SAHD Writes Anti-Abortion Short Story

[GolightlyGrrl]

That one is way better written :)

ITA. The characters are more fleshed out and real. And I kept wanting to read more of the story. Haley's story made my eyes glaze over.

Perhaps, Haley is taking writing lessons from Kidist.

http://reclaimbeauty.blogspot.ca/2013/0 ... ezy-s.html

Oy, the riffles are strong in this one.

[Buzzard]

I like this a lot. It leaves room for a more conservative ending (she still might keep it, and might decide she's not comfortable working there) but she's well aware of the price she'll be paying. The issues are very very minor, which contrasts nicely with the last drivel. Pat that girl on the back! :clap:

Give her props! Thats quite good.

[Minerva]

Remember Miss Michelle with her rotten éclairs? This was worse. I have my old stories from when I was 13. Those were better than this drivel, and that's saying something considering that I went into science.

CoatRack, your sister's was good. I enjoyed reading it, and it didn't make my eyes bleed one bit.

[chaotic life]

As an RN I am flat-out offended by the first story. The re-write is proof positive that even a high schooler can do enough research to make a story sound believable and worth reading. Good grief, that first story is just AWFUL. The point of writing is NOT to write poorly put together drivel to push the anti-choice agenda. The point of writing is to tell a story that people want to read!

[Minerva]

As an RN I am flat-out offended by the first story. The re-write is proof positive that even a high schooler can do enough research to make a story sound believable and worth reading. Good grief, that first story is just AWFUL. The point of writing is NOT to write poorly put together drivel to push the anti-choice agenda. The point of writing is to tell a story that people want to read!

Even if you wanted to push an anti-choice agenda, it won't work if your work is laughable. If she sent that in to Straight White Middle-Class Cis Men (And A Token Woman Or Two) For Life to add to their literature, they'd tell her thanks and quietly throw it out.

[Hane]

My sister is a pretty rad kid. I'm glad we've both escaped fundie-ism.

CoatRack, major props to your sister! She proves what logic, imagination, and decent writing skills can accomplish. It's particularly telling that she was able to bang this far-superior story out in a short period of time. Clearly, she's been taught how to think.

It's obvious that she could have worked this story to either a pro- or anti-abortion conclusion and have made it plausible. Her protagonist would have been conflicted whichever choice she'd pursued: having the baby but having to give up her dreams of medical school, or ending the pregnancy to pursue her education and wondering whether she could have managed to get through medical school with a baby to care for.

Back on the old board, we discussed a horrible pro-life propaganda story written by a blogger named Miss Raquel. I took the story and turned it on its ear by having the heroine choose to have an abortion. This was tough for me, because, although I believe in freedom of choice, I couldn't conceive of choosing abortion myself. It took effort to realize that a young pregnant single woman with a supportive family could have sound emotional reasons not to carry a pregnancy to term.

One of us should probably take up the challenge of attempting a "pro-life" story that isn't a load of sentimentalized propaganda.

[Burris]

Oh God, ass-babies. :doh:

http://www.archiveofourown.net has better quality fic than ff.net. Some of it might even have been written by someone here. :shifty:

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words.

So beautiful. They should have sent...a poet.

Also, that was some powerfully bad writing. Wow. Poor kid.

[Buzzard]

As an RN I am flat-out offended by the first story. The re-write is proof positive that even a high schooler can do enough research to make a story sound believable and worth reading. Good grief, that first story is just AWFUL. The point of writing is NOT to write poorly put together drivel to push the anti-choice agenda. The point of writing is to tell a story that people want to read!

And, lo and behold, the second one was written quickly and without research... Its about skill and proper education!

[Closed Womb]

It doesn't look like it. This was in the comments:

As an English professor, I find the underlined disturbing. Most homeschooling proponents argue that homeschooling results in a better education; this is clearly a check mark for completed drivel work.

[GeoBQn]

Cheryl:

As stated before, this was a quick writing assignment; written in an afternoon to be presented that evening after dinner. I did see that the story needed work, and regret that I didn't share that with Haley before she rushed to post it here for the anniversary of Roe vs Wade (per suggestion of her older sisters). Honestly though, I don't think it is nearly as bad as you are making it seem. "It does not reflect well on home-schoolers"???

I agree with you Ellie, and Haley is planning to do the research and revise the story. I would really like for her to talk with a former nurse who assisted with abortions, who had bought the lies that a "fetus" is not a baby till the day she removed her glove and found a perfectly- formed tiny hand.

