Duggars by the Dozen - General Discussion Part 16

[Jucifer]

5 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

@Jucifer thrift stores, and check out Yarn. Factory outlet online. tthey have some great deals. Also Walmart.

Thank you!

I'm determined to make this rug.

[paganhomeschooler]

7 hours ago, gustava said:

It might not catch the subject/verb agreement error, however.  SOTDRT strikes again.

I am a medical transcriptionist.  Spellcheck, at least in Word, is pretty good about catching grammatical errors.  Not that a SOTDRT grad wouldn't click "ignore" anyway, but I've been impressed.  And irritated.  We are supposed to type verbatim, bad grammar and all.  UGH.  

[ksgranola1]

Quote

I've seen stranger things than yarn on Craig's list.

[quiverofdoubt]

http://www.answers.com/article/30755009/jim-and-michelle-duggar-just-made-another-announcementbaby-number-20-on-its-way?paramt=31&param4=fb-us-de-gute-ccc&param1=lifestyle&param2=60303201&param5=10152288960831186&param6=6039877988783

 

Anyone else see this? total unreliable dribble, and it's not even a real article. And they cite a "source".  right.  But the premise makes sense: jb and m have talked about adoption before, and i think mention the possibility in a book.  m's womb is clearly no longer fruitful, and jb is dying to hit that 20 mark. Plus the timing would be a perfect distraction and a good pr move.  So: unreliable source and most likely click bait.  But plausible theory none the less.

[ksgranola1]

Quote

 

Oh, please don't tell me this is a story line cooked up byTLC! My daughter is trying to adopt. It's not that easy. And she isn't even considering the kids at home. Josie will be green w/jelousy if she gets a baby. And it's very hard to get a baby. Older kids come w/baggage, something these ppl are anything but equipt to handle. And let's not forget the live paperwork from DCS and all THEIR baggage!.SMH!

[quiverofdoubt]

7 minutes ago, ksgranola1 said:

Oh, please don't tell me this is a story line cooked up byTLC! My daughter is trying to adopt. It's not that easy. And she isn't even considering the kids at home. Josie will be green w/jelousy if she gets a baby. And it's very hard to get a baby. Older kids come w/baggage, something these ppl are anything but equipt to handle. And let's not forget the live paperwork from DCS and all THEIR baggage!.SMH!

It's a long arduous process.  And if you adopt from out of the country it's expensive.  But I do think there are various ways to adopt, inside and outside of the US system. With their connections in latin america through their "ministries" there, and with TLC greasing the wheels, and no lack of funds, I think things may be a tad smoother for this family.  

I can't imagine how horrible that kid's life would be.  Most come in with serious issues.  Can you imagine them trying to raise a RAD kid? We had adopted and fostered kids in my preschool classes. Even the children adopted very young needed special care. The child adopted at 18 months had serious attachment issues, language delays, growth delays and all kinds of things.  And his adoptive parents were highly educated, loving and only had two children, and came in with previous adoption experience.

Poor Jana is simply not equipped to deal with the needs an adoptive child brings in. She's overwhelmed as it is I'm sure.

 

PS: michelle doesn't care of josie is jealous. She will tell her jealousy makes jesus cry,a nd to suck it up.  Josie is past toddler stage now and no longer interesting to michelle, or michelle's problem anymore.  She's her buddies problem.  Michelle is a baby hound. she wants another, and her uterus isn't cooperating.

[ksgranola1]

Quote

 

I wonder if she even talked to jana, joy & jinger about it. I would be really furious if I was them.*grammatically incorrect*

[Bad Wolf]

Fundies seem to be big into re-homing. I really can't imagine the issues a re-homed child from a fundie family would have. The Duggar home would not be equipped to handle it. Re-homing does bypass the normal rules for adoption. A loophole which needs to be closed.

[ksgranola1]

Quote

 

I worked in the infirmary of an orphanage once. A cute little red haired kid got adopted; he was 6-7, I think. They brought him back b/c he kept setting fires!

[gustava]

1 hour ago, paganhomeschooler said:

I am a medical transcriptionist.  Spellcheck, at least in Word, is pretty good about catching grammatical errors.  Not that a SOTDRT grad wouldn't click "ignore" anyway, but I've been impressed.  And irritated.  We are supposed to type verbatim, bad grammar and all.  UGH.  

i have a cousin who does medical transcription and know it's not an easy job.  My experience with  spellcheck is that while it does identify spelling errors, grammar errors such as subject/verb agreement sit on the SOTDRT 

[NakedKnees]

Anyone else see this write-up on Josh from my personal favorite tabloid? 

http://www.starwipe.com/article/vindicated-josh-duggar-free-return-life-incestuous-1989

(Apologies if this has been posted elsewhere or if it belongs in the Josh thread. The tone seems a bit more appropriate here.)

