christian sexual awkwardness

[genericJname]

I feel mean but this really cracked me up. http://wwwdotboards.themarriagebed.com/ ... 28&t=50026

I guess this is a set of forums for Christian engaged people who have worries/questions about how sex is going to go. I can't tell if the guy is sweet and nerdy or kind of creepy.

[ricky_ticky]

I don't get a creepy vibe from the guy as much as the realization that he's thinking the whole thing through in such detail! The pressure to perform must be incredible, nearly debilitating. I think it's kind of strange that he and future wife are talking about all the ins and outs of their first time, (pun intended,) getting all ready for sex while keeping 6" between them at all times before the wedding. What if one or both of them hates it that first night? I wonder if it isn't anti-climactic after months, years of building up the anticipation.

[AnnoDomini]

That board is highly entertaining.

[Beeks]

Oh man. I can't get to the topic you linked BUT I am horrified to admit I once posted on this board. I am not a Christian but didn't have sex till mid-20s and I have no idea now what I asked or what people replied, but I definitely remember posting there.

[fundiefan]

Even as someone who grew up with what I consider a generally healthy view of sexuality and intimacy, my first time pretty much sucked. As a woman who has had more than one partner in life, the first time with a new person has always been awkward. I honestly cannot fathom being taught that emotions and feelings and physical senses are 'wrong' until the one and only right person comes along and then it's all magic and perfect.

I can't see it being anything but anti-climatic. Even with my ex, with whom the physical chemistry was the driving factor in our getting together in the first place, it was rough going in the beginning and anything but perfect and fun and magical and dreamy. It took time and experience and getting to know each other to be the greatness that sexual intimacy can be.

I also find it telling that there is a message board for such discussions. Why do they go to a message board for information and discussion instead of their parents and/or relatives and peers? I learned as much about sex from my sister and aunt, who is only slightly older than us - right in the middle of my mom's generation and mine - as I did from my mom. I took the 'mechanics' and basics that I learned from my mom and combined that with the experiences and opinions of my sister and aunt to grow on. The fundie obsession with sex - and it IS an obsession - is damaging to their kids. I state that without qualification because I believe it as completely as I believe the earth rotates on its own axis.

[baristachica]

I think that particular guy is just highly anxious.

I posted on that board while I was engaged (and doing it before marriage! :whistle: ). I think it's funny because people are so hotly divided about whether that board is a good thing or not. I haven't been there in a few years now.

There wasn't many other options for me to get information. My parents and most of my peers strongly disapproved of sex before marriage. My mom was great about preparing me for puberty and how my body worked, but one I reached a certain age we didn't mention sex anymore (odd, we talked about it while I was young, but now when it really started to matter?).

Our first time was extremely awkward and I dealt with a lot of physical issues that kept us from consummating. I consider my sex ed to be middle of the road in effectiveness - I can't imagine someone with a more fundie upbringing and how they would deal with similar issues.

[icecreamycakeycake]

Did anyone see the post from the woman who gave her self a hymenectomy with tweezers and scizzors because she didn't have insurance? She was asking for post-op instructions.

I never realized people got hymenectomys.

[Beeks]

Did anyone see the post from the woman who gave her self a hymenectomy with tweezers and scizzors because she didn't have insurance? She was asking for post-op instructions.

I never realized people got hymenectomys.

Holy F that sounds horrendous. I can't believe she did it herself.

And yeah, some people do get them. For some women it's so painful that they can't actually do the deed

[emmiedahl]

I had a... resistant hymen. If I had known ahead of time, I totally would have had a doctor remove it. With painkillers and a sterile environment.

[VeraAnne]

Speaking of hymens...did you know that they actually sell a "hymen" product that produces fake blood?

[Buzzard]

Speaking of hymens...did you know that they actually sell a "hymen" product that produces fake blood?

Thats just WRONG. If your new hubby cares so much about your "purity" that he needs to see blood than he's a douche and you need to run. Your word that you waited for his 15 second prick should be good enough.

Speaking of awkward... I had my friend's 3 year old yesterday because her new baby was sick... she waited until marriage to do the deed and couldnt wait to get out of the church. I got there a little early to pick up the munchkin and busted her reading some tripe about "building your marriage" through sex, particularly "how to get him to fulfil your needs." Um... gonna need you to maybe TALK to him about it... is that too much?

