Erika Shupe *fake smile* Large Families on Purpose *cringe*

[DaffyDill]

Little girls can be just as feisty and active as little boys. Melanie and Karen were the first two, when there was one child per parent in the household. Two kids aren't that difficult to wrangle. I think her boys are being considered "more active" because by the time they were born, there were a lot more kids for her to chase about after, and they were all different ages.

When my boys were really active, I'd take them outside to a park, a pool, the backyard, or to play with friends children the same age so they'd get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and they'd have a ball running about and run off that extra energy. Last thing I was going to do with them was keep them cooped up inside.

[Brittany15]

On Erika's post about keeping little boys occupied she mentions her son getting out of bed. She then links to a twin bed tent. I clicked on the link and found that this product was designed to allow parents of children with special needs to have a safer nights sleep. Meaning, this tent was made for parents of children who could get up in the middle of the night and do something horrible unsafe (like leave the house or really hurt a sibling). It is not designed because Erika does not want her 3 year old to get out of bed until he is scheduled to do so. She is so controlling and crazy!

[Zoom]

Dear Zuzu research shows that memorizing a vocab list of 50 words a week without context is a very bad way of learning languages. I've done some Rosetta Stone and I remember it having loads of words to learn but I think it would mean the kids would have to decide which words to learn and goodness gracious me we can't have them making decisions on their own now can we.

If I didn't love my nieces I would take them to meet Erika so she could meet some rambunctious girls. But I really would not want that crazy lady anywhere near my awesome girlies

[mango_fandango]

Oh Lord. Most recent user-to-Erika post:

Erika have you ever thought about starting a consulting business where you could be available to help organize, makeover, etc other large family homes? :) You have so much to offer and I bet you could help SO many families.

OK, we all know what Erika's objections would be (too many littles to look after/women can't work outside the home/it would have to be The Lord's idea/etc). Forget those for just a second.

Just IMAGINE Erika making over YOUR house... :? :? :?

[morri]

So when did this woman last update on chatiqutte? *smile* and *cringeandfalloutofbed* were used when i was a teenager, so about the turn of the century when the internet was still in its toddlerhood.lol

[morri]

by the way is this "training" just fundie talk, or does she mean she physically punished the kids for opening drawyers etc?

[lilah]

Copied this over from the previous thread discussing Bob and cutting his parents out of their lives.

Technically, Bob can do whatever he wants. He could wake up Saturday morning and say "I'm going to visit my parents" and stay all day. He could be out of the house as much as he wants, whenever he wants. He could take any or all of the kids anywhere, including to visit his parents.

He's her headship, the viper would have to go along with it or at least not object. But I can't see that happening. She clearly needs to be in control and I think Bob is probably so used to bring controlled that it doesn't occur to him to object.

I don't see much blogging from Erika on widely submission. I'm sure that while Bob is more free than his children if he disagreed with Erika or say left the toilet seat up they'd be hell to pay in passive agreed I've bullying with tight happy smiles.

[apandaaries]

Little girls can be just as feisty and active as little boys. Melanie and Karen were the first two, when there was one child per parent in the household. Two kids aren't that difficult to wrangle. I think her boys are being considered "more active" because by the time they were born, there were a lot more kids for her to chase about after, and they were all different ages.

When my boys were really active, I'd take them outside to a park, a pool, the backyard, or to play with friends children the same age so they'd get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and they'd have a ball running about and run off that extra energy. Last thing I was going to do with them was keep them cooped up inside.

Every mother I know tries to get her kids (both boys AND girls) to run around, play outside, and burn off extra energy during the day...EVERY day (barring illness, obviously). Erika's "productively occupied" 3 year old never made it out of the house on that crazy schedule! No wonder he'd climb the baby gates and search for other ways to expend energy.

Also, I've never seen a situation where preschoolers were expected to stay inside all day. I toured a lot of preschools before finding one for my daughter (since I was going to grad school and working, like a typical, selfish, ebil feminist), and EVERY preschool had ways to play outside. Inclement weather would occasionally make life more difficult for the preschool teachers, but they still found creative ways for the kids to run around, jump, and play. That is such vital time for so many reasons.

She's doing a lot of complaining about when Tyler was 3 (though she starts off whining about Brandon, whom she now appears to be starving into submission). Tyler would break into the bathroom and play in the toilet, inviting the other littles with him. That's a terrible way to find four kids, especially before dinner, but her solution was to lock the bathroom door for an hour and a half each night?!

This, after beginning the day by "snuggling" in his crib (with whom did the poor boy snuggle?) until Drill Sergeant Mom was ready to groom him, then another hour confined to his booster seat, then another hour locked alone in his room to play independently. No outside activities, no running, no exercise. :pink-shock: And this woman wrote that entire stupid blog to "encourage" other people -- she really thinks she has a stellar plan here.

morri, I suspect her "training" is part fundie-speak, part Pearl-method. Bob's FB page is full of military blather and conservative (bordering on paranoid) views. I think the two of them mutter "spare the rod and spoil the child" on a frequent basis.

[salsa]

OMG. I just read that 3-yr-old's schedule. It's more like he's in the way than loved. Do the kids ever go outside and run around and dig in the dirt? Or are they always watching documentaries or playing alone, quietly?

[anachronistic]

Most kids will explore the toilet, once or twice, maybe a few times, but they can be easily distracted and soon find that there are better things to do. If Erika's kids are/were constantly trying to get into the bathroom to play, they must have been bored to pieces. At least at a zoo, the animals have access to the outdoors.

[TurtleBelly]

It must be so irritating for the older kids that the bathroom door is locked and the key is around mom's neck during the afternoon. What if you're feeling ill, or it's that time of month? This takes "no privacy" to a whole new level if they cannot even use the restroom at will. Mom knows every detail about bodily functions. So annoying. Maybe the olders can use the other bathroom when they need to?

I'm not a parent. However, I've always read that toddlers need to be able to explore their world, and that if you talk to them a lot while they touch things, try things, etc, that it's good for development. I hate how Erika says she "dislikes their choices of how to spend their time" when they're left to their own devices. Maybe repetitively playing with your kid, or watching them like a hawk so they can explore but not hurt themselves is boring sometimes, or it seems like it's not "productive", but it's kind of what you sign up for when deciding to have kids, IMO. It just seems like she's a business owner of a factory, producing robots, not a mom in a fun creative home. At least she rotates their toys? Is that a good thing? But what if they love some of their toys or go through a phase, but they don't get to play with their favorite two days in a row? Grrrr.

[DGayle]

largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2012/05/productively-occupying-3-year-old-boys.html#more

I think most mommies have a fairly natural idea of how to occupy their daughters, because they were little girls once themselves. Girls typically like verbal activities, dolls, little people games, relationship games, drawing or painting or other small-motor skill activities, electronic toys that teach phonics, etc.. But our boys, well, they're more about noises, action, and adventure.

Erika, thank you for teaching me I was a boy as a child! A Tonka truck (when they were METAL) and a hammer kept me occupied for hours! Toss in a bb gun, and I was set for the weekend! But, like a proper girl, I was always in dresses since I hated pants. Do I get a thumbs up from Ms. Shupe, or am I doomed to hell?

When Bob and I were new parents with only 1 or 2 daughters we believed that children should be expected to develop self-control rather than having everything in their world put up out of reach where they cannot get in to it, or have to use baby gates or door knob locks. We kept books, picture frames, remote controls and the like down within their reach and we taught them that they were not allowed to touch them. Our girls received this teaching beautifully, and we felt so proud. *chuckle*

This sounds sinister. Kids are naturally curious. The way to "train" this out of them is to teach then they'll be hurt for doing what's normal for their development. This is why stuff should just be put up for a while.

If it had been necessary, I found a place where I could have purchased a twin bed tent to help him stay there, too.

Those tents are meant to be used like cages, the way she advocates.

Overall, her schedule for her little sons only has time with her spending with them when getting up and right before bed. The rest of the day, they're in the care of siblings. How sad!!

In this situation he had not yet learned to make good choices as to how to spend his time, so he ended up having negative consequences quite often (even if they were just verbal) because I did not like his choices when left up to him; but he learns how to make good choices through example.

WHEN do ANY of the kids get to make their own choices?

[DGayle]

It must be so irritating for the older kids that the bathroom door is locked and the key is around mom's neck during the afternoon. What if you're feeling ill, or it's that time of month? This takes "no privacy" to a whole new level if they cannot even use the restroom at will. Mom knows every detail about bodily functions. So annoying. Maybe the olders can use the other bathroom when they need to?

