SAHD Writes Anti-Abortion Short Story

[crassy]

A woman has a job outside of the home? Without a chaperone? What kind of headship would let his daughter, widow or not, work at a women's health clinic?

I call bullshit.

That story was crap, the colours were crap, and the font was crap. It was an eye-bleeding, brain-numbing example of how not to write.

[dairyfreelife]

Anyone notice that Cheryl is responding to all the critic, not Haley. Yes, at 17 she's still a minor, but if she's old enough to have a public blog, she's old enough to handle criticism. High schoolers debate positions all the time with each other, which allows them to learn and grow and respond. Cheryl's responding on her nearly legal adult child's public blog, which screams control. I have the feeling Haley was never allowed to see any of the critical responses. If she was in school, her work would be critiqued by a professional English teacher, someone who majored in English and Education. I don't see this as a failure, but I'd give it a C and tell her what she needed to work on. I don't blame Haley, I blame Cheryl's shitty teaching. It was Cheryl's job to educate Haley and by this paper, she did a piss-poor job.

Haley, I hope you can escape your parents insane clutches and get far, far away. You deserve better and I hope your health improves. I'm glad your parents at least let you see a real doctor. I hope it's a real gastroenterologist, licensed and great at his or her job. I also hope if you do need your gallbladder removed, the surgery goes well and the recovery is quick.

[Buzzard]

Anyone notice that Cheryl is responding to all the critic, not Haley. Yes, at 17 she's still a minor, but if she's old enough to have a public blog, she's old enough to handle criticism. High schoolers debate positions all the time with each other, which allows them to learn and grow and respond. Cheryl's responding on her nearly legal adult child's public blog, which screams control. I have the feeling Haley was never allowed to see any of the critical responses. If she was in school, her work would be critiqued by a professional English teacher, someone who majored in English and Education. I don't see this as a failure, but I'd give it a C and tell her what she needed to work on. I don't blame Haley, I blame Cheryl's shitty teaching. It was Cheryl's job to educate Haley and by this paper, she did a piss-poor job.

Haley, I hope you can escape your parents insane clutches and get far, far away. You deserve better and I hope your health improves. I'm glad your parents at least let you see a real doctor. I hope it's a real gastroenterologist, licensed and great at his or her job. I also hope if you do need your gallbladder removed, the surgery goes well and the recovery is quick.

I think the fact that Cheryl is responding is proof that Cheryl had no idea how fucking awful it was. I doubt it was the kid's idea to post that POS on teh internetz all on her own. Nope, mommy told her it was BRILLIANT! Its not refrigerator brilliant, its INTERNET BRILLIANT! Now that she's realizing her awesome homeskooling skillz are being called into quesiton by those pointing out how shitty the "story is", she jumping in not to defend her child, but to defend her own skillz. "She didnt have a lot of time" BULLSHIT. Dont make excuses for mediocrity (and its not even mediocrity). Move the fuck on and take the lesson.

[Jiraffe Jirl]

At 17, many good students are doing AP and college level work. My senior year English class focused only on non-fiction, but regardless that story was a total SOTDRT fail.

Showing up a half hour late would get most people fired. Also, she's clearly not aware that nursing is a high demand career where you can pretty much choose what you want to work in.

The cliches, they burn.

(And if could go back in time, it'd probably be Joseph Smith).

[argypargy]

At 17, many good students are doing AP and college level work. My senior year English class focused only on non-fiction, but regardless that story was a total SOTDRT fail.

Showing up a half hour late would get most people fired. Also, she's clearly not aware that nursing is a high demand career where you can pretty much choose what you want to work in.

The cliches, they burn.

(And if could go back in time, it'd probably be Joseph Smith).

Yes. At 17 I passed my AP biology, French, History and Chemistry exams and was writing essays for college scholarships. I still have a few of those essays and the writing is many times better than Haley's. I'm not even that great of a writer.

[Ellimenopy]

I just finished reading. It was atrocious.

[CoatRack]

I'm the Andrew that commented. I posted a reply but comments are now being moderated.

My reply was that, by 17, I was already volunteering in a women's health clinic. Though we're on different sides of the debate age is not a reason for not understanding what you write about.

And also that if Haley had written a story about a pro-choice woman that was of the same quality as this story I'm sure she would not have been given a good grade.