So it was a quick writing assignment meant to be done as a speech? If it was this bad to read, I can't imagine sitting through someone reading it. At 17, this is the type of material that I would have used in a speech team event called "wretched interp"--a goofy event done at festivals where we perform the type of material that would get straight last-places any other time. (For the record, I got 1st place in that event doing a verse reading of Vanilla Ice and Abba songs.)

Cheryl went from insisting that she gave it a "good grade," to claiming that she "saw the story needed work" and acting as if Haley "rushed" to post the story against her wishes or advice.

[crazyforkate]

Chalk another fiasco up to the SOTDRT. There's so much wrong with the story one can hardly start.

[Miggy]

Ignoring the appalling writing, why can't she get her facts straight?

She says she has known about the pregnancy for three months. LAter, the ultrasound diagnoses the pregnancy as three months. Now it is just possible she is dating the pregnancy from the last time she had sex BUT an ultrasound at that stage involves a probe stuck up inside! Oh, and my 3 month old was only a couple of centimetres long. You could distinguish the head from the rest of the body but even limbs weren't visible. Major fail there, Haley.

If we read it the other way, that she has known about the pregnancy for three months and is dating that from a missed period, she is actually around 4 months. In that case, why did the ultrasound technician say it was only three months. There is an awful lot of change in those four weeks and it would be a useless operator that couldn't tell the difference. After all, one of the main purposes of ultrasounds is to accurately date a pregnancy.

[tropicalmama]

The first thing I thought when I read her story was "My god this is just like that book I read." I read a book called "Unplanned" I imagine it is probably hot on the SOTDRT reading list since it is about an evil planned parenthood director jumping ship, But honestly if I was the author of Unplanned (and i can't remember her name) I would look in to copyright, it is pretty much a short version of the book.

[GeoBQn]

Yes, Unplanned is quite hot on the fundie reading lists. I know because I was forced to accept a free copy from an anti while I was tabling for the women's clinic I'm on the board for. Well, I said we couldn't take it, she gave it to us anyway, then I ran past her to throw it in the trash. I know that I should have just let it past without fighting it in order to not cause a confrontation, but getting tracts or material from missionary-type people is one of my "berserk buttons." I just can't accept stuff like that.

[CoatRack]

So apparently you can't edit posts after a certain amount of time but the sister sent me an email to clarify that she didn't proofread it and wants to acknowledge that she realizes she named both the character and her sister "Leah" and that she meant to write "bible" verse not "baby" verse.

It was written in one "double period" science class, so 1 hour and 25 minutes. She has the previous knowledge of me having worked at a Planned Parenthood and moving in with me for a year after I graduated from college.

[Vex]

a tissue, a tissue, we all fall down...

That's all I could think. Apart from the obvious stupid of 'she has no idea what an appropriate worker-boss-coworker dynamic is' and 'how could she have a nursing degree and not know anything about fetal development or never have seen an ultrasound?'.

[lilith]

I forgot to comment on that final conversation with the doctor. What the fuck. She's going to "expose" him or some shit? Abortion is legal sweet cheeks. I'm pretty sure anyone who needs to know would know that "Doc Owens" provides abortions. You kind of have to be licensed to do that whole medical care thing.

Edit: Also, I love how everyone in the big bad evil abortion clinic is all grumpy and rude. Yeah, there's totally not an agenda behind this story...

Yeah, he's apparently doing "walk in off the street" abortions (ooh, there's an abortion clinic, dare you to go in and get one for a laugh....) but she's going to "expose" him to the authorities, who apparently don't know.

I left a comment for Cheryl since she seems to be answering the comments. I said that if Haley is old enough to be publishing ill informed inflammatory propaganda about a very adult issue on the net for the world to see then she is old enough to defend her own writing.

Also that I wouldn't let an underage child publish that online for future bosses, partners etc to see, and for herself to cringe in humiliation when she rereads it as an adult with some actual experience of the world.

[GeoBQn]

Haley has pulled the story.

stopandsmelltheroseshere.blogspot.com/2013/02/another-choice.html

I don't have a lot of sympathy for her. She's 17--the Internet has been a known commodity all her life. If Haley wanted to just share it with her friends, as Cheryl claimed, she could have:

1. Set her blog privacy settings so that only friends could read it.

2. E-mailed it to her friends.

3. Imitated the Jane Austen heroines that fundie girls idolized and sent it by snail mail.

But she didn't do any of those things--and will continue not to do any of those things--because Cheryl (and by extension the rest of her family) want to use their blogs to witness to the unwashed heathens of the internets. Too bad most of us see through that.

