J.Maxwell rents home to parents?

[bean]

I vaguely remember this.

Here is Sarah Smith's blog entry about the ending of her second engagement, this was not the engagement with Christopher.

simplysanctified.wordpress.com/2009/03/07/jesus-what-a-friend-and-lover/

[lilwriter85]

I have no problem with any combination of relatives or friends living together for company, comfort and financial reasons -- I've seen all kinds of situations work well. Extended family sharing a home has been part of the human experience throughout history.

I've lived in the same home as my parents at various times in my life, and had a cousin who lived in the home in which he grew up, with his parents, his whole life (sadly cut short at 52 due to leukemia), other than college and law school. It's quite possible to live with one's parents, be respected as an adult, and have lots of options to live freely.

I think we all know that that's not what's happening at the Maxwells' house. But, as awful as it looks to us, the Maxwell "kids" could be numb to it by now, and as happy as they know how to be.

Of course I have no idea if, deep down, the younger Maxwells hate their situation, but I doubt it. Reading some of "Keeping Our Children's Hearts" and the other things Steve has said about how he stifles kids, it sounds like slow indoctrination, a gradual process of lovingly persuading a child that everything they want that doesn't fit the narrow path the parent has laid out would be sinful, impractical, or terrifying.

Y'know, just because the parent loves that child soooooo much.

Being restricted in the straightjacket that is their lives is the only kind of love the Maxwell second generation has known, with the added bonus of thinking that how they live will please God and get them into heaven. As much as we may look at it and think "how can they stand it? They must be miserable," they probably aren't. I suspect they are sincere in their defense of the whole mess.

And, to me, that (combined with under-educating them) is the worst horror of what Steve has done.

I agree with you on the bolded. I have seen various situations work out well. I have friends and relatives who lived with their parents and grandparents during college and grad school. I have known people who moved back with their parents after job loss or divorce. My friend got divorced in her late 20s and was depressed. She moved back with her parents and it helped her out emotionally. But with the Maxwells, Steve is very restrictive of what his kids do. There are many young people the same ages as Jesse, John, Joe, and Anna living at home. But many of those young people aren't always controlled by mommy and daddy. Many young people living at home have outside friends and they sometimes go on trips by themselves. I recall one of the younger Maxwell boys wants to do missionary work. I doubt Steve will let that happen. I have a friend from high school who lived with her parents during college. She is a bit religious and she did missionary work throughout college and her parents encouraged it.

[sparkles]

Steve's been very upfront about the need for cutting any and all perceived "bad" influences out of their lives, relatives included. I think his kids know full well that he'd cut them too if they dared to reject what he's pounded into their heads. Given that the family unit is all they've ever known, they really have no choice but to do what they do and swear that OF COURSE it's their choice.

For the record, years ago when we were hoping to sell our apartment and buy a house, we were getting absolutely nowhere because the real estate market was still in the toilet. Much to our surprise, though, we got a last-minute, out-of-the-blue offer on the apartment and grabbed it. This left us essentially homeless since we hadn't even begun looking for a house so we thought we'd just rent some crummy apartment for the interim. My parents however very generously offered to have us move in with them, where we'd have the top floor for bedrooms and an office, as well as shared space on the main floor. They refused to take a penny from us, preferring that we put it in our house fund. We lived with them for 6 months and it was honestly a fantastic experience, especially for the Mini-Sparkler who got to spend a lot of quality time with her grandparents. We were all quite sad when it came to an end but thanks to my parents overwhelming generosity, we were able to pay for almost 75% of our house in cash. So I'll never knock a multi-generational living arrangement. It's just that the Maxwells are so freaking dishonest (and smug and condescending) about it. Whenever I see a Maxwell 'splain it all, I always have a small chuckle to myself...

[kpmom]

Steve's been very upfront about the need for cutting any and all perceived "bad" influences out of their lives, relatives included. I think his kids know full well that he'd cut them too if they dared to reject what he's pounded into their heads. Given that the family unit is all they've ever known, they really have no choice but to do what they do and swear that OF COURSE it's their choice.

For the record, years ago when we were hoping to sell our apartment and buy a house, we were getting absolutely nowhere because the real estate market was still in the toilet. Much to our surprise, though, we got a last-minute, out-of-the-blue offer on the apartment and grabbed it. This left us essentially homeless since we hadn't even begun looking for a house so we thought we'd just rent some crummy apartment for the interim. My parents however very generously offered to have us move in with them, where we'd have the top floor for bedrooms and an office, as well as shared space on the main floor. They refused to take a penny from us, preferring that we put it in our house fund. We lived with them for 6 months and it was honestly a fantastic experience, especially for the Mini-Sparkler who got to spend a lot of quality time with her grandparents. We were all quite sad when it came to an end but thanks to my parents overwhelming generosity, we were able to pay for almost 75% of our house in cash. So I'll never knock a multi-generational living arrangement. It's just that the Maxwells are so freaking dishonest (and smug and condescending) about it. Whenever I see a Maxwell 'splain it all, I always have a small chuckle to myself...

