Once again, this adoptive mom is pissing me off.

[Bbfamteam]

Give me the little girl. I'd be more than happy to have her "delays" and all

[Austin]

Yes, because posting with your REAL name automatically makes your comments legitimate, dontcha know.

She says all that shit about who is supposed to be her child, and we're the mean, negative ones? Fuck off, bitch!

[August]

That poor little girl has a sensory disorder. The clumsiness (vestibular or motor planning or bilateral integration), playing too hard with thing, being loud (sensory seeking).

I should posting this on her blog not here, shouldn't I?

[Guest Anonymous]

I've never been to this blog before. It's very... um... "Chinese". The fans, the lanterns, the 'Ancient Chinese belief', the yin and yang, the kung fu movie font... Was there a sale at the racist stereotype store?

[August]

But look, what a surprise, she doesn't allow comments.

If anyone with an account feels like posting this website, it might help the child

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder. ... klist.html

[Closed Womb]

Bloody hell, is this the hidden biological clock ticking? I sure as fuck hope not. It's never done it before.

But I saw the pictures of Linzi and went "Oh you know what? Small and Smaller would really like her, I bet. Hasn't she a gorgeous wee face. They could all play together. I could enroll her in the primary down the street. Or if she's not ready, she could go to the nursery maybe. I could fit up a wee bed for her in my room..."

OMG :o

I don't have children, I don't want children, and I had the same reaction without seeing a picture. I don't think it's our bio clocks. It's basic compassion. Something this poor baby's new "mum" does not appear to have.

Sometimes I hate people.

[aubrietta]

uh-oh, which one of us pissed her off? She's now posted a rant at the end of the post:

To the mean, negative posters who think they are authorities who have left comments about this...if you REALLY knew what you were talking about you would post with your REAL names! We have NOT said we are going to disrupt..just that we have thought about it. I would have left her in China if we were going to disrupt. This isn't our first adoption. DUH!

This is why people do not post the truth to their blogs because nasty people are very

quick to judge those they do not know. If you want to give helpful suggestions great!

If you want to cuss at someone go find someone else!!

Also, WHAT is with the family picture in her previous post. Why do people do crappy editing like this? oooooh look their multi-coloured shirts are now the feature of the picture. I really wanted a picture where the only thing I notice is six different coloured shirts! (sorry the picture is so enormous, I don't know how to make it smaller)

[chaotic life]

Okay, the woman has SIX daughters from China and states that the Taiwanese doctor spoke "Chinese." I really don't want my eyes to bleed and dig back through her blog. So, what were the ages of her other five daughters at homecoming?

I will offer one point of commiseration. It's SUPPOSED to feel totally overwhelming this early, especially with a highly institutionalized child. Any child who spent time in an orphanage is going to have sensory issues. Is this pathological, biological, or just transitional and situational? It is IMPOSSIBLE to tell this early into this journey.

I tell most adoptive parents that they should generally expect to feel like their feet are back underneath them by six months home. That doesn't meaan life is settled down but the dance of attachment typically reaches a point by six months that you are not dancing with a total stranger as your partner so you begin to understand what to expect from them.

I would not trust a woman who refers to the language s Chinese anymore than a neurologist who blurted out that he thinks a child has Autism without accounting for her orphanage babble.

I had two children *that* bad at homecoming of my four. One of them is an honor roll student, gifted IQ child who has a bit of ADHD now. The other was profoundly autistic but it took us forever to determine that after homecoming. NIETHER of them were gotten rid of in any manner because of being imperfect children. ALL children are imperfect.

I won't say it's impossible that this girl would have autism. I will say it shouldn't make a difference. Sadly, I know too many parents of Chinese girls who actually do disrupt for Autism and faster than I have seen in other adoptions for some reason.

[Peas n carrots]

This lady is fucked up.

Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange that they are so fixated on adopting Chinese girls? Not even a boy?

