SAHD Writes Anti-Abortion Short Story

[GeoBQn]

Haley (Cheryl's daughter) wrote an anti-abortion short story for a school assignment. Short stories could always use some critiques . . .

stopandsmelltheroseshere.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-choice.html

[Drina Adams]

Possibly the most simplistic anti choice crap I've read in a while. And that's saying something, as I live in Ireland which is currently hearing claptrap about how abortion in never needed to save a woman's life.

[Gertie]

“What do you know about Doc Owens, Sarah?â€

“I work as the head nurse in his clinic.â€

“Oh my goodness. I’m so glad you came here. But why did you come here? Why didn’t you get an abortion instead?â€

As if the fact that you work in an abortion clinic automatically means you'll get an abortion if you get pregnant? The aim of an abortion clinic is not to eliminate the next generation...

[valsa]

That story is hilarious.

The fact that apparently a registered nurse knows nothing about fetal development and has never seen an ultrasound, despite working at an abortion clinic, is just the beginning. That her boss chewing her out for being half an hour late to work every morning is supposed to show how unreasonable and evil he ups the anty. As does the assumption that if someone works at an abortion clinic they must not want any children themselves. But for the absolute icing on the cake:

He’s a baby, Doc, a living, breathing baby who is relying on me for life.â€

This is said by a registered nurse, about a three month fetus.

Awesome.

[Drina Adams]

The 'breathing' thing gave me a giggle. At a 36 week scan my doctor said 'you can see the baby breathing', then followed it up with 'I know how stupid that sounds, how can a baby breath', but you could see the chest rising and falling. But the story is still all kinds of stupid.

[valsa]

The 'breathing' thing gave me a giggle. At a 36 week scan my doctor said 'you can see the baby breathing', then followed it up with 'I know how stupid that sounds, how can a baby breath', but you could see the chest rising and falling. But the story is still all kinds of stupid.

Yeah, late term fetuses do practice breathing to strengthen their muscles but even that's not actual breathing and 12 week fetuses definitely aren't doing even that.

[JMarie]

Nurse's degree? Plastic gloves? Could it be that the main character is grieving for her recently-deceased husband, and not upset about her work environment?

[CoatRack]

I love how the "it's my dead husband's baby" was clearly supposed to be uber dramatic.

[salex]

I love how the "it's my dead husband's baby" was clearly supposed to be uber dramatic.

And it kept her from being a slut--how could our sweet authoress have an unmarried pregnant heroine without her deserving horrific judgement from all her gentle readers without there having once been a husband. And we couldn't have him leave her (which would have been her fault) so he had to have died.

But the logic of "well, he's dead so I need an abortion" does not ring true at all. Even in the worst of situations, a young widow who discovers her preganancy after her husband's death is likely to keep the baby, no matter what... between grief and hormones, it seems a unlikely scenario.

[Dinorah]

What a ridiculous piece. I can't decide if this or Miss Raquel's "fictional" is worse.

Also, this is probably the most annoying template I've ever seen. That font in light pink is really hard to read.

[argypargy]

As if the fact that you work in an abortion clinic automatically means you'll get an abortion if you get pregnant? The aim of an abortion clinic is not to eliminate the next generation...

This. It's the same argument pro-forced birthers use on people with children that are pro-choice. "How can you have children and still be for abortion?!!". Uh, because I was able to make the choice to have my child. Just because I believe abortion should be legal does not imply that I think every pregnant women needs to have one. :roll:

[Buzzard]

My shoulders slumped as I accepted defeat in our argument. I knew that Jackie, bless her heart, was right. I was the only nurse at this clinic with a degree.

Passive aggressive in your story??? :naughty: :naughty: :naughty:

Someone forgot to tell lil Haley that nurses are in high demand. If your character is going to have a cranky "ungodly" attitute you may want to assign her less skillz.

drove over to the pregnancy crisis center with a weight on my heart. This place wasn’t here to help people. All they wanted was money. I just knew it because that was the underlying reason for my clinic. Weren’t they all the same?

Ah yes, the booming abortion business. I'm going to go check etrade and see if I can buy some stock in that. Clearly its very lucrative!

