Lori Alexander 29: Gossiping about Gossip

[onemama]

6 hours ago, EowynW said:

https://kimberleykayblog.wordpress.com/2017/09/18/have-we-christians-made-marriage-too-complicated/

 

i feel sorry for her. Her marriage is devoid of love and friendship. She'll never know this kind of marriage. 

That post is amazing, EowynW.  Too bad Lori, Ken and many of their followers are too blind to see the truth in it.  I've experienced this:

Quote

The word “submit” started to make me angry. The word “lead” made me want to run and hide. The word “authority” made me want to rebel. Because the men who were proclaiming these things were using them for their own gain. I saw hurting women. And disillusioned children. All of these precious words…God’s words meant to strengthen, protect and uphold his children…became twisted and evil.

And I'm currently here (in my imperfect, difficult marriage)

Quote

Let’s keep doing what we can to be peacemakers within our marriage. Within this friendship. Showing mercy to one another in our weaknesses. Submitting to one another’s needs. Praying that we would have pure hearts towards one another. And consider each other’s feelings day by day, as we have been.

As she says, oh, the sweet sanity of Christ...

[Liza]

Source:  The Transformed Wife, Sept 21, 2017:  

Subject:  Most people seeking divorce are women

Ken Alexander responds:

"There is certainly men who are not loving and caring for their wife and family as they should, but we get about a husband a week asking us what he can do with his difficult wife, and how his marriage revolves around her difficult and often mean demeanor. What happened to her most often began when her soul was damaged in her youth by feeling unloved by her mother.

Many moms working and having no time for their kids, and some moms not knowing how to love their children. Look up the epidemic on BPD and the root cause has nothing to do with the husband, but rather the pained soul of a little one who wants to love and be loved, but spends most of her time protecting herself with walls that seem insurmountable.

Satan has convinced many women, even Christians, that they can both work and raise a family, that they don’t need a husband’s leadership. Then the stress and pain that the messed up thinking of our age causes wives to “blow up” as they are overloaded with stress and the lies that they have been told, even as I see husbands trying hard to sacrificially love them. It’s so sad.

Men tend to assuage their pain with addictions, and women by blowing up their relationships and being angry at those who love them most'

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
I think Ken is telling us about the situation between himself and Lori.  I may be wrong, but I think this plays a strong role in their relationship.  In any case, he is clearly on board with her in blaming the woman for all of it.

[Red Jumper]

1 hour ago, Liza said:

we get about a husband a week asking us what he can do with his difficult wife

If that was true, it would mean Ken's counselling is in demand, Lori's is not (she doesn't teach man according to her). If it was true, only the Trey's and Dave's will seek advice how to oppress their (imaginary) wives. If that was true, wouldn't that mean Lori sucks in her job as a teacher/counsellor?
I still don't believe this crap. It's just victim blaming by misogynists. They pull things from their rear-side. However, if they admit that it is men's fault, their whole message "if you submit, you marriage will last" would fly out of the window.

[Koala]

I am not surprised at all that they have men reaching out to them.  

When a man reaches out to them, he's a "godly guy" with a "difficult, rebellious wife".  They feel sorry for him, they pray for him, and they talk to him about discipline and consequences for him wife.

When a woman reaches out, well...that's a totally different story.  If she's being mistreated, perhaps it's because she's not submissive enough.  When she tries to talk to Lori about what she's going through, Lori shuts her down.  She wants "husband praising, not husband bashing"!

No, it's no surprise at all that men flock to them.  Trey, Dave, Storage Sociopath, and Earl are all fine examples of that...

[AlwaysDiscerning]

I love how mothers are blamed for every angry or not so perfect wife! Can't be any male relatives. And BPD? Is he implying that every wife who shows some negative emotion has BPD? 

[Koala]

From today's post:

Quote

 Are we using our time wisely or are we wasting the precious life that we have on this earth? 

Lori Alexander:

Quote

I'm available in the chat room all the time...most...majority of the day to ummm, monitor it

Quote

I really like peace and quiet.  I don't always get it.  Like this last weekend, I didn't have it with the grandchildren

So that's how Lori "wisely" spends her time.  She sits on the internet "monitoring" grown women for "a majority of the day".  Then she complains about the small amount of time she spends with her grandchildren, because she really likes "peace and quiet" (read: uninterrupted time on the internet), and she doesn't get that when she has them with her.

Quote

Are we doing what the Lord has called us to do or are we seekers of pleasure instead?

I don't know.  Did the Lord call Lori to vacation for "several months" this summer?  Does going out to eat multiple times a week make you a "seeker of pleasure"?  What about all of her little shopping trips to gifts shops, or her spending sprees where she spends literally hundreds on beauty products?  Is that for the Lord?

Does a 6 bedroom house for 2 people make you a "seeker of pleasure", or does it make you "moderate in everything"?

Quote

“…her candle goeth not out by night; her lamp of profession, which is always kept burning, or the glorious light of the Gospel, which always continues in the darkest times the church ever has been in; or her spiritual prosperity, which, though it may be damped, will never be extinct; when the candle of the wicked is often put out, Job 21:17; It may denote her diligence in working; who, as she rises early in the morning, Proverbs 31:15, so sits up late at night, and is never weary of well doing, night and day” (Gill’s Exposition).

When has the queen of rest, ever been diligent in working?  Did she sit up to care for her babies?  No.  It was to hard on HER EMOTIONS (yes, Lori was ruled by her emotions).  

Quote

Waking up every few hours was taking a toll on my health and my emotions.

Did she work to clean her house?  No, that was the maid's job.

Did she hold her baby while she cried?  No, she said "a little crying never hurt anyone", and she let the nanny hold her "for hours a day".

Did she pour herself into homeschooling?  No, she just had her kids read, do a little math, and then required them to spend at least 2 hours a day in their room so Lori could "rest".

Did she help her mom out when they vacationed together?  No, she wanted her mother to wait on her, because The Godly Gossip likes to be served!

The only time we've ever seen Lori willingly stay up into the night to "work", was when she took to Youtube in the middle of the night, to gossip about all of the immodest women she saw when she was OUT TO EAT (again).

But, anyway....tell us more about diligence, Lori.

[louisa05]

10 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I read that blog post and she's so right. It seems that some Christians want to make marriage hard. Oh hell no. Nope. And they just make it hard by first, marrying someone they're really not suited to, second, trying to fit their square pegs into round holes and third, believing the bullshit that is pushed by some idiots

I found that at Christian school where they regularly preached to high school kids about marriage (????), there were three main themes: 

1--Marriage is hard. Over and over. It is HARD. It is a SACRIFICE. It will be DIFFICULT. You will despise your spouse most of the time because the purpose of having a spouse is to become a better Christian through learning forgiveness, humility and sacrifice. It is nothing but HARD WORK. 

2--There is no such thing as compatibility. Men and women are so different that they can never be compatible. Don't try to marry someone you are compatible with because that is a secular, worldly idea. Besides it doesn't matter if you have anything in common with your spouse because of number 3. 

3--The only thing it takes to make a good marriage (which is actually just a journey of hard work, sacrifice and forgiving this person that you may love but you probably won't like at all) is for a Christian woman to marry a Christian man who holds the same beliefs and both strive to follow the prescribed gender roles. 

And once you put the three together, you get exactly what you said, incompatible couples and square pegs in round holes making each other and themselves miserable. At which point, congratulations, you have achieved a godly evangelical marriage! 

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Funny thought--It took Lori's parents till age 80 to have a happy marriage. Lori started having a happy marriage in her late 40s or early 50s. Each generation is getting better at this, LOL.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

The things you learn:

Did you know that feminism and liberalism cause BPD?

And that the root cause of BPD in women is being raised by a working mother and not feeling loved?

AND... that BPD is the main reason 70% of women are divorcing their wonderful godly husbands?  Wonderful godly husbands who don't want a divorce even if they are serial cheaters and/or addicted to porn and/or have already left the wife for another woman (women).  

Yep -  Ken said so right there in his answer to a comment to the Strange Woman blog post.

Wow!!  I had no idea that being an orthodontic practice consultant gave you an MD in psychiatry/ personality disorders and all the knowledge therein.

That Ken and his Horse of Truth -- boy are they smart.

[insert sarcasm and extreme eye roll here]

[Imrlgoddess]

46 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

That Ken and his Horse of Truth -- boy are they smart.

[insert sarcasm and extreme eye roll here]

Easy killah, you're going to strain something!   

[CelticGoddess]

12 hours ago, usmcmom said:

 

This is Ken Alexander,  who has said that hunger is not a real issue and, even if it was, starvation is not such a painful way to die. This is a man who tried to convince his readers moleststion among siblings is normal. This is a man who can't fathom why a woman would need to move into a shelter to protect herself from an abusive husband. This is a man who has suggested that IF a woman left her husband because of abuse, she should pop in every few days to cook and clean for him. 

Finally, I think this is a man who gave up his dream to be a minister because his spoiled shrew of a wife could not live below a certain financial level. He knew what she was like before they got married - they fought constantly from day one - yet he married her anyway. 

All that to say, there are some really ugly people with really ugly beliefs living in that beautiful home. 

 

I didn't like Ken to begin with, but now, I am thinking thoughts my Goddess is not happy with.   He and Lori deserve each other, through all of eternity.  That's all I have.  Except this, I hope he rots

[quiversR4hunting]

5 hours ago, Liza said:

Snipped from @Liza From Ken: "...There is certainly men who are not loving and caring for their wife and family as they should, but we get about a husband a week asking us what he can do with his difficult wife, and how his marriage revolves around her difficult and often mean demeanor..."