Don't you mean a small chuckle with myself, sparkles? :wink-penguin:

ITA with everything you said. Tons of adult children live in their parent's homes, for all kinds of different reasons, even though the Maxwells try to make it sound like no one but Maxwell brand Christians have their adult children living at home.

The difference is, most adult children don't buy a house and let it sit there empty because of some rule about living at home 'til marriage.

Come to think of it, most adult children and their parents have no rules about where the adult children will live, because, well, they're adults!

[AuntCloud]

I have no problem with any combination of relatives or friends living together for company, comfort and financial reasons -- I've seen all kinds of situations work well. Extended family sharing a home has been part of the human experience throughout history.

I've lived in the same home as my parents at various times in my life, and had a cousin who lived in the home in which he grew up, with his parents, his whole life (sadly cut short at 52 due to leukemia), other than college and law school. It's quite possible to live with one's parents, be respected as an adult, and have lots of options to live freely.

I think we all know that that's not what's happening at the Maxwells' house. But, as awful as it looks to us, the Maxwell "kids" could be numb to it by now, and as happy as they know how to be.

Of course I have no idea if, deep down, the younger Maxwells hate their situation, but I doubt it. Reading some of "Keeping Our Children's Hearts" and the other things Steve has said about how he stifles kids, it sounds like slow indoctrination, a gradual process of lovingly persuading a child that everything they want that doesn't fit the narrow path the parent has laid out would be sinful, impractical, or terrifying.

Y'know, just because the parent loves that child soooooo much.

Being restricted in the straightjacket that is their lives is the only kind of love the Maxwell second generation has known, with the added bonus of thinking that how they live will please God and get them into heaven. As much as we may look at it and think "how can they stand it? They must be miserable," they probably aren't. I suspect they are sincere in their defense of the whole mess.

And, to me, that (combined with under-educating them) is the worst horror of what Steve has done.

Which screams for the obvious pop culture reference:

[snarkyjan]

Of all the fundie patriarchs we snark on, the two I loathe the most are Steve Maxwell and Jim Bob Duggar. They both require their kids to genuflect before them 24/7/365, none of their kids can have any sort of fun, just for themselves and they have stunted their children's education, to the point where they would have trouble finding employment outside the family unit. And again, in Steve's case he can't allow hiw kids to enjoy themselves or have hobbies/interest that don't involve the whole family. As for JimBob, he's an insensitive, clueless, towering bore. I'd even give Dougie (the TOOL) some (small amount of slack) over these two; at least his kids seem to have fun on a regular basis.

[NellieBell]

I don't remember a lot from my psych and abnormal psych classes, but I'm not cutting Steve any slack for his childhood experiences. Yep, sounds like Dad was an asshole but it still doesn't add up to sonny boy going off the deep end in the Jesus pool and becoming an isolating, controlling cult leader. Why don't you just dig a mote around you and your son's houses Steve? Because you've already mentally done that to your family.

It's sick that he attempts to justify his lifestyle because of his Daddy issues. My Dad is a self absorbed loner who would come home from work, open a beer, retreat to the man cave and watch Wheel Of Fortune. I can still hear him yelling "Buy a vowel Asshole!" He really didn't talk to us, never came to any band concerts, sporting events etc.. Hell, he didn't come see me while I was in the hospital after an emergency appendectomy aged 12. Oh and I nearly died before the op. I realize it's not the same, but it sure felt like we were an obligation and he didn't care to even look at us or our Mom. As far as I know, he didn't cheat as he was home every night and never went anywhere except work, but he might as well have from his behavior. He cheated with himself I guess. Did I do the same to my kids? Absolutely not and most people who've had a traumatic experience with a parent don't. My Dad has/had (most are grown), little to nil interaction with his grandchildren. They think he's whacked and really don't care. Then again, they go to public schools, have friends and see the world as a bigger place with many people having similar problems and joys. This, Stevie, you should have learned during your time in the military and while obtaining your degree. How DARE you deny your children that? It boggles my mind, really does.

And Terri, you're just as bad. Both of you are sick, controlling assholes. Full stop.

[Odd1Out]

Of all the fundie patriarchs we snark on, the two I loathe the most are Steve Maxwell and Jim Bob Duggar. They both require their kids to genuflect before them 24/7/365, none of their kids can have any sort of fun, just for themselves and they have stunted their children's education, to the point where they would have trouble finding employment outside the family unit. And again, in Steve's case he can't allow hiw kids to enjoy themselves or have hobbies/interest that don't involve the whole family. As for JimBob, he's an insensitive, clueless, towering bore. I'd even give Dougie (the TOOL) some (small amount of slack) over these two; at least his kids seem to have fun on a regular basis.

