Trace and Lydia 4: Deportation Watch

[SassyPants]

My near 90 YO calls me about once a week and it always starts with “I have a question…” Deep breath, deep breath as you never know what is going to follow. Usually it has something to do with ordering one of meds or about a Dr.’s appt-

[dawn9476]

Gil's brother and sister have their own houses on that farmland, so if Papa Bill and Mama Jane have problems, I am sure Jane can call them first.

Edited March 12 by dawn9476

[rebeccawriter01]

34 minutes ago, dawn9476 said:

Gil's brother and sister have their own houses on that farmland, so if Papa Bill and Mama Jane have problems, I am sure Jane can call them first.

In theory, yes. Gil's sister lost her own husband recently so I'm not sure she is 100% there for anyone at the moment. Some people grieving the loss of a spouse jump into helping others. For some though that is way too hard. 

Who knows what if anything major is going on with Gil's brother? However, coming from a large extended family like I do, I can say things are rarely equitable and fair when it comes to caring for the elderly. I wouldn't be surprised if Gil's brother has some animosity or hurt feelings toward Gil. Gil has property there too and waltzes in every few months. Gil's brother has his own family but everything seems to revolve around Gil and Gil's 19 children, 30 grandchildren, etc. It is great that Gil's children are trying to do things to help (new chair, cleaning, etc.), but at some point they need more help. They need a ramp rather than the uneven stairs. An alarm system that would let them push a button for help would be awesome. They need to optimize the space to fit walkers, canes, etc. without trip hazards. Even Gil or his children offering respite care for the ones doing the heavy lifting could be a big help - someone going to stay while Gil's siblings take a vacation or handle their own problems and issues. 

Caring for an aging parent can tear siblings apart. It only gets worse. 

[JDuggs]

Lydia posted video and pics of six month old Ryker who is hands down the most beautiful Bates baby. However, Maui stole the show, of course. Maui had no intention of being left out of the photos.

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, JDuggs said:

Lydia posted video and pics of six month old Ryker who is hands down the most beautiful Bates baby. However, Maui stole the show, of course. Maui had no intention of being left out of the photos.

  Hide contents

 

Maui is the most beautiful bates baby and he knows it. 

[Kiki03910]

Is that baby's hair gelled? FFS.

[SassyPants]

On 3/11/2024 at 9:07 PM, rebeccawriter01 said:

In theory, yes. Gil's sister lost her own husband recently so I'm not sure she is 100% there for anyone at the moment. Some people grieving the loss of a spouse jump into helping others. For some though that is way too hard. 

Who knows what if anything major is going on with Gil's brother? However, coming from a large extended family like I do, I can say things are rarely equitable and fair when it comes to caring for the elderly. I wouldn't be surprised if Gil's brother has some animosity or hurt feelings toward Gil. Gil has property there too and waltzes in every few months. Gil's brother has his own family but everything seems to revolve around Gil and Gil's 19 children, 30 grandchildren, etc. It is great that Gil's children are trying to do things to help (new chair, cleaning, etc.), but at some point they need more help. They need a ramp rather than the uneven stairs. An alarm system that would let them push a button for help would be awesome. They need to optimize the space to fit walkers, canes, etc. without trip hazards. Even Gil or his children offering respite care for the ones doing the heavy lifting could be a big help - someone going to stay while Gil's siblings take a vacation or handle their own problems and issues. 

Caring for an aging parent can tear siblings apart. It only gets worse. 

Another thing people caring for elderly people have to take into consideration is the elderly people’s wishes. My parents are stubborn and overly prideful. They don’t think they need help or want a bunch of people hanging out at their home. You can put in all the systems you want, but then these folks can undo all those systems ( dismiss help, refuse to use the tools and resources put in place). And unless there are severe cognitive issues, there is nothing you can do about any of this. My husband’s family had to terminate my MIL’s rights and get a conservatorship, but that’s a huge responsibility for someone to take on.

 

 

[HeartsAFundie]

On 3/14/2024 at 7:34 PM, SassyPants said:

Another thing people caring for elderly people have to take into consideration is the elderly people’s wishes. My parents are stubborn and overly prideful. They don’t think they need help or want a bunch of people hanging out at their home. You can put in all the systems you want, but then these folks can undo all those systems ( dismiss help, refuse to use the tools and resources put in place). And unless there are severe cognitive issues, there is nothing you can do about any of this. My husband’s family had to terminate my MIL’s rights and get a conservatorship, but that’s a huge responsibility for someone to take on.

