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christian sexual awkwardness


genericJname

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Did anyone see the post from the woman who gave her self a hymenectomy with tweezers and scizzors because she didn't have insurance? She was asking for post-op instructions.

I never realized people got hymenectomys.

Oh man... nothing is hidden from the internet, is it?

Haven't been there in a while, so dunno if that post is new or old, but if you dug back far enough... it was mine. :shock:

Long story, can share when I'm out of work if people care, but traumatizing first gyn visit + conservative parents' insurance + a MONTH of having to physically move it aside to accommodate the act = an ill advised adventure. I was fine, and it worked, but yeah. I don't recommend it.

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My first reaction is that this poor women is doomed to a hell of a marriage, seeing as how she is probably married to a GAY DUDE. I have yet to hear ONE straight man say "ew" about ladybits, but almost every gay mine I know (I know 13 personally) has that knee jerk reaction.

A lot of boys in my ninth grade health class had that reaction. The teacher was really into showing photos and not diagrams. A ninth grade boy has seen the groomed and "pretty" female parts in porn and Western art, but not the full unshaven adult body part. The difference is that most American boys see a real one and get over it before they are actually on their honeymoon.

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I was another one with a hymen of steel and I lost my virginity pretty late in life (but before I was married).

You know what? I still think of my first time as wonderful because I had such a caring and experience partner who just worshipped and caressed my body in all sorts of ways and made sure I had an orgasm in non-intercourse-style manor.

I doubt any fundies would have a similar experience. If you're not permitted to experiment with other ways of touching people (even if it's just a pleasureable back rub or a steamy ole kiss) how can you enjoy the experience as a whole?

DH was very sweet about it too, though it was also his first time, which definitely meant the first time sucked :lol:

I especially agree with your last paragraph. For whatever reason, NFP, aunt Flo, anything, people can't have sex all the time. If the only physical aspect of my relationship with my husband was sex, then I would be really bored and miserable. But because we sometimes just makeout or hug, we know there's more to the relationship than sex.

I wonder just how many fundie marriages are troubled because of this?

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Hymenectomy-haver here--but it was done in a hospital, by my gyno, and I was under general anesthesia.

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Now that I know there's such thing as a hymenectomy, and knowing from my experience (and that it's probably genetic...like hell I'm going to ask my mom, though), I would definitely want to offer the procedure to my future daughter(s) if they decide they want to do that. "Proof" of virginity is NOT worth that much pain. And if their prospective husband is big into "proof", then he's an asshole and I will tell my daughters so.

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FOr real? My first reaction is that this poor women is doomed to a hell of a marriage, seeing as how she is probably married to a GAY DUDE. I have yet to hear ONE straight man say "ew" about ladybits, but almost every gay mine I know (I know 13 personally) has that knee jerk reaction.

Yes, very sad. There was some discussion about the first time (i.e., wedding night), and being forgiving of others' mistakes. She mentioned that she had to be forgiving of her husband when he said "Eww". I'm all for being forgiving if someone clumsily clunks me on the forehead while trying to kiss me, but this was more of a sign that this guy was seriously not ready for an intimate relationship w/ a women, for whatever reasons. It would be hard enough to go from 0 to 60 (for the first time!) without being made to feel repulsive when you are in such a vulnerable state. That's what made me feel so bad for her. So many other women are cherished and treasured when they share intimacy w/ a partner, and that woman deserved much, much better.

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I must have had a tissue paper hymen then, because there was nothing dramatic about my first time. Except it was his first time too (we were 17, and NOT married to each other), awkward, funny and memorable all at once. Literally there was maybe a dot of blood, and no true pain. A bit of a soreness, nothing dramatic. It took us a good month and a half of pretty regular "practice" to get it right!

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I just started reading the thread about the girl whose doctor advised her to get a hymenectomy and she wants to go the natural route. Um...what does it matter? Would she be less of a virgin if she lost her hymen to horseback riding or the gyncological surgery than if she lost it during sex with her husband? Her doctor advised numbing creams but she doesn't want to go that route either.

Someone else advised her:

My DW and I did the natural thing and made no preparations at all prior to our wedding night. She had acute pain and cried a lot for the first few days. It was so hard for me to have sex with her while she was in tears due to such pain. I wish we could go back in time and get her to the Dr. for some assistance with this. Dilators, whatever we could have done, anything would have been helpful.