We used to have to lock the bathroom and master bedroom (which has another bathroom) here, but the key went on a peg too high for the kids to reach. If this was about keeping the littles out of the toilet, Erika would put that key on a peg. The littles can't get to that nail to get in the closet, so they wouldn't be able to get to a high peg. It's definitely about controlling her older kids' ability to go to the bathroom for 90 minutes a day.

[itsthatonegirl]

The only fucking thing his mom does alone with him all day is brush his teeth. I have a five-year-old little guy... we take walks, we play cars, we read (our own stories, not shared stories with three other siblings), we go on shopping trips (because YES, I take my son on shopping trips too, not just my daughters!!), we play "construction worker", we go outside together....

It makes me so, so sad that this little guy virtually never spends time with his mama.

[DaffyDill]

The only fucking thing his mom does alone with him all day is brush his teeth. I have a five-year-old little guy... we take walks, we play cars, we read (our own stories, not shared stories with three other siblings), we go on shopping trips (because YES, I take my son on shopping trips too, not just my daughters!!), we play "construction worker", we go outside together....

It makes me so, so sad that this little guy virtually never spends time with his mama.

As a mum of two boys, I was like you itsthatonegirl!

It's awful for Erika's boys. I had two boys, twenty months apart and I spent as much time playing with them as I could. They're only little guys who think you are their world for such a short time. We played cars, read books, made up stories, laughed and giggled, finger painted and got messy, drew funny pictures on our concrete paths with chalk, laughed and giggled, make cookies, rolled about on the floor and crawled around with one on my back like riding a horse, went to the shops, talked and explained things to them, and laughed and giggled even more. Did I mention we laughed and giggled? They were such fun! And now they are 21 and 23 and they still are. We still talk, they still tell me a lot, we still laugh, and we still tease.

The Shupe children never get to just be themselves and relax and enjoy their lives. Erika doesn't either, but that's her own choice, although she does get some kind of perverse enjoyment out of scheduling the fun and laughter out of her children's lives. As they are being taught to be so productive all the time, I wouldn't be surprised if they experience some type of stress or anxiety. I wonder when they look back on their childhoods, what the Shupe kids will think, and how they will bring up their own children. Whether they, too will over-schedule them, or go the opposite route and let them run wild.

[DGayle]

I don't have sons, but a friend of mine who does said recently that she wasn't prepared for how soon boys start pulling away from their moms. She was hoping to go shopping in their teen years, do all the stuff she did when they were littler. But at 10, her older son has already pulled away, seeming to be shy of puberty starting to hit. I guess it's different for boys than for girls when that stuff starts. I remember my brother withdrawing too, and trying to hide the teen boy stuff from our mother, while girl stuff, like periods, weren't a big deal since I knew our mother understood.

Erika's really missing out. I don't know why people have kids they don't care to raise.

[feministxtian]

How the hell did that woman decide to confine a 3 year old BOY? Ok...I had baby gates all over the house when my boys were small...and yes, at night they were confined to upstairs...there was a gate at the top of the stairs. There was also a gate at the doorway to the kitchen. BUT...those boys were ALWAYS getting into something or another. At the time, we had a basement that was partially finished and that was their playroom. Great for those cold Indiana winters. BUT...as soon as the weather got nice, they got chased outside to play...and mom would be outside with them or we'd be inside watching stupid movies, reading, telling stories, playing with legos and trucks (a favorite game was taking their trucks and "demolishing" their sisters' Barbie houses).

Now, the kids are grown and my youngest son, his wife and their son live with us. The summers are hotter than hell here so the little one doesn't go outside much in the heat. BUT...he has a HUGE playroom upstairs, He's not confined up there either. We play with him (all of us adults), playing cars, reading books, snuggling and cuddling.

I cannot imagine being a mom who doesn't interact with her kids, giving and getting affection from them There is NOTHING sweeter than a little guy wrapping his arms around your neck and saying "I love you"...well, except maybe when that little guy is 25 with a family of his own and wraps you in a big bear hug and says "I love you mom".

I seriously cannot imagine how Erika can do what she does to those kids...I just can't.

[morri]

i cant believe she keeps her 3 year old in the booster for 1h, how does he stsy in there?my 2.5 year old, can get out of her clip on seat by herself and wont stay there for an hoyr even though she is a slow eater.

Are the girls allowed to play with duplo? it sounds like it is a boys only toy in that household. my daughters fav toys are the duplo lego, magnets books and her stuffed toys.

