Jinger & Jerk V - Engaged

[JillyO]

10 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

She's 22 and he's 28. I was born in 1965 and have never heard of this as a problematic age difference before now. It sounds quite sensible to me, personally, all else aside.

Word. She is a freaking 22-year old woman. It's not like she just turned 18 yesterday, and it's not like he's 50. Of course there's a power differential in their relationship - but it has everything to do with her having been raised to be a doormat, him having much more life experience, and them being in a damn patriarchal cult. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he is a couple years older than her. The power differential would be just the same if he was a few years younger.

[eveandadam]

For the first time in years I have seen Jinger genuinely happy and excited. I hope it's the guy and not the engagement *cough cough*.

I still don't like Jeremy for her, he is jsut too experienced and too old, imho.

I'm still rooting for a december winter/christmas themed wedding! that would be nice.

Or, actually, I'm rooting for a break of the engangement. It's too soon for Jinger.

Also: the girls get married earlier and earlier: jill at 23, jessa at 22, jinger now at 21, joy at 20 or 19? oh my

[Jessie E]

24 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

She's 22 and he's 28. I was born in 1965 and have never heard of this as a problematic age difference before now. It sounds quite sensible to me, personally, all else aside.

Sorry about that.  I thought that he was 35 for some reason.  My misunderstanding.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

14 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

She's 22 and he's 28. I was born in 1965 and have never heard of this as a problematic age difference before now. It sounds quite sensible to me, personally, all else aside.

I'm with you I'm still not seeing an issue with the ages.  I was 25 when I met my husband he was 34 (almost 35), now he is 55 and I am 45(almost 46) we've been married for 20 years, yes there are times the age gap shows but it is what it is and we deal with it, mostly by him calling me a his petulant child and me calling him a grump old man (we are normally both laughing while saying these things so it is said in love and humor).  I would be much much MUCH more concerned if we were talking a Jeremy Joy engagement.  Her being just 18 and him almost 30 would give me an icky feeling, but a 6 year difference is nothing for just about everyone. 

[Nashville92]

22 and 28 is not that big of an age difference to me.  There's a couple I know where he's 69 and she's 23, now that's an age difference.  

[Bad Wolf]

I don't think it's the chronological age difference, I think it's that Jinger is a very sheltered 22 year old who can't even go shopping by herself. Jeremy has had a more normal life. Time will tell, and I'm glad Jinger seems happy.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Let's get the ages straight:

Jeremy's birthday is in the beginning of sept. So he will be 29 when they marry. 

Jinger's birthday is in December, so she will most likely be close to 23 when married. Which is not terribly young for a first marriage.

[EmCatlyn]

23 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

She's 22 and he's 28. I was born in 1965 and have never heard of this as a problematic age difference before now. It sounds quite sensible to me, personally, all else aside.

I don't know about "sensible," but I know a fair number of very successful marriages where the age difference is about 6 years and no one considers it excessive.   Although part of the issue is that she is a sheltered 22 (psychologically more like 18) and he has lived out in the world, I am not sure it is going to be a disaster.

This forum was named after Jinger because people saw something in young Jinger that made them think she needed freeing.  It could be that whatever that quality was, which had to be suppressed in the TTH,  will be allowed expression in her marriage even if Jeremy has strong patriarchal ideas.  It may be that as "wife and helpmeet" she will have creative freedom (in the domestic realm) that she never had when she was "daughter #4."  Marriage will almost certainly not stifle her more than being a Duggar daughter did.

A lot depends on what kind of person Jeremy turns out to be, and we just can't know based on pictures and canned statements.  It is safe to infer that he is competitive and likes to lead, but that doesn't mean he will be a controlling power-freak.  As for the speculations about possible spousal abuse...  I just don't think they are warranted.

The age difference is not, in itself, a sign of a problem.  I have a cousin who was abused by a husband who was 2 years younger than she.

[Four is Enough]

If Jinger was a "normal" 22 year old woman, I'd agree that the age difference wouldn't be very vast. If she'd been through homeschool/high school, some college, worked, traveled, I'd say they should go for it.  I'm a little leery that there is a power differential there that wouldn't have been, had she been reared in a less sheltered environment.

 

I'm all for watching and waiting, and I hope, as I've hoped for the others, that marriage broadens her horizons in a good way.

[Dandruff]

Have they gotten new advertisers?  Or do they think they'll attract them?

[LawsonBatesEgo]

56 minutes ago, JillyO said:

Word. She is a freaking 22-year old woman. It's not like she just turned 18 yesterday, and it's not like he's 50. Of course there's a power differential in their relationship - but it has everything to do with her having been raised to be a doormat, him having much more life experience, and them being in a damn patriarchal cult. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he is a couple years older than her. The power differential would be just the same if he was a few years younger.

I'm turning 30 in a few weeks and my boyfriend turned 24 in March, so a similar age gap to Jinger and the Jock.

A few years age difference isn't the problem. The only problem my boyfriend and I have is that some of my pop culture references shoot over his head (part age, part he fact he grew up in France and I grew up in Australia) and sometimes people make the occasional joke that just makes us roll our eyes. But even then, more people joke/comment/point out to me that my boyfriend is the spitting image/identical long lost twin brother of the French singer Kendji Girac than they do that I am robbing the cradle or whatever 

But the difference is that neither me nor my boyfriend were raised in a patriarchal cult where he was taught to be a woman's authority and I was taught to never disagree with them. We don't have to get married to have sex, he didn't have to ask my parents for 'permission' to date me (they would have been creeped out if he did). We have both travelled, both have degrees, both have life experiences. There is no real power differential. 

But in this case, Jinger is very sheltered and the Jock has actually had a bit of a life. Jinger has been taught to submit fully to a man. They can't have a private conversation without Kim Jong Boob and J'Uterus listening in. She has parents who don't care about her wellbeing.

IF IF IF  (emphasis on if because Mr LBE wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone me) I had an abusive partner, all it would take is one phone call back home and my father would be on the next flight out to my city to come and get me out of there........they wouldn't be telling me to submit to his shit because Jeebus told us so, unlike KJB and J'Uterus. 

THAT'S the problem....not the age gap. 

 

[Mercer]

48 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

Or, actually, I'm rooting for a break of the engangement. It's too soon for Jinger.

At risk of sounding mean, how can you possibly know this? Are you acquainted with Jinger personally?

It just seems a little strange to criticize the Duggars for being patriarchal and preventing women from having freedom, but then also criticize Jinger for making the - by all indications entirely voluntary - decision that she is ready to marry and become sexually active.

Does Jinger have the right to choose a partner when she feels it's the proper time, or not? 

[withaj]

3 hours ago, Buzzard said:

Wasnt there a reality show where women competed to marry a farmer?  Maybe boob will do a reverse, bring in some eligible farmers and make them mud wrestle/fix cars/clean out houses for him to flip etc in order to win the prize.

FarmersOnly.com and ChristianMingle.com need to have a baby and create a dating site fit for Jana.

[eveandadam]

42 minutes ago, Mercer said:

At risk of sounding mean, how can you possibly know this? Are you acquainted with Jinger personally?

It just seems a little strange to criticize the Duggars for being patriarchal and preventing women from having freedom, but then also criticize Jinger for making the - by all indications entirely voluntary - decision that she is ready to marry and become sexually active.

Does Jinger have the right to choose a partner when she feels it's the proper time, or not? 

Hi, no I phrased it in a wrong way, what I meant was: for someone who grew up so sheltered it's hard to imagine that she knows what she really wants at that age. idk, maybe im wrong but I always imagined their upbringing in a way that they need to repress what they really want. I grew up like, let's say, 50% Duggar style, not as strict as them but very much not "normal". and at 22 i didn't know who I was and what I wanted. I needed years to get in touch with my own feelings again. But maybe Jinger is more intelligent or just stronger than I was, and knows what she wants at that a young age. I have to admit she seems happy in the video.

[nokidsmom]

First off, I am happy for Jinger and it's not just because she finally has a ticket out of the TTH,  she seems genuinely happy to me.   As far as the age difference, that's the same difference as me and Mr. No.  I get that she's a very sheltered 22 year old to his more worldly 28, but at the same time, she still has seen the world outside of the TTH, ironically because of her so-called sheltered FOO fame-whoring, so she might adjust better than we think.   

[JesSky03]

15 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

Hi, no I phrased it in a wrong way, what I meant was: for someone who grew up so sheltered it's hard to imagine that she knows what she really wants at that age. idk, maybe im wrong but I always imagined their upbringing in a way that they need to repress what they really want. I grew up like, let's say, 50% Duggar style, not as strict as them but very much not "normal". and at 22 i didn't know who I was and what I wanted. I needed years to get in touch with my own feelings again. But maybe Jinger is more intelligent or just stronger than I was, and knows what she wants at that a young age. I have to admit she seems happy in the video.

Yeah, you may be projecting your own feelings into it too much. I married at age 20 and have never regretted it. I knew what I wanted and who I wanted it with. But again, I didn't grow up in a cult and pretty much started working and taking care of myself at age 16.

[louisa05]

1 hour ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I'm turning 30 in a few weeks and my boyfriend turned 24 in March, so a similar age gap to Jinger and the Jock.

A few years age difference isn't the problem. The only problem my boyfriend and I have is that some of my pop culture references shoot over his head (part age, part he fact he grew up in France and I grew up in Australia) and sometimes people make the occasional joke that just makes us roll our eyes. But even then, more people joke/comment/point out to me that my boyfriend is the spitting image/identical long lost twin brother of the French singer Kendji Girac than they do that I am robbing the cradle or whatever 

But the difference is that neither me nor my boyfriend were raised in a patriarchal cult where he was taught to be a woman's authority and I was taught to never disagree with them. We don't have to get married to have sex, he didn't have to ask my parents for 'permission' to date me (they would have been creeped out if he did). We have both travelled, both have degrees, both have life experiences. There is no real power differential. 

But in this case, Jinger is very sheltered and the Jock has actually had a bit of a life. Jinger has been taught to submit fully to a man. They can't have a private conversation without Kim Jong Boob and J'Uterus listening in. She has parents who don't care about her wellbeing.

IF IF IF  (emphasis on if because Mr LBE wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone me) I had an abusive partner, all it would take is one phone call back home and my father would be on the next flight out to my city to come and get me out of there........they wouldn't be telling me to submit to his shit because Jeebus told us so, unlike KJB and J'Uterus. 

THAT'S the problem....not the age gap. 

 

My husband is a bit over 6 years younger than me. There is a cultural gap sometimes, things he just doesn't get--Prince's death was one. He missed that. He was just that much too young to get it when "Purple Rain" etc...was huge. And there are shows and things he loved as a kid, that I was just that much too old for and they make me roll my eyes. 

What I detest is the double standard. A friend who is 9 years younger than her husband questioned how the age gap affected us when I was dating him and thought I should think twice about it. Okay, then, so 9 years is nothing but 6 is a problem? Her answer: "well, but (husband) is the older one for us and that is different". 

I don't think a six year gap is a big deal no matter who is older. And the Duggar kids will have those cultural gaps with any spouse who wasn't raised in their cult (or as deeply in it) because they have been sheltered from the wider culture. I have a friend the same age as me who was raised as a very sheltered fundie--no television, no pop music, no movies, no awareness of brands or trends...her friends and husband are constantly having to try to explain something about the pop culture we grew up with-and we are the same age as her. 

 

[VelociRapture]

3 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

My husband is a bit over 6 years younger than me. There is a cultural gap sometimes, things he just doesn't get--Prince's death was one. He missed that. He was just that much too young to get it when "Purple Rain" etc...was huge. And there are shows and things he loved as a kid, that I was just that much too old for and they make me roll my eyes. 

What I detest is the double standard. A friend who is 9 years younger than her husband questioned how the age gap affected us when I was dating him and thought I should think twice about it. Okay, then, so 9 years is nothing but 6 is a problem? Her answer: "well, but (husband) is the older one for us and that is different". 

I don't think a six year gap is a big deal no matter who is older. And the Duggar kids will have those cultural gaps with any spouse who wasn't raised in their cult (or as deeply in it) because they have been sheltered from the wider culture. I have a friend the same age as me who was raised as a very sheltered fundie--no television, no pop music, no movies, no awareness of brands or trends...her friends and husband are constantly having to try to explain something about the pop culture we grew up with-and we are the same age as her. 

 

For me, I tend to agree with the bolded. I've been trying to figure out what may be bugging me about these courtships and engagements. It has less to do with any age gaps and more to do with experience gaps I think. The Duggar kids are better off than a lot of kids in their cult due to the experiences the show provided - but it is a bit concerning when you compare their relative naïveté about certain things to that of their prospective partners. I can see why people could be concerned about their wellbeing for that reason.

That said, I've seen next to nothing of Jeremy so far and I really can't judge him because of that. Jinger looks happy enough right now and that's a really nice change to see in her. I hope that it lasts and they have a happy, loving, and normal marriage.

[HarleyQuinn]

2 hours ago, backyard sylph said:

She's 22 and he's 28. I was born in 1965 and have never heard of this as a problematic age difference before now. It sounds quite sensible to me, personally, all else aside.

It's sensible anywhere else except the fundie culture, where he's almost 30, and Jinger has the emotional capacity of a teenager. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

It's sensible anywhere else except the fundie culture, where he's almost 30, and Jinger has the emotional capacity of a teenager. 