I think our introduction to sex hampered her sex drive later on because she started out in such pain and it took months if not close to a year before we got past the pain into a time of it not being painful, and then past that it was a while before it was enjoyable. When you start out with sex having bad experiences it tends to affect your view of it over time. Some people have amazing sex early on and then it wanes in later years, we never had amazing sex in our beginning days, it was bad and slow got better. But since we never had an awesome time of great sex, DW doesn't know what she's missing

My suggestion to you is do what you can to deal with this before the wedding night. It may or may not be as simple as some people say. If the Doctor says he wants to do a procedure, there is probably a good reason. I'd say go for that, and get a dilator kit and do what you can now to work towards eliminating possible hindrances to your wedding night bliss

This makes me so HAPPY that I had sex before marriage. My first lover and I were both virgins but we had no pressure to have intercourse on a certain day. Instead, we spent a lot of time-over the course of several weeks-exploring our bodies, touching one another etc before we had sex. Plus, I had mastubated on my own so I had a general idea of what I liked.

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I must have had a tissue paper hymen then, because there was nothing dramatic about my first time. Except it was his first time too (we were 17, and NOT married to each other), awkward, funny and memorable all at once. Literally there was maybe a dot of blood, and no true pain. A bit of a soreness, nothing dramatic. It took us a good month and a half of pretty regular "practice" to get it right!

Me too (no pain, blood, etc.)! Don't know what that says about me, but there you go! I don't think I can attribute it all to doing sports and stuff, because don't most girls these days?

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I must have had a tissue paper hymen then, because there was nothing dramatic about my first time. Except it was his first time too (we were 17, and NOT married to each other), awkward, funny and memorable all at once. Literally there was maybe a dot of blood, and no true pain. A bit of a soreness, nothing dramatic. It took us a good month and a half of pretty regular "practice" to get it right!

Ya, I didn't have anything break or bleed either. I'm not sure how common it is. That's why in this over-thinker guy's post "I'm gonna make her bleed all over the hotel room" comment really weirded me out.

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"I'm gonna make her bleed all over the hotel room"

That is very disturbing! Is he planning on disembowling her? Does he think that her period will start? Is there a weird fundy fetish about cherry popping blood? Honestly, he sounds like a serial killer!

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I read his post and kept thinking: god just do it already! Do it at home if you're ashamed of having sex! What does it change?

I had a painful time but I was with someone I loved and worked up to 4 months before to doing the hymen breaking part.

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Ya, I didn't have anything break or bleed either. I'm not sure how common it is. That's why in this over-thinker guy's post "I'm gonna make her bleed all over the hotel room" comment really weirded me out.

Wow, I missed that bit. That's what you get for skimming. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's just woefully ignorant and his understanding of sex comes from reading historical novels.

No blood here, either, by the way. In fact, that's why the whole 'bleeding to prove virginity' thing that was so widespread historically (and still is in many cultures) baffles me. Apparently a lot of women lose their hymen when their hips expand, something that first happens at puberty but also often significantly in the late teens, so perhaps the girls in such cultures are still young enough when they lose their virginity that their hips aren't wide enough. If so, that's all kinds of creepy, IMO.

(Obviously, I'm not accusing the partners of anyone in this thread of general creepiness. Just thought I'd point that out ;) )

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Guest Anonymous

Eeuw, I wish I hadn't looked at that site... the idea of a married woman's body being a husband's property turned me off serious relationships throughout my Christian years.

This thread makes me sick: http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/vi ... 1&start=40

Bless the OP's heart - he wants to play with his wife's breasts even though it hurts her and another guy sympathises and says she should 'take one for the team' as they are his anyway...

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It's prevalent in real life, and not just among fundies. Or even Christians.

I ran into three assholes who felt that their girlfriends were quite literally their property. All three would get pissed if I didn't give in. This tainted my view of guys for quite some time. I told the last two about how the first one was. They still seemed to be convinced that I owed them sex just by being with them, and if something hurt, or if I felt uncomfortable, it was *my* problem.

I want to find each one and punch them in the balls.

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Would you say that the idea of 'body being property' is prevalent on the site or just in a thread or two like that?

I don't plan to read more in order to find out, sorry - if you follow the link you can check it out.

"if your wife is refusing you - you are not living based on biblical principles."

"Does your pastor know what your wife's doing to the marriage bed?"

are examples of first responses to another guy's frustration on the next thread down. I'm done with my reading there, now.

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Eeuw, I wish I hadn't looked at that site... the idea of a married woman's body being a husband's property turned me off serious relationships throughout my Christian years.

This thread makes me sick: http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/vi ... 1&start=40

Bless the OP's heart - he wants to play with his wife's breasts even though it hurts her and another guy sympathises and says she should 'take one for the team' as they are his anyway...

Oh my lord. The couple have sex whenever he wants but that isn't enough. For whatever reason, she doesn't enjoy having her breast fondled. Most men want to increase their wife's pleasure during sex so they won't do something that she finds annoying. Not this guy. Sex is about him and his needs, not hers. What an asshole.

My wife has low desire and I have high desire. All during our marriage she has been with me in some way almost every night, some mornings and usually an afternoon on the weekends. In terms of frequency I could not be happier.