[ceg045]

This lady is fucked up.

Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange that they are so fixated on adopting Chinese girls? Not even a boy?

That makes sense, to a certain extent, as the vast majority of Chinese children available for adoption are girls.

[Peas n carrots]

That makes sense, to a certain extent, as the vast majority of Chinese children available for adoption are girls.

Ok that could be. I just thought they were obsessed with having little "China Dolls."

Damnit, after poking around that blog I have David Bowie's China Girl stuck in my head. Not that that is a bad thing :D

[patsymae]

"We have NOT said we are going to disrupt..just that we have thought about it."

Any takers?

[valsa]

Sadly, I know too many parents of Chinese girls who actually do disrupt for Autism and faster than I have seen in other adoptions for some reason.

I chalk this up to the perception I've seen in some parts of the adoption community that children from China are less likely to have special needs than those from other countries (well, unknown special needs) I've even heard a few people express doubt that children adopted from China can have RAD or sensory processing issues or other common effects of institutionalization. I think some of the people who choose to adopt from China do so because they consider it a “safe†country (as opposed to, say, Russia where you can always find horror stories about RAD and undiagnosed FAS and autism) When they find out they left their “safe†country with a child who has something like autism, they’re completely unprepared and can’t handle it.

[veron1que]

Not that I'm any expert on the issue, but I wouldn't be surprised if the youngest child has some level of an attachment disorder. Idk...it seems strange that a kid wouldn't be upset about leaving their caretakers to join a new family. Isn't that usually a little more traumatic for a child who develops attachments normally? (I also acknowledge that it's possible this women is lying about how upset her newest daughter was about leaving home as a way of glorifying herself by emphasizing how happy the children are). Regardless, as an experienced adopted parent she should be more patient and understanding of the idiosyncrasies of children who have not had the benefit of a stable home life. I was horrified reading her posting ranting about the lies she was told about the development of the girl, it read like she was complaining about a damaged product she ordered online, not a child who clearly needs love and support without judgment.

As far as the photo goes, it's tacky but so is this woman's obsession with stereotypical Chinese culture symbols....:roll:

[ceg045]

"We have NOT said we are going to disrupt..just that we have thought about it."

Any takers?

Even thinking about it is ridiculous. This isn't foster care; there's no trial period. By adopting a child, you are committing to loving and caring for her forever. She's your child. The poor little one hasn't even been in their home three weeks and they're already thinking about "paying her forward" because she hasn't adapted quickly enough? Sick, sick, sick.

[Just_Jane]

My own personal opinion is if you plan on adopting a child from a foreign country and you know that this child is older than an infant why are you not learning some basic language skills. You don't have to be fluent just be able to ask are you feeling okay, are you hungry, hurt, need a bathroom and then understand basic replies.

yes, this girl may need some specialized care but that is what you might get when you have kids rather your adopt or they come out of your own body. That child may or may not need additional help such as speech therapy or extra work at learning social standards. You can't expect a perfect child in only a short time period. The amount of culture shock might be amazing as i don't know what orphanages are like there.

Then again I was taught that children are a long term commitment and not something you just pass off when it becomes too difficult.

[clone]

Ugh, this picture gives me a flashback to my creepy pedo grandfather (now deceased). He volunteered to host two Chinese orphans for a couple of weeks as part of some church mission deal. This guy is almost the spitting image of my grandfather too, except for hair color. My grandmother was pissed because she didn't know about it until they showed up, basically. I spent the night with them one weekend while they were there. The girls were very nice. I felt sorry for them having to spend all that time with my grandparents. My grandmother was cool if she liked you, but if not, she was pretty much an asshole. A thousand times better than my grandfather, though.

Not saying this guy is a pedophile. But he creeps me out by association. The woman here is just vile. Honesty about your state of mind is one thing. Cruelty is another. The total absence of compassion and kindness and responsibility is staggering.

