Once again, this adoptive mom is pissing me off.

[SomewhatFundy]

I am really distraught after reading this. I want to get a hold of this woman and talk to her somehow. A lot of the "problems" the new addition is causing is really caused by her approach. Maybe the girl does have delays, but it doesn't sound like that's what is causing the unrest in the whole family over it.

I'm particularly concerned by the way she explains things regarding the adoption to her other kids, which based on her phrasing is bound to make them feel like the new child is an unwelcome burden. Of course they aren't going to accept her if the mom says "Christmas will suck, and it's because of your new sister."

The whole thing has me smacking my head. It sounds like this woman has adopted before, how is she so clueless?

[precious_one]

This woman and her kid's whole attitudes just blow my mind.

The kids seem very selfish to me and the mom is just crazy.

[LilMissMetaphor]

She wrote this a year ago.

I somehow feel that He is directing me. We are not very regular church going people, but we believe! We worship our God, we know He is our maker and we trust in Him. I have felt His hands on us through many ups and downs of our adoptions. I know that because of Him we have been blessed by 5 beautiful, healthy, darling girls. And I know that He will lead us to our last blessing.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Life always seems to hand us things at times when we are not ready for them. We were told about a 14 year old girl who has been in the USA since this June. The family is divorcing and this girl is being disrupted. While she is an absolutely beautiful girl and healthy to boot, we sadly had to turn down the option of adopting her. RaeAnne has expressed many times that she wants to remain the oldest in the home and we want to honor her request.

The crazy just gets crazier.

I'm getting this from the journeytome site, BTW, not the blog, if anyone else wants to read.

[longskirtlotsakids]

A new child, adopted or born, is rarely what you expect. How convenient to have an out because it's not your bio kid.

Pretty fucking true. That sums it up nicely. No one would have been able to convince me of the physical, emotional, and monetary costs of raising a child. Not that it is not worth it, but it overwhelms EVERY parent at some point.

You would think that by kid 6 this would have sunk in.

[Eternalbluepearl]

I think she is overwhelmed by the reality of 6 kids and probably has forgotten what the adjustment period is like. I think the "disruption" is sad but maybe Linzi will get a more understanding set of parents out of it.

[fundiefun]

I think she is overwhelmed by the reality of 6 kids and probably has forgotten what the adjustment period is like. I think the "disruption" is sad but maybe Linzi will get a more understanding set of parents out of it.

Yeah love lovelie did from psycho emma and is with a great family and is thriving

[JesusFightClub]

That poor child. Is this woman a fundie? The tattoo doesn't seem like a fundie thing to do, but she certainly has their miserable attitude towards adoption. It seems way too soon to start her in kindergarten. She must feel so lost in that family. :(

Was anyone else suspicious about the reason for the bruises all over her legs? Maybe she is clumsy, but that set my alarm bells off.

I think the mum should get that looked at. I have the same thing and it's genetic - my blood doesn't clot right 100 percent of the time. This poor wean may have that too.

I feel very sorry for the poor little thing. So she's struggling at times, so what. I would take her on and just love her until she was calmer. I don't even like kids, and I still hate the thought of some wee one having to put up with the disdain of her sisters and mummy looking at her and saying essentially "We made a mistake taking YOU on. Hope we can palm you off somewhere soon."

:evil:

[itsnikki05]

Mine too, but if she's just now learning to run and play she's probably a little clumsy. Will the family be visited by a social worker now that the adoption is completed? I know there are follow-up visits after a domestic adoption, but I don't know much about the overseas adoption process.

Yeah... as far as bruises... I bruise VERY easily. I can barely knock into a door frame and bruise. (Then forget how I got it later on.. :doh:) So... it makes sense that if she's falling a lot she'd have bruises on her legs. *shrug* But yeah... she might actually be clumsy. It's not that that set off alarm bells but everyone's attitude towards her. I don't care WHERE she's adopted from 2 weeks is far too quick to expect a child to fully become used to a family. Much less a child from another country who doesn't understand the native language. Geez! :( Poor kiddo.

[Sarietty]

I am really distraught after reading this. I want to get a hold of this woman and talk to her somehow. A lot of the "problems" the new addition is causing is really caused by her approach. Maybe the girl does have delays, but it doesn't sound like that's what is causing the unrest in the whole family over it.

I'm particularly concerned by the way she explains things regarding the adoption to her other kids, which based on her phrasing is bound to make them feel like the new child is an unwelcome burden. Of course they aren't going to accept her if the mom says "Christmas will suck, and it's because of your new sister."

The whole thing has me smacking my head. It sounds like this woman has adopted before, how is she so clueless?

I totally agree - the blog post illustrates the dangers of adopting because you want to "save" a child, not because you have a genuine desire to expand your family. The newly adopted five year old sounds like the only person who is being asked to adjust and show compassion in a situation where she deserves nothing but compassion and understanding. She has few ways of communicating, and sounds incredibly frightened and overwhelmed. If she acts like a baby/toddler, maybe it's a sign that she needs to be treated like one - gently, and without concerns about "spoiling" her by being attentive and responsive. Helping a child to feel adjusted and secure is not spoiling her.

