All Things Dillard - Part 6

[SassyPants]

I think that most of knew when the Dillard's hurriedly left, with a 3 month old infant, in the middle of jaw surgery and orthodontia, and a mom who is battling a serious, life threatening illness, that their adventure would be short lived, the destination would be nearby and visits home would be frequent.

Yep, they'll be home before Thanksgiving- In fact, probably in a few weeks for Jill to help Jessa birth her baby.

[MatthewDuggar]

I thought Derrick's mom was deemed cancer-free from God, prior to them leaving on the mission-cation?

[bingbangboom]

We really do need a post count saying "Jesus is my travel agent"

[nastyhobbitses]

I am sure they will be back for Jessa's baby. And Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And to announce when she's pregnant again (before the end of the year, I'm sure.)

And New Year's. And Chinese New Year. And Diwali. And Eid-al-Fitr. And Pancake Day. And Martin Luther King Day. And Ghanaian Independence Day. And Cinco De Mayo.

Seriously, just come home permanently and stop wasting the mission program's time, the locals' time, your gullible donors' money, and your husband's potential to get a damn job.

[HarleyQuinn]

I know some hate the Skeptical OB, but I love that she sort of ripped Jill to shreds in that post. You know she's trying to masquerade herself as someone who has just as much experience/education as a real nurse. :roll:

[lizzybee]

I mean I have to give Jill some credit for pursuing ANYTHING - that's a big deal considering where she comes from. The fundies I knew in my brief foray into that life (thanks Duggars) were some of the dumbest most gullible people I have ever met. When we left them the Rainbow vacuum people had been making their rounds and taking them all for fools. They were begging everyone they knew to do a home demonstration to keep from having to pay for theirs - one such family didn't even have carpet floors! :roll:

Anyway, one of them told me she defied her parents and went to school to be a dental hygienist - she admitted to "rebelling" at the time. But considering the fact that hers was one of the only families not impoverished at the church we went to proves it served her well.

Compared to Jill's other three adult sisters, I mean what have they done? Even if it's a counterfeit midwife deal, it's an effort and an initiative that goes against the grain. It's sad that years ago she was a little girl wanting to be a doctor or a nurse and this was the closest she could get. I'm SURE her husband pushed and encouraged her to finish and I am glad he did.

Jill now has a marketable life skill, controversial or no, and that's something more than any of her sisters and probably her friends. What does Jinger do? Jana? Jessa? No it's not a doctor, but heck she tried.

[singsingsing]

I just saw Jill's latest instagram post with John David holding Israel. Man, John David is really starting to look like Jim Bob. It's kinda scary. :shock:

[lizzybee]

I just want to elaborate on the intelligence of these people, I mean the ones I went to church with that were second generation - the critical thinking skills are just non existent. The one I was closest with posted one of those political guilt memes on Facebook for Labor Day to remember it's not just a holiday for grilling out, that people gave their lives. :shifty-kitty: Someone had to post underneath "actually nah, you're thinking of Memorial day. Labor day really is just about a day off and grilling out." Face palm.

She'll post whole essays of FB posts with zero punctuation - just one example of how neglected her education was. I'm so sorry for her and angry with her parents that her SOTDRT didn't consist of basic reasoning and communication skills.

I got into a car with a group of them to go to the movies one night and one of them mentioned that congress was going to impeach Obama - she was so excited! I asked her how she knew, she said someone told her. That was all it took for her to believe them. How dangerous is it that these people are growing up to be adults with no common sense or street smarts? Just like David and Priscilla almost getting arrested for eating peanuts (pecans)* because "someone said the guy wouldn't mind." Good grief.

My point in all this ranting (other than the fact that I am just ragey about this subject) is that what these kids are/were capable of before they were reduced to arrows in the quiver is now irrelevant. They really are stunted and off. Most of them have no idea how disadvantaged they are. That includes the Duggar girls and poor damn Anna. :pull-hair:

If Derrick decides he wants an Ashley Madison account or to run off and pursue a relationship with a stripper, Jill has a way to provide for herself and Izzy. Even if she would never leave herself, she's got something to fall back on, even if she's been brainwashed that she doesn't need to use it.

*edited for typos and wrong word choice

[singsingsing]

I just want to elaborate on the intelligence of these people, I mean the ones I went to church with that were second generation - the critical thinking skills are just non existent. The one I was closest with posted one of those political guilt memes on Facebook for Labor Day to remember it's not just a holiday for grilling out, that people gave their lives. :shifty-kitty: Someone had to post underneath "actually nah, you're thinking of Memorial day. Labor day really is just about a day off and grilling out." Face palm.