Let me think of the ways that the wife might be "difficult" (from my friends and my own experiences)

1. He is out with friends all the time. (for example: golf, fantasy football, hunting anything you can get a license for)

2. He volunteers for everything and is never home (for example: volunteer fire department, Masons/Lions club)

3. He doesn't do the simplest tasks at home (put laundry in the hamper*, read to the kids, help check homework, play with the kids)

4. He has to "rest" when he gets home from work, meanwhile the wife (who also works) is busy putting dinner on the table, carting kids to and fro and checking homework.

5. The "manly" chores don't get done (the leaky sink, lawn mowing, patching a hole in the wall, cleaning the garage) without a lot of reminders and finally nagging by the wife.

6. The wife has to figure out everyone's schedule, remind everyone and sign all paperwork for events and deadlines.

7. The wife pays all the bills and the husband has champagne tastes on Bud Light wages.

So, @Ken all these father duties and husband duties go months and years with neglect, it will make a "difficult" wife because she needs some help from her PARTNER. If she wanted to marry a child, she might as well have adopted one from foster care instead of marrying a man child.

I have had friends after awhile say- if I am going to do everything myself, I might as well be by myself.

*if a person has 2.5 kids plus a husband, doing laundry is a chore and if there are more kids laundry is an every day all day affair and if the wife has to pick up and sort laundry from every room and pick up all the random dropped dirty laundry around the house it gets frustrating very fast.

 

oh and to add to my list - none of these husband/fathers were alcoholics, drug addicts, cheaters or abusive in any way. If you add any one of those issues to the mix, oh hell yeah there will or should be a divorce. And as someone else pointed out, why would a man file for divorce if he has a wife doing all his laundry, cooking, cleaning, outdoor chores (weeding and mowing) taking care of all the kid stuff and brining in money?!

[louisa05]

5 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

*if a person has 2.5 kids plus a husband, doing laundry is a chore 

Let me fix that for you: 

If a person wears clothing and uses towels and linens, doing laundry is a chore. 

I am so fucking sick of people telling me that I do not do laundry because we don't have children. My husband used to work in a pet food plant. Has your laundry ever smelled like HERRING? I'm guessing not. And getting that smell out is a no go with free and clear detergent which I have to use unless I want to get a rash. So that meant separate loads for his work clothes and my clothing and anything else I use.

 I have mountains of laundry for just two people, especially in summer when it is full of sweaty gross work clothes. 

[quiversR4hunting]

@louisa05 true, very true. My mom still has laundry- it is less after we all grew up and left - but my dad farms so when he is spraying, his clothes are separate. The chemical and grease stains on some of his clothes can leach into other clothes so they are all separate loads. (Now that I think about it, all his farm clothes are washed separate from his and mom's non-farm clothes.) And if we were single, again still a chore that has to be done.

My point was when a wife and mom is picking up the clothes behind children and then also the adult husband, it becomes annoying very fast and can make the wife/mom become "difficult" to use Ken's word.

By age 5 the vast majority of people should be able to sort laundry and get it into baskets for the person(s) doing the laundry. And if the person is 12+ they should be able to see when a basket is full, start a load of laundry, be able to flip it (into the dryer) and then fold it. IMO, of course.

[louisa05]

5 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

 

My point was when a wife and mom is picking up the clothes behind children and then also the adult husband, it becomes annoying very fast and can make the wife/mom become "difficult" to use Ken's word.

And you made that point just fine without the "laundry is a chore for people with children" footnote which nicely implied that the rest of us have self-cleaning clothes. An implication some of the martyr mommies in my life make to me constantly. Well, one can't anymore as I restricted her on social media so that whenever I post that I'm tired or stressed, she cannot show up to inform me that I actually am not because I don't have children and don't even have to do laundry. Which she did all the time. It would go like this, real example without exact quotes:

My post: Dad had a consult at UNMC today. So I drove to get them, drove them there, drove them home, then drove back home. Exhausted. 

(Note: this involved 65 miles to get them, 50 miles back the same way to the appointment, 50 miles back again to take them home, then 65 miles back to my home. In one work day. And she knew this geography). 

Martyr Mommy's response: Try taking kids to school every day. And at least you never have to do laundry!

And a side note: You know who never bitches about laundry and, in fact, expresses confusion about mothers who constantly bitch about laundry? My friend with 7 children. She considers laundry the easiest thing to deal with as "you put it in and go do other stuff". And she has 9 people in her house. 

[quiversR4hunting]

2 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Martyr Mommy's response: Try taking kids to school every day. And at least you never have to do laundry!

I would want to strangle this martyr mommy. I bet if she was driving her dad to a consult it would at least 5 more miles than what you drove. I would block that person on facebook, too. I hope your dad's consult went well.

