SAHD Writes Anti-Abortion Short Story

[Burris]

This passive-aggressive smiley face really gets me. I stopped pulling that crap in middle school.

True - but I have to admit, she did get hammered a lot harder by us than she would have been by an average high school English teacher. Granted, I think that's a good thing, but a lot of 17-year-olds would have been taken aback. I don't think her feelings of insecurity are all that unusual after coming away from what, for a kid her age, would be a firestorm of criticism.

This may, after all, have been the most substantial critique she has ever received for her work. (Being hit by FJ is probably one of the most substantial critiques any 17-year-old could get. I was publishing for pay at just a year older than she is now, and the first volley of criticisms did hurt - even if they were well-deserved.)

[Buzzard]

True - but I have to admit, she did get hammered a lot harder by us than she would have been by an average high school English teacher. Granted, I think that's a good thing, but a lot of 17-year-olds would have been taken aback. I don't think her feelings of insecurity are all that unusual after coming away from what, for a kid her age, would be a firestorm of criticism.

This may, after all, have been the most substantial critique she has ever received for her work. (Being hit by FJ is probably one of the most substantial critiques any 17-year-old could get. I was publishing for pay at just a year older than she is now, and the first volley of criticisms did hurt - even if they were well-deserved.)

This kid ran off into the woods to "get alone with the Lord." What the fuck does that even mean? Yes, we hit the story hard but my criticism isnt pointed at Hayley, its pointed directly at her mother who clearly cant write for shit, teach for shit, or prepare her child for real life for shit.

This story should NEVER have been posted on the internet. No english teacher would have told any student that it was even a decent rough draft written on toilet paper. Mommy gave her a "good grade." Because she got a "good grade" she posted it on teh internetz to share with other homeskooled kidz who likely, by the initial comments, have the same level of educashun that she haz.

Mom needs to own the fact that SHE is responsible for this. Her daughter's poor writing, the fact that she has to run off in the woods to do whatever instead of facing the criticism, the fact that she proves our point about teaching a belief rather than the logic behind it... all point back to the source. OWN IT!!!

If my 17 year old self had my english homework shredded I would have stayed up all night fixing it, marched my ass into class the next day, and slammed it the fuck down on my teacher's desk. Excuses dont get you anywhere.

Oh, and since we know you're reading here Cheryl... we have this great tradition called "fundie friday." You have a whole day to prepare. See you soon!

[Burris]

This kid ran off into the woods to "get alone with the Lord." What the fuck does that even mean?

Maybe it means she spent time alone, thinking this out, rather than hanging with her family in the echo chamber.

Yes, we hit the story hard but my criticism isnt pointed at Hayley, its pointed directly at her mother who clearly cant write for shit, teach for shit, or prepare her child for real life for shit.

No argument there.

This story should NEVER have been posted on the internet.

I have seen some massively stupid shit on the internet. We've discussed quite a bit of it here, in fact. She wanted to post it. She did post it. She got criticized for it. She pulled the story - hopefully for a rework, though I won't be holding my breath.

Happens all the time - especially with posts we deconstruct here. And our efforts can send people three-or-four-times Haley's age running for the hills. Those are the people who, like Haley's mom, should actually know better.

No english teacher would have told any student that it was even a decent rough draft written on toilet paper. Mommy gave her a "good grade." Because she got a "good grade" she posted it on teh internetz to share with other homeskooled kidz who likely, by the initial comments, have the same level of educashun that she haz.

Those SOTDRTs aren't instructed on how to think critically. No surprise there.

Mom needs to own the fact that SHE is responsible for this. Her daughter's poor writing, the fact that she has to run off in the woods to do whatever instead of facing the criticism...

See, now this is the part that stumps me a little. Who gives a fuck where Haley went or why? The fact is she was separated from her family and, hopefully, did some thinking.

...the fact that she proves our point about teaching a belief rather than the logic behind it... all point back to the source. OWN IT!!!

This level of ire just seems out of proportion.

If my 17 year old self had my english homework shredded I would have stayed up all night fixing it, marched my ass into class the next day, and slammed it the fuck down on my teacher's desk. Excuses dont get you anywhere.