[Sarietty]

Anyone notice that Cheryl is responding to all the critic, not Haley. Yes, at 17 she's still a minor, but if she's old enough to have a public blog, she's old enough to handle criticism. High schoolers debate positions all the time with each other, which allows them to learn and grow and respond. Cheryl's responding on her nearly legal adult child's public blog, which screams control. I have the feeling Haley was never allowed to see any of the critical responses. If she was in school, her work would be critiqued by a professional English teacher, someone who majored in English and Education. I don't see this as a failure, but I'd give it a C and tell her what she needed to work on. I don't blame Haley, I blame Cheryl's shitty teaching. It was Cheryl's job to educate Haley and by this paper, she did a piss-poor job.

Exactly. And Cheryl's responses don't only scream control, they signal a complete lack of faith in the durability of her own convictions. By refusing to let Haley defend the ideas proposed in the story that Haley wrote, Cheryl is showing her daughter that critical thinking and argument are dangerous - even if you're learning to argue in favor of your own strongly held beliefs. Haley's "education" is teaching her that unexamined belief is worth more than the ability to explain and defend your own viewpoints, even when it comes to life-or-death matters. (And to the vehemently pro-life crowd, abortion is a life-or-death matter.)

This situation makes me really angry, because it seems like Cheryl is denying her daughter the opportunity to develop very basic communication skills. Not only is she preventing Haley from learning how to speak up for herself and stand up for what she believes in, Cheryl is encouraging Haley to "speak" through silly, childish morality tales that bear no resemblance to reality. And, as others have said, what is with the "limited timeframe" for a homeschool assignment? It's completely unreasonable for your boss to expect you to arrive at work each day on 9AM, but that doesn't mean you can ask mommy for an extension on your creative writing assignment! Get your priorities straight, young missy.

[Claddagh]

First, in story writing show, don't tell.

Second, Haley needs to get into the argument and stand up for herself. Cheryl responding to each constructive or negative comment isn't doing her daughter any favors. My Nana always told me "If you can't stand up for yourself or accept the bad you can't get the good."

[CoatRack]

If she had written this from a pro-choice stance I would have much more to be concerned about than her level of writing. I would feel that I had failed miserably as a God-fearing Christian mom.

I love that she flat out admits that she gave her a good grade because she wrote from a pro-life stance.

[CoatRack]

I talked my 18 year old sister into writing her own version of this story. I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

[outrunningzombies]

I talked my 18 year old sister into writing her own version of this story. I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

I hope you post a link here!

Of all the ridiculous things in this story, the thing that bugs me the most is that the doctor is "Doc Owens." I call the doctors at work Jessica, Patel and Cameron, not Dr. Smith. Maybe Doc Owens doesn't want to be that familiar with her if she can't even be bothered to show up on time.

[slickcat79]

I hope you post a link here!

Of all the ridiculous things in this story, the thing that bugs me the most is that the doctor is "Doc Owens." I call the doctors at work Jessica, Patel and Cameron, not Dr. Smith. Maybe Doc Owens doesn't want to be that familiar with her if she can't even be bothered to show up on time.

It's still weird, though, because you'd think a doctor who insisted on formality would want to be called Dr. Owens. "Doc" is informal in a different way, and seems really out of place in this story (like everything else). "Doc Owens" puts me in mind of an older, country doctor who still makes house calls and doesn't mind getting paid in livestock every now and then, not an EBIL ABORTIONIST!11!!1!!

[CoatRack]

Sister just emailed me this. She wrote it during Science class. Glad to know she's paying attention...

We were raised fundie-lite. We went to public school but were at church 4 or 5 nights a week.

I’d fallen asleep with my phone in bed again last night and groped around under the covers to turn the alarm off. It was still strange to have the whole bed to myself after my husband left. I know we’d gotten married too young and that we were both doing better without one another but after growing up with eight other people in my house it was still strange to wake up and have complete reign of what I did and when I did it. We’d toughed it out for 14 months before separating and I’d never spent so much time alone. I felt bad for liking it.

I heard the coffee pot we’d gotten for our wedding flip on automatically and I grabbed my computer from the night stand to check emails and facebook. I tapped out a quick response to a friend from church checking in on me. I had canceled dinner plans the night before saying I was tired and not feeling well. My younger sister had posted her daily baby verse on my facebook wall; it smacked of something my mother would encourage. Piety isn’t Leah’s strong suit.

The coffee pot buzzed and I pulled my robe off the hook on the bathroom door on the way to the kitchen. On rote memory I made my coffee exactly how I like it, took one sip, and threw up in the kitchen sink. Crap.

It’s not like I didn’t know what this meant; I’d been feeling sort of sick for a couple weeks. I was an RN at a local women’s health clinic and I’d seen the symptoms of early pregnancy more than most 23 year old women. I knew I was pregnant and I knew I didn’t want to be pregnant.