Okay, so, bear with me, I'm kind of confused. Who are 'these people'? Are you just referring to fundies in general, or do you know the Duggars/the people in their circles personally?

She is so intellectually disabled too. She'll post whole essays of FB posts with zero punctuation. I'm so sorry for her and angry with her parents that her SOTDRT didn't consist of basic reasoning and communication skills.

Wait - what? Are you saying this girl is actually intellectually disabled? Because if she is, it's ridiculous to criticize her punctuation. Or are you using it as a euphemism for 'dumb'? Because that's terrible.

I got into a car with a group of them to go to the movies one night and one of them mentioned that congress was going to impeach Obama - she was so excited! I asked her how she knew, she said someone told her. That was all it took for her to believe them. How dangerous is it that these people are growing up to be adults with no common sense or street smarts? Just like David and Priscilla almost getting arrested for eating peanuts because "someone said they could." Good grief.

Man, I totally know what you mean. I've had some really stupid friends, too. I had a friend who believed the entire world was going to be destroyed by an earthquake on Y2K because they heard it on the news. I had a friend who thought the United Kingdom was Australia and Barcelona was a country. I had a friend who insisted that 9/11 was an inside job. I had a friend who could not remember who our own prime minister at the time was. Did I mention none of these people were religious and had all gone to public schools?

I don't know what you're talking about re: David and Priscilla. They were stealing (I'm sorry, gleaning) pecans, not peanuts. The farmer threatened to have them arrested, and then a police officer came and gave them a ticket. They never said they thought they could get arrested for stealing peanuts because someone said they could. You're criticizing other people's critical thinking abilities but you're using an example that you don't even understand and didn't bother to double check.

My point in all this ranting (other than the fact that I am just ragey about this subject) is that what these kids are/were capable of before they were reduced to quivers in the arrows is now irrelevant. They really are stunted and off. Most of them have no idea how disadvantaged they are. That includes the Duggar girls and poor damn Anna. :pull-hair:

If Derrick decides he wants an Ashley Madison account or to run off and pursue a relationship with a stripper, Jill has a way to provide for herself and Izzy. Even if she would never leave herself, she's got something to fall back on, even if she's been brainwashed that she doesn't need to use it.

I agree with you on this.

[lizzybee]

Okay, so, bear with me, I'm kind of confused. Who are 'these people'? Are you just referring to fundies in general, or do you know the Duggars/the people in their circles personally?

Oh no, I'm talking about the fundies I knew that I went to church with. Sorry, I thought I clarified that in an edit.

Wait - what? Are you saying this girl is actually intellectually disabled? Because if she is, it's ridiculous to criticize her punctuation. Or are you using it as a euphemism for 'dumb'? Because that's terrible.

I say intellectually disabled because I meant that literally: she's been disabled intellectually from her poor education. I didn't mean to indicate that she was literally disabled. I see from a quick google search that that's a synonym for mental retardation and I didn't mean it like that. Woah that was so not what I meant. (embarrassed) I would never intentionally say that. Sorry FJ! I mean to say they have literally disabled her by not educating her. It's not just her punctuation - I guess I shouldn't have given that example. Its just a big garbled mess with NO punctuation. My point was that she has such a poor way of communicating her ideas in written form that it hurts my feelings for her because I don't think she is naturally a dumb person. I meant it as an example of her poor education.

Man, I totally know what you mean. I've had some really stupid friends, too. I had a friend who believed the entire world was going to be destroyed by an earthquake on Y2K because they heard it on the news. I had a friend who thought the United Kingdom was Australia and Barcelona was a country. I had a friend who insisted that 9/11 was an inside job. I had a friend who could not remember who our own prime minister at the time was. Did I mention none of these people were religious and had all gone to public schools?

I know people can be stupid in all walks of life. I think the thing was that these people were so stupid it was literally frightening. I have met people I thought were stupid, but never so that they could be convinced anything if the right person said it. Like literally anything. They would defer everything to their pastor. His phone must have rang day and night. I mean for me, I stepped into that world expecting to find something I didn't. Instead I found abuse, neglect, poverty, stupidity, and willful refusal to recognize reality. It was a shock. Until then I'd never met people so indoctrinated/brainwashed that they couldn't think for themselves and didn't want to - it scared the daylights out of me. It was a rock bottom moment really when I realized what I had willingly decided I wanted to join up with.