She gelled my stomach, turned the screen on above my head and put a cold instrument on my stomach. “Now, if you look at the monitor right up there you should be able to see your little child.â€

“My child? I thought it was just a tissue at this point.â€

The lady stopped suddenly. “Oh no, honey. Your child is a growing human being inside of your body.â€

So wait, we have a "trained" nurse who works at an abortion clinic... who cant give herself an ultrasound? WTF is up with that?

Instead of sneaking 5 minutes with a machine she drives to a crisis clinic (not her OWN OB), gets an ultrasound, then changes her mind on a dime and quits. Get this kid an award!

“Oh, I’ve already thought that out. I’m going to work at a real hospital where I can help bring babies into the world instead of take them out.†With that, I turned swiftly away from the doctor and marched to the front desk where I peeled off my badge.

So you didnt think about getting a job in a "real hospital" when you woke up and whined about how much you hated your job? How about actually GETTING a job while your pregnant? What will you do for insurance, maternity leave, when you're 7+ months along and have to be on your feet? WOW! She really thought this plot line out!

Again, gunna need you to rewrite this and think your plot through a bit more. The nurse thing is a major fail.

[EmiGirl]

The quality of that story reminds me of the way I was writing when I was like 12. She said it was a school project. Was it the SOTDRT? No high school teacher I had would have tolerated that. They would've slapped a huge "F" on it and made me redo it. That was just awful. There was no dimension to any of the characters.

[Trynn]

I'm gonna do a longer review later but... holy cow, she is a real jerk to her boss and co workers... and if she is 30 minutes late to work every single day, of course people aren't going to be happy with her. Yet the writer is painting it like the protagonist is the good one. eegad, if I came in that late every single day, I'd probably have been fired by now.

ETA: Oh the comments...

This is an awesome story idea. You could write a whole book about this.

Erm... no.... no she really couldn't... how old is this person, anyway?

[wtfrenchtoast]

Sweet baby Jesus that was terrible. Honestly, worse than Raquel's "fictional". How does this RN not have an OB for three whole months? Where does it say that she almost aborted her baby? How did she not learn about fetal development in nursing school? Why does it make any kind of sense for a woman in a stable career to abort a wanted child? Just because she works with a doctor that provides abortions? That's stupid. There are doctors with children that perform abortions. There are nurses with children that assist them. See, that's where the whole "choice" part of pro-choice comes in. Some people want to have children, some don't, so we do what we can to support either choice. If she comes in late literally every day, she should have been fired a long time ago. Don't make it out like the doctor is the bad guy for, I dunno, wanting her to actually do her job correctly. God, this was fucking terrible.

[Buzzard]

Sweet baby Jesus that was terrible. Honestly, worse than Raquel's "fictional". How does this RN not have an OB for three whole months? Where does it say that she almost aborted her baby? How did she not learn about fetal development in nursing school? Why does it make any kind of sense for a woman in a stable career to abort a wanted child? Just because she works with a doctor that provides abortions? That's stupid. There are doctors with children that perform abortions. There are nurses with children that assist them. See, that's where the whole "choice" part of pro-choice comes in. Some people want to have children, some don't, so we do what we can to support either choice. If she comes in late literally every day, she should have been fired a long time ago. Don't make it out like the doctor is the bad guy for, I dunno, wanting her to actually do her job correctly. God, this was fucking terrible.

lets not forget, she's the best nurse the ebil abortionist haz! Clearly they're all just money hungry uneducated oafs!

[wtfrenchtoast]

lets not forget, she's the best nurse the ebil abortionist haz! Clearly they're all just money hungry uneducated oafs!

Right, right. Where was my head? Because it totes makes sense for any clinic anywhere to only employ one RN. Not like she needs days off or anything.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Why is an 8 year old writing stories about abortion?

Oh wait.............SOTDRT education.

She is 17 :o

I wrote like that when I was about 8-10.

[formergothardite]

It is like pro-choice people are running around saying "KILL ALL THE BABIES!!!"

[dairyfreelife]

So full of plot holes it's almost comical.

But I needed the money. I couldn’t do anything else. I had spent most of my parent’s money getting a nurse’s degree and I couldn’t necessarily just throw it all away just because I didn’t like my current situation.