[CanticleoftheTurning]

Holy F that sounds horrendous. I can't believe she did it herself.

And yeah, some people do get them. For some women it's so painful that they can't actually do the deed

I'd never even heard of hymenectomies before. A self hymenectomy...wow. :shock: The closest male comparison I can think of might be a self-circumcision?

Maybe a hymenectomy might have been a good thing for me. Even tampons used to hurt like hurt, though not sure if that's related to the hymen at all or not. My first time was a couple days after the wedding thanks to NFP, and HOLY CRAP IT WAS PAINFUL. It was soo painful for several weeks until my nether regions adjusted in whatever way it needed to and it finally became enjoyable. Yeah. It took a long time.

I can't imagine doing it as a teenager and freaking out some boy with my crying and blood all over--it was kind of nice to be married when it happened, then I couldn't scare the boy away ;)

So, I certainly understand the anxiety of many people who wait until marriage. On the other hand, if people realized they actually have *gasp* self control, they can kiss and hold each other without getting "carried away," which would make the first time after marriage more enjoyable.

I often wonder how long people wait after marriage to "do it," if they don't even hold hands before they get married. It must take a while to build up to that point. Or does the boy just go wham bam thank you ma'am, completely forsaking the female enjoyment?

[Beeks]

Thats just WRONG. If your new hubby cares so much about your "purity" that he needs to see blood than he's a douche and you need to run. Your word that you waited for his 15 second prick should be good enough.

Speaking of awkward... I had my friend's 3 year old yesterday because her new baby was sick... she waited until marriage to do the deed and couldnt wait to get out of the church. I got there a little early to pick up the munchkin and busted her reading some tripe about "building your marriage" through sex, particularly "how to get him to fulfil your needs." Um... gonna need you to maybe TALK to him about it... is that too much?

I totally agree with you but these products have actually saved women's lives. Sad but true.

[alphaeta08]

I LOVE lurking there! It's hilarious how much these people over think sex, especially first times. I've also noticed that EVERY single FH is "a bit larger than average," and every FW needs to stretch with dilators for 23098 years beforehand. I mean, I'm all for making it as comfortable as possible, but at some point, you've just gotta DO it already! :lol:

And yes, I do remember reading about the woman who did her own hymenectomy, and I was appalled. I know some people do have problems with hymens, etc, but a ridiculously high percentage of those people seem to end up on that board. Hmm, think they may be overcomplicating things? :roll:

[VeraAnne]

I totally agree with you but these products have actually saved women's lives. Sad but true.

And that is perhaps the most depressing thing I've ever heard, although I know that it is true.

[AnnoDomini]

Heh heh. If I ever get married (not bloody likely, as I'd be a terrible mother and helpmeet, not submissive at all, which of course are prerequisites for marriage readiness), my 'wedding night' probably won't happen for at least a few weeks after marriage. I've never had any kind of physical or emotional relationship so the zero-to-sixty wedding night would be a terrible idea. Add in my lingering issues with not being a fan of penis, and ya got a recipe for an... interesting sex life.

[slh12280]

Heh heh. If I ever get married (not bloody likely, as I'd be a terrible mother and helpmeet, not submissive at all, which of course are prerequisites for marriage readiness), my 'wedding night' probably won't happen for at least a few weeks after marriage. I've never had any kind of physical or emotional relationship so the zero-to-sixty wedding night would be a terrible idea. Add in my lingering issues with not being a fan of penis, and ya got a recipe for an... interesting sex life.

I understand on the whole 0-60 thing, being in the same situation. To be honest that thread that was originally linked kinda grossed me out.

[icecreamycakeycake]

I LOVE lurking there! It's hilarious how much these people over think sex, especially first times. I've also noticed that EVERY single FH is "a bit larger than average," and every FW needs to stretch with dilators for 23098 years beforehand. I mean, I'm all for making it as comfortable as possible, but at some point, you've just gotta DO it already! :lol:

And yes, I do remember reading about the woman who did her own hymenectomy, and I was appalled. I know some people do have problems with hymens, etc, but a ridiculously high percentage of those people seem to end up on that board. Hmm, think they may be overcomplicating things? :roll:

Lulz YES!!