After a shower, quickly blow drying my hair, and slipping into a set of scrubs I liked to pretend don’t make me look like I’m swathed in a bolt of fabric I grabbed my keys from the table and ran out the door. The radio came to life in the middle of NPRs morning edition. “Liberal drivel†my father liked to call it and Timothy didn’t like it any better. The clock read 7:13 and work was a half hour away. It’s also a little victory when I get out of the house in enough time to get something at the coffee shop.

“Good morning, Zoe†I greeted the girl behind the counter.

“Morning, Leah. Nonfat latte and an everything bagel?†I really am that predictable.

“Just a tea today. Mint. And… yeah. That’s it.â€

“You okay?†she asked, grabbing the travel mug I proffered and filing it with hot water.

“Yeah, just a little jittery.â€

We chatted for a few more minutes and I took small sips of scalding tea and willed my stomach to feel better for the remainder of my drive to work. The tiny guardian angel my mother had given me hung from my rearview mirror and her minute wings fluttered as I pulled into a parking spot and grabbed my backpack and sweatshirt. I stood for a minute in the brisk late summer air of coastal Maine, took a few deep breaths, and walked in the back door of the clinic.

I threw my stuff in my locker and went to say hi to folks at the front desk. I had a patient at 8:45 so there was nothing pressing.

“Good morning, Leah†said our lead doctor briskly

“Good morning, Dr. Owensâ€

“What time were you scheduled in this morning?â€

“8am…?†I said, trying to glance at the time on the nurses’ computer. 7:51.

“Is that a question? Do you know your schedule?â€

“I was scheduled in at 8am, Dr. Owens. Do you need help with anything?†I tensely asked.

“You’re assisting me with my 10am in unit 2†she said already walking away

We all loved to despise Dr. Owens and exchanges like this showed me why. I also really admired her though. She was brilliant and had given a good part of her life to helping low-income women. I hadn’t really thought a lot about people who couldn’t afford healthcare until I started school when I learned just how unequal stuff was. I checked the schedule and saw I’d be assisting with an abortion at 10am. Abortions were definitely my least favorite part of the job and my family absolutely didn’t know they were part of the clinic I worked at. I’d managed to spin the tale for my mom to sound like I spent my days excitedly exclaiming with women over the bundle of joy they were expecting while in reality I spent most of my days helping college students obtain birth control and older women get mammograms. There was the occasional abortion I had to help out with but after nursing school and talking with people at the clinic I’d learned to keep my own judgment away from the women at the clinic.

I had another half hour before I really had to do anything so I grabbed charts to review and sat down. “MUFFINS!†called my always-perky coworker Melody as she walked in with a tray of homemade baked goods. Melody wore hot pink scrubs with cute, contrasting black boots and a face full of makeup that seemed out of place in the clinical setting. The smell of hot baked goods hit me and I made a quick exit for the bathroom. I flushed the toilet and walked out of the stall to see Dr. Owens standing there, staring at me, eating a freshly baked muffin.

“Now I know you aren’t so committed to your job that you’re here getting everyone sick in the middle of the worst flu season we’ve seen in a long time.â€

“No. I’m fine.â€

“Yeah I always throw up when my coworkers bring in delicious muffins.â€

So she’s noticed.

I stared at her for a long minute.

“It’s, uh. Morning sickness. I’ll be fine.â€

“Sarah is going to take your 8:45. Why don’t you come into my office and talk to me.â€

“Really, I’m fine. I’ll drink some seltzer water and be fine.â€

“My office. 5 minutes. And I brought you a tooth brush.â€

I brushed my teeth gratefully and walked into Dr. Owens office like I was in trouble. She was sitting in her physicians chair so I took the patient’s seat.

“How long have you known?†she asked

I couldn’t even get the words out before I broke down sobbing

“A couple weeks. Not long. I’m taking care of myself†I assured her

“So you’re going to keep it.â€

I was so taken aback by her statement that I stopped crying and made eye contact

“Of COURSE I’m going to keep it. I will help you with abortions but I don’t believe in them for myself.â€

“Leah do you really think I haven’t seen you browsing pre-med programs on your lunch breaks? You’ve printed out enough scholarship information on the office printer to make any environmentalist cringe. You grew up with how many younger siblings? Having a child will make any job hard but I’ve been through med school. It will make that nearly impossible.â€

“I’m NOT killing my baby.â€

“I’m not telling you to kill a baby, Leah. I’m telling you to look beyond the Christianity and into the real world. Don’t do what the Jesus fish on the back of your car says to. Do what you know is right. Do you really want a baby right now? Be a little selfish. Is that what’s right for you?â€

“This conversation is over†I said, standing up and walking out.