I don't know what you're talking about re: David and Priscilla. They were stealing (I'm sorry, gleaning) pecans, not peanuts. The farmer threatened to arrest them, and then a police officer came and gave them a ticket. They never said they thought they could get arrested for stealing peanuts because someone said they could. You're criticizing other people's critical thinking abilities but you're using an example that you don't even understand and didn't bother to double check.

Yes, that's what I was talking about. I was thinking peanuts because that was in GA (or maybe I'm wrong on that too) and typically it's peanut farms down in south GA. My point in that was that they just assumed it was okay because someone told them the guy wouldn't mind. I thought that was incredibly naive because I wouldn't take anyone else's anything without that particular person clarifying that it was absolutely okay. I might even ask "are you sure" a couple times to be clear. I meant to imply they were too trusting. Sorry my point wasn't clear.

My point in all this ranting (other than the fact that I am just ragey about this subject) is that what these kids are/were capable of before they were reduced to quivers in the arrows is now irrelevant. They really are stunted and off. Most of them have no idea how disadvantaged they are. That includes the Duggar girls and poor damn Anna. :pull-hair:

If Derrick decides he wants an Ashley Madison account or to run off and pursue a relationship with a stripper, Jill has a way to provide for herself and Izzy. Even if she would never leave herself, she's got something to fall back on, even if she's been brainwashed that she doesn't need to use it.

I agree with you on this.

Cool. Sorry I wasn't clear enough or was offensive, I hope I've clarified that wasn't my intent. I'm mortified I didn't realize that was the correct way to say mental retardation. What a terrible way to learn a new thing. Accept my apology?

[EmCatlyn]

This is in response to the discussion between Lizzybee and Singsingsing about the lack of education of fundies.

I think we all agree that fundie kids in general are not getting the education that they need in order to deal with the world. It is not just ignorance (of punctuation, of arithmetic, of basic history--even, if you ask me, of the Bible). It is that fundies seem to be discouraged from thinking critically about anything. Lizzie Bee is right that this sort of "education" handicaps the young people. They may have average intelligence but their ability to use that intelligence has been atrophied.

Although they typically have no intellectual limitations at birth, their environment limits their intellectual growth. Lizzybee used the "wrong" term to express this idea, but the idea is right.

There are, as "Singsingsing" pointed out, a lot of stupid and ignorant people who are not fundies. But insofar as these people have had a choice (and not all of them have a choice because there are other cultural and social elements that interfere with intellectual growth) these other "stupid" people are different from the Sotdrt fundie kids. They may have what we call "street smarts" or other ways of using their intelligence. Spelling is important to us, but it doesn't have to be important to everyone. A lot of people are good thinkers, without being good spellers, and a lot of under-educated people can be quite "smart". -- because they have had life experiences that made them think, and they are not afraid to think for themselves.

So, yeah, the bad homeschooling and brainwashing of many fundy kids creates for them a handicap in the real world, and in some ways, it may be as hard on the child as being intellectually disadvantaged from birth. This atrophy of the ability to think makes it especially hard, I think, for fundies to grow. They can't think beyond their own narrow experience and training. That is why poor Anna is seemingly paralyzed right now, and why Jessa and Jill seem (are!?) so shallow and self centered. They don't have a habit of thinking. Their world is "comfortable" only if they don't think.

What Lizzybee observed among her fundy friends is what we are snarking about all the time.

[lizzybee]

Their world is "comfortable" only if they don't think.

What Lizzybee observed among her fundy friends is what we are snarking about all the time.

Right exactly. I tried (rather pitifully it seems) to tie in what I've observed from fundies I know to the reality that while Jill's accomplishment doesn't seem like much to us, from what I've seen with fundies' total disregard or disdain even for education, that the poor girl deserves a confetti cannon for getting some kind of education.

In my brief time at that church a woman posted a link to an article from everyone's "faves" the Pearl's and she agreed in her caption that higher education was just "intellectual disease."

I mean when that's the spirit, where do you go from there? It's amazing what's "allowed" to happen legally to children. You have a right to an education, unless your mom decides she'd rather let you learn out of a workbook at the kitchen table and not check over your work for accuracy. Don't worry you don't need a GED! You need a husband who also doesn't have a GED who wants to drive you and your children around in an RV and grift money from other uneducated people for your "ministry." No dreams and goals for you. So unnecessary. (The tail end of that scenario is a true story, the pastor of that church just announced one Sunday that he wanted to go "Reach Pasadena" and sold his (nice little) house and everything and bought an RV to go "save" Pasadena. The church literally couldn't survive without him financially and so it folded and was absorbed by another fundie church with problematic ideas. If you'd like to enjoy that particular brand of weirdness, be my guest:

reachpasadena.com/

(This guy was my pastor. I asked him about IBLP because he grew up in it. He said that Gothard was completely biblical but too liberal in the sense that he (Gothard) does not single out Baptist as the true Christianity.) That "big" church he "Grew" in Covington, GA he mentions on the website was about 30 members strong if you didn't count children or the random people that would come by for one service after someone had been to their house "soulwinning." Before we left he was trying to guilt the congregation that God wanted us to help the church afford a new sound machine. Did I mention that almost everyone there was living in near poverty but doing their best to tithe 10%?

That's why lack of education and ability to think reasonably is so important. My husband I knew that God wasn't going to magically pay our water bill if we gave our money to the church to buy a sound machine, but unfortunately we were amidst those that really bought into that way of thinking.

[nastyhobbitses]

Right exactly. I tried (rather pitifully it seems) to tie in what I've observed from fundies I know to the reality that while Jill's accomplishment doesn't seem like much to us, from what I've seen with fundies' total disregard or disdain even for education, that the poor girl deserves a confetti cannon for getting some kind of education.

In my brief time at that church a woman posted a link to an article from everyone's "faves" the Pearl's and she agreed in her caption that higher education was just "intellectual disease."

I mean when that's the spirit, where do you go from there? It's amazing what's "allowed" to happen legally to children. You have a right to an education, unless your mom decides she'd rather let you learn out of a workbook at the kitchen table and not check over your work for accuracy. Don't worry you don't need a GED! You need a husband who also doesn't have a GED who wants to drive you and your children around in an RV and grift money from other uneducated people for your "ministry." No dreams and goals for you. So unnecessary.

I think it's definitely a power thing. If you keep someone from getting a real education, keep someone from finding other sources of knowledge, you can isolate them and control them. Or, in too many cases, exploit them. And if they object, they have no real education or skills, so where are they going to go if they run? What will they do? They might not even know what rights they may have. Really, I don't see it as any different from what the North Korean government does to its own citizens, or what human traffickers and slave owners do to their victims.

[ophelia]

It probaby has been discussed already, but I have to come up with it again, because it somehow worries me; what is going on with Derrick?? In their recent instagram posts he looks really bad, like he is suffering a severe illness. Or is it just the koolaid that drags the life out of him?

[nastyhobbitses]

It probaby has been discussed already, but I have to come up with it again, because it somehow worries me; what is going on with Derrick?? In their recent instagram posts he looks really bad, like he is suffering a severe illness. Or is it just the koolaid that drags the life out of him?

I think it's the awful haircut, mostly. Who told him that looking like Stuart from Mad TV was a good look?

[ophelia]

but he also looks really unhealthy. especially the color of his skin. and he is so thin. like he lost lots of weight.

[IreneIssh]

I think it's the awful haircut, mostly. Who told him that looking like Stuart from Mad TV was a good look?

:lol: That is absolutely spot on. It certainly doesn't look like he has a professionally done haircut. I know I remember an episode where Michelle said haircutting to save money was one of the skills the girls should know before getting married. I hope that isn't Jill's work.

I also have to agree with Ophelia, he doesn't look healthy somehow. But he's always been the tall and thin sort, so I don't know. It's always easier to see stuff like that when someone is under such scrutiny.

[nastyhobbitses]

:lol: That is absolutely spot on. It certainly doesn't look like he has a professionally done haircut. I know I remember an episode where Michelle said haircutting to save money was one of the skills the girls should know before getting married. I hope that isn't Jill's work.

I also have to agree with Ophelia, he doesn't look healthy somehow. But he's always been the tall and thin sort, so I don't know. It's always easier to see stuff like that when someone is under such scrutiny.

Maybe the stress of everything going on got to him and he lost too much weight as a result? I'm the opposite and gain weight when I'm stressed because I eat my feelings, but maybe Derick is the type who just forgets to eat.