[OodOnTheLoo]

21 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

From the encommen website:

"UNCOMMEN is a team of men and women passionate about seeing guys win in the most important areas of their lives: as leaders, husbands, and dads. - See more at: http://uncommen.org/#sthash.B8LLN52u.dpuf"

Why the heck can men not just be single, childless, and without an official position as a leader,  kinda like uhhh Jesus?

Or Gothard.

[foreign fundie]

47 minutes ago, OodOnTheLoo said:

Or Gothard.

Well Gothard was not very good at being single or childless considering his hareem of young girls.

[NeverQuivered]

10 hours ago, halcionne said:

 

I'm guessing this has something to do with Josh's impending release back into the wild. 

JB&M still suck at public speaking, and they're too old to be promoting this, imo. Josh is the one who will be UNCOMMEN, I bet.

I can't watch it. I just can't. Michelle staring at Jim Bob like that freaks me out. My husband isn't a douchebag and I roll my eyes at most things he says, and she stares at him like that? Does she have overgrown roots or a really bad ombré? I can't even tell. 

[OodOnTheLoo]

17 minutes ago, NeverQuivered said:

I can't watch it. I just can't. Michelle staring at Jim Bob like that freaks me out. My husband isn't a douchebag and I roll my eyes at most things he says, and she stares at him like that? Does she have overgrown roots or a really bad ombré? I can't even tell. 

I think that is her natural color on top but her hair is so fried from repeated perming and product that it's just fried.   

 

I agree about the devoted gaze thing.  It is super creepy, trained puppy type of behavior.  

[halcionne]

Just now, OodOnTheLoo said:

I think that is her natural color on top but her hair is so fried from repeated perming and product that it's just fried.   

 

I agree about the devoted gaze thing.  It is super creepy, trained puppy type of behavior.  

Yeah it looks like a spiral perm with mousse and then she picked it out. It wasn't a good look 30 years ago, and it's not a good look now.

[nastyhobbitses]

On 2/9/2016 at 7:14 AM, foreign fundie said:

Again from the uncommen webist:

"But when men win: wives, kids, and society wins."

Notice that the verb 'win' means two very different things here in one sentence. The first win means 'stop being assholes' and the second win means 'benefit'. This thesis is supported by what follows on the website:

When men win, we don’t have to build as many shelters for abandoned families, or pay the psychological and emotional toll for fatherless kids, or care for so many abused and neglected wives.

So how will they stop men behaving like assholes? Not by boring conferences or bestsellers in which men are blamed for being assholes. Listen to the new approach:

If we’re going to solve societal ills, we need a few uncommon approaches. Instead of yelling at dudes, “Hey loser, shape up or ship out!” and heaping societal shame and guilt on their shoulders, we designed a mobile app that connects guys to each other and challenges them to engage their wives, kids, friends, co-workers, employees…pretty much anybody that means jack squat to them. We believe men respond to challenges far more than criticisms."

First they blame men for 'societal ills' and now they say men don't respond to criticism? And men are blamed for spending too much time on a smartphone, so we give them *wait for it* an app??

You know what? This bunch underestimates women. Even without men we could create societal ills aplenty. It is called original sin. 

 

I mean, I think that the *idea* isn't too bad -- giving men ways to network with each other and improve themselves (though I feel like there are a lot of resources for that that already exist) and have a support system outside of their families to talk about the pressures of being a husband/father/breadwinner, but this is framed as essentially "your wife is a shrill harpy who doesn't understand you, you should only seek advice from MEN and get validated by MEN." And I'm sure that much of the "advice" will be something like "you're the undisputed head of the house, you can do whatever you want".

[St.Clara]

12 hours ago, NakedKnees said:

Anyone else see this write-up on Josh from my personal favorite tabloid? 

http://www.starwipe.com/article/vindicated-josh-duggar-free-return-life-incestuous-1989

(Apologies if this has been posted elsewhere or if it belongs in the Josh thread. The tone seems a bit more appropriate here.)

I have no opinion to offer on where this link should rather be posted. But if I understand you correctly, you have, by posting it here, chosen to avoid the Joshley-thread because of the recent turmoil over there.

So, I´d like to mention that, according to my impression at least, things have lately calmed down, and you are free go forth into this thread in peace and post there safely, if you so wish.

(Please disregard in case I misunderstood your meaning.)

