The Demise of VF & Doug Phillips is a Tool - Part 5

[thoughtful]

Thou art not the boss of me.

I knew I forgot some important ones. The men of the former VF and I thankest thee.

[snarkyjan]

:lol:

Thy mother art so ancient, she kneweth Moses when he still thought he wast Egyptian.

Thy mother art so fat, when she weareth yellow children doth mistake her for a school bus and try to board her.

[debrand]

Thy mother art so ancient, she kneweth Moses when he still thought he wast Egyptian.

Thy mother art so fat, when she weareth yellow children doth mistake her for a school bus and try to board her.

Blackguard, if thou continues to vex me, I shall bear the tale to our mother.

[thoughtful]

Thanks for adding to the list, snarkyjan and debrand.

I imagine all of these guys have lots of mixed feelings, missing the old days (and I couldn't very well leave rebuking and looseness of haughty tongues alone). So here is a song for the former princes of the VF empire to sing:

The looseness of your haughty tongue, I’m loathing.

But still I long for all that fancy clothing.

Those days when we were kings,

These foolish things remind me of Doug.

We once stood proudly with our legs apart, guys,

Now I rebuke you, but inside my heart dies.

Who knew our leader swings?

These foolish things remind me of Doug.

We went, we climbed, we conquered all,

We had ourselves a ball,

We had it all, 'til Dougie’s fall.

We took dominion, knew we were the cool guys.

But now it’s gone, ’cause Doug is such a tool, guys.

Oh, how the loss of it stings!

These foolish things remind me of Doug.

biNNbvnxCM8

[tropaka]

Thy mother, she art so frugal: $0.10 a head.

[thoughtful]

A song for the more realistic of the former VF Manly Boys, who may now be realizing how badly prepared for life they are due to being raised in the cloistered world of VF:

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

Thanks VF, now I can’t

Get a job! Sha na na na, sha na na na na

Every morning about this time

I drag me out of my bed

A-crying, got no job.

After breakfast, every day,

I read the want ads and I pray

I want to, let me say,

Get a job.

Sha na na na, sha na na na na

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

Thanks VF, now I can’t

Get a job! Sha na na na, sha na na na na

I see job descriptions

I read them through and through

And my skills really fall too short,

Just like Doug, that pretentious wart.

Now I’ve been searching for a week,

Know I’m up a creek.

Education’s shitty,

This will not be pretty, want a job

That I never will find.

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

Thanks VF, now I can’t

Get a job! Sha na na na, sha na na na na

SzWkqfQ17Eo

[anniebgood]

Doth thy mother knowest you wear her drapes?

Kudos to those of you who know the speaker and spoken to.

[Mary C Doates]

Thoughtful, the VF version of These Foolish Things brought a tear to my eye. It's only been two months since Tool'o'ween, but your song makes me wax nostalgic. It just won't be the same without Doug (Phillips who is a tool) and his manly minions attempting to take dominion over the universe while wearing fetching costumes. Of course, we may be treated to new adventures in upcoming months, as Doug (Phillips who is a tool) attempts to take dominion of the recreation yard at a minimum security prison.

Did I mention that Doug Phillips is a tool?

[thoughtful]

Thoughtful, the VF version of These Foolish Things brought a tear to my eye. It's only been two months since Tool'o'ween, but your song makes me wax nostalgic. It just won't be the same without Doug (Phillips who is a tool) and his manly minions attempting to take dominion over the universe while wearing fetching costumes. Of course, we may be treated to new adventures in upcoming months, as Doug (Phillips who is a tool) attempts to take dominion of the recreation yard at a minimum security prison.

:lol: Ah, what a lovely image.

Glad These Toolish Things moved you (and why didn't I think to title it, and use "toolish" instead of "foolish" in the lyrics?" Ah, well -- hindsight).

[snarkyjan]

Thy mother hath so unfortunate an aspect, that upon her naissance, the midwife doth smote HER mother.

[Mary C Doates]

Thy mother hath so unfortunate an aspect, that upon her naissance, the midwife doth smote HER mother.

I am so using this on the next person who tries to bring a full cart of groceries into the 10 Items Or Less line at the A&P!

[LurkerOverThePond]

I've said this before and I say it again: oh, how I wish that Sippy & Kelly had a blog where they would frequently update their daily lives and thoughts... :pray:

[WonderingInWA]

I've said this before and I say it again: oh, how I wish that Sippy & Kelly had a blog where they would frequently update their daily lives and thoughts... :pray:

Me, too. But after all this publicity with the VF gig going down, there's no way Kelly will ever start blogging about their daily life. I would love to know how she manages 5 kids by herself every day. Does she have hired help? Does she post on mothering boards? Does she meal plan? And who does the cleaning? How about managing all the clothing and shoes for the kids? I only have 2 kids and found all that completely overwhelming.

[LurkerOverThePond]

Me, too. But after all this publicity with the VF gig going down, there's no way Kelly will ever start blogging about their daily life. I would love to know how she manages 5 kids by herself every day.

You are probably right. Even without the VF catastrophe, she cannot have enough (if any) free time to write a blog.

I wonder if they still live in that old house without a water heater... She probably gets help from Claudia & Deborah, but life must be hard for her. Wonder if she ever thinks about her younger self and what she would say to her now after 5 kids (and counting) and 7 years of married "bliss" with Sippy.

