's been his plan to go into the mission field from the beginning, I am inclined to think that Joshgate was not a factor, there were probably other things but I imagine he's grateful for any chance to get away from both scandals nonetheless.

[lascuba]

i swear I heard Jill saying in the Megan Kelly interview that she called him at work crying about the in touch article coming public

am I wrong ? :D

She did. I assumed they had advanced warning that that shit was going to hit the fan, at least several days before the In Touch article came out. IIRC, Derrick left Walmart soon after the scandal broke but considering the timing he would have given notice before knowing about In Touch.

[JenniferJuniper]

Those are good points, but who really knows. His out-of-office email indicated he had taken employment elsewhere, which is a blatant lie unless he was referring to TLC filming.

If I had to guess, I'd go with this.

With Izzy around and a "mission trip" planned, full-time employment was probably becoming an obstacle to TLC's filming. Everyone who works a 9 - 5 knows it often doesn't end at 5 and you seem to have very few daylight hours to yourself in any given week.

I wonder how Derick truly felt about this? And the fact that he was now considered a Duggar more than his wife is considered a Dillard?

Jill's clingyness would seem a result of the fact that alone-time was both completely foreign and scary to her. That's probably why James always seemed to be around. And I'm sure he didn't mind spending one-on-one time with his Mom, which also gave him time away from that zoo the Duggars call home.

[socalrules]

I think it will be interesting to see where they are ten years from now. Although this seems to be the show that won't die, I am positive it will be off the air years before that. I wonder if they will still be "missionaries", living life in a small house near the Duggars, or even still together. I wonder if this lifestyle will still enticing to Derrick even five years from now. He is actually the one who is changing his lifestyle to adapt to Jill's upbringing, not the other way around, or even a mutual merging of lifestyles. At some point will Derrick may just want a normal life with family, friends, a job and cable tv? I have always been iffy about those two because of the complete opposite lifestyles. I can see discord arising as Izzy gets older and Derrick feeling the pull of giving his son the life he had, i.e. School, sports, scouts. He may look forward sharing the same things with Izzy that his dad shared with him. The problem is that those things may not be Duggar approved.

[Yoshimi]

Jill wrote a new blog about why she wanted to become a midwife - dillardfamily.com/blog?ID=e375adc2-fda4-4e8f-ac89-8884dd2f961e

...

As a teen, I started babysitting for and hanging out with a friend of mine who was a doula (labor support person), Teresa Fedosky, after going through her Bradley childbirth classes with a teen friend of mine who was expecting. I had only been to 2 of my mom's births, so before that it wasn't like just because I was around babies a lot I'd had a lot of experience with births. I started going to births with my doula friend though, both in the hospital and at home, and I was introduced to several midwives. After assisting at several births, I started being called upon by midwives to help here and there. A couple years later I was introduced to a midwife, Venessa Giron, and she said I really needed to think about becoming a midwife.

I was content assisting and at that point I didn't like the thought of being the supervising midwife at births and taking on that responsibility. Venessa encouraged me to at least start the paperwork and log my experience for my hands on portion so if down the road I changed my mind then I would already have started counting my numbers. I prayed and talked with my parents and we felt this was a good move.

...

I ended up enrolling in a midwifery school in Texas, where I was required to take classes via distance learning and go there once every few months for a few days of training and tests, while studying with Venessa and a few other midwives to get my hands on experience.

I had finished my clinicals by the time I got married, and decided to switch back to the self-paced study track for the next year and a half so I wouldn't have to do as much traveling and so I could prepare for my big exam. I took one more online midwifery study prep course thru Mercy-In-Action this year before taking and passing my 7 hour exam.

I cut some of the highlights of her blog. Not to humble-brag or anything :wink-kitty:, but pretty much everything she disclosed (the Texas midwifery school, finishing her clinicals before marriage, self-study program, Mercy in Action) are things that I've been trying to tell people for months, to much skepticism and doubt I might add. Jill never quit midwifery when she got married.

[halcionne]

Jill wrote a new blog about why she wanted to become a midwife - dillardfamily.com/blog?ID=e375adc2-fda4-4e8f-ac89-8884dd2f961e

I cut some of the highlights of her blog. Not to humble-brag or anything :wink-kitty:, but pretty much everything she disclosed (the Texas midwifery school, finishing her clinicals before marriage, self-study program, Mercy in Action) are things that I've been trying to tell people for months, to much skepticism and doubt I might add. Jill never quit midwifery when she got married.

I'm pretty sure the Texas midwifery school is through IBLP. I'm researching that now.

[VelociRapture]

Jill wrote a new blog about why she wanted to become a midwife - dillardfamily.com/blog?ID=e375adc2-fda4-4e8f-ac89-8884dd2f961e

I cut some of the highlights of her blog. Not to humble-brag or anything :wink-kitty:, but pretty much everything she disclosed (the Texas midwifery school, finishing her clinicals before marriage, self-study program, Mercy in Action) are things that I've been trying to tell people for months, to much skepticism and doubt I might add. Jill never quit midwifery when she got married.

Or Jill claims to have never quit Midwifery. :lol: I'm a jerk, I know.

Seriously, I want to think you're right and that Jill was pursuing this the entire time. It would show that she didn't spend all her time watching the clock until she could go see Derick - and it would show some level of dedication to some sort of education as well. But at this point we don't have much evidence other than Jill's words to back her claim up - and I don't know how much value I can place on her words anymore.

[IreneIssh]

He left after Joshgate 1.0

radaronline.com/celebrity-news/derick-dillard-quits-walmart-job-company-speaks-out/

How long did Derrick even have that job at Walmart?

[IreneIssh]

I think it will be interesting to see where they are ten years from now. Although this seems to be the show that won't die, I am positive it will be off the air years before that. I wonder if they will still be "missionaries", living life in a small house near the Duggars, or even still together. I wonder if this lifestyle will still enticing to Derrick even five years from now. He is actually the one who is changing his lifestyle to adapt to Jill's upbringing, not the other way around, or even a mutual merging of lifestyles. At some point will Derrick may just want a normal life with family, friends, a job and cable tv? I have always been iffy about those two because of the complete opposite lifestyles. I can see discord arising as Izzy gets older and Derrick feeling the pull of giving his son the life he had, i.e. School, sports, scouts. He may look forward sharing the same things with Izzy that his dad shared with him. The problem is that those things may not be Duggar approved.

I was thinking about this last night and it made me wonder, did Ben or Derrick (particularly Derrick) kiss anyone before their wedding day, since they were raised in a more mainstream way? Was it just the Duggar girls first kiss?

Sorry for posting twice. So many questions.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I was thinking about this last night and it made me wonder, did Ben or Derrick (particularly Derrick) kiss anyone before their wedding day, since they were raised in a more mainstream way? Was it just the Duggar girls first kiss?

Sorry for posting twice. So many questions.

Neither of them have confirmed or denied that the wedding kiss was their first kiss. The girls are quick to point out that it was THEIR first kiss ever. I highly doubt Derrick never kissed before. I am pretty sure he had a girlfriend in college.