[foreign fundie]

6 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I mean, I think that the *idea* isn't too bad -- giving men ways to network with each other and improve themselves (though I feel like there are a lot of resources for that that already exist) and have a support system outside of their families to talk about the pressures of being a husband/father/breadwinner, but this is framed as essentially "your wife is a shrill harpy who doesn't understand you, you should only seek advice from MEN and get validated by MEN." And I'm sure that much of the "advice" will be something like "you're the undisputed head of the house, you can do whatever you want".

 I have never quite understood why these men can't just talk to their wives instead of to random guys. If my husband has any personal issues or struggles I am sure I'd be the first to know, and not because I check his emails or browsing history. Likewise I don't go moan to my mum or girlfriends but I talk to him. That is what marriage is for, right? Friendship, companionship, helping each other out...

Naturally there may be situations when a marriage is in trouble and outside help is needed. Or if a wife feels inadequate to deel with her husband's issues. But to say that 'women don't understand these things' is a lame excuse. Then you explain her. It is called communication and married people have a lifetime to learn it. 

Also I am grossed out with men regularly discussing their love lives with guy accountability groups. Again I think it should be kept private within a relationship, unless there are serious issues and then I still think it is better if the couple talks together with a counselor.

(Btw I am not disagreeing with you. It is nice for guys to talk to other guys and same sex friendships for women and men are important. But I think a normal marriage should be the first place where confidential issues are discussed. That is part of the 'leaving, cleaving, one flesh' thing. Your spouse should be your primary point of reference.)

[Drala]

14 hours ago, ksgranola1 said:

Oh, please don't tell me this is a story line cooked up byTLC! My daughter is trying to adopt. It's not that easy. And she isn't even considering the kids at home. Josie will be green w/jelousy if she gets a baby. And it's very hard to get a baby. Older kids come w/baggage, something these ppl are anything but equipt to handle. And let's not forget the live paperwork from DCS and all THEIR baggage!.SMH!

Two of my grandchildren are adopted.  I watched what my son and daughter-in-law went through, and it ain't easy, especially if the family wants a healthy white infant.  Even that comes with the baggage of loss.  Cross-cultural adoption comes with another set of issues, which are not so obvious when the child is an infant, but become more apparent as the child grows and works on identify. Imagine growing up as the only brown person in a white bubble. As you said, the Duggars are anything but equipped to handle the complexities of adoption.  Whenever I hear the Duggars adopting a child, I want to scream, as they are guilty of so much neglect of the ones they have.

[quiverofdoubt]

5 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I mean, I think that the *idea* isn't too bad -- giving men ways to network with each other and improve themselves (though I feel like there are a lot of resources for that that already exist) and have a support system outside of their families to talk about the pressures of being a husband/father/breadwinner, but this is framed as essentially "your wife is a shrill harpy who doesn't understand you, you should only seek advice from MEN and get validated by MEN." And I'm sure that much of the "advice" will be something like "you're the undisputed head of the house, you can do whatever you want".

I heard an npr report awhile back about an excellent use of this type of support group: it was a support group in inner cities designed to help young, mostly unwed, fathers who wanted to stay in the picture.  It was for something like 15-23 year olds, give or take. They helped them finish school, with parenting tips and techniques, help finding and keeping work.  It was also just a group to vent when they got flak for being a young dad, or when they were having relationship issues with the girlfriend.  The idea is to give young dads the support and help they need so they in turn can make a positive impact in their children's lives.

However adult, married white men already have places to vent and get support if they have issues at home: it's called the golf club and the bar. 

[ksgranola1]

40 minutes ago, Drala said:

Two of my grandchildren are adopted.  I watched what my son and daughter-in-law went through, and it ain't easy, especially if the family wants a healthy white infant.  Even that comes with the baggage of loss.  Cross-cultural adoption comes with another set of issues, which are not so obvious when the child is an infant, but become more apparent as the child grows and works on identify. Imagine growing up as the only brown person in a white bubble. As you said, the Duggars are anything but equipped to handle the complexities of adoption.  Whenever I hear the Duggars adopting a child, I want to scream, as they are guilty of so much neglect of the ones they have.

I wonder if Gothard doesn't have some secret home for those sinful girls that didn't "stay sweet". I'll bet he'd know where to get a cute little newborn for the Duggars.

[NakedKnees]

2 hours ago, St.Clara said:

I have no opinion to offer on where this link should rather be posted. But if I understand you correctly, you have, by posting it here, chosen to avoid the Joshley-thread because of the recent turmoil over there.

So, I´d like to mention that, according to my impression at least, things have lately calmed down, and you are free go forth into this thread in peace and post there safely, if you so wish.

(Please disregard in case I misunderstood your meaning.)

