Duggars by the Dozen - General Discussion Part 16

[NakedKnees]

37 minutes ago, quiverofdoubt said:

I heard an npr report awhile back about an excellent use of this type of support group: it was a support group in inner cities designed to help young, mostly unwed, fathers who wanted to stay in the picture.  It was for something like 15-23 year olds, give or take. They helped them finish school, with parenting tips and techniques, help finding and keeping work.  It was also just a group to vent when they got flak for being a young dad, or when they were having relationship issues with the girlfriend.  The idea is to give young dads the support and help they need so they in turn can make a positive impact in their children's lives.

However adult, married white men already have places to vent and get support if they have issues at home: it's called the golf club and the bar. 

I live in Chile, and there is a really great group here called Amor de Papa that is also aimed at providing support for men with children who are split up from their partners. The concept that men can be nurturing parents the same as women is less (but increasingly) accepted here, and as divorce has only recently been legalized there is still a lot of "ironing out" going on with fathers' visitation and guardianship rights. Not to mention, a mother needs to basically be either disappeared or dead for fathers have a shot at full custody of children, so this sort of support and lobbying group can be critical in abuse situations.

Anyway, I only bring it up because while I'm all for male comaraderie and friendship, this Uncommon men group strikes me as a bit tone-deaf and overprivileged, like another example of ridiculous knee-jerk reactions to "attacks on men" without really touching on significant issues fathers may face. Maybe it does, I'm not sure. But to me, it just looks like a place for men who want to feel superior to the "common" (read: bad, worldly) fathers who foster normal friendships in bars, sports clubs, at work, and in their homes.

[JMO]

I'm betting big $$$ that the Duggars want to use Uncommen as a way to spring Joshie back into the spotlight.  As a poster boy for why he went wrong and how through prayer and this group he came back from being a "Jack" to being a good man and father who can help others.  So obvious.  I doubt they would have bothered with this group if it wasn't for Joshie's down fall. 

[refugee]

7 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I mean, I think that the *idea* isn't too bad -- giving men ways to network with each other and improve themselves (though I feel like there are a lot of resources for that that already exist) and have a support system outside of their families to talk about the pressures of being a husband/father/breadwinner, but this is framed as essentially "your wife is a shrill harpy who doesn't understand you, you should only seek advice from MEN and get validated by MEN." And I'm sure that much of the "advice" will be something like "you're the undisputed head of the house, you can do whatever you want".

Seeing the word play (Uncommen. Cute.) gave me a Mark Driscollish/Doug Phillips (IAT)/Doug Wilson/Kevin Swanson/ ? (I know there are more, many more) shiver up my spine. Especially Mark Driscoll with his re:inventing and re:branding everything he could grab hold of that he thought he could make a profit from, by appropriating every word in Webster's starting with the prefix "re-" and coming up with a marketing campaign, and Phillips and Swanson with the emotional PeaceMakers rah-rah men's rally feel to things, and all of them with their "real manhood" message.

I want to tell the young folks in my life, "stay away - it's poison" but I'm not articulate enough to tell them why in any convincing manner.

15 minutes ago, JMO said:

I'm betting big $$$ that the Duggars want to use Uncommen as a way to spring Joshie back into the spotlight.  As a poster boy for why he went wrong and how through prayer and this group he came back from being a "Jack" to being a good man and father who can help others.  So obvious.  I doubt they would have bothered with this group if it wasn't for Joshie's down fall. 

If it's good enough for Gothard... his sparkling new, revelationary ministry idea after IBLP turned him out involved men (head of families, of course) connecting in groups with prayer (well, rather, Gothard himself and the checklists and step-by-step plans he wrote) as the centerpiece of the program. He's called by god to mentor men to be the men of god their families need, as you already probably know.

[refugee]

3 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

 I have never quite understood why these men can't just talk to their wives instead of to random guys. If my husband has any personal issues or struggles I am sure I'd be the first to know, and not because I check his emails or browsing history. Likewise I don't go moan to my mum or girlfriends but I talk to him. That is what marriage is for, right? Friendship, companionship, helping each other out...

(snip)

(Btw I am not disagreeing with you. It is nice for guys to talk to other guys and same sex friendships for women and men are important. But I think a normal marriage should be the first place where confidential issues are discussed. That is part of the 'leaving, cleaving, one flesh' thing. Your spouse should be your primary point of reference.)

No conference $$$ in that idea.