“You could always go to a different clinic.†I waved my hand in the air to try and brush away the voice that constantly bugged me all the time. I couldn’t make it go away.

Why wouldn't she go work somewhere else? If you hate your current job. Plus, this doesn't make sense. She says she couldn't do anything else, then turns right around and says she can work somewhere else. Wtf

“Well it just so happens that you are the most fully trained nurse around here, now aren’t you?â€

My shoulders slumped as I accepted defeat in our argument. I knew that Jackie, bless her heart, was right. I was the only nurse at this clinic with a degree.

Only registered nurse at a woman's health clinic? Bullshit. And no, abortion clinics don't exist, Haley.

“Sarah, why are you late every morning?†Doc Owens had just walked out of the operating room and was already giving me a lecture. “You are my only registered nurse here. I need you here when you are supposed to be here, not thirty minutes afterward.†He removed his plastic gloves and began washing his hands.

“Look, is it something you do after work that keeps you from getting here on time?â€

“My life after work is none of your concern, Doc. I’m your nurse on hours and only then can you monopolize my time and efforts. But afterwards, is my time. If you don’t like it that way, then, I quit!â€

Doctor Owens sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. I could hear him muttering under his breath,

“We go through this stupid game every single morning.â€

So her main character is an asshole showing up to work 30 minutes late everyday and again with the whole only RN at a clinic thing, which is bullshit. I would have been fired if I did after a couple days. It's rude and inconsiderate to be late for work. Especially at a clinic where people are waiting for help, not just removing "fetuses" (quoted because it's not always fetuses, but zygotes and blastocysts as well). If she was the only RN, that makes her tardy behavior even worse. Haley has clearly never spent much time at a doctor or in the real world period to not understand this.

I had to stop by the pregnancy crisis center and get some information about a few things. I didn’t want to go in there because that clinic was doing just the opposite of what I did. I worked at an abortion clinic. I never called it that though. It sounded eerie and evil. I didn’t like it.

Why would you go then? And there's not such thing as an abortion clinic. They are women's health clinics and do far more than deal with abortions. And why would an RN think her job was eerie and evil if so? In order to be hired at a women's health clinic where I live, you are required to be pro-choice. No exceptions.

This place wasn’t here to help people. All they wanted was money. I just knew it because that was the underlying reason for my clinic. Weren’t they all the same?

Women's health clinics help women in poverty all the time. It's not about money. Go to a women's health clinic, Haley and talk to them.

It was an odd comfortable feeling. I looked all around and saw pictures and wall-hangings of babies, children, and a bunch of Bible verses.

Has Haley ever actually seen inside of crisis center?

“Yeah, I’m here to see about getting an ultrasound.â€

The woman squealed. “Oh, well how far along are you?†The smile on her face was almost too bright.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here to get an ultrasound.â€

And she wouldn't see a regular Obgyn because...

“Now, if you look at the monitor right up there you should be able to see your little child.â€

“My child? I thought it was just a tissue at this point.â€

The lady stopped suddenly. “Oh no, honey. Your child is a growing human being inside of your body.â€

Most comical conversation in the whole story. So ridiculous.

“Awww.†The nurse said. “Just look at that little miracle.â€

I was stunned-too stunned to even believe my eyes. “I didn’t think they were actually formed at this point. I have always believed that it was just a tissue. A non-viable tissue.â€

Oh, come on. SHe's an RN. She would know all about the fetal development from conception to birth. And if she's between 3-4 months, that's no more than 16-17 weeks so it's still not viable and the little miracle line.

If an individual see's their fetus as a miracle, that's fine, but telling someone else that is just wrong.

“Yes. It’s true. That little…“ she stopped and looked harder at the screen. “Boy. Yes. That little boy of yours is growing because you are feeding him.†She smiled widely.

Wait...if she's barely four months along, she wouldn't know the gender already.

Oh my goodness. I’m so glad you came here. But why did you come here? Why didn’t you get an abortion instead?â€

I stopped. I didn’t know the answer to that question myself. “I-I can’t tell you†I faltered. “I guess it’s because I wanted to have something to remember my husband by.†My voice cracked.