[NurseNell]

My own personal opinion is if you plan on adopting a child from a foreign country and you know that this child is older than an infant why are you not learning some basic language skills. You don't have to be fluent just be able to ask are you feeling okay, are you hungry, hurt, need a bathroom and then understand basic replies.

yes, this girl may need some specialized care but that is what you might get when you have kids rather your adopt or they come out of your own body. That child may or may not need additional help such as speech therapy or extra work at learning social standards. You can't expect a perfect child in only a short time period. The amount of culture shock might be amazing as i don't know what orphanages are like there.

Then again I was taught that children are a long term commitment and not something you just pass off when it becomes too difficult.

When we adopted our first son from Colombia another family in our small town adopted an older girl from there. This was a family with 4 or 5 bio children, Irish American, all bright and beautiful, good athletes, honor roll students. They were the all American family. I was never sure why they wanted to adopt other than it was something to do. So they adopt this girl. Unlike the rest of us who spent weeks in Colombia they spent exactly one day. I'm not sure how they made this happen but frankly it was an omen of things to come. They just wanted to get her home instead of spending time visiting her country and getting to know their new daughter. They get her home, and soon learn she's not 8 y.o., which would make her the youngest in the family, but is closer to 11 and older than the youngest bio child. Then the grandmother next door comes to live with her family, she's a native Spanish speaker so the little girl attaches to her for dear life. The Colombian girl is having a rough time fitting in with her new siblings who are among the best and brightest. The next thing I know is they disrupt the adoption. They felt they had been lied to about the girl's age and it was just never going to work out. I often wonder what became of her. I hope the second adoption worked out. She'd be in 40's now.

[nonymouse]

I just can't even wrap my head around this woman. I am a mom to a child whom we adopted internationally and will be the first to admit it is NOT an easy road. There's so much I want to say, but I keep typing and deleting because of my outrage and confusion at how casually she mentions thinking of just tossing her daughter away. Just... AARGH!!

[SunnyAndrsn]

Not that I'm any expert on the issue, but I wouldn't be surprised if the youngest child has some level of an attachment disorder. Idk...it seems strange that a kid wouldn't be upset about leaving their caretakers to join a new family. Isn't that usually a little more traumatic for a child who develops attachments normally? (I also acknowledge that it's possible this women is lying about how upset her newest daughter was about leaving home as a way of glorifying herself by emphasizing how happy the children are). Regardless, as an experienced adopted parent she should be more patient and understanding of the idiosyncrasies of children who have not had the benefit of a stable home life. I was horrified reading her posting ranting about the lies she was told about the development of the girl, it read like she was complaining about a damaged product she ordered online, not a child who clearly needs love and support without judgment.

As far as the photo goes, it's tacky but so is this woman's obsession with stereotypical Chinese culture symbols....:roll:

Absolutely she has attachment problems. She was raised in an orphanage, and now was sent to another country to live with strangers.

This is why I harp on adoption via foster care so much. It's not for wimps! You have to realize that adoption of an older child comes with a ton of unique issues. Throw out all your ideas of a picture perfect family with a white picket fence. This isn't Leave it to Beaver, people!

It's going to be a lot of hard work. The child you plucked out of an orphanage is already behind by virtue of being raised in an orphanage. It takes a lot of work to bond through language, through cultures, and through a less than ideal start in life. Two weeks is not enough time for anything.

If it was me, that child would be glued to me 24/7. No school. I'd get a family therapist in our home. Wouldn't matter the cost, this child's life is at stake.

[Guest Anonymous]

Do families who 'disrupt' adoptions face any formal legal investigation or consequences? I mean, I know it is something that happens in extreme cases in domestic adoptions too, where it is considered to be in the child's and the family's best interests, but it is not exactly normal behaviour, is it, for a family to take on full legal responsibility for a child and the 'pay them forward' a few weeks later?