Unless... wait, I think I've got an idea. If you're a slick marketing man (or even just a crude one), you can plagiarize write a book about "Real Marriage" with a lot of stuff about sex* in it (sex sells) and slap your wife's name on the cover alongside your own name and get churches to sell it for you.

I don't know why the Duggar threads are reminding me so much of Mark Driscoll this morning, but they are.

ETA: by "sex" I mean here what Driscoll meant. Anything goes, so long as it's the man who wants it, and there is no such thing as consent. Just by agreeing to be in the man's exalted presence, the woman has given consent. To anything and everything, even if it turns her stomach. For the rest of her natural life. Until he abandons her for a younger, more exciting woman.

Do you think ATI types paid any attention to Driscoll?

Watch out, Phoenix, he's re:surrecting himself in one of your neighborhoods.

Apologies. I *know* this is Duggarland. But the parallels are really hitting me hard today. I know, I know. You can put it all under one of those Gothardesque umbrellas and label it "christian patriarchy".

9 hours ago, NeverQuivered said:

I can't watch it. I just can't. Michelle staring at Jim Bob like that freaks me out. My husband isn't a douchebag and I roll my eyes at most things he says, and she stares at him like that? Does she have overgrown roots or a really bad ombré? I can't even tell. 

Aargh! I watched it! And I just deciphered the small print under the "Uncommen" on the banner.

Fight Commonism!

Just perfect. Talk about subliminal messages.

[missegeno]

That Uncommen promo is just cringeworthy.

 

And the newest post on Lily & Ellie's blog? (bolding is my own)

Quote

We have received a number of questions from readers regarding the lawsuit filed against Josh Duggar last year by a woman (the "Plaintiff") who claimed to have been assaulted by him and requested $500,000 in damages.

The details of the lawsuit are not family-friendly, so we will not be posting them to our blog, nor do we encourage our readers to research the matter.

Don't try to understand beyond the following 4 sentences about the dismissal. Asking questions is for Satan's flock.

[Jucifer]

4 minutes ago, missegeno said:

That Uncommen promo is just cringeworthy.

 

And the newest post on Lily & Ellie's blog? (bolding is my own)

Don't try to understand beyond the following 4 sentences about the dismissal. Asking questions is for Satan's flock.

Holy cow!

[CorruptionInc.]

32 minutes ago, missegeno said:

That Uncommen promo is just cringeworthy.

 

And the newest post on Lily & Ellie's blog? (bolding is my own)

Don't try to understand beyond the following 4 sentences about the dismissal. Asking questions is for Satan's flock.

It is a sin to be inquisitive in the Gothard / Fundie / Duggar etc. world

[choralcrusader8613]

37 minutes ago, CorruptionInc. said:

It is a sin to be inquisitive in the Gothard / Fundie / Duggar etc. world

Well, that, and they probably don't want angry leghumpers berating them because "I can't believe you allowed such sordid things on this blog! What would the Duggars think?"

Me:

[foreign fundie]

Driscoll may be more 21st century than the Duggars, they give me the same vibe too. Lots of sex talk to draw in the men to their brand of coservativism. Parading their wives in shiny agreement to all they say. Using sex as a marketing tool and sharing bedroom details that are nobody's business in the open.

If I had to choose between being JB's wife or MD's wife, I would be hard pressed. But I'd go for JB because MD also gives me an agressive vibe. JB objectifies and infantelizes his wife but does seem to want to protect her. I wouldn't trust MD to do even that.

[HarleyQuinn]

Reading back:

The thought of the Duggar family with a RAD child horrifies me. They wouldn't know what to do at all. Jana would be tearing her hair out.

I hate the way J'chelle stares at Boob. It's creepy hero worship and comes off as so fake.

Uncommon, while not a bad idea of have a network of men to figure out their issues seems to be going about it the wrong way. What I got from that blurb was "I am all that is man, and women are beneath me."

Also Lily and Ellie's leg humping never ceases to amaze me. Hope they're not chaffing from all that friction. 

[LittleSpouseOnThePrairie]

On February 9, 2016 at 3:49 PM, ksgranola1 said:

I worked in the infirmary of an orphanage once. A cute little red haired kid got adopted; he was 6-7, I think. They brought him back b/c he kept setting fires!

I would feel bad for any kid the Duggars attempt to rescue through adoption. The TTH is by description pretty similar to the sterotypical Charles Dickens-esque orphanage... A bunch of ornery, disheveled kids running around trying to survive and take care of each other due to a lack of parents. Except in the TTH the kids have easy access to all the soda and pickles they want.