Yeah, that was basically it, although I don't know if "turmoil" was quite my concern. I know I'm a recent emergent from lurkdom and that thread drift is fine, but the tone of discussion just seems a bit more overall serious in that thread (not that I dislike it!)

In any case, the link is out there so I don't think I'll repost, but duly noted for next time I'm on the fence 

[nastyhobbitses]

1 hour ago, foreign fundie said:

 I have never quite understood why these men can't just talk to their wives instead of to random guys. If my husband has any personal issues or struggles I am sure I'd be the first to know, and not because I check his emails or browsing history. Likewise I don't go moan to my mum or girlfriends but I talk to him. That is what marriage is for, right? Friendship, companionship, helping each other out...

Naturally there may be situations when a marriage is in trouble and outside help is needed. Or if a wife feels inadequate to deel with her husband's issues. But to say that 'women don't understand these things' is a lame excuse. Then you explain her. It is called communication and married people have a lifetime to learn it. 

Also I am grossed out with men regularly discussing their love lives with guy accountability groups. Again I think it should be kept private within a relationship, unless there are serious issues and then I still think it is better if the couple talks together with a counselor.

(Btw I am not disagreeing with you. It is nice for guys to talk to other guys and same sex friendships for women and men are important. But I think a normal marriage should be the first place where confidential issues are discussed. That is part of the 'leaving, cleaving, one flesh' thing. Your spouse should be your primary point of reference.)

I don't disagree with you either, though I definitely believe that having an outside perspective is helpful in any relationship. That doesn't mean that you should use your friends as free therapists or tell strangers about your sex life, but being able to talk with someone who might be further removed from your personal context can sometimes help you look at a situation more objectively. And I'm not talking about marriages about to implode; being able to vent about more minor problems to a friend who isn't a family member can help some people come back to their partner with a clearer head and a new perspective. I know that sometimes when I had conflicts with a boyfriend over little things, going to a female friend and getting out a lot of my anger and frustration and hearing a more rational outside perspective on the issue helped me communicate with my boyfriend and come to a solution without fighting. Though then again, that boyfriend and I eventually broke up because he was a binge drinking cheater, so...

I think a balance is important; your spouse is your partner, your teammate, and your closest confidante and you should communicate private issues with them first, but having people outside the bubble of married life to talk to helps you look at some situations more objectively. And I think that can be especially important for men, since even the guys who have their drinking buddies at the bar might not view those buddies as people they can go to when they don't need full-on therapy, just a sounding board or someone who can say "hey, it's not so horrible" or "you know, she does have a point about testicular hygiene". But I have a sneaking suspicion that UncomMen isn't designed to help men feel more open to talking out their problems or have people they can vent to so they can approach an issue in their marriage more level-headedly. If the Duggars are supporting it, I'm guessing that it's just going to be a gigantic Gothardite circle-jerk.

[foreign fundie]

6 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I don't disagree with you either, though I definitely believe that having an outside perspective is helpful in any relationship. That doesn't mean that you should use your friends as free therapists or tell strangers about your sex life, but being able to talk with someone who might be further removed from your personal context can sometimes help you look at a situation more objectively. And I'm not talking about marriages about to implode; being able to vent about more minor problems to a friend who isn't a family member can help some people come back to their partner with a clearer head and a new perspective. I know that sometimes when I had conflicts with a boyfriend over little things, going to a female friend and getting out a lot of my anger and frustration and hearing a more rational outside perspective on the issue helped me communicate with my boyfriend and come to a solution without fighting. Though then again, that boyfriend and I eventually broke up because he was a binge drinking cheater, so...

I think a balance is important; your spouse is your partner, your teammate, and your closest confidante and you should communicate private issues with them first, but having people outside the bubble of married life to talk to helps you look at some situations more objectively. And I think that can be especially important for men, since even the guys who have their drinking buddies at the bar might not view those buddies as people they can go to when they don't need full-on therapy, just a sounding board or someone who can say "hey, it's not so horrible" or "you know, she does have a point about testicular hygiene". But I have a sneaking suspicion that UncomMen isn't designed to help men feel more open to talking out their problems or have people they can vent to so they can approach an issue in their marriage more level-headedly. If the Duggars are supporting it, I'm guessing that it's just going to be a gigantic Gothardite circle-jerk.

Still agree with you  . And the rant was not against your post as you probably noticed, but against yet another lousy excuse to avoid treating your wife as an equal partner and capable of dealing with the joys and struggles of her husband's sexuality and general male-ness. The key of a good marriage and dealing with temptation in my opinion is drawing close to each other and sharing from heart to heart. Guy talk can be fun and useful (or girl talk) but in the end you improve your bond by talking with each other, rather than about each other.