The mother could definitely help her other kids understand the situation in a way that encourages compassion for their new sister. It doesn't seem like she's considered the situation from their perspective, either. To me, it's telling that the girl yelled at the mother that the mother ruined the family by adopting the new child. The other daughters need help and reassurance, too.

It's not an easy job to try to meet multiple children's needs, but it's what you agree to take on when you become a parent of more than one kid.

[JesusFightClub]

Bloody hell, is this the hidden biological clock ticking? I sure as fuck hope not. It's never done it before.

But I saw the pictures of Linzi and went "Oh you know what? Small and Smaller would really like her, I bet. Hasn't she a gorgeous wee face. They could all play together. I could enroll her in the primary down the street. Or if she's not ready, she could go to the nursery maybe. I could fit up a wee bed for her in my room..."

OMG :o

[mkitten]

Bloody hell, is this the hidden biological clock ticking? I sure as fuck hope not. It's never done it before.

But I saw the pictures of Linzi and went "Oh you know what? Small and Smaller would really like her, I bet. Hasn't she a gorgeous wee face. They could all play together. I could enroll her in the primary down the street. Or if she's not ready, she could go to the nursery maybe. I could fit up a wee bed for her in my room..."

OMG :o

No, I don't think you're reaction is a hidden biological time bomb :) I think it's more the reaction all good, caring humans have when they read/hear a story of a child being treated like a piece of consumer merchandise about to be returned as damaged goods :evil: and start to naturally think about how the child deserves to be treated and how you could personally help. I have two kids with no plans for another, but I was reading this and thinking about how Linzi could share a room with my DD and how on earth could I learn Chinese...

[moodygirl86]

Why the FUCK would you bother committing to an adoption of a child if you're just going to drop her like a hot potato as soon as it's inconvenient?! I swear to God, selfish people like this make me sick!

[ADoyle90815]

Why the FUCK would you bother committing to an adoption of a child if you're just going to drop her like a hot potato as soon as it's inconvenient?! I swear to God, selfish people like this make me sick!

Same here! This bitch is seriously pissing me off, as once you adopt a child, you're that child's parent for life, just as with biological children. I hope this bitch is never allowed to adopt again as she considers children to be trash if they're not perfect.

[docmom]

Wow, just wow! I wonder how this lady would do if she were suddenly taken from her family and plunked down in a strange country with a family who didn't speak English and who had been told it was her fault their Christmas was ruined. International adoptions can be very, very hard on both parties. You don't always know what type of child you're going to get and often important history is left out. But unless you've been living under a rock, you must realize this! While I don't want them to "disrupt" this child, given this woman's attitude, it might be better all round for her if they did go ahead and "pass her forward".

[Austin]

Fucking bitch. I would want to slap the shit out of her if I met her, so best I never do. She has no right to call herself a mother.

[freejugar]

ugh

and i see she has fundraisers to be able to pay all the costs, travels, etc :naughty:

[julie paradox]

About the bruises: the health visitor told me that they largely ignore normal bruises on the legs and face of a young child (Blessing2 spent a good two years never being bruise-free on his face). It's the ones on the body that are suspicious.

[shedemei]

The idealistic side of me wants to believe that she's just venting and that she'll do the right thing. The realistic side of me recognizes that this is not true.

[NurseNell]

The mother could definitely help her other kids understand the situation in a way that encourages compassion for their new sister. It doesn't seem like she's considered the situation from their perspective, either. To me, it's telling that the girl yelled at the mother that the mother ruined the family by adopting the new child. The other daughters need help and reassurance, too.

It's not an easy job to try to meet multiple children's needs, but it's what you agree to take on when you become a parent of more than one kid.

I think all of the kids are adopted. I don't know if they were all much younger when adopted but surely all 5 didn't bond and just fit into the family immediately. I'm surprised at how unrealistic her expectations are given she has adopted before. This child deserves a more understanding mother.

[patsymae]

I seriously wish all the sanctimonious Christians who feel "called" to adopt would knock it off and find some other hobby.

[fundiefan]

I seriously wish all the sanctimonious Christians who feel "called" to adopt would knock it off and find some other hobby.

This. Far too many of these fundies go off to foreign lands to save the heathen children and bring them to christ.

Fuck them. Fuck them all.

Adoption is about love of the child and family. Period. There is no other agenda or cause or reason. When you go into it with an agenda that is anything but love, you are going to screw that child over, as far too many adoptive fundie bloggers have proven repeatedly.

[Claddagh]

I want to tell her that kids aren't jewelry for her to wear and show off and put away when you're tired with them. You never know what you will get with a child and calling them a "klutz" among other things isn't going to win you any favors.

[LilMissMetaphor]

To the mean, negative posters who think they are authorities who have left comments about this...if you REALLY knew what you were talking about you would post with your REAL names! We have NOT said we are going to disrupt..just that we have thought about it. I would have left her in China if we were going to disrupt. This isn't our first adoption. DUH!

This is why people do not post the truth to their blogs because nasty people are very

quick to judge those they do not know. If you want to give helpful suggestions great!

If you want to cuss at someone go find someone else!!

Yes, because posting with your REAL name automatically makes your comments legitimate, dontcha know.

[BoomerLynn]

What a heartless woman! This is a child, most likely a very overwhelmed and confused child, not a fucking accessory that you get to return if you think it is defective! :angry-screaming: