christian sexual awkwardness

[CynicMom]

Check out the "How to orgasm using a vibrator" page. It advises women to audibly thank God prior to beginning. :roll: She also recommends having so much prior preparation that she makes the whole thing seem very complex.

[doe]

I have always had sensitive breasts. Whenever my nipples are touched, even indirectly, I jump back kinda startled. It's not something I control. I let my husband kiss and touch my breasts, careful to avoid my nipples. Occasionally, if I feel up to it, I let him gently suck them. It's a special thing I do for him because I choose to.

If my husband didn't respect my sensitivity issues, he wouldn't have any kind of good time in the end because I would be so miserable and lose all desire, plus he might be sore from all the fighting him off I would do. I hope these bastards who have no regard for personal preferences (some of them not on purpose) realize that the Song of Solomon, was merely an example, and not something one has to religiously go by.

But they are so stuck on their damn thrones all they do is lord over their wives, and if she doesn't like it, well tough shit. Also, when has "well guys like" or 'the world likes' ever been a justification for a Christian to behave a certain way? But I suppose none of that matters when it comes to getting off.

Also, I thought they mutually own one another's bodies according to the Bible.

[maybeizfundie]

Also, I thought they mutually own one another's bodies according to the Bible.

Absolutely. Anyone who uses that verse as "husband can do whatever he wants and it's all about him" has got it majorly twisted.

[Patsy]

I can't after all go out and find other boobs to fondle, so I really don't think it is too much to ask for an occasional gentle fondle.

Get the green light after periods, mate? Then guess what, you're GETTING the occasional fondle.

Sure, i understand what you are saying completely. And I don't consider my life to be some horrible, unfulfilling, Job-like existence just because I don't get to regularly touch my wife there. But when one person is really generous in the bedroom and the rest of the house for that matter (i.e. non-sexual) and one person is not - it gets pretty old. I don't begrudge what I do for her, it just strikes me as odd that there always seems to be a reason why I'm the giver and she's the receiver.

Fucking Christ. "I want sex" is not giving. He's not a 'giver' if he's willing to have sex frequently BECAUSE HE WANTS SEX FREQUENTLY.

[desertvixen]

I think we just need to respect their bodies, easier said then done, and appreciate the ways they give themselves to us. I tell her that they aren't hers but they are mine. That doesn't make a difference. She is uncomfortable and if I am uncomfortable with something I would swat her away also. So respect her as I want to be respected no matter the cost.

I find this guy almost creepier than the OP on the board.

What if what really turned on your wife was speedbagging your testicles? Bringing pain to an erogenous zone during a moment that should be safe and promoting bonding when you both aren't agreeing to it is simply destructive.

Some of the women are making sense.

[Deleted12]

Nobody's going to snark on the MASSIVE Freudian slip?

"I assume leaving blood on hospital property is out of the question?"

[Deleted12]

This thread is made o' win.

http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/vi ... 28&t=49044

[Patsy]

I lovingly followed her to the bathroom and what an overwhelming joy when shared as she felt a blob drop off her body into the closet.It was the bleeding remains of the membrane which she had so carefully guarded her chastity for many years, but was no longer required now that she had exchanged the vows to share all she had with the love of her life.It was this culprit that had held us back this five days from ravishing the full experience of marital intimacy.

:| just because it concerns sex doesn't mean you need to use lavender language.

[formergothardite]

This thread is made o' win.

http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/vi ... 28&t=49044

From that link:

I recall the feeling of being like a loaded riffle waiting to discharge

:lol:

[plaidninja]

:| just because it concerns sex doesn't mean you need to use lavender language.

...That's revolting. Also, I've never imagined it happening that way, ie clean severing all the way around so it can just... fall out of you. DOES it happen?

I spent probably two years lurking on that board in college, while I was dating my very conservative first boyfriend/fiance. (He abused me horrifically, and my current, pagan leaning beau is gentle as could be. Who would have thought it?) The core members, there for ages, aren't so bad, if you are on the same page philosophy wise. But there are some that are just gross and creepy. It's like they use the site as an outlet for their voyeuristic fantasies, since porn/extra people is forbidden. Threads got closed down pretty regularly for getting explicit in a too titillating way, rather than (as above) a graphic way. But I struggled some with how they could justify being so blunt and descriptive, but still decry romance novels.

There were some pretty ugly mud slinging in threads where people try to use doctrine to justify their opinion, too. They break words down in the original Greek/Hebrew and everything.

[CanticleoftheTurning]

:| just because it concerns sex doesn't mean you need to use lavender language.

If Jane Austen wrote porn novels...

[debrand]

This thread is made o' win.

http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/vi ... 28&t=49044

Some of that reads like softcore porn. At least if you watch porn, you're watching strangers, not giving out your own private, intimate information to a bunch of strangers. There is something weird about being afraid of romance novels but telling a bunch of strange people the details of your wedding night.

What is CO? It is probably something obvious that will make me feel stupid for not knowing.

Using CO or some lube would have helped, but we both wanted the first time to be without that at all.

Or you could have had premarital sex and not felt obligated to have intercourse on a particular day. Also, what is with their need to be 'natural' during sex. Lubes aren't bad and there is nothing superior about not using it.

Also,a lot of these people claim that they were able to give their brides an orgasim on their honeymoons. I doubt that is true. Although, I enjoyed sex, it took a couple of years before I relaxed enough to have allow a guy to give me an orgasim. I'm not at all saying that women can't have an orgasim during their first sexual experience, just that it might be a bit less common than these guys are claiming.

Also, it seems strange that so many husbands have wives that OB-Gyn's warned them were too tight or too small for a comfortable first experience. Is that some fetish on their part?

[desertvixen]

Or you could have had premarital sex and not felt obligated to have intercourse on a particular day. Also, what is with their need to be 'natural' during sex. Lubes aren't bad and there is nothing superior about not using it.

Or, you know, they could have devoted enough time to foreplay that both of them could relax and it would have been natural. Seriously, no points deducted for lube (unless you use something vastly inappropriate for it. Like soap.) and generally points given.

[alba]

If Jane Austen wrote porn novels...

You are a genius.

On the one hand I don't think Austen's porn would be this flowery, because she's so scathing, but on the other hand I think she'd write it like this deliberately *to* be scathing.

[debrand]

We had some pain, but it really wasn't a big deal. For use the trick turned out to be to have him use fingers first to get me relaxed for PIV. That and Vagisil afterwards (for its numbing properties) so I could walk the next day.

WTH? Seriously, I can't imagine normal sex causing this much pain. Discomfort maybe but not being able to walk and needing something to numb you?

boards.themarriagebed.com/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=51260 (first page, last post, first paragraph of that post)

[Patsy]

Yeah, the stuff about "oh, I gave her a hand job for the first time ever and she had an orgasm", for pretty much every poster ... yeah, I'm sure, mate. :roll:

[CanadianHippie]

Some of that reads like softcore porn. At least if you watch porn, you're watching strangers, not giving out your own private, intimate information to a bunch of strangers. There is something weird about being afraid of romance novels but telling a bunch of strange people the details of your wedding night.

What is CO? It is probably something obvious that will make me feel stupid for not knowing.

Or you could have had premarital sex and not felt obligated to have intercourse on a particular day. Also, what is with their need to be 'natural' during sex. Lubes aren't bad and there is nothing superior about not using it.

Also,a lot of these people claim that they were able to give their brides an orgasim on their honeymoons. I doubt that is true. Although, I enjoyed sex, it took a couple of years before I relaxed enough to have allow a guy to give me an orgasim. I'm not at all saying that women can't have an orgasim during their first sexual experience, just that it might be a bit less common than these guys are claiming.

Also, it seems strange that so many husbands have wives that OB-Gyn's warned them were too tight or too small for a comfortable first experience. Is that some fetish on their part?

Coconut oil. They have a fetish for it over there.

[Vex]

My first time with a guy... let's just say that I am very glad that I was in the mindframe I was in ('virginity is so stupid, I'm just going to seduce this male friend of mine who I know wants to do me, and then it will be out of the way and never become an issue'). If I'd been expecting it to be like these fundies do, I would have been in for a shock. I was 15.