[lascuba]

I think Derrick's problem is mostly a bad haircut, followed by post-surgical weirdness (it takes forever for your face to "settle" after surgery) and him just being homely. Look at his brother--the Dillards are just a funny looking bunch. But, yeah, that haircut. Compare him now to his wedding day--a good haircut makes a world of difference.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I know we've spent some time discussing the differences in how Jill and Jessa present themselves to the world, personality-wise, but I have to wonder about Jill's relationship with Derick. She's always cutting across him and others on camera, and one or two personal anecdotes were posted on FJ awhile back when she was visiting him for lunch at Wal-Mart every. People that saw Jill with Derick described her as odd and clingy, and it's led me to wonder just how possessive she is, and if she's really manipulative.

Maybe she and Derick spend a lot of time going around in circles until she gets her way. Maybe it's one of those situations where he looks tired all the time because the fight's gone out of him and he just doesn't want to do it anymore. Jill's known for being a tattler, and the way she cuts people off and sticks to Derick like glue makes me wonder if she's become a master manipulator in her own right. There are people who will literally just keep at it and wear others down until they get their way, and Jill strikes me as the type to do that.

I also get that the plan was for them to do missionary work together at some point, but maybe Jill was after Derick to quit Wal-Mart from the get-go in an attempt to keep him around all the time like Jim Bob was when Jill was growing up.

This is all just speculation on my part, but I often wonder how manipulative Jill really is. There was one poster in another thread who claimed to like Jessa a bit more because she preferred her wolves to be dressed like wolves, and I think there's a lot of truth to that idea.

[nokidsmom]

I know we've spent some time discussing the differences in how Jill and Jessa present themselves to the world, personality-wise, but I have to wonder about Jill's relationship with Derick. She's always cutting across him and others on camera, and one or two personal anecdotes were posted on FJ awhile back when she was visiting him for lunch at Wal-Mart every. People that saw Jill with Derick described her as odd and clingy, and it's led me to wonder just how possessive she is, and if she's really manipulative.

Maybe she and Derick spend a lot of time going around in circles until she gets her way. Maybe it's one of those situations where he looks tired all the time because the fight's gone out of him and he just doesn't want to do it anymore. Jill's known for being a tattler, and the way she cuts people off and sticks to Derick like glue makes me wonder if she's become a master manipulator in her own right. There are people who will literally just keep at it and wear others down until they get their way, and Jill strikes me as the type to do that.

I also get that the plan was for them to do missionary work together at some point, but maybe Jill was after Derick to quit Wal-Mart from the get-go in an attempt to keep him around all the time like Jim Bob was when Jill was growing up.

This is all just speculation on my part, but I often wonder how manipulative Jill really is. There was one poster in another thread who claimed to like Jessa a bit more because she preferred her wolves to be dressed like wolves, and I think there's a lot of truth to that idea.

I remember the posts about her having lunch with Derick when he was at work every single day. Now, I wouldn't find it too odd considering they were just married (Mr. No and I did same for a couple of months after we were first married when I was job hunting) but it's Jill's clinginess and absolute dismay over not having Derick around like her dad, that kinda red flags for me. No sense at all that many people, including her husband, have to go to work and that same work is what is supporting her. I do wonder if his going to work prompted a lot of complaining from her.

In light of the above, it would make sense that Jill would pressure Ben into quitting Wal-Mart and might explain why they went into the mission field so suddenly. That Jill is the "tattler" makes me wonder if she runs to her dad when she's not getting her way even after being married. She looks up to her father obviously. If she believed that she married someone like her dad and then finds that Derick isn't quite JB that might cause some problems.

I agree that Derick looks worn out. Granted he's had surgery and he is a new dad but it's been several months now. Though he does do a lot of traveling and I suspect the scandals would wear on him. I think he was blindsided by them and I can't help but feel that he's realizing exactly what he married into. A total clusterfuck.

[lascuba]

Jill has always come across as a major control freak, and while "manipulative" never occurred to me, now that you mention it, it completely fits. She just always seems to be "on" in a way that none of her siblings--hell, not even her parents--ever were. Maybe she's just a really good actress, but while I don't doubt that the rest of the family is just as devout as she is, she's the only one who never seems to be putting on a show for the cameras...she enjoyed "ministering" via the show and wanted everyone to stay on message at all times. That explains her constantly interrupting anyone she was on-screen with, and the particularly obnoxious way she corrected Jinger for wanting to live in a city and not keeping to the message that whoever daddy approves of is the one for her.