[pixydust]

Stuff like this is why I'm a firm believer in lots and lots of nookie before marriage! :dance: Seriously, sex isn't this big, huge deal. It's fun and it is good for a relationship, but you don't see God and unicorns...it's just sex. I wish that the fundies woiuld realize that! Plus, had I been having sex before I met my ex-husband, I would have realized that he was lazy and lousy in bed...and I wouldn't have married the jerk! :x

[moreorlessnu]

The saddest thing I read on this board was a woman who was advising someone else to be understanding and forgiving, and then commented that her husband had said something to the effect of "Ewww!" when he first saw her lady bits.

[genericJname]

I've lurked a couple times and I just don't know I feel about that board. I think its great that there is so much open discussion and information available. I can definitely see myself having looked for information there at other points in life. :?

But its so agonizing how anxious they get about every single detail. Then there are the people who ask for advice too many months before their wedding and everyone gets after them for letting their lust get carried away to fast and leading to temptation.

[bionicmlle]

Wow. Thanks for posting link to that board. as genericJname posted -- I am not so sure how I feel about it but holy hell.... I love the discussion about how one needs to gain victory over their lusty thoughts BECAUSE OF JESUS!!!

[longskirtlotsakids]

The saddest thing I read on this board was a woman who was advising someone else to be understanding and forgiving, and then commented that her husband had said something to the effect of "Ewww!" when he first saw her lady bits.

FOr real? My first reaction is that this poor women is doomed to a hell of a marriage, seeing as how she is probably married to a GAY DUDE. I have yet to hear ONE straight man say "ew" about ladybits, but almost every gay mine I know (I know 13 personally) has that knee jerk reaction.

The most recent "Savage Love" column has a hilarious question asked by a Xtian "Wait till marriage for the first kiss "

Of course, Dan-O tackles it perfectly.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Sava ... d=10653210

[debrand]

FOr real? My first reaction is that this poor women is doomed to a hell of a marriage, seeing as how she is probably married to a GAY DUDE. I have yet to hear ONE straight man say "ew" about ladybits, but almost every gay mine I know (I know 13 personally) has that knee jerk reaction.

The most recent "Savage Love" column has a hilarious question asked by a Xtian "Wait till marriage for the first kiss "

Of course, Dan-O tackles it perfectly.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Sava ... d=10653210

I just read that and really enjoyed his response to the writer. She is very smug about the fact that she has ended up with a great marriage. It's obvious that she thinks having a happy marriage is proof that her beliefs are correct.

That you wound up married to a man with whom you're sexually compatible despite not fucking him once or twice before marriage can be credited to one of two things: You were smart (you figured you two would be sexually compatible and those calculations proved correct) or you were lucky (you hoped you two would be sexually compatible and, as luck would have it, you were). But don't pretend that your happiness was guaranteed by waiting or by God.

It's understandable that you're pleased that everything worked out for you, HMW, but your smugness and self-satisfaction seems a little un-Christian, if I may say so

[Avalondaughter]

I'd never even heard of hymenectomies before. A self hymenectomy...wow. :shock: The closest male comparison I can think of might be a self-circumcision?

Maybe a hymenectomy might have been a good thing for me. Even tampons used to hurt like hurt, though not sure if that's related to the hymen at all or not. My first time was a couple days after the wedding thanks to NFP, and HOLY CRAP IT WAS PAINFUL. It was soo painful for several weeks until my nether regions adjusted in whatever way it needed to and it finally became enjoyable. Yeah. It took a long time.

I can't imagine doing it as a teenager and freaking out some boy with my crying and blood all over--it was kind of nice to be married when it happened, then I couldn't scare the boy away ;)

So, I certainly understand the anxiety of many people who wait until marriage. On the other hand, if people realized they actually have *gasp* self control, they can kiss and hold each other without getting "carried away," which would make the first time after marriage more enjoyable.

I often wonder how long people wait after marriage to "do it," if they don't even hold hands before they get married. It must take a while to build up to that point. Or does the boy just go wham bam thank you ma'am, completely forsaking the female enjoyment?

I was another one with a hymen of steel and I lost my virginity pretty late in life (but before I was married).

You know what? I still think of my first time as wonderful because I had such a caring and experience partner who just worshipped and caressed my body in all sorts of ways and made sure I had an orgasm in non-intercourse-style manor.

I doubt any fundies would have a similar experience. If you're not permitted to experiment with other ways of touching people (even if it's just a pleasureable back rub or a steamy ole kiss) how can you enjoy the experience as a whole?