Did your 17-year-old self have your homework totally shredded by the equivalent of a classroom full of people who, often by virtue of age alone, knew a hell of a lot more than you did about pretty much everything?

I've already said it's a good thing Haley got this criticism. Not arguing that point. I'm just a little bit foggy on why Haley's first response to it is cause for so much...anger. Yeah, no shit she would react like a kid does; she is one.

Now her mom, who grades based on ideological purity - that's another story.

[Buzzard]

My anger is directed at Cheryl entirely.

[Burris]

My anger is directed at Cheryl entirely.

Makes sense.

[EmiGirl]

My anger is directed at Cheryl entirely.

THIS!

It's not the poor girl's fault. It's her mom who has done the poor job of teaching her. Unfortunately the SAT now has a big portion of the exam which evaluates writing. In fact, I'm surprised that she hasn't been tested on it thus far. I don't know if homeschoolers are subject to the same writing exams average Tennessee state students are, but I remember being tested in several different grades (on the state level). Of course it could also be a difference in state requirements as I don't know where she's from.

[BlondeAgent007]

What scares me is that this is a subject she must have honestly thought she was educated in. I wonder if she plans to use those SATs to go to college? You don't get to choose your own paper topics there, usually. I wonder what a paper on the theme of "work ethic" would look like? This is a girl who thinks a boss is a "meanie"when the employee shows up a half an hour late daily, and then is disrespectful to them.

This paper, in more ways than one, shows major gaps in her education.

[JMarie]

The SATs aren't required by CollegeMinus. Besides, to take the SATs, she'd have to go to an evil actual school and sit around evil non-homeschooled teenagers, no doubt full of drugs, tattooes, and hormones.

[dairyfreelife]

I find it slightly comical that she thinks we "tore it apart". I think we were actually nice about it for the most part. I dare her to give it to a 12th grade English teacher or an agent. They'd ripe it to pieces. Saying what you can improve or pointing out factual errors and issues in a paper is not being mean, it's constructive criticism. If Haley wants to write, she should keep writing. It's how you get better. You write, you receive feedback and getting positive feedback only does not help you grow as a writer. This is why parents should not be grading their child's work. Teachers do not have an attachment to your child. They aren't there to coddle them, only to teach them and at high school age, they can grow tougher.

Though I know Cheryl has no intention to let her daughter's go to college, especially a secular one, but professors are tough. They will never coddle your child. They're there to teach and get the knowledge out to your child. Take it or leave it. If you need help, they will try their best, but not enough time and not researching your topic for your paper aren't excuses. Tough luck, suck it up. Life sucks and I'm sorry Haley was upset. But I put that on Cheryl. She isolates her children and they don't know anything outside of their parents teaching and circle of people who believe exactly like them.

I think Haley was clueless that anyone could read it, that she doesn't know much after all, that she needs to improve a lot and I think she heard just how wonderful it was that she was surprised to hear others tell her that it was not so great. It upset her because she's not used to hearing counter arguments. She's not used to critique at all. It does hurt to hear your work's not as great as you thought. Don't go cry or pout, take their thoughts and improve. Maybe they are right. If it's not a "this is so stupid" comment with no ways to improve, ignore it. If someone is genuinely telling you what errors they see and are correcting them, don't get upset, it's to help you, not hurt you.

[EmiGirl]

It upset her because she's not used to hearing counter arguments. She's not used to critique at all. It does hurt to hear your work's not as great as you thought. Don't go cry or pout, take their thoughts and improve. Maybe they are right. If it's not a "this is so stupid" comment with no ways to improve, ignore it. If someone is genuinely telling you what errors they see and are correcting them, don't get upset, it's to help you, not hurt you.

Therein lies the problem though. She's probably never been criticized. Her mom may point out grammatical or spelling errors in her work occasionally, but I doubt that she's ever got points taken off for logical fallacies, stereotyping, etc.

[tanksmom]

While I thought the story was really bad I don't fault the daughter. She thought the story was good, her "teacher" aka her mother told her it was good and it was posted so that others could tell her how wonderful it was. Unfortunately for her she found out the hard way that it...wasn't good.