I've always thought that Derrick, as a "convert" of sorts, was just as overzealous as Jill and would be eager to take his cue from her, as the experienced fundie, when it came to religious matters, but...imagine living with a personality like Jill. Even taking the baggage of her upbringing out of the equation, it must be so completely exhausting to live with her when you didn't grow up with her and don't have ingrained ways to deal with her. Having lunch with him every single work day? Not a big deal in and of itself, especially considering that they never got to be alone until after they married. But considering she was also driving him to and from work everyday? I get she was probably bored out of her skull with nothing to do but clean a spotless house, but what it amounted to was Derrick not having a single minute of the day that wasn't accounted for. Every minute that he wasn't working was spent with her, and the thought of that makes my introverted self want to crawl out of my skin.

[Gimme a Free RV]

Does anyone remember in the pre-marital talking heads on the show, that Derrick said he'd be going to work and Jill said, "Yeah, we don't really agree on that," or something to that effect. Then, in a "but dear..." tone, Derrick said, "But I have to work so we can have money." (Quoted from memory, not verbatim.)

That right there showed me that Jill has her own ideas about how things should be done and that, yes, she's used to getting her way. She's daddy's little darling, so I'm sure she knew how to manipulate Jim Bob to get her way. Now, she's practicing that technique on her husband. I rather think it was her idea more than Derrick's for him to quit Walmart so soon.

And I am sick and tired of seeing any Duggar ask for money, whether in the form of "donations," gift cards, excessive wedding registries, or whatever. That's just really, really tacky. Of course, the concept of tackiness is relative when you never mingle in a society outside of your own family.

[nastyhobbitses]

Jill has always come across as a major control freak, and while "manipulative" never occurred to me, now that you mention it, it completely fits. She just always seems to be "on" in a way that none of her siblings--hell, not even her parents--ever were. Maybe she's just a really good actress, but while I don't doubt that the rest of the family is just as devout as she is, she's the only one who never seems to be putting on a show for the cameras...she enjoyed "ministering" via the show and wanted everyone to stay on message at all times. That explains her constantly interrupting anyone she was on-screen with, and the particularly obnoxious way she corrected Jinger for wanting to live in a city and not keeping to the message that whoever daddy approves of is the one for her.

I've always thought that Derrick, as a "convert" of sorts, was just as overzealous as Jill and would be eager to take his cue from her, as the experienced fundie, when it came to religious matters, but...imagine living with a personality like Jill. Even taking the baggage of her upbringing out of the equation, it must be so completely exhausting to live with her when you didn't grow up with her and don't have ingrained ways to deal with her. Having lunch with him every single work day? Not a big deal in and of itself, especially considering that they never got to be alone until after they married. But considering she was also driving him to and from work everyday? I get she was probably bored out of her skull with nothing to do but clean a spotless house, but what it amounted to was Derrick not having a single minute of the day that wasn't accounted for. Every minute that he wasn't working was spent with her, and the thought of that makes my introverted self want to crawl out of my skin.

Yeah, I think the main problem in this marriage is not only Jill's control-freak tendencies, but the fact that she has never learned to be alone. When Derick wasn't in the house with her, she was likely not only bored, but scared and uncertain. Nobody to talk to, nobody to play with, nobody to take care of. What would she do if something happened? Most likely, the longest period of time she'd ever actually been alone until she married Derick was however long it took for her to go to the bathroom or take a shower; she had to get lunch with Derick because the only time she ever ate by herself was when she'd sneak food into the bathroom. Don't want to bring all that up again. She had to drive Derick to and from work to reassure herself that he wasn't going to leave her forever. She keeps finding excuses to leave the mission field because she's never traveled without the camera crew and all her siblings there with her to speak English with and get away from all the weird customs and words and food, and she doesn't want Derick to take her out of her comfort zone, because what if he sees that she's not ready and is actually really scared?

I honestly think that Jill has some abandonment issues, and Derick doesn't really know what to do about it. I think he genuinely loves and cares for her, but if I were him, I'd be groaning internally at the 500th "meet you downstairs for lunch? Where are you???" text.

[SassyPants]

On the notion that Jill was bored being alone, at home...

Yet, she could not get a nursery together?

She could not finish her lay MW certification?

I agree, manipulation and possessiveness.

I could be wrong, but given similar circumstances (plenty of time and a husband with a decent job/income), Jessa would have had that nursery set up and ready to go.