“You’re still expected at 10am. Unit 2.†And she turned back toward her desk

I couldn’t believe my doctor had just tried to talk me into an abortion. It’s the kind of stuff my parents always claimed happened but I’d never seen it. Is that what Dr. Owens did in her office alone with patients? Did she really talk them into abortions by telling them babies were a lot of work.

I’d always known I was probably the most conservative person at the clinic. I barely got the job when I said I was pro-life. I saved myself by saying that women should have autonomy but I know they’d watched me carefully for a few months. I’d never tried to talk a woman out of an abortion and I used all the clinically-correct terms when conversing with patients. I hoped that this wasn’t how Dr. Owens spoke with patients and she was simply treating me differently because I was a coworker.

I saw the chart for my 8:45 patient was gone and figured Sarah was dealing with her. I pulled out my phone and looked at the photo on my lock screen. All of my younger siblings making a funny face; they’d sent me the picture when I couldn’t get a week off to visit grandma’s farm earlier this summer. I remembered what it had been like when I was 14 and we’d had five kids under the age of six. Up all the time, feeding and changing and wanting to do my own things but knowing that these little people needed me more. It wouldn’t be the same with my own kid; there would only be one and I’d still have freedom. I wouldn’t be allowed to just lay in bed on Saturday mornings though, or go to the 20-somethings nights at church without arranging a sitter first. I couldn’t do a lot of the stuff I’d grown used to; spontaneously driving up to the mountains and camping for a night when I got the rare two days off in a row or saving up to buy a used-kayak and sometimes waking up absurdly early just to spend a couple hours on the lake before work.

I stood up and walked back down the hall. I did need someone to talk to. I tapped on the still partially open door. “Dr. Owens?â€

[ILoveJellybeans]

That one is way better written :)

[CoatRack]

My sister is a pretty rad kid. I'm glad we've both escaped fundie-ism.

[merrily]

She has now changed the font so it's even WORST on the eyes. And we also have a supporter of this literacy gem. :roll:

[Talitha Cumi]

The super graphic, super gay kind :D

I've even written Bibleslash (written porn of two male Biblical characters) back in my wild days ;)

*raises hand* Me too. I never wrote Bibleslash, but David/Jonathan? Come ON, of course! I wanted to do Babylonian guy/Daniel, because the Babylonian guy was "full of tender love for him." Ah yes. ;)

God, do I want to slash those VF boys. I only refrain because putting one's picture on the internet does not make one a public figure. DougieTheTool would be fair game, but ewww.

[Talitha Cumi]

:lol: Awesome. Fanfic was my first internet love. Scifi type. I loved all the slash fic even though I will never get over my two favourite male characters from a particular show having an 'ass baby.'

I almost feel like visiting Fanfiction.Net. But there again :lol:

Some amazingly good writers out there. Some amazingly shite ones also :lol:

Oh God, ass-babies. :doh:

http://www.archiveofourown.net has better quality fic than ff.net. Some of it might even have been written by someone here. :shifty:

[Talitha Cumi]

Awesome. I'd totally want to read that. Bibleslash - Is that a thing?

Indeed it is.

[CynicMom]

I like this a lot. It leaves room for a more conservative ending (she still might keep it, and might decide she's not comfortable working there) but she's well aware of the price she'll be paying. The issues are very very minor, which contrasts nicely with the last drivel. Pat that girl on the back! :clap:

[Mecca]

Wow. Dr. Suess is now being used in a debate on abortion. Screw those pesky things called facts and medical research, Ellie. "Horton Hears a Who" is now the new medical journal we should refer to on fetal development.

[GeoBQn]

Wow. Dr. Suess is now being used in a debate on abortion. Screw those pesky things called facts and medical research, Ellie. "Horton Hears a Who" is now the new medical journal we should refer to on fetal development.

Not to mention that at the time of his death Dr. Seuss and his wife were in the process of suing anti-choice groups who used images and text from the book in that way. His widow still sues groups that do this. (I've heard that the couple were financial supporters of Planned Parenthood, but I can't find any confirmation of this.)

[Mecca]

Not to mention that at the time of his death Dr. Seuss and his wife were in the process of suing anti-choice groups who used images and text from the book in that way. His widow still sues groups that do this. (I've heard that the couple were financial supporters of Planned Parenthood, but I can't find any confirmation of this.)

Yep. We see how awesome this bunch is with research. They have no clue.

[SoybeanQueen]

Ugh. SOTDRT is the only way that story would get a good grade. What has the doctor done that would get him fired? Is there some mystery to his past that would make the main character say the hospital shouldn't find out who he is? The character development and dialog is terrible. She isn't using words effectively. It's terrible, and the topic has nothing to do with it.