Also noting that Cheryl claims that Haley was urged by her sisters to rush the story to the internet before she could tell her the story needed work, but Haley goes with a more general "my family suggested it." I still want to know what kind of family event requires a teenager to hastily written anti-choice screed and read it out loud without delay.

And now, to console us, Gizoogle translations of some passages:

And what tha fuck was I bustin every last muthafuckin day biatch? I was murderin other women’s children. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da thought done cooked up mah crazy ass physically sick.

"What do you know bout Doc Owens, Sarah?"

"I work as tha head nurse up in his clinic."

"Oh mah phatness. I’m so glad you came here. But why did you come here biatch? Why didn’t you git a abortion instead?"

He’s a funky-ass baby, Doc, a living, breathang baby whoz ass is relyin on mah crazy ass fo' life.

Biatch gelled mah stomach, turned tha screen on above mah head n' put a cold-ass lil cold instrument on mah stomach. "Now, if you peep tha monitor muthafuckin right up there you should be able ta peep yo' lil child."

"My fuckin child biatch? I thought it was just a tissue at dis point."

Da lady stopped suddenly. "Oh no, honey. Yo Crazy-Ass lil pimp be a growin human bein inside of yo' body."

"Awww." Da nurse holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Just peep dat lil miracle."

I was stunned-too stunned ta even believe mah eyes. "I didn’t be thinkin they was muthafuckin formed at dis point. I have always believed dat it was just a tissue fo' realz. A non-viable tissue."

[salex]

Cheryl needs a good talking to about grade inflation and if her homeschooling is this bad in general, maybe she should hire someone to come in and do it for her.....

I graded countless College 101 English papers. Ignoring storyline, the writing itself would not have been acceptable at that level. She is 17, which means roughly a Sr in High School. It seems that her mother deserves an F.

[valsa]

He’s a funky-ass baby, Doc, a living, breathang baby whoz ass is relyin on mah crazy ass fo' life.

I feel like saying this would have made the protagonist come off as more professional than she did in the actual story...

[BlondeAgent007]

i left a comment with a source to set ellie straight about dr. seuss. it didnt get published. i wasn't even nasty... just told the girl she should fact check before quoting material. the idea that legal action has come up already due to quoting that phrase, and she no idea, shows how little she knows about the subject

[OkToBeTakei]

I feel like saying this would have made the protagonist come off as more professional than she did in the actual story...

It's all about the ass-babies :dance:

[slickcat79]

CoatRack, major props to your sister! She proves what logic, imagination, and decent writing skills can accomplish. It's particularly telling that she was able to bang this far-superior story out in a short period of time. Clearly, she's been taught how to think.

It's obvious that she could have worked this story to either a pro- or anti-abortion conclusion and have made it plausible. Her protagonist would have been conflicted whichever choice she'd pursued: having the baby but having to give up her dreams of medical school, or ending the pregnancy to pursue her education and wondering whether she could have managed to get through medical school with a baby to care for.

Back on the old board, we discussed a horrible pro-life propaganda story written by a blogger named Miss Raquel. I took the story and turned it on its ear by having the heroine choose to have an abortion. This was tough for me, because, although I believe in freedom of choice, I couldn't conceive of choosing abortion myself. It took effort to realize that a young pregnant single woman with a supportive family could have sound emotional reasons not to carry a pregnancy to term.

One of us should probably take up the challenge of attempting a "pro-life" story that isn't a load of sentimentalized propaganda.

You should link it here, Hane...it's still up on yuku. It was well done :)

[Buzzard]

Awww... good job, guys! Another flounce brought on by FreeJinger!

[Minerva]

So it was a quick writing assignment meant to be done as a speech? If it was this bad to read, I can't imagine sitting through someone reading it. At 17, this is the type of material that I would have used in a speech team event called "wretched interp"--a goofy event done at festivals where we perform the type of material that would get straight last-places any other time. (For the record, I got 1st place in that event doing a verse reading of Vanilla Ice and Abba songs.)

Cheryl went from insisting that she gave it a "good grade," to claiming that she "saw the story needed work" and acting as if Haley "rushed" to post the story against her wishes or advice.

It's nice that she's gonna get her daughter to do research (though she still has a snowball's chance in hell of getting to do objective, independent research), but there's still the problem that she, a grown woman, thinks you can get a nursing degree AND PERFORM ABORTIONS ALL DAY and not know about fetal development. People don't provide abortions with their eyes shut ffs.