 

 

I just got my dad to agree to having an in-home medical service come in at scheduled intervals for house call visits.  It's completely covered under his Medicare Advantage plan and is an added layer of medical protection for him; if he falls or feels sick, he can contact them first before considering the ER and they will come to his house to provide care.  If they feel the ER is necessary, they will coordinate it.  They even have a mobile x-ray machine they can bring to the house.   I was present for the first intake visit and was impressed by them as was he, so that's a good sign.   I also plan to be there for the follow up visit in a couple of months.

But although he is 100% on board with the medical service, he has made it very clear that he does not want his house turning into a "who the hell are all these people" situation in which multiple providers are traipsing in and out.  He is very wary about strangers in his home and is afraid that some may not have the best intentions and steal from him.  Fear of people stealing from them is very common among many elderly folks.  And in today's world, I can't say I blame them. 

Since he's still mostly independent and still mentally with the program, my sister and I would never arbitrarily send anyone there without my dad's explicit consent and involvement. 

[Kiki03910]

Reading about the horrible Supreme Court ruling that allows Texas to detain and potentially deport anyone who "looks" suspicious made me think about these lily-white, whining fucking freeloaders. Like if you look as if you don't fit in, El Paso could deport these Aryan fuckfaces on sight, I guess. It probably doesn't work that way, though ... I wonder why.

[gobucks]

This week's video.. They go to Florida. Their Alleigant flights got delayed 12 hours so they decided to cancel and just drive. They leave at 10 pm hoping to drive through the night. They arrive at Chad and Erin's in the morning. Brooklyn says chocolate chip cookies are the best. Trace quizzes Carson and Brook if they can name the original 19... they need some help. Carson's favorite subject is history. Brook says spelling. He asks them if they want to move back to TN. Brook says yes. Carson doesn't answer. Lydia takes some family photos for Chad and Erin. They go to the beach with Gabby and Hubert. This is my first time hearing about these friends of theirs. Apparently Hubert was the one that did the fireworks for their gender reveal with Ryker. Lydia and Gabby go shopping and get their nails done while the guys stay at the airbnb with the kiddos. Beach, pool, etc. Hubert "flew a babysitter in" so they could have a couple date nights. Trace flashes a bracelet that says "Daddy of an angel". They went to a super local fresh restaurant by the beach.. Benihana. LOL Lydia wears her Josie heatless curlers on the beach while taking photos of their friends so her curls are intact when they take their family photos. Parents' evening out to pickleball. Parents' day out to boating and dinner. 

[Cults-r-us]

On 3/14/2024 at 6:34 PM, SassyPants said:

Another thing people caring for elderly people have to take into consideration is the elderly people’s wishes. My parents are stubborn and overly prideful. They don’t think they need help or want a bunch of people hanging out at their home. You can put in all the systems you want, but then these folks can undo all those systems ( dismiss help, refuse to use the tools and resources put in place). And unless there are severe cognitive issues, there is nothing you can do about any of this. My husband’s family had to terminate my MIL’s rights and get a conservatorship, but that’s a huge responsibility for someone to take on.

 

 

      There seems to be two kinds of oldsters. Type 1 has their own friends and interests, utilize meals on wheels and services that provide rides to appointments, etc. Type 2 expects family members to be their best friends and running buddies, refuse or sabotage services, expect family to take off work to shutter them around and use their frailties to blackmail family into giving them what they want.

[Kiki03910]

23 hours ago, Cults-r-us said:

      There seems to be two kinds of oldsters. Type 1 has their own friends and interests, utilize meals on wheels and services that provide rides to appointments, etc. Type 2 expects family members to be their best friends and running buddies, refuse or sabotage services, expect family to take off work to shutter them around and use their frailties to blackmail family into giving them what they want.

My long-time BF has been dealing with Type 2 for the last couple years, and it's a fucking mess that's dragging multiple people down.

[HeartsAFundie]

On 3/30/2024 at 10:11 PM, Cults-r-us said:

      There seems to be two kinds of oldsters. Type 1 has their own friends and interests, utilize meals on wheels and services that provide rides to appointments, etc. Type 2 expects family members to be their best friends and running buddies, refuse or sabotage services, expect family to take off work to shutter them around and use their frailties to blackmail family into giving them what they want.

My dad is kind of in the middle.  He has friends and interests but has mobility issues that prevent him from being as active as he wants to be.  Which I know frustrates him.  He also has forgotten to pay some bills and wound up having to pay property tax interest or double payments.   So he ends up relying on me, my sister or our husbands for help in certain areas of his life.  I know he hates it and would prefer to take care of everything himself, but he knows he can't.  However, because I am retired, he does utilize me more than others for things. I don't really mind because I not only have the time right now, I know that everything I am doing is helping him stay independent and in his own home for as long as he can.   He also seems to be less afraid now to ask others for help and has asked friends for rides to places because he does not care to drive at night anymore. 

I guess you could say he's a 1.5.      

Edited April 1 by HeartsAFundie

[EmiSue]

11 minutes ago, HeartsAFundie said:

My dad is kind of in the middle.  He has friends and interests but has mobility issues that prevent him from being as active as he wants to be.  Which I know frustrates him.  He also has forgotten to pay some bills and wound up having to pay property tax interest or double payments.   So he ends up relying on me, my sister or our husbands for help in certain areas of his life.  I know he hates it and would prefer to take care of everything himself, but he knows he can't.  However, because I am retired, he does utilize me more than others for things. I don't really mind because I not only have the time right now, I know that everything I am doing is helping him stay independent and in his own home for as long as he can.   He also seems to be less afraid now to ask others for help and has asked friends for rides to places because he does not care to drive at night anymore. 

I guess you could say he's a 1.5.      

I think the problem comes when there are guilt trips involved. Parents saying thank you and understanding that you may have a conflict goes a long way.

[Kiki03910]

1 hour ago, HeartsAFundie said:

My dad is kind of in the middle.  He has friends and interests but has mobility issues that prevent him from being as active as he wants to be.  Which I know frustrates him.  He also has forgotten to pay some bills and wound up having to pay property tax interest or double payments.   So he ends up relying on me, my sister or our husbands for help in certain areas of his life.  I know he hates it and would prefer to take care of everything himself, but he knows he can't.  However, because I am retired, he does utilize me more than others for things. I don't really mind because I not only have the time right now, I know that everything I am doing is helping him stay independent and in his own home for as long as he can.   He also seems to be less afraid now to ask others for help and has asked friends for rides to places because he does not care to drive at night anymore. 

I guess you could say he's a 1.5.      

You're a good person. Thank you for helping make the world a better place.

[Coconut Flan]

There are definitely more than two types as described above.

[Expectopatronus]

2 hours ago, EmiSue said:

I think the problem comes when there are guilt trips involved. Parents saying thank you and understanding that you may have a conflict goes a long way.

I think that it depends on the type of conflict. My friend’s husband refused to drive his dad to a specialist appointment because it was at 8:00 am and the their kids (in junior high and high school) need to be at their respective schools by 8:30 and 8:45. Each parent drives a child because they are afraid to let them take the city bus or the school bus and are afraid the child might get cold if they wait outside the school for even 10 minutes. In this case, I’d have dropped the high schooler off 15 minutes early and told her to read a book, then taken the junior high kid to his school. I kinda understand the dad being irritated by the refusal. I took a personal day to drive my mom to cataract surgery because that’s what you do. She’s been driving my kid to nursery every day for two months because I broke my driving leg. Family is family. We help each other. 

[JillyO]

On 3/31/2024 at 2:41 AM, gobucks said:

He [Trace] asks them [Brooklyn and Carson] if they want to move back to TN. Brook says yes. Carson doesn't answer.

This is so fucking cruel to Brooklyn and Carson. We live far away from both of our families and I would be absolutely LIVID if a family member just casually asked them if they wanted to move near as them. It’s not going to happen, and making the kids think it might, or that they have a say in whether we move, is just so unfair to them. If you ask kids a question, they (rightfully) think that what they answer matters. But of course I’m expecting way too much of fundies for taking children’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. 

[GreenBeans]

On 3/12/2024 at 1:55 AM, SassyPants said:

My near 90 YO calls me about once a week and it always starts with “I have a question…” Deep breath, deep breath as you never know what is going to follow. Usually it has something to do with ordering one of meds or about a Dr.’s appt-

Similar situation with my father in law. He gets really worked up about all kinds of things, so when he calls and is like “thank god you’re picking up, I don’t know what to do…”, it could be anything - an actual emergency like “I think I have pneumonia, I can’t breathe properly, can you please take me to the ER right now?”. But also “some icon on my mobile phone is not where it used to be, can you please fix it when you get around to it?”

EDIT: He is always really nice and respectful about it, so not rude or ordering us around. He just calls when he’s genuinely desperate, and often he’s fine once we’ve calmed him down and made a plan together with him how we will fix things when we visit the next weekend.

