Lori Alexander:Being treated poorly not grounds for divorce

[Anny Nym]

I have wondered the same thing, and long ago came to the conclusion that neither she nor Ken can figure out how to change the settings. ;)

:lol: God´s ways work mysteriously for Lori...^^

[Nettie]

I thought Ken said Lori didn't give blanket advice - "my advice is always the same" sounds awfully like blanket advice to me.

[Koala]

I agree with everyone thus far regarding emotional abuse being TERRIBLY damaging to a person's well-being, but this jumped out at me. 'Does not treat you good'---seriously, Lori?? It's 'does not treat you WELL'. And this woman was a school teacher??

She "use" to be, but now she is just "suppose" to be a godly mentor.

[Loveday]

Apparently, Ken has told Lori to put the comment back Lori has had a change of heart, because the deleted comment has reappeared.

[Koala]

Yep. This is what Lori saw fit to delete earlier in the day:

I think that when it comes to any type of abuse it is best to proceed with caution. Emotional abuse can very quickly lead to physical violence and even attempts to kill. I have experienced this twice with my own friends and family. One of my cousins married a man that we all adored, he was such a nice Christian he treated her like a queen, but shortly after the marriage he changed and started emotionally abusing her. We did our best to support her and to help keep her strong in the face of him constantly tearing her down. It got to the point where she couldn't even put on clothes without being put into an anxiety attack over how he was going to tell her how fat and ugly the outfit made her. She was advised by her church elders to pray for him and to continue to be submissive because that was the way to win him over. Then one day he blew up and beat her to a pulp almost killing her. He is in jail but physically and emotionally she is broken so much that I'm not sure she will ever recover. I wish so much she would have left him.

The second person I know who was emotionally abused is a college friend who met her husband at church. Things were great till her first child was born and then he begin to emotionally tear her down. She tried leaning on us for strength but after 12 years it was just too much for her. She had a breakdown and attempted suicide. Her kids also have issues from having been raised watching their dad emotionally abuse their mom. Her kids are older now and all say that they wish their mom would have left their dad so they wouldn't have had to been raised in such an unhappy home.

Emotional abuse is beyond being treated poorly. It is true abuse and should be treated seriously.

[polecat]

Yep. This is what Lori saw fit to delete earlier in the day:

Those stories are heartbreaking.

[polecat]

And just in case there's any doubt as to her credentials, she announces that she has the wisdom and experience to help 98 percent of all women.

" I am sure there are the 2% or so that are completely out of my ability to help. "

[Koala]

And Lori's reply:

Whenever I have mentored women who are in miserable marriages, I ask them if they are married to a Judas or a Peter...an evil man or a basically good man that makes mistakes. Not one woman I have ever mentored in person, by email, or by telephone has ever told me they were married to an evil man. These two men that you have given examples were evil men. In this case, the women absolutely need to be protected from them. Remember, "This is a personal teaching blog sharing what I have seen work from God's Word in my life and the lives of many others" as I state in my About Me portion of my blog. I can not address every situation. I speak what I believe the Word of God teaches and I am sure there are the 2% or so that are completely out of my ability to help. Evil men are a whole different story in which I have no desire to attempt to deal with or even know how to mentor in this case.

Wow that sounds like Ken. Right down to the statistic pulled out of thin air. :roll:

[Koala]

And just in case there's any doubt as to her credentials, she announces that she has the wisdom and experience to help 98 percent of all women.

Thinks pretty highly of herself doesn't she? I'd bet the earth Ken wrote that comment.

[Coconut Flan]

Those stories are heartbreaking.

Yet they are all too common. "Submitting" to a bully type personality is completely backwards to what will "win them to Christ." What it will do is encourage the bully to worse and worse behavior until he kills his victim, he gets arrested, or the woman finally finds the strength to break free. I guess that is part of why Ken and Lori's hobby horse and whining submission 'cause it's biblical (said with long drawn out whine when I see it) really bothers me. I saw it first hand with family members and it nearly resulted in two deaths. Submission was an abysmal failure.

Lori and Ken are way too full of themselves if they think they are so smart and right that they can help 98% of marriages.

[FJismyheadship]

FreeJinger is her 2%

[formergothardite]

She still hasn't returned the one that talks about the woman in an emotionally abusive marriage for 50 years.

I would like to see some evidence behind that 2% number.

[salex]

She still hasn't returned the one that talks about the woman in an emotionally abusive marriage for 50 years.

I would like to see some evidence behind that 2% number.

If being treated poorly in a marriage meant a person could leave, per what she's written, Ken could have left her.... and we can't have that!

[Koala]

Lori can not be held responsible for her own advice:

I know that emotional abuse is WAY more than snapping at a wife. I have personally mentored women who were emotionally abused and it was very painful for them but through adhering to strong biblical counsel they have been able to save their marriages. I will continue to mentor women to the best of my ability but I cannot control every situation. No one can see the future or what goes on behind closed doors so every woman must decide what ultimately to do. They have the freedom to accept someone's counsel or not. No one forces them to stay with their husband. They are free to leave or even divorce their husbands so to put the blame on the people they seek counsel from is wrong. We all seek the Lord and try to give wise counsel. This is all we are required to do. We are not responsible for the outcome. If a wife literally feels physically threatened in any way, I would always advise her to call the authorities and have him locked away. Other than that, I try to base all of my advice from God's Word and my experience of ten years mentoring women.