Since I'm pretty sure someone in the family reads here I have a few suggestions that won't even be that painful. Take some time to read good literature. See how the sentences are structured. See how the characters are developed instead of just parroting what you think should happen. It is very rare in literature that stands the sands of time that anyone is either entirely black or white. She set out to prove that the girl in the story was good, it didn't matter that she was disrespectful in her job, and the people working at the "abortion clinic" were evil. There are shades of good and bad in everyone. Acknowledge and explore the grey areas & that will take you writing up a notch.

Oh & it wouldn't hurt to not make every sentence 8 words or less. You kinda remind me of my 8 yr old telling a story.

[SoybeanQueen]

I haven't read the blog enough to know if this girl hopes to ever work outside the home, but one should be able to handle some criticism in the workplace, too. Her future boss isn't going to say, "this is really poorly written, but I'll go ahead and pat you on the head, anyway." That's assuming she gets an interview with an incoherent cover letter....

[BlondeAgent007]

I do agree, this is completely on her mother. She has no reason to think critically about her writing if she is only given positive reinforcement. I find it sad that she wants badly to go into writing and is writing novels with the belief that, at this stage in her life, she is ready to make this a reality. In a public school, she would have had her writing critiqued by a different set of eyes every year. Some teachers may like a student or their writing style more than others. Point is, they will have multiple critiques from various sources.

I don't want these remarks to discourage Haley from writing. If she enjoys it, she should by all means keep doing it. It is sad that she is so far behind at this point in the game due to the failure of her sole educator. Doesn't mean she can't improve or even have success in this area.

I would suggest less controversial subject material for a paper to be critiqued, so biases don't get in the way. This does sometimes happen and affect the opinions of even the best editors. If you don't want to do research for a topic of that weight, then skip it and write about something you know. It can be fiction, but at least something you have experience with. She needs to work on telling a story through descriptive words as well, instead of a play by play of a scenario. Some of the best writing leaves some things up to the interpretation of the reader. That is what sparks discussion.

At the very least, she wrote something that sparked tons of feedback and lots of people read it. As a writer, that can't be completely negative. I'd rather have bad feedback than no feedback. Even negative feedback means I sparked an emotion.

[formergothardite]

What scares me is that this is a subject she must have honestly thought she was educated in. I wonder if she plans to use those SATs to go to college? You don't get to choose your own paper topics there, usually. I wonder what a paper on the theme of "work ethic" would look like? This is a girl who thinks a boss is a "meanie"when the employee shows up a half an hour late daily, and then is disrespectful to them.

This paper, in more ways than one, shows major gaps in her education.

Exactly. At 17 years old her parents have so sheltered her from life and responsibility that she didn't even know the most basic things about having a job.It doesn't matter that you hate your job, you have to show up on time.

[Nothing2CHere]

Exactly. At 17 years old her parents have so sheltered her from life and responsibility that she didn't even know the most basic things about having a job.It doesn't matter that you hate your job, you have to show up on time.

And even this - she could have worked a sympathetic angle for her protagonist being consistently late to work. She wrote that her protagonist was a recent widow, what, two months? (Can't go back to check the story now, right?) The author could have expounded on this, how recently losing her husband had affected her, how hard it was for her to even go through the motions of getting ready in the morning, and how uncaring "Doc Owen" wanted her back at work before the coffin was barely in the ground.

And while I'm posting in this thread, I need to mention that "He’s a funky-ass baby, Doc" is my new favorite phrase.

[chaotic life]

What kind of a homeschooler mother gives good marks to piss poor writing because she recognizes her child didn't spend a lot of TIME on the work??????

See when my kids stopped following my instructions and growing at home because they wanted me to lighten up, I put their rears into public school and took off my teacher's hat. I didn't want to ruin the parent-child relationship but there was NO WAY they were getting a pass for piss poor education.

The writing is TERRIBLE for a high school senior. That is not the child's fault. That is the MOTHER's fault. WHO allows your child to be at the end of high school and think that 8th grade writing level is acceptable??