[princessmahina]

by the way is this "training" just fundie talk, or does she mean she physically punished the kids for opening drawyers etc?

Erika is vague about her methods of punishment, but she's linked to a "creative punishment" site/book which recommends things like hot sauce on the tongue for swearing/talking back, etc. She probably hits her kids too, but I'm not sure there's any definitive evidence on the blog for that.

[DGayle]

i cant believe she keeps her 3 year old in the booster for 1h, how does he stsy in there?my 2.5 year old, can get out of her clip on seat by herself and wont stay there for an hoyr even though she is a slow eater.

Are the girls allowed to play with duplo? it sounds like it is a boys only toy in that household. my daughters fav toys are the duplo lego, magnets books and her stuffed toys.

I suspect she hits the kids, and has the kids trained to sit in that seat for an hour. We don't expect adults to keep planted on our asses on hard seats for that long. It's cruel to expect a toddler to do it.

[DGayle]

Erika is vague about her methods of punishment, but she's linked to a "creative punishment" site/book which recommends things like hot sauce on the tongue for swearing/talking back, etc. She probably hits her kids too, but I'm not sure there's any definitive evidence on the blog for that.

Hot sauce on the tongue was common when I was a kid if you kept saying mean things, like being mean to someone, or when saying Fuck. As far as I know, no one's really been harmed by it. I wouldn't do it (we don't get mad at our kids for using words we use, and they have't learned calling people mean names), but I don't have a problem with that, especially compared to plumbing pipe being used to hit kids.

[ILoveJellybeans]

No wonder the poor kid was getting into all sorts of things and playing in the toilet. He spends most of his day ignored and forced to be quiet. If you want an occupied three year old, let them run around and burn off excess energy. Three year olds are not meant to sit down and be quiet all day, and if theres no options for him to express himself within the rules (like being allowed to play in whatever room he wants whenever he wants, having opportunities to run around the house, getting messy and playing in the dirt...) he will have to resort to less acceptable things like splashing in the toilet. How can a 3 year old sit at a table for an hour??? That's impossible unless you either beat then until theyre afraid to move, or are sat at that table with them providing distractions-playing games, letting them play Angry Birds on your phone, keeping a bunch of little toys to swap out whenever they get bored, feeding them...

[Seven Severn]

I wonder if Erica has had to bring the kids indoors (during their rare outdoor time) because a neighbor was enjoying a spliff in their own backyard. Since pot is legal in Washington this could be a real scenario. How much of a fit would she pitch if a little smoke wafted on to her property?

One thing that Erica doesn't seem to be aware of is that her children will be picking her nursing home. :nenner: When the time comes they're going to remember being confined, hit, and given a single jelly bean as a reward.

[mango_fandango]

Off topic a bit...

So, I was bored, and checking out the last fall schedule (for their school year, 2014). The only lessons 7/8 year old Riley was scheduled to do were Science and reading (with Erika, and then read-aloud). Oh, and some spelling. This is just weird, right? For the previous fall schedule, 2013, he was scheduled to do math and language arts, but no science. Also, Anna Marie seems to have been scheduled to do history twice (once at 9:30 and then at 11:30). I know homeschool kids vary in what they do in each grade, but surely LA and math are quite crucial? How come Riley was doing both LA and math at the age of 6 (for 2013-14) and then doing neither this past school year? When Anna Marie was his age (during the 2013-14 school year) she was scheduled to do math, LA, handwriting and history, but no science.

If this is confusing, sorry. Here is where you can find all her previous schedules she's posted, from their current one (Summer 2015) back to Fall 2012:

largefamiliesonpurpose.com/search/label/Schedules%20-%20My%20Current%20One

[apandaaries]

mango, I started to look into the schedules, and those are bizarre. But I also finally noticed that all her teaching materials are Character First dreck, which leads us right back to Bill Gothard. Here's a page I found: largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/08/character-training-for-children-core.html

It's all the same kind of crap the Duggars adore and puts money right back in the pockets of the ATI/IBLP. I feel like I need a moment of silence for all the childhoods ruined by the Gothards.

ETA: I know she wrote most of these posts years ago, but I still have to laugh when I see her typos and misspellings -- and then remember that Bob is her proud editor and "blog technician." If it were just the two of them, they could suffer together however they like...but those poor children. They never asked for any of this insanity.