So Godly mentor Lori gives herself back pats for saving "hundreds" of marriages, but absolves herself from any responsibility when something goes wrong. Interesting.

[salex]

Lori can not be held responsible for her own advice:

So Godly mentor Lori gives herself back pats for saving "hundreds" of marriages, but absolves herself from any responsibility when something goes wrong. Interesting.

Direct result from Ken's time here.... don't you think?

[GolightlyGrrl]

Lori deletes comments because she's a coward. She can't defend the indefensible so she sticks her fingers in her ears, chants "la la la I can't hear you!" and pretends it never happened.

And she's also a coward because she has Ken come here to admonish us for "bullying" her.

On-topic: I nearly spit nails when I read Lori's horrible screed. One of these days some desperate woman is going to take Lori's advice and end up dead. I know this will happen.

[Curious]

Lori can not be held responsible for her own advice:

So Godly mentor Lori gives herself back pats for saving "hundreds" of marriages, but absolves herself from any responsibility when something goes wrong. Interesting.

This is why people should seek "counsel" from people that have training and are licensed in their particular field. So when something goes horribly wrong there is some kind of oversight vs a well you didn't *have* to listen to me. I'm not responsible.

[Curious]

Direct result from Ken's time here.... don't you think?

Yep, but I think the message he picked up isn't quite what was being put down :wink-penguin:

[Koala]

Direct result from Ken's time here.... don't you think?

Absolutely. I am betting "Happy Days Are Here Again" is not playing in the "perfect Alexander" household these days. Can you imagine? She thought he was coming over here to straighten us all out, and he ended up going home with a laundry list of things we told him that she needed to change. ***SMH***

[samurai_sarah]

I know that emotional abuse is WAY more than snapping at a wife. I have personally mentored women who were emotionally abused and it was very painful for them but through adhering to strong biblical counsel they have been able to save their marriages. I will continue to mentor women to the best of my ability but I cannot control every situation. No one can see the future or what goes on behind closed doors so every woman must decide what ultimately to do.They have the freedom to accept someone's counsel or not. No one forces them to stay with their husband. They are free to leave or even divorce their husbands so to put the blame on the people they seek counsel from is wrong. We all seek the Lord and try to give wise counsel. This is all we are required to do.We are not responsible for the outcome. If a wife literally feels physically threatened in any way, I would always advise her to call the authorities and have him locked away. Other than that, I try to base all of my advice from God's Word and my experience of ten years mentoring women.

What a powerful and moving statement of complete, and self-serving ignorance! :clap:

[formergothardite]

"No one forces them to stay with their husbands." But Lori will sure as hell treat them like shit if the admit that they leave. She will tell them that God hates divorce. That is just what an emotionally fragile person in an abusive relationship needs to hear. :roll:

"We are not responsible for the outcome." If this is true then she hasn't been able to save marriages because she is not responsible for the outcome. You can't take credit for positive outcomes unless you are also going to take credit for the negative one.

[salex]

Absolutely. I am betting "Happy Days Are Here Again" is not playing in the "perfect Alexander" household these days. Can you imagine? She thought he was coming over here to straighten us all out, and he ended up going home with a laundry list of things we told him that she needed to change. ***SMH***

Well, what is the point of being the decider if you can't lord it over someone.. :naughty:

[DGayle]

Ken's thoughts on emotionally abused women:

Lori wrote the following on her facebook:

An abusive spouse already nullifies the marriage commitment about respect.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Fuck Lori and the sanctimonious horse she rode in on. She likely doesn't hear of the so-called failures because what woman wants to come back and admit her divorce to such a judgmental know-it-all? It takes a lot of courage to end a marriage, and for many women it takes years of emotional/verbal abuse to finally call it quits. And even in mainstream society she'll feel judged. She'll be accused of ripping her family apart and will have to deflect attempts of guilting her into going back. I've seen it far too many times. Any woman with a shred of self-preservation would avoid the likes of Lori, who is a monster, like the plague in such a situation.

It took one of my closest friends ten years to leave such a relationship, and years of counseling to get her head back on straight, to come to realize she is worth something, and that she and her children deserve a better life. So what if he never hit her! No, he never put her in the hospital. He never did anything to warrant jail time. He just made a beautiful, intelligent, caring, wonderful, special woman doubt everything about herself and stomped her self-esteem into the ground. And it's not like it's stopped. They have children together. He fucks with her mind in every way he can to this day and constantly plays the kids against her, while she won't stoop to that level. She's stronger and doesn't let him control her anymore, thank goodness, and I shudder to think of the shell of a person she'd be if she were still with him. The day her divorce was final was one of the happiest days of my life. She's since remarried to a wonderful man, a man she tried to push away a few times because she didn't feel worthy of his love.

[Curious]

An abusive spouse already nullifies the marriage commitment about respect.

Penis > "for worse" and things like marriage commitment about respect when it comes to the non-penis part of the couple. Duh

(did I do my greater than sign right? I sadly still get those confused. math bad :( )