[louisa05]

Just now, quiversR4hunting said:

I would want to strangle this martyr mommy. I bet if she was driving her dad to a consult it would at least 5 more miles than what you drove. I would block that person on facebook, too. I hope your dad's consult went well.

Oh, that was probably three years ago (dad died two years ago). I just don't have a recent example because I blocked her after that one. I did ask her if her kids live 65 miles away from her and she has to go get them every morning and take them back the same way to get them to school. No response. I also asked her long before that to please tell me where she got the self cleaning clothes, towels, linens, etc... that she had before her children were born. No answer. 

Then there was the time I threatened to go to her house and stuff herring scented t-shirts into her duct work. 

You'd think she would have shut up before it got to that last one. 

[EowynW]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Let me fix that for you: 

If a person wears clothing and uses towels and linens, doing laundry is a chore. 

I am so fucking sick of people telling me that I do not do laundry because we don't have children. My husband used to work in a pet food plant. Has your laundry ever smelled like HERRING? I'm guessing not. And getting that smell out is a no go with free and clear detergent which I have to use unless I want to get a rash. So that meant separate loads for his work clothes and my clothing and anything else I use.

 I have mountains of laundry for just two people, especially in summer when it is full of sweaty gross work clothes. 

I have always hated how people assume it's "easy" without kids. I've been told I had no reason to be tired or stressed because "you don't have kids!"

 

Laundry sucks even with just the two of us. Seperate loads must be done because Mr. EW works a sweaty very greasy job. The ancient dryer tries to fry everything so drying must be hovered over the whole time. 

 

Then washing dishes in our rental with with no counter space & no dishwasher and no AC in the kitchen with west facing windows in TX, and  when nearly every meal & dessert MUST be cooked from scratch because of our food allergies + no money to eat out. 

 

But hey no kids so it's a piece of cake they say. 

[Curious]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

And you made that point just fine without the "laundry is a chore for people with children" footnote which nicely implied that the rest of us have self-cleaning clothes.

I don't know what is going on with you lately @louisa05, but not everything is directed at you personally.  There is no need to chastise other members constantly.  It's getting old and annoying.

Does anyone really think that Lori would tolerate Ken hitting her?  She'd be running home to daddy, lickety-split.

I also don't believe that Lori has ever picked up a paintbrush to paint the house, "illness" or not.

I'm pretty sure that love has everything to do with emotions and feelings, too.  At least if you are doing it right.  She is seriously only happy when she is miserable and can take her self-loathing out on other women.

I think I had more points, but I can't remember them now.   Lori is a vile, despicable waste of oxygen.

Oh I do remember one more thing.  I think the serious fangirls don't see what is wrong because they are pretty much clones of Lori.  Mean girls using religion to bash other women over the head for their "shortcomings."   It seems like a lot of people have started noticing that Lori's "teachings" are dangerous and unbiblical and are calling her out on it.  Her delete finger must need it's own vacation.

[louisa05]

But hey no kids so it's a piece of cake they say. 

My other favorite is that we must have loads of disposable income. If we did, we would have kids. Finances and family crises was the reason we were unable to. And now that things are calmer and the money is a bit better, it's too late.

And we still don't have the kind of disposable income people assume we do because we don't have kids.

[EowynW]

39 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

 

My other favorite is that we must have loads of disposable income. If we did, we would have kids. Finances and family crises was the reason we were unable to. And now that things are calmer and the money is a bit better, it's too late.

And we still don't have the kind of disposable income people assume we do because we don't have kids.

 

I love that one too. We've only been married 18 months. Everyone is always saying "oh you don't have kids so travel and take road trips and enjoy the extra money." And we live look at each other and laugh and laugh. 

[Florita]

<Big Sigh> Here we go again. If wages "increase dramatically" then the cost of goods and services will increase dramatically. It is called economics or, more specifically, inflation. A 10% jump in the dear headship's salary will be nullified by an equal (or greater) jump in the price of groceries.

[EowynW]

Cost of living is already outrageous. This would make it worse. 

[louisa05]

If all the working moms who teach walked off the job tomorrow, elementary schools would have a staff of 2 or 3 men maybe 2 or 3 others. If we leave those whose kids are grown , staffs are still cut by more than half. I'm sure hospitals and medical offices would see the same drops. And google tells me over 1/3 of doctors in the US are female.

So the shortage of workers in just those two professional areas would be catastrophic. Never mind everything else.

[Seahorse Wrangler]

18 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

If all the working moms who teach walked off the job tomorrow, elementary schools would have a staff of 2 or 3 men maybe 2 or 3 others. If we leave those whose kids are grown , staffs are still cut by more than half.

All  mothers would be home-schooling so we wouldn't need schools, anymore.

 

It's not like that could harm the economy.