He didn't know it was my first time. Not only did it NOT hurt (although I bled a little), I actually had to ask if he was in yet. He must have been extremely small, because the other male partners I've had have been painful and have remarked (as has my gyno) that I don't have a lot of 'room' there. To be fair, the pain was probably mostly because I wasn't turned on and I had sex anyway because it made me feel grown-up to do so.

I know that these women swear blind that their husbands are wonderful and their marriages are amazing, but there must be so many out there who are either disappointed in their husbands, or who disappoint their husbands. That is a real shame. I respect people who choose to save their virginity for marriage, but I think that at least if you have sex beforehand and you find that you don't click, or that he's like the OP and is an inconsiderate bastard, you can get out. Sex is an important part of a relationship, especially for these people.

[alphaeta08]

Also, it seems strange that so many husbands have wives that OB-Gyn's warned them were too tight or too small for a comfortable first experience. Is that some fetish on their part?

Yeah, CO is coconut oil. You'd think that site was sponsored by CO the way they talk about it. Why regular lube is inadequate I have no idea.

And yes, every couple there happens to consist of super-small women and ENORMOUS men. A gift from Jesus, apparently.

Also, I'm sorry if this makes me immature, but the recent first time post made me feel icky. :?

[Vex]

To be fair, when I went to see a gyno for my first pap smear, she told me something similar. Not that I should stretch, just that sex might have been uncomfortable for that reason.

I do think it's very fishy that every single one of them has a super tight vag and a supersized hubby. Oh well, pop out enough kids and I'm sure it won't be an issue for long.

[Kitty]

The first guy I was with was smaller than I expected. Come to find out, he was rather small. Explains a lot about him, now that I think about it... I faked every orgasm, because he couldn't get off unless I was practically screaming. Strangely enough, I didn't bleed at all until about the fifth time... and every time after that was painful. I think it was the angle, and the fact that he was small.

My first time didn't hurt, though I was a bit sore afterward. The first time I had sex with my current boyfriend did hurt a bit, but I hadn't had sex in like 6 months, and he is actually rather large. I only experience discomfort when he goes too fast in the beginning.

So I'm calling bullshit on all of the honeymoon posts.

I don't think the women were all that small, and I doubt the men were that big. That's silliness, and they only wish that were so (yay patriarchy!). It sounded like the guys put it in and started pounding away- yeah, I can imagine a virgin would bleed a lot. Their stories sound like fiction that's meant to be erotic. They went from zero to sixty in one night. I highly doubt those experiences were that magical. I recall hearing some news about one of the Jonas Brothers getting married, and afterward claiming that the sex wasn't all that great. Really? I honestly don't know why people make such a big deal of the first time. It sucks. It doesn't last long, and if it does, it's far too long. It's something that takes practice. People go into having sex thinking it's some mind-blowingly magical experience that produces fireworks. It's very underwhelming, actually, and I had a more realistic view of sex than many people do.

[genericJname]

Ugh.. just discovered this one in the male wedding night thread:

All I remember was feeling something I had never experienced before. In fact, it was the BEST feeling I had ever felt in my life. I asked her what she was doing. And she said, "I'm kissing you."

That was something that really spoke to me because I knew (from past abuse) that such a thing would be hard for her to do. It showed me just how strong her love and desire was for me... that she overcame her fear. That is something I will always cherish. Always.

Really? Her very first sexual experience with him was something that was particularly triggering to her from past abuse and that's romantic. If she's comfortable and into it, then whatever, but why does overcoming trauma that quickly demonstrate how much she must love him? :shock:

[desertvixen]

It took my husband and I about three months before we had PIV.

And they think this is normal?

RE: the coconut oil fetish - I prefer olive oil, but hey, whatever you have in the kitchen is workable.

I agree that sex, especially first time sex, does get built up to this end-all, be-all. I think my mom gave me some awesome advice, when she told me that "it's not like it is in the romance books" - and with my first partner, she was right.

[Koala]

This all just squicks me right the hell out!

[AnnoDomini]

Yeah, CO is coconut oil. You'd think that site was sponsored by CO the way they talk about it. Why regular lube is inadequate I have no idea.

And yes, every couple there happens to consist of super-small women and ENORMOUS men. A gift from Jesus, apparently.

Also, I'm sorry if this makes me immature, but the recent first time post made me feel icky. :?

Which one? Link please?