My problem is that I very much desire to touch, fondle and suck on her breasts (please pardon the graphic nature--I could not think of a euphemism). For most of the month, she does not like anything in this area and will swat me off. The swat offs often leave me feeling a bit rejected and I try to dismiss the feelings before it has a physical affect and ruins the mood. When she has her few high desire days, usually immediately after her period there's a green light.

What is mind boggling is that the forum members don't call him on his assholery! They do try and explain why his wife might not want her breast played with but no one comes out and says, "Man, you're a dick."

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Yeah, but still, guys like boobs. My wife has the same issue. It doesn't seem to cause her pain, just some mild discomfort. I get it, I don't want to cause her discomfort, but on the other hand, my love for and fascination with her boobs isn't something I can just turn off like a light with a switch. I suppose it really depends on the degree of pain or discomfort as compared to the relative pleasure received by the fondler. I sometimes get a stiff neck from the angle required for OS, and I sometimes give hour long massages that are just for her pleasure that aren't exactly the most comfortable thing for me (hands, arms get tired, hole body sometimes tired before I even start), but it is well worth a little discomfort to give her extreme pleausure. I'm not sure a wife ought not to take one for the team so to speak every once in a while (but not when he's handling them in a way that is going to lead to significant pain or being sore the next day).

This is why people should have premarital sex so that you can weed out these guys. Really, if the wife's breast are insensitive, it does not compare to sore arms. It compares to having sore testicles that hurt to be fondled.

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Okay, "I want to play with her breasts" guy is in need of some help from a clue-by-four. It doesn't matter WHY she doesn't like it, but is sounds like it might be period-related tenderness, which really makes him a jerk because she can't control that.

Yes, we KNOW men like breasts, it's a pretty common thing. But like debrand points out, sore breasts and "mild discomfort" are no fun. I know there like three days a month where mine hurt just walking, thanks to our good old friends the hormones. If your partner doesn't like it, then it's not fair (goes both ways) - and stop whining and being passive-aggressive about doing the massages. Also, if you're getting a stiff neck from going down on her, allow me to suggest either a) switching the position up - which can benefit the reciever as well or b) PILLOWS.

Plus, if she keeps SWATTING you, that should be a freaking sign to STOP.

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I can't look away. The assholery is just too strong.

Well, in my DW's case, its more or less a permanent condition. Its not a result of anything I did, but rather medication she's been on for a long time. I've been taking one for the team for a decade, and like I said in my earlier post, me touching her there doesn't cause massive pain, it just causes slight discomfort. I can't after all go out and find other boobs to fondle, so I really don't think it is too much to ask for an occasional gentle fondle.

Sure, i understand what you are saying completely. And I don't consider my life to be some horrible, unfulfilling, Job-like existence just because I don't get to regularly touch my wife there. But when one person is really generous in the bedroom and the rest of the house for that matter (i.e. non-sexual) and one person is not - it gets pretty old. I don't begrudge what I do for her, it just strikes me as odd that there always seems to be a reason why I'm the giver and she's the receiver.

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It won't let me read it here at work. :( Guess I know what my procrastination tonight will be!

For example, I can offer my hubby OS, and it chaps out my lips and my neck gets a bit sore, but I want to give him that pleasure so I endure any discomfort that goes along with it. However, if my hubby insisted that I endure discomfort for his pleasure, that would be... I dunno... really less than loving.

This one has broken it down without QUITE saying he is a dick. It's one thing to do something for your partner that they enjoy that isn't really your thing/uncomfortable because you want to make them happy. It's quite another when that is demanded.

Plus, this guy is just coming off as a Nice Guy (I do all this nice stuff for herrrrrr, so why won't she lay me the way I want?) and irritating me.

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Wow, I missed that bit. That's what you get for skimming. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's just woefully ignorant and his understanding of sex comes from reading historical novels.

Those weren't the exact words :) It was more along the lines of - oh, I heard there is going to be lots of blood, so I better have a solid plan for cleaning it up. A weird detail to be thinking about during the wedding planning process.

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More from the thread.

To the OP, I think in order to determine if your wife is reasonable or not, it needs to first be determined what level of discomfort you are referring to. If she simply does not find it pleasurable, that is different than if she finds it truly painful. Have you asked her about this? What is her response? If not you haven't, I believe that would be the best place to start!Growing

California King

it doesn't matter what the reason, those are her breasts, not his. If she doesn't like them fondled, she just doesn't like them fondled. Why would you want to pressure someone to do something that they don't find sexually pleasurable?

Reading through that thread has made me even more angry at Paul's statement that spouses don't own their own bodies. It is such a harmful mindset.

One commenter does seem to have some sense on this issue but some of the other posters seem annoyed at her.

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