Edited April 1 by GreenBeans
Riffles

[noseybutt]

3 hours ago, JillyO said:

This is so fucking cruel to Brooklyn and Carson. We live far away from both of our families and I would be absolutely LIVID if a family member just casually asked them if they wanted to move near as them. It’s not going to happen, and making the kids think it might, or that they have a say in whether we move, is just so unfair to them. If you ask kids a question, they (rightfully) think that what they answer matters. But of course I’m expecting way too much of fundies for taking children’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. 

Well, somebody his kids will get asked about Germany.

 

ETA That was a joke. I agree it's mean to ask children such questions unless they have a say in the choice OR it's a genuine compare/contrast conversation that the child understands to be hypothetical. I grew up moving every few years due to my father's job, and we sure as heck knew we had no say in the choice of locations; our job was to adapt. (It was a good upbringing, BTW. I'm not saying that to complain, just facts.)

Edited April 1 by noseybutt

[Cults-r-us]

10 hours ago, EmiSue said:

I think the problem comes when there are guilt trips involved. Parents saying thank you and understanding that you may have a conflict goes a long way.

    Sometimes people who were absolutely lovely through the years become so inwardly focused and self-involved as they age they cannot comprehend their caregiver has to be to work on time, take care of children and have time for a spouse.

[Cults-r-us]

On 4/1/2024 at 9:23 AM, Coconut Flan said:

There are definitely more than two types as described above.

Yes there are! I gave two opposing generalizations to stimulate conversation.

[gobucks]

Today's video was pretty boring Q + A with Lydia (Trace was sick)

Hobby?

pickleball

Sleep train?

No, they were blessed he enjoys his bed with his Paci and lovey. She "doesn't like the idea of letting your baby cry so I didn't do any of that". 

How's it going after the miscarriage?

She said it was a lot harder on her physically than she thought. Just the last couple weeks she has gotten back into working out and building her strength back. They are still having some hard times emotionally but hope they will be blessed with a girl in the future. (They didn't know it was a girl; they just both had a feeling it was.)

When will they have their rainbow baby?

They would love to have more kids but they are in a happy place right now. She is sure they will share whenever that times comes. 

Family and immigration?

She feels like it is a sensitive and controversial subject so she doesn't talk about it much. It's a broken system, lot of opinions, and she tends to not talk about it if she can. They probably won't have an update until the fall. All they can do is pray and wait (and let the lawyers work). 

Transitioning to formula?

She exclusively pumped for 5 months, then had to transition to formala when she got pregnant. She knows it is controversial but fed is best. 

Large family?

She loves Ryker and loves babies "what's considered large family?" ~ evasive

Why did you get Ryker's haircut soooo young?

He had a bald spot and "ring" of hair and she wanted to get it cut. Yes, it is still soft and he looks great. 

She asked for tips for Ryker and Maui interacting. 

[gobucks]

This week's video~ Lydia is sharing about her "postpartum" experience. Ryker had a very strong latch and it was very painful. They recommended pumping every other to help it heal. It got worse so she pumped exclusively for 5 months until her pregnancy that they lost. She says that stress of the family's deportation stuff at that time affected her milk supply and she ended up getting mastitis multiple times right away. Didn't know they didn't have to sterilize the pump every feed. blah blah blah. 

 

They mention Lydia's IG story that was about the weight loss for the baby in the first week of life and how the doc said they didn't have to wake up the baby in the nighttime for feeds, just to let the baby wake up and then feed. They say that someone posted about her story on instagram and told all their followers to "Call CPS because they were neglecting the baby". People were harassing them and bullying Lydia to go back to her country and she's a terrible mother. They got phone calls from Good Morning America and news outlet asking for comments about neglecting their child. She cries and says it was awful. She had to delete social media. They were getting compared to "someone" at that time... I assume they are referring to that Ruby Franke YouTuber. They end with pumping recommendations for moms. I won't bother recapping that. 

 

 

TL;DR They got hate after Ryker was born. It was horrible. "It scarred me". 

[rebeccawriter01]

Nobody likes to be judged or to be bullied. Being in PR and Communications, I'm of two minds about this couple and video though. They have put themselves out there to be viewed. They make money from doing it. His teen and young adult years were on tv at his parents' request, but the choice is his at this point. They welcome the attention if it is about getting her citizenship/residency. There just seems to be an overall disconnect with them. He reminds me of the people who say, "but we have free speech." Free speech doesn't equal freedom from consequences.  

Being a new mom is tough, especially when you are going through crap in your life. I get it. But maybe chat with a friend not make a video and post it on Youtube/Instagram.