I would hope that in a case like this it would merit an investigation into the safety and well-being of the other children in the family, and that steps would be taken to prevent the parents from EVER adopting or fostering again.

I'm kind of stunned that someone could even come up with the idea of passing a child on, unless it is becoming a 'thing' in some circles of adoptees. I totally get the feelings of shock and being overwhelmed, because no one can ever prepare themselves fully for what adoption will actually be like when it is finalised... but... the way this woman talks seems so measured and thought out, as if she is discussing actual valid options and not just desperate scenarios that are playing out in her head.

[lilith]

How on earth can they be so sure things won't work out in less than a month?

Of course the child isn't speaking fluent English and is having some adjustment issues, it would be incredibly strange if she wasn't.

How can a family that has done so many prior international adoptions have such unrealistic expectations?

Plenty of parents aren't fully bonded with their biological infants after such a short time. It just defies belief that they are willing to give up on this relationship so quickly.

[Gil]

She tattooed this child on her arm after two weeks...but is angry that she doesn't fluently speak English and is too loud? Sounds like she was more committed to the idea of the child than the actual child.

[fundiefun]

Do families who 'disrupt' adoptions face any formal legal investigation or consequences? I mean, I know it is something that happens in extreme cases in domestic adoptions too, where it is considered to be in the child's and the family's best interests, but it is not exactly normal behaviour, is it, for a family to take on full legal responsibility for a child and the 'pay them forward' a few weeks later?

I would hope that in a case like this it would merit an investigation into the safety and well-being of the other children in the family, and that steps would be taken to prevent the parents from EVER adopting or fostering again.

I'm kind of stunned that someone could even come up with the idea of passing a child on, unless it is becoming a 'thing' in some circles of adoptees. I totally get the feelings of shock and being overwhelmed, because no one can ever prepare themselves fully for what adoption will actually be like when it is finalised... but... the way this woman talks seems so measured and thought out, as if she is discussing actual valid options and not just desperate scenarios that are playing out in her head.

One of our family friends had to disrupt in order for their child to be placed in a residential facility for his safety and the family's. He was with this family for 8 years and wasn't making progress the final straw came when he threatened to sexually assault one of the female staff at school and they realized he wasn't safe in his environment. He stayed in residential until he turned 18 and from what I can tell has turned out to be a fine young man and is still close to his family and was able to get the treatment that they couldn't afford even with years of documentation.

Having a child placed in residential is not easy by any means and when they are adopted you're on your own. I think a reason for some many disruptions is parents going into it with too high expectations or not knowing what they are going to be dealing with. I do remember a blog where a family had to re-home their son who was sexually abusing their daughters, but the mom fought tooth and nail and worked her ass off to find him a family where he could heal and visited him on a regular basis at the treatment center he was in. I don't know if he ever found a family, but she never stopped looking for one or fighting for him.

[JesusFightClub]

How on earth can they be so sure things won't work out in less than a month?

Of course the child isn't speaking fluent English and is having some adjustment issues, it would be incredibly strange if she wasn't.

How can a family that has done so many prior international adoptions have such unrealistic expectations?

Plenty of parents aren't fully bonded with their biological infants after such a short time. It just defies belief that they are willing to give up on this relationship so quickly.

QFT.

Why are they angry with her that her Chinese isn't perfect either? Considering where she grew up how would it be?

How do they know her Chinese isn't dialect anyway? I speak dialect English, dialect Scots and used to speak dialect Japanese. If you speak RP or are from a different part of the nation you might find it strange. A Northern Irish comrade recently asked me about using "innit". I have the usage where it's a bit of a topic marker in a sentence though I don't consciously think of this (like "David was late into work today, innit"). She finds this funny and I find how she says "It's just the craic" for "We were just having a laugh" and "belter" and other things funny but nice.

Wee Linzi could be speaking rural Chinese or a dialect from a particular city and the Taiwanese doctor didn't get it. Chinese is fucking complex as hell, like English is.