“What happened to your husband?†the lady asked gently.

“He—He†I began crying. “He was killed in a car wreck two months ago.â€

Because everyone who works in a health clinic is totally going to have abortions. :roll: Haley, you really, really need to get out of your house and get some real world experience.

So, she found out she was pregnant and then her husband dies and she wants to keep the baby, but she never went to an obgyn or told her employer and has had no prenatal care, but she's an RN. That's ridiculous. Whole thing doesn't make one lick of sense.

I had a baby boy growing inside of me. He was relying on me to live. And what was I doing every day? I was murdering other women’s children.

Oh, please.

No, it’s not. I just found out today that I am three months pregnant with my deceased husband’s son.â€

Wait a minute. Earlier she said she found out three months ago that she was expecting, which makes her about 3.5-4 months pregnant. Considering how many babies Cheryl had after Haley, surely she would understand this concept.

what I carry inside of me is not just a fetus or a non-viable tissue. He’s a baby, Doc, a living, breathing baby who is relying on me for life.†I paused and gauged the doctor’s reaction.

He was almost livid.

He was probably thinking how brainwashed and ridiculous she was being, not livid.

He followed me. “I can ruin your name, you know.†He said in a threatening tone.

I simply ignored him.

“I’ll call the hospital board and let them know that you are not a nurse to be trusted.â€

I turned around to face him. “You know all too well that isn’t true. Besides I can do the same thing. Do you think that you would want them to know who you are? You’d be fired in an instant the minute I make the call.â€

Stupidest conversation. She's late and a thorn in his side. He'd be glad she's gone, not mad. And tainting her name wouldn't be his concern when he has loads of appointments to deal with. What is he? A doctor, who works in a women's health clinic, who is pro-choice and maybe performs abortions. Why would he be fired? She was lucky she wasn't already fired for her arrogance and tardiness. Where's the whole women submitting to men?

Oh, and advice: You use too many I's in this story. You need to vary. It's the hard part of first person writing, but I this, I that is tiring.

[OkToBeTakei]

'Abortion with the Moodys'

[salex]

Never heard of thses people, but one of the older sisters is seen in jeans and the son Isaac seems to be in a skirt. Is this a real site?

stopandsmelltheroseshere.blogspot.com/p/meine-familie.html

[michelle_notduggar]

When I read the title, I thought it would be a thread about Miss Raquel and her amazing writing abilities.

I dreaded hearing it because I knew what all the day held every day.

"What all the day held every day," I'm going to take a wild guess that she didn't bother to edit her work before turning it in for SOTDRT.

And what was I doing every day? I was murdering other women’s children. The thought made me physically sick.

Well, if you're participating in infanticide, that makes me physically sick, too.

The most realistic part of her story is that a fundie would see a pro-lifer as young, nice, and pretty, while her boss that performs abortions and scolds her for being late every single day is threatening and rude.

[valsa]

I miss writing fanfiction. If I wasn't so damn rusty, I'd be tempted to write a little tale about a fundie volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center who gradually becomes pro-choice as she is exposed to various pregnant women who need more help than a couple of onsies and some diapers or a pamphlet on adoption.

Guest stars would include a pregnant teen being pressured by her parents to have and keep the baby but who knows that she won't be able to finish high school and escape grinding poverty if she does, a rape victim who feels the pregnancy is a continuation of her violation and is spiraling into a deep depression because of it, a mother of three who is already living in a woman's shelter with her children and will have to go back to her abusive husband if there is another child in the picture to support, a foster care social worker advocating for a pregnant 11 year old, and a young married couple who are already mentally, emotionally, and financially overwhelmed with caring for a severely disabled child.

[wtfrenchtoast]

I forgot to comment on that final conversation with the doctor. What the fuck. She's going to "expose" him or some shit? Abortion is legal sweet cheeks. I'm pretty sure anyone who needs to know would know that "Doc Owens" provides abortions. You kind of have to be licensed to do that whole medical care thing.

Edit: Also, I love how everyone in the big bad evil abortion clinic is all grumpy and rude. Yeah, there's totally not an agenda behind this story...