I actually do think the Duggar kids get to do a lot of fun things, but only when okayed by JB and Michelle. But yes, they've definitely stunted them. I'd much rather have to live in the Duggar household than the Maxwells. While I'm sure the Duggars do some sort of family Bible time, it doesn't appear to be every single morning before the sun is up and agin every single night.

[browngrl]

I don't know the real/whole story about Steve and his dad but I am not at all sure I believe Steve when he says his father "abandoned" the family. Steve - right now - as a fully mature adult- is not known for taking a reasoned balanced approach. Who knows what kind of anger and resentment he may have directed at either parent for breaking up his family. I can not see Steve (then or now) reasoning that his parents had divorced for what ever reason(maybe because they had simply grown apart) but they both still loved him and both still wanted to be involved. I can see his dad making overtures to visit/write/call and Steve rejecting all offers in an angry huff and then blaming his dad for "abandoning them". I think Steve is terrified pretty much all the time. Every little deviation from the script is a slide down a slippery slope to hell. He does not seem to be able to accept that people can be complex. So he has to have someone to blame for every misfortune. There has to be someone who is right and someone who is wrong. There is never a middle ground. He seems to think that he can create a little bubble of safety by keeping everything he deems as bad out and controlling everything he deems as good. If he reads here I'd say "Steve, control is an illusion. Shit always happens. You just have to muddle through as best as you can". Doubt he'd listen to me. After all I am a godless feminist.

[MamaJunebug]

I think Steve is terrified pretty much all the time. Every little deviation from the script is a slide down a slippery slope to hell.

brwngrl, this is the guy who, in front of his audiences, opens a bottle of water, adds a drop of what he says is "raw sewage" and then asks who will drink from it. He goes on to say that "one drop" of the outside world will taint the audience's family beyond redemption.

He conveniently forgets that, thanks to hard-working men and women at any number of sewer companies throughout much of the world, raw sewage doesn't get into the water supply and what little does, is treated properly to render it harmless.

Were Steve to take his metaphoric water bottle to its logical conclusion - at least in North America, where he tours - he would have to acknowledge that organized churches are the equivalent of the municipal sewer districts, helping to keep the water/outside world as clean of poisons as possible.

[WonderingInWA]

brwngrl, this is the guy who, in front of his audiences, opens a bottle of water, adds a drop of what he says is "raw sewage" and then asks who will drink from it. He goes on to say that "one drop" of the outside world will taint the audience's family beyond redemption.

He conveniently forgets that, thanks to hard-working men and women at any number of sewer companies throughout

He really does that? Wow. WOW.

[mrs]

He really does that? Wow. WOW.

Where does he get the sewage? I feel like he would be "above" getting the sewage himself. Maybe I am being dense and it is just a metaphor?

[ILoveJellybeans]

Does the bus have a toilet he could get it from? I cant see him getting it out himself though, I bet he puts it on the chore pack of whichever "child" looked the least miserable that day.

[Black Aliss]

Where does he get the sewage? I feel like he would be "above" getting the sewage himself. Maybe I am being dense and it is just a metaphor?

It's not sewage. It's Pepsi. He opens the can in front of Teri, pours a few drops into a vial for his demonstration, then dumps the rest of it down the drain.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

It's not sewage. It's Pepsi. He opens the can in front of Teri, pours a few drops into a vial for his demonstration, then dumps the rest of it down the drain.

Very likely. Probably brings it to his lips to tease her--like leaning in for a kiss and pulling back to taunt your partner! :nenner:

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I recently listened to a newer phone interview with Steve (not the one I had posted previously) and he talked about how his dad was absorbed in his hobbies and eventually took off with his best friend's wife. Literally like the former caused the latter. So it follows (to the mind of a child) that if no one can have hobbies nor friends there is no friend's wife to run off with. For all of Steve's blustering and acting like he's got it all figured out, he's still that hurt little boy trying to figure out a way to stop his daddy from abandoning him. I would almost feel sorry for him if he weren't destroying the lives of his family and everyone he foists his crap on.

Yep. I think the divorce is one big pillar behind all of this, and a serious fear of death (acquired before he was born again, I suspect) is the other.

For whatever preexisting fear reasons, he fell hard core for the "do you know where you'll go when you die?" question - and now the entire family basically lives every minute obsessed with being sure they don't eff things up and lose their chance for heaven. That vibe oozes from all of their writing, all of the endless obsession with purity, all of the need to not just "not sin" but to desperately scramble to spend every single moment in religious activity, in work and service to Jesus.