Lori Alexander 29: Gossiping about Gossip

[usmcmom]

I did not read further and make the connection between her spanking and the other blog post. What I noticed was a different part of that letter. 

Spoiler

I just think that is an odd thing to list in, say, the top five things you love about your mother.  I guess I passed over the spanking because she said it so casually. Between Lori asking her father about anal sex and Lori listing this as one of her favorite memories of her mother; just how often did they talk about sex in that household??  And just how did her mother let her know how wonderful sex was?? 

"You spanked me.  You took me to church.  You told me how wonderful sex was." Am I the only one bothered by this?  Am I reading too much into it? 

Having said that, NO CHILD deserves to be spanked like Lori was. Many parents spank in the heat of the moment once or twice and regret it. A spanking on a bare bottom, with an object, is a planned act of cruelty. Sadly, Lori did not take the route of doing better for her own kids and even seems to delight in seeing her grandchildren treated cruelly as well. This family has some bizarre skeletons in their closet - like three generations' worth. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

What I also noticed were the casual references to her privileged upbringing - "......trips to Door County, Palm Springs, snow skiing" -- none of these are cheap.

Then this very telling bit (bolding mine) "...loving to share your wealth with others...."  Lori confirmed what we all figured was true -- Lori's parents are rich and she was raised a spoiled pampered princess 
 

Quote

"You spanked me.  You took me to church.  You told me how wonderful sex was."

 

@usmcmom Yes that is odd, and no you aren't reading too much into it.  Seeing them listed together makes it seem as if they are all connected in some weird kinky way.

But then we all know Lori is a "Christian" who loves the Word and beating her kids and "willingly" gives Ken 5 minutes and some lube several times a week. So yeah I guess they are connected in Lori's life in some kinky way.

[Sarah92]

So this is my first post but it looks like Lori may have lost a follower today. Some may have saw a woman named Sandi comment of Lori's Facebook post about Strange women. Well between Ken's silly comment about porn use not being considered  adultery and them deleting one of her later posts (which I called attention to haha) she seems a bit fed up. I'm very surprised my comments have not been deleted as I replied to  Ken for his stupid comment about BPD being caused by feminism. So it's only a matter of time really. 

[EmiGirl]

43 minutes ago, Sarah92 said:

BPD being caused by feminism. 

So my 17 year old male cousin has BPD because of feminism and not because it was passed onto him genetically from his dad. Wow. Amazing science there.

[Sarah92]

28 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

So my 17 year old male cousin has BPD because of feminism and not because it was passed onto him genetically from his dad. Wow. Amazing science there.

I know right? Although I wouldn't be surprised if he did say your cousin's BPD was caused by feminism especially if his mother worked. I did  my best to reply with some actually research even though I failed to site it. (Whoops) It's really still being researched and still has quite a bit of controversy surrounding it. Regardless, he doesn't really have the right to try and simplify mental illness when it's often so complex. 

[Hisey]

My understanding was that BPD was caused by traumatic stress. Or at least that the overwhelming majority of people with BDP had experienced traumatic stress. I could be wrong, but this is what I recall what I've read.

[Hisey]

Really? A fly swatter? So Lori was being hit by metal and plastic? 

I mean, why use a tool that will cause such serious pain? Was it really necessary? Was Lori so incorrigible that it didnt' work to send her to her room or take away her favorite toy? 

I am thinking back to what fly swatters look like. If I recall, the flat plastic fly-killing part is only about 4 x 6 inches. So if you hit a child's butt with it, you will quite likely strike her with the metal rods as well.

Lori's mom was isolated and missing her family and friends in the midwest (or was it Utah?). Deeply unhappy with her husband, who was never home. Three little girls back to back. I understand she is very ill now, so I don't want to be critical, but these things make me wonder how often she used that fly swatter. Because though Lori may disagree, I don't think the fly swatter "improved" her in any way.

[Sarah92]

11 minutes ago, Hisey said:

My understanding was that BPD was caused by traumatic stress. Or at least that the overwhelming majority of people with BDP had experienced traumatic stress. I could be wrong, but this is what I recall what I've read.

Yes from what I've been able to find and what I know from my counseling classes, trauma during childhood can be part of the development of BPD. Also having inconsistent responses from parents (Cold one minute, warming the next) is a risk factor. Additionally, a child who's feelings are invalidated regularly (I.e. You have no right to feel this way even if I did something bad to you) may never learn to properly regulate emotions, set boundaries, and develop a good since of self. Throw in genetic predisposition and you have high risk factor for BPD. Of course I'm typing this without my textbooks in front of me so I welcome any corrections. But this is why it makes no sense for him to make this claim because often you're looking at really dysfunctional patterns that go beyond the scope of a mother working 

[Hisey]

1 minute ago, Sarah92 said:

Yes from what I've been able to find and what I know from my counseling classes, trauma during childhood can be part of the development of BPD. Also having inconsistent responses from parents (Cold one minute, warming the next) is a risk factor. Additionally, a child who's feelings are invalidated regularly (I.e. You have no right to feel this way even if I did something bad to you) may never learn to properly regulate emotions, set boundaries, and develop a good since of self. Throw in genetic predisposition and you have high risk factor for BPD. Of course I'm typing this without my textbooks in front of me so I welcome any corrections. But this is why it makes no sense for him to make this claim because often you're looking at really dysfunctional patterns that go beyond the scope of a mother working 

I agree! Ken's an idiot. A mother working is not a traumatic stress--actually, a mother NOT working and the family becoming homeless is a traumatic stress.

I was responding to the poster who said a relative's BPD was inherited. I didn't think that could happen. Obviously, some are more prone to such illnesses than others, but I believe you need a traumatic stress (usually a chronic one) to set the thing in motion.

[onemama]

20 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

none of these husband/fathers were alcoholics, drug addicts, cheaters or abusive in any way. If you add any one of those issues to the mix, oh hell yeah there will or should be a divorce.

Yeah, you don't have to be an abuser on a horrible person to drive your partner crazy. The thing is, in most families, it's ok to say "honey, would you put your dirty socks in the laundry basket, please?".   And in most normal families, family members put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket after a reminder or two.  It's called communication, something that these hierarchical families don't seem to understand. 

Here's Trey's second response on the Strange Woman post.  Is anyone else sick and tired of the excessive use of parentheses?   Arrrrrgh!!!!! 

Quote

 

Trey says:

September 22, 2017 at 8:50 am

Funny that you ask what the MEN are doing as society tells us that everything is always the mans fault. No doubt there are some men who are not living as they should but the Bible greatly limits the justification for divorce and if it’s the women who (statistically) are doing more of the divorcing the better question is… what are the women doing.

From what I have seen and experienced most often in the church, is men who are trying to live (their roles) in obedience to what God has called them to do and it’s the wives (poisoned and deceived by feminism) who are rebelling against their husbands (and Gods) authority.

Many, (I would say MOST) men just give up (or greatly compromise) trying to lead and let their wives run the show. They see no other option if they are to live in some semblance of peace and/or save the marriage. This is not Gods way and it does not result in the blessings He has for marriage. Stress, anxiety and depression are just some of the results of living in sin. Many of these marriages limp along in a miserable state. Some survive but more and more these days (at the hand of the women), don’t.

If the men do persist in trying to lead (teaching and admonishing) their sinful (confessing to be Christian wives), the rebellious, prideful women (who will not be told that they are wrong and need to repent from their sin), are eventually overwhelmed by this strife, pressure and unhappiness of not getting their way and they too end up divorcing their husbands.

These women (blinded by their pride, consumed in their selfishness and controlled by their feelings) will disengage from the marriage by either separating from or divorcing their husbands, often claiming to anyone who will listen that he is cruel, uncaring and unloving when the reality couldn’t be farther from the truth. So many women do not even know what real (agape) love is but rather get consumed focusing on how they “feel”.

This conflict is to be expected in marriages as a natural result of our sinful natures but I attribute the overwhelming percentage of failure (not only divorces but also women led households) to a lack of Godly teaching from the pulpit (even among pastors who know the truth), a lack of Godly older women teaching the younger women in the church and ineffective (or nonexistent) church discipline.

The Bible does teach the message of hope through confession and repentance from our sin and reconciliation with those we have sinned against. Gods blessings still await those who are obedient to His word.

 

In my humble opinion, the bolded part is the problem in these marriages: these husbands are trying to be the boss at home and want their wives to shut up and do what they say. They don't want a partner. If wife wants to be a partner with equal say, they give up because they don't know how to work with an equal.  

No wonder the wives are getting frustrated and leaving. 

In this system, you're either the boss and have the last word in everything or you're in submission to the boss and may offer your opinion but must do as you are told. That's slavery and not a marriage, a healthy church, a healthy family or a healthy work environment.   How many of these men would stay in a work environment where their opinion and knowledge is routinely disregarded? 

Their system is based on inequality of worth, which was very common back in the days when the letters were written, but the letters don't support that inequality.

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lori today:

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"There is no way to know if Suzanne Venker is a believer or not.."

I thought you know them by their fruits. 

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"Don’t ever believe the lie that your children will be happy if you are not home full time."

What she is saying then to all moms who work is your children are not and cannot be happy.

Quote

 An egalitarian marriage is a myth.

Cue the quote where Ken talks about their egalitarian marriage. 

[desertvixen]

3 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

What she is saying then to all moms who work is your children are not and cannot be happy.

And this is just one of the reasons why I dislike Lori so much. 

[Curious]

Welcome @Sarah92!

I was raised for my first 10 years by a single mom, with a lot of maternal grandparents support.  We lived with my grandma (my grandpa died when I was five and we moved off the family farm into town) off and on until she died when I was 15.

I guess I dreamed being mostly happy during those years before my mom got married?  I have mostly happy memories of going to the babysitter, who I loved,  after school.  I got to go to work with my mom after school some days and if I was really lucky, I got to shred mountains of paper, which I found endlessly entertaining.

My childhood actually did not become "unhappy" until after my mom married and quit working.  The emotional abuse started when I was around 13 and lasted until I eventually cut off contact with my parents around age 25.

I am probably one of those "exceptions" Lori is always talking about, though

[EmiGirl]

If these men are truly head of the house and the main leader and all that, then yes, the failure of the marriage would be their fault as responsibility of failure or success falls on the one at the top.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Here is a single mom leghumper fangirl so so proud she's raised her 2 children under extreme duress and in poverty for 8 years:

Quote

 I've single parented two boisterous beautiful boys for 8 years under extreme duress, and often in poverty, because I was absolutely adamant that I would stay home with them. 

She just got married though, so she's found a man to work himself to death for her -- like this leghumper fangirl already has:

Quote

My significant other sometimes works two jobs, and odd jobs in between just to afford me the opportunity to stay home with our kids. He is insistent that I stay home and he remains the sole bread winner

When will these stupid women realize it is not a badge of honor to live in poverty or to kill your husband with overwork just because Pampered Princess Lori says so (who grew up rich and now as a rich adult lives in a 6 bedroom/3 bath/3500 + sq ft house). 

Leghumper fangirls listen up:  Lori does not run the world and make the rules.  You. Do. Not Have. To. Obey. Her. Lori is not the boss of you.

[Curious]

2 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

 I've single parented two boisterous beautiful boys for 8 years under extreme duress,

I do not think she is using the word duress correctly.   Do these people not own any dictionaries?  what's with making up your own definitions for words?

Duress

Quote

threats, violence, constraints, or other action brought to bear on someone to do something against their will or better judgment.

 

[mango_fandango]

These women seem to think that the more you suffer, the more you will be rewarded in Heaven. I don't understand why you would make yourself suffer like that! If you had no choice, then of course that can't be helped. But most people want to make life easier for themselves. It's human nature, right? And Lori has no fucking clue. "Live in poverty"... "look at my $70 denim skirt!" "Look at my new marble cooktops!" Ugh this bitch 

[saintmom]

I just want to ask one of the fangirls:  "but don't you want to DO ANYTHING with your life?"  What if your husband that you've thrown all your control to ups and leaves you for one of us working heathens?  Those of us who have jobs, and can converse with the opposite sex without wanting to boink them.  Those of us who have owned homes *gasp* BY OURSELVES?  Travelled on our own?  Hell, maybe even dared to get further educated?  WHAT HAPPENS THEN?  Will they bow down in prayer and ask God to pay their utility bill?  

[lilwriter85]

58 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Here is a single mom leghumper fangirl so so proud she's raised her 2 children under extreme duress and in poverty for 8 years:

She just got married though, so she's found a man to work himself to death for her -- like this leghumper fangirl already has:

When will these stupid women realize it is not a badge of honor to live in poverty or to kill your husband with overwork just because Pampered Princess Lori says so (who grew up rich and now as a rich adult lives in a 6 bedroom/3 bath/3500 + sq ft house). 

Leghumper fangirls listen up:  Lori does not run the world and make the rules.  You. Do. Not Have. To. Obey. Her. Lori is not the boss of you.

I'm curious about how she supported her boys for 8 years. Did one of those magical churches with infinite resources support them? Did she hit up family/relatives for money? Or, did she take assistance from the ebil government for some of those 8 years?

I think some of Lori's leghumpers bullshit on some of their claims. I wouldn't be surprised if this woman is lying about staying at home and perhaps did work until she found a husband. 

The leghumpers in the past have talked about how their husbands work multiple jobs so they can't stay at home. I wonder if one of them will ever ask Pampered Princess Lori if Ken ever worked more than 1 job to support the family.

[fundamentallyfearless]

13 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

Yes from what I've been able to find and what I know from my counseling classes, trauma during childhood can be part of the development of BPD. Also having inconsistent responses from parents (Cold one minute, warming the next) is a risk factor. Additionally, a child who's feelings are invalidated regularly (I.e. You have no right to feel this way even if I did something bad to you) may never learn to properly regulate emotions, set boundaries, and develop a good since of self. Throw in genetic predisposition and you have high risk factor for BPD. Of course I'm typing this without my textbooks in front of me so I welcome any corrections. But this is why it makes no sense for him to make this claim because often you're looking at really dysfunctional patterns that go beyond the scope of a mother working 

All mental illnesses are caused by a combination of genetics and environmental factors. Some are influenced more by genes, some more by environment, but none are caused solely by feminism 

[Loveday]

I can't. I JUST CAN'T.  

Lori's latest doodle vomit:

Quote

"A woman cannot work at dressmaking, tailoring, or any other sedentary employment, ten hours a day, year in and year out, without enfeebling her constitution, impairing her eyesight, and bringing on a complication of complaints, but she can sweep, cook, wash, and do the duties of a well-ordered house, with modern arrangements, and grow healthier every year. The times in New England, when all women did housework a part of every day, were the times when all women were healthy." (Harriet Beecher Stowe) God's ways are perfect for us, women!

Sedentary employment? Let's put this in slightly more modern terms, shall we, Lori? You know, like sitting at your computer MORE than ten hours a day, year in and year out? While your housekeeper sweeps, washes, and does the duties of a well-ordered house?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

There were plenty if rich women who suffered from la mal imaginaire in those days as well.

[Hisey]

You know, in some ways, I get Lori's underlying message. I am a SAHM myself. Obviously I believe in being home for your kids, if you can. I do think it is hard (on both parent and child) when a baby must go to daycare at 6 weeks, a four year old spends 10 hours at "school", a six-year old starts crying because his mom couldn't show up for his play, an 8 year old goes from activity to activity because both parents are at work. I've seen all these things happen, I didn't want them for my kids or for me, we looked at our finances and made the choice to have less money so we could avoid those things.

It's a very personal choice. It is far from universally good for everyone. Unlike Lori, I don't need validation that my choice was the right one. I am even capable of thinking I was wrong! That's been happening recently, as my oldest applies to college and I see we haven't saved as much as I would've liked for her education. Or when my husband seems really tired. But most of the time, Mr. Hisey and I feel it was the right choice, and we make adjustments (scholarships for college, reducing expenditures) to try to fix those areas where having a SAHM has caused problems.

But this choice would've been so wrong in so many other situations. .  for example, if  I had been unhappy at home and been unable to be a good mother as a result. A snappish, moody or depressed mother does not make her child "secure" or "happy" not matter what Lori says.  In those cases, school -- not home -- may be what makes a kid happy and secure.  Or if we'd suffered poverty that required us to live in a bad neighborhood, or have Mr. Hisey work 12+ hours a day, or if we were just constantly worried about money. That would not have been good for the kids (who seem to know about and pick up on every tension with remarkable acumen).

[Letgo]

23 minutes ago, Hisey said:

You know, in some ways, I get Lori's underlying message. I am a SAHM myself. Obviously I believe in being home for your kids, if you can. 

But this choice would've been so wrong in so many other situations. .  for example, if  I had been unhappy at home and been unable to be a good mother as a result. A snappish, moody or depressed mother does not make her child "secure" or "happy" not matter what Lori says.  In those cases, school -- not home -- may be what makes a kid happy and secure.  Or if we'd suffered poverty that required us to live in a bad neighborhood, or have Mr. Hisey work 12+ hours a day, or if we were just constantly worried about money. That would not have been good for the kids (who seem to know about and pick up on every tension with remarkable acumen).

I was also a SAHM. It was a choice we made and it was right for us. We rarely went on vacation. I bought clothing on clearance sales.  We didn't go out to eat much and if we did it was something like Subway or Taco Bell. We did what we needed to do to make it work. For others it might not be the right choice. But if a woman wants to stay home and can swing it financially she ought to feel free to make that choice. But it should be a CHOICE. Not the sole option simply because a woman is a mother. I loved being home and volunteered in schools, church, and sports leagues. I was asked, "What do you do all day?" more than once. I laughed.

I babysit my grandchildren now because my daughters work. Both would rather stay home but for financial reasons they don't. I'm glad I can be here to help and have to say, they are a joy. I don't get nearly as much done as I did when my own kids were little, but I'm older now. And there really isn't a need to get as much done-easier to cook and clean when one is an empty nester.

Should I ask Lori if I am contributing to the downfall of my daughters by babysitting for them? I am naturally concerned lest she not approve this choice, as she is such an excellent role model. But since I was a SAHM perhaps it is okay now for me to be with the grandkids now? It's a quandary!

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Deleted!