This was a FRESHMAN assignment written by my HOMESCHOOLER as one of his FIRST assignments for public school teachers:

Dear Parents,

For too long we teens have craved independence. We have waited, pleaded and begged and yet we have recieved nothing but the arousing of indignation. For too long you have looked at our request as a matter of insignificance. For too long we have been unjustifiably denied our freedom and as a result the hunger for independence has been spreading like a disease without a cure. We have suffered under your authority and are constantly being evaluated. Day in and day out you flaunt our freedom in our faces and it is time for this cruel act to cease.

You considered teens to be individuals who need assistance adapting to everyday life. You say that you want to raise us to be responsible young adults but everytime we do the slightest bit of wrongs you become infuriated and lash out at us with vicious and hateful words that slowly deteriorate our pride. We are constantly being told that we are immature, our behavioral choices are unexcused and that we need to grow up.

Yet, how can we when we are treated like rats in a labratory. We teens deserve the independence that has for too long been denied. We will continue to fight for freedom until the rusty gates of justice finally open allowing independence to all who seek it.

Sincerely, [name redacted]

That was written by a sheltered homeschooled teen with NO teen angst because his class assignment was to write a manifesto on teen independence in a style like Martin Luther King, Jr. In addition, I left his grammar alone (even though I had to hand type it because my C&P is acting up) to demonstrate another fact. My son is an ESL student. He spent YEARS fighting through his ESL struggles and even HE knows his grammar is sometimes lacking for that reason. He had NO personal knowledge of the subject matter, but he had years of rigirous teaching to hone writing skills as a homeschooler. Forget about that child's subject matter for a moment and the horror of the low quality writing is WORSE than her subject matter. However, you simply do NOT tackle that type of subject matter until you master the most basic of tasks such as high quality writing.

Homeschooling is NO EXCUSE for poor writing skills, none whatsoever!!!! A mother who accepts poor writing and thinks homeschooling makes it acceptable has NO business homeschooler her children in the first place!

[merrily]

Is cheryl going to show up and defend her educashunal mehods on fundie friday? She's been passive aggressive on her daughter's blog.

[Buzzard]

Is cheryl going to show up and defend her educashunal mehods on fundie friday? She's been passive aggressive on her daughter's blog.

Perhaps we can give her some pointers if she's willing to swing on by!

[EmiGirl]

Is cheryl going to show up and defend her educashunal mehods on fundie friday? She's been passive aggressive on her daughter's blog.

I've obviously missed something. What's Fundie Friday?

[OkToBeTakei]

I think she is trying to make the evil FJ feel bad for picking on a kid. That appears to be her MO in her comments.

My child is only 10 and got roundly criticised for a piece of slack work she did at school. They have started peer assessment along with teacher assessment. One of her peers wrote *name* I normally look forward to your stories but it looks like this may have taken you five minutes. Which it had. She was upset. I gave her a Mummy cuddle and told her to suck it up. I then told her her friends were being kind because her lack of effort was very disappointing. She re-submitted a piece of work she took her time with and was proud of.

I would be very concerned if she had not hardened up by 17 and at least knew that criticism is part of life and positive criticism in education is a constant and is how you learn.

[Buzzard]

I've obviously missed something. What's Fundie Friday?

On fridays (for some reason) we have often been blessed by various fundies who come to explain to us why we're wrong, they are right, why we are going to hell, please stop talking about them... etc... Sometimes they come on other days but fundie fridays are the bestest days of all!

[OkToBeTakei]

On fridays (for some reason) we have often been blessed by various fundies who come to explain to us why we're wrong, they are right, why we are going to hell, please stop talking about them... etc... Sometimes they come on other days but fundie fridays are the bestest days of all!

Confession. I always feel a bit sorry for them. Does not stop me snarking mind. But I always sit going NOOOoooooo BAD Move :lol:

[formergothardite]

We haven't had a good fundie Friday in a long time. Please, cheryl come and explain why your 17 year old doesn't even know that when you have a job you can't just show up whenever you want to.

[lilwriter85]

I avoided this thread because I did get a bit tired of anti-choice crap because of March for Life. I missed reading the story. I can tell from reading the posts about the story that it was really bad. I'm not surprised the SAHD took it down. Looking at her blog, I think she is probably more naive than Miss Raquel.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I'm pretty sure I could've shit a better story than that when I was 17.