[OperaRocks]

On 2/9/2016 at 10:40 AM, Jucifer said:

I have a question for all the FJ knitting experts.  Where can I get cheap yarn?

I want to make a pom pom rug.  I will have to make a ridiculous number of pom poms to make even a small rug.

It could end up being really expensive.

I had another thought. If you have a thrift store nearby, sometimes you can find old sweaters that you can unravel and reuse the yarn.

[ksgranola1]

Quote

 

Do you suppose this "Uncommen" thing is an invention of JB & Gothard to give Josh an actual job? ie:administrator,

advisor,etc?

[Bad Wolf]

35 minutes ago, OperaRocks said:

I had another thought. If you have a thrift store nearby, sometimes you can find old sweaters that you can unravel and reuse the yarn.

Good idea. Just make sure it's hand made. Sometimes commercial ones are cut and seamed so you don't get a long length of yarn.

[OperaRocks]

18 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Good idea. Just make sure it's hand made. Sometimes commercial ones are cut and seamed so you don't get a long length of yarn.

Right. I was thinking handmade, but m'fingers wizzed by that important detail!

[ksgranola1]

Quote

 

Check 2nd hand clothing stores too, handmade sweaters often end up there.

[Whoosh]

I have gone the thrift shop sweater route and think it is great advice.  It can be great or a disaster.  I used to have a really good write-up of what to look for when buying old sweaters to recycle the yarn, but I can't find it.  I just found this guide that looks pretty good.  There are a bunch of things about this if you google something like "finding old sweaters to recycle yarn".  

http://dawnprickett.blogspot.com/2008/01/recycling-sweaters-for-yarn.html

ETA - when spring hits is the perfect time to go looking!

[ksgranola1]

Quote

 

When I moved here to metro Atlanta from Long Island, I arrived w/a pretty sizable winter wardrobe, including long underwear. I gave it all away to thrift stores and bought lighter weight winter wardrobe. no wool, sweaters, etc; just long sleeves, no turtlenecks & flannel shirts! By the end of my second winter here, my NY summer wardrobe was my winter wardrobe. Been here 9 years now & still can't get it right.

So if you come across any handmade sweaters, it could be mine. Welcome to it.

OT, but funny story:

My daughter met her husband at our church in NY. After 5 years, they had a baby. In my romatisized mind, I said why don't you have him baptized in the church where you met & were married. Well, she's a teacher so-winter break. February. We haul back up to NY, in our summer/winter wardrobe. The island is locked in 4" deep solid ice. Covered by a couple inches of snow. It was 4*. W/the windchill when we left in the morning, it was -4 w/a wind chill of -19.

It was 60* when we got back here to Atlanta. It was the first time I appreciated that we had moved.

[nutmeg]

The Uncommeners seem less than thrilled about these videos.  They (Uncommen) tweeted that the videos are from 2014 and are being used now without their consent.  I haven't been able to watch the video (removed by user message).  

 

 

[Jucifer]

4 hours ago, OperaRocks said:

Right. I was thinking handmade, but m'fingers wizzed by that important detail!

Good idea and I'll look for handmade ones.  Thanks, you guys!

[nickelodeon]

Yeah, Uncommen is denying connection with the Duggles because they "stand against abuse on all levels". The plot thickens!

[albanuadh_1]

Wasn't it posted by Ellie and ? . At least that is what Pickles' blog said.

[Rubyroo]

3 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

Yeah, Uncommen is denying connection with the Duggles because they "stand against abuse on all levels". The plot thickens!

Well now I don't dislike that app as much. The guy seemed nice and genuine. And he totally called out the duggars at the end,(paraphrased) "we're trying to make men who are not emotionally distant from their families"  

[notfundy]

Yes AFAIK the promotional videos and out-takes were posted first on Ellie's & Lily's Duggar Family Blog ... then Pickles picked up the news of the Duggar association with Uncommen a day or two afterwards.  

I saw the videos on Ellie & Lily's blog earlier this week; posted about it upthread... anyway, Ellie and Lily still have the story up on their leghumpfest of a blog as of now, but since the videos are off YouTube the links obviously no longer work.

Wonder why Ellie/Lily decided to post this stuff up now if they were done in 2014.  

[OperaRocks]

4 hours ago, Jucifer said:

Good idea and I'll look for handmade ones.  Thanks, you guys!

Ah, well, we're just looking out for you, what with idle hands and the devil's playground out there.