[Mary C Doates]

Why is Vision Forum spamming me with ads for a course on leather-working? Doesn't Doug a Phillips (who is a tool) have enough free time these days to sew his own assless chaps?

Doug Phillips is a tool (an awl, perhaps?).

[Cleopatra7]

Why is Vision Forum spamming me with ads for a course on leather-working? Doesn't Doug a Phillips (who is a tool) have enough free time these days to sew his own assless chaps?

Doug Phillips is a tool (an awl, perhaps?).

VF must have sold its mailing list to anyone and everyone willing to fork out cash.

[thekate]

VF must have sold its mailing list to anyone and everyone willing to fork out cash.

Anyone? :think:

Thinks of hilarious possibilities...

[Mary C Doates]

VF must have sold its mailing list to anyone and everyone willing to fork out cash.

What's different about this VF spamvertisement is that there's no embedded link to an organization or company-- if I want to order (because I want to be Dougie's personal costumer, of course) I have to respond to a VF address. I suppose that recipient could forward the request to the actual purveyor of quality leather goods so it looks as though VFInc is still in business.

Or maybe Doug Phillips, who is a tool, is planning to go into the leather clothing business, now that ministry is out as his source of income.

[Joan of Snarc]

Me, too. But after all this publicity with the VF gig going down, there's no way Kelly will ever start blogging about their daily life. I would love to know how she manages 5 kids by herself every day. Does she have hired help? Does she post on mothering boards? Does she meal plan? And who does the cleaning? How about managing all the clothing and shoes for the kids? I only have 2 kids and found all that completely overwhelming.

Didn't BRADRICK! blog that they have a 20-gallon hot water that sits on a counter? I don't think they have hired help....

But maybe you were joking....

:shifty:

[thoughtful]

Why is Vision Forum spamming me with ads for a course on leather-working? Doesn't Doug a Phillips (who is a tool) have enough free time these days to sew his own assless chaps?

Doug Phillips is a tool (an awl, perhaps?).

[WonderingInWA]

Didn't BRADRICK! blog that they have a 20-gallon hot water that sits on a counter? I don't think they have hired help....

But maybe you were joking....

:shifty:

I was kind of kidding but I also know how hard it is to be an at-home mom with only two kids, I can't imagine 5 (and 4 of them little boys). I imagine she doesn't have hired help, but in fundie circles, they all aim to gather themselves some "interns" so I'm guessing eventually Bradrick! will get Kelly some help in that form. At least I hope so.

[uber frau]

If she follows the parenting advice of her mother and mother-in-law, the Bradrick! blessings will all be well and truly broken by the time they're 14 months old, in time for the next one.

[Cleopatra7]

I was kind of kidding but I also know how hard it is to be an at-home mom with only two kids, I can't imagine 5 (and 4 of them little boys). I imagine she doesn't have hired help, but in fundie circles, they all aim to gather themselves some "interns" so I'm guessing eventually Bradrick! will get Kelly some help in that form. At least I hope so.

The point of patriarchy/quiverfull is to keep women overwhelmed with pregnancy and child care. Any sort of help, whether in the form of modern convieneces or grandma, is to be shunned. This is why so many Fundies are into homesteading, because without technology, women can't compete with men.

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

The point of patriarchy/quiverfull is to keep women overwhelmed with pregnancy and child care. Any sort of help, whether in the form of modern convieneces or grandma, is to be shunned. This is why so many Fundies are into homesteading, because without technology, women can't compete with men.

I don't think so. That may be true for some really crazies, but help is not generally shunned. We are honest about needing help, and happy to provide it.

I think so many people are into homesteading because most of the stuff at grocery store has been adulterated to the point of nastiness. Buying everything from a farm is expensive, and sometimes hard to find. Doing it yourself is appealing both financially and for a sense of "hey, we can do this". It's kind of exciting to think you can provide a lot of your own food. Alas, my husband hasn't yet jumped on the self-sufficiency wagon, so I'm stuck forking out lots of cash for healthy food ;-)

[MamaJunebug]

Hmmm.....maybe Kelly is doing fine because she takes advice from her dad:

scottbrownonline.com/five-productivity-tips-from-incredibly-busy-people/

Heck, for all we know, Kelly is one of the incredibly busy people who passed along the tips to Scotty to publish!

Not to spoil your reading enjoyment, but the tips in brief are:

HAVE A SINGLE PURPOSE FOCUS.

(The person writing this obviously has no time to edit. Did s/he mean "Purpose to have a single focus" or "Focus on a single purpose"?)

RUTHLESSLY BLOCK OUT DISTRACTIONS.

(We've seen Michelle Duggar simply ignore her 5 or 6 primary-school-agers by running the water in the sink and rinsing out flower vases. .... Just sayin'.)

SET A STRICT TIME LIMIT ON MEETINGS.

(Michelle and Jim Bob have a few minutes' quality time with each kid every ... week? Ok, so Kelly and Peter only have 5, but baby steps, people, baby steps!)

SET UP PRODUCTIVITY RITUALS.

(Boiling water to bathtub, ritual.

Conceive next child when youngest is 5 months, ritual.

I tell you, I think we're figuring out just how Queen Bradrick does it, and who's advising Scott Brown!)

GET UP EARLIER.

.... I can't. Take it away, snarkers. I mean, if you want to.