But I honestly doubt much would change if Jinger waited until she was 28 to get married. Her parents don't let her get much life experience to mature properly. Actually, I think most of the girls don't do much maturing until AFTER they are married. It seems they are just stuck in one sad life stage after they graduate until they marry.

[EmCatlyn]

39 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

Hi, no I phrased it in a wrong way, what I meant was: for someone who grew up so sheltered it's hard to imagine that she knows what she really wants at that age. idk, maybe im wrong but I always imagined their upbringing in a way that they need to repress what they really want. I grew up like, let's say, 50% Duggar style, not as strict as them but very much not "normal". and at 22 i didn't know who I was and what I wanted. I needed years to get in touch with my own feelings again. But maybe Jinger is more intelligent or just stronger than I was, and knows what she wants at that a young age. I have to admit she seems happy in the video.

I know what you are saying, but my impression is that Jinger ( or any Duggar girl) is going to find it difficult to "grow up" regardless of age until she gets away from her parents.  Look at Jill.  Though she has not quite cut the Duggar umbilical cord, she and Derick seem to be making choices that work for them in a way that would not have been an option if she had remained a "daughter" instead of a "wife and mother."

As for being "in touch with [her] own feelings, " waiting a few years in the TTH is not going to do it.    

What the Duggar kids need, I agree, is a few years living away from home, preferably while getting some education.  But what are the chances that any of them will get that opportunity?  Between the cult, JB's controlling personality and TLC, there is very little possibility that any one of them (even the boys) can "get away." 

Marriage for Jinger offers, as it did for Jessa and Jill, new status, a degree of independence she did not have before, the promise of love, sex, and children.   She obviously finds her intended husband attractive and is enjoying the moment.

It may end in disaster, but even in the secular world, many relationships do.  Even if the marriage does fail, she will still have had a life of her own for a while, which is more than Jana-the-unmarried has.  And maybe it will take the failure of a marriage to "free" Jinger. (A number of the women in No Longer Quivering seem to have left Fundie Patriarchy when they realized how their marriages didn't work out.) Just because Anna didn't see the light, it doesn't mean that Jinger wouldn't. (I think Jessa might, after the TLC money dries up.)

We can't know what will happen.

 While I will agree that you don't always know what you want when you are 21 --or even older (and even if you are not a fundie), risking a mistake is part of moving forward in life.   Jinger seems to have made the choice for herself (though I am sure there was a lot of encouragement from Jessa and their parents) and she seems happy.   Let's wait and see.

(BTW, I keep coming back to why the courtship wasn't announced at the end of the past season, and I am guessing Jeremy may not have been ready to propose and the Duggars didn't want the courtship announcement before the engagement.  It would explain some of the tension in pictures taken before June.  I am undecided whether the delay is a good sign or a bad sign.  It may just mean that Jeremy waited until he was sure. )

[backyard sylph]

50 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

It's sensible anywhere else except the fundie culture, where he's almost 30, and Jinger has the emotional capacity of a teenager. 

In that case, It might be more sensible, in that because he's sown his wild young man oats and been in the world a bit and subsequently settled down, he could be some sort of positive influence on her, while still not being too old to feel like a kid sometimes. I'd sure like that for her. But I do not personally know if she has the emotional capacity of a teenager; she might be age-ordinary in that respect.

[MoonFace]

On 7/26/2016 at 8:32 AM, BabyBottlePop said:

And only desserts at the wedding! No actual meal.

(Free) Krispy Kreme donuts and coffee.   

[Kira]

I know we discussed this yesterday, but it looks like one or three if the Duggars son could be courting:

http://www.tlc.com/tlcme/get-a-first-look-at-the-new-season-of-counting-on/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=countingontlc&sf31908706=1

[CoveredInBees]

2 minutes ago, Kira said:

I know we discussed this yesterday, but it looks like one or three if the Duggars son could be courting:

http://www.tlc.com/tlcme/get-a-first-look-at-the-new-season-of-counting-on/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=countingontlc&sf31908706=1

Things we're apparently looking forward to:

1) Jinger and Jeremy's courtship bliss.

2) Jill and Derick are returning to Arkansas after a year of balancing mission work and raising their 1 1/2 year-old son in Central America.

3) Ben and Jessa are experiencing all the excitement of being new parents and possible plans for adoption, while Ben simultaneously organizes a football camp with ex-NFL players to mentor kids.

4) Joy, Jedidiah, and Jeremiah are reaching a milestone with high school graduation rapidly approaching.

5) John David, Joseph and Josiah could be seeking new relationships. Could........ but not.