Duggars by the Dozen 46: Living with the Fallout

[marmalade]

9 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

His obituary says he had 2 sisters and a brother that survived him. Doesn't mention any predeceasing him, but who knows? 

No, the obit says that Mary preceded him, and that there are a surviving sister and brother. So, four total. 

[AussieKrissy]

11 hours ago, Cam said:

Sounds very feasible. 
 

Wonder what JB was thinking when he saw the police arriving at his house. Did he wonder, “oh no, what fresh hell is this?” 

Oh what fresh hell is this made me lol and i nominate it for a future thread title lol 

[Coconut Flan]

The one I saw said predeceased by Mary in the paragraph above talking about the other two.

[Knight of Ni]

19 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Considering Ben is homophobic, that seems unlikely, but I hope so too.

The preacher that officiated my sister's funeral turned the whole thing into a sermon about how great heaven was and even Jesus was sad sometimes. Referenced the verse "Jesus wept" like it was a profound thing. He barely said three sentences about my sister. I'm not sure if my sister was religious but even if she would have expected to hear more about her at her own funeral. At the end he made sure to add that this heaven he was droning on about for the past 30 minutes was open only to those who believe. 

I am an atheist so I may be biased but I thought it was in extreme poor taste to not only make an entire funeral not about the deceased but also about how only believers get into this magical place that is so wonderful. 

[Bobology]

1 hour ago, Knight of Ni said:

The preacher that officiated my sister's funeral turned the whole thing into a sermon about how great heaven was and even Jesus was sad sometimes.

I attended one of those once and it culminated in an alter call (? I'm not sure what the correct term is, but the preacher calling folks forward to repent or whatever and asking jesus into their lives.) It was weird; funeral was in a baptist church but the decedent had no religious affiliation. 

[Meggo]

2 hours ago, Knight of Ni said:

The preacher that officiated my sister's funeral turned the whole thing into a sermon about how great heaven was and even Jesus was sad sometimes. Referenced the verse "Jesus wept" like it was a profound thing. He barely said three sentences about my sister. I'm not sure if my sister was religious but even if she would have expected to hear more about her at her own funeral. At the end he made sure to add that this heaven he was droning on about for the past 30 minutes was open only to those who believe. 

I am an atheist so I may be biased but I thought it was in extreme poor taste to not only make an entire funeral not about the deceased but also about how only believers get into this magical place that is so wonderful. 

I went an old colony Mennonite funeral once and whooooo boy that was odd. The minister spoke in English but made it a point to note that he didn't WANT to - he didn't LIKE doing that but the family had asked. And then spent a lot of time fire & brimstone-ing and it was just awkward. I was raised Catholic - but this was something ... else entirely. 

 

[Coconut Flan]

I loathe, despise, and abhor altar calls and proselytizing at funerals. Just because you have a captive audience is no excuse.  I have been known to stand and leave until they get back to the real funeral.  

[Cam]

You know, it’s a shame these preacher minister pastor people officiating at funerals cannot simply rise to the occasion and offer a service that honors the deceased and perhaps helps comfort the family and loved ones of said person. There should be a general protocol to follow for this that allows for a person to be put to rest and not have their service turned into some kind of reprimand, guilt trip or call to Jee-Suss. A heartfelt funeral can be so meaningful. 

[anjulibai]

15 hours ago, marmalade said:

No, the obit says that Mary preceded him, and that there are a surviving sister and brother. So, four total. 

I was talking about Jim Lee.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, anjulibai said:

I was talking about Jim Lee.

The Duggars called him Jimmy Lee, not Jim Lee.

[marmalade]

4 hours ago, anjulibai said:

I was talking about Jim Lee.

Jimmy Lee was Mary's husband. He was not mentioned in the obituary.

[AprilQuilt]

11 hours ago, marmalade said:

Jimmy Lee was Mary's husband. He was not mentioned in the obituary.

omg, the OP suggested that maybe Jimmy Lee had many many siblings and then someone else mentioned the sibling total mentioned in his obituary. Not Mary's. Not Tommy's.

Edited June 30, 2023 by AprilQuilt

[Smee]

On 6/29/2023 at 12:22 AM, Coconut Flan said:

She did. 

Tommy could have had a will making Jim Bob his executor andd never bothered updating it.  That would have been foolish, but it happens to a lot of people who somehow never get around to updating things.  

 

Thanks for the reminder to make a new will where my now-ex is not the beneficiary.

[nolongerIFBx]

21 hours ago, Bobology said:

I attended one of those once and it culminated in an alter call (? I'm not sure what the correct term is, but the preacher calling folks forward to repent or whatever and asking jesus into their lives.) It was weird; funeral was in a baptist church but the decedent had no religious affiliation. 

That's pretty much Baptist MO. If you don't want a Baptist funeral, don't ask a Baptist preacher to officiate. In the Bible, a man died and went to hell. He asked God to send Lazarus to tell his brothers so they wouldn't also come there. So a Baptist preacher figures that the deceased would want the same. In their opinion that IS honoring the dead. Now if the family tells them not to "preach the funeral service," that would be different (and they might decline), but otherwise they're going to do their usual.

Edited June 30, 2023 by nolongerIFBx

[Pammy]

For me, as a religious person, there is only one possibly acceptable reason for a preacher to talk about salvation and repentance at a funeral -- and that is if they knew each other well, and the decedent *asked* the preacher to use their funeral for a salvation message to their captive relatives and loved ones.

I've seen that happen once, and it was brief and tastefully done (the decedent had been a preacher in his own day, and really wanted one last evangelistic message offered in his name). I think the loved ones in attendance (even the atheists) fully understood that it was exactly what he would have wanted. The preacher confined it to 3-5 sentences of the "Jesus welcomes everybody" variety, and it was well explained as being "something he asked me to say to you all". Most of the service was focused on the person themself.

Otherwise it's just a horrific abuse of the situation.

[marmalade]

Saw a tabloid report (the Sun, I believe) that said JB and Ben were iced out of the funeral. They had pictures of the service, complete with men in uniform. That is consistent with the obituary.

[JermajestyDuggar]

17 minutes ago, marmalade said:

Saw a tabloid report (the Sun, I believe) that said JB and Ben were iced out of the funeral. They had pictures of the service, complete with men in uniform. That is consistent with the obituary.

Let’s hope the tabloid was right for once. 

[Cam]

13 hours ago, marmalade said:

Saw a tabloid report (the Sun, I believe) that said JB and Ben were iced out of the funeral. They had pictures of the service, complete with men in uniform. That is consistent with the obituary.

I’m not sure I understand. I thought Ben was supposed to be officiating? Does iced out mean they weren’t able to attend or just weren’t allowed to say anything?

[FiveAcres]

22 minutes ago, Cam said:

I’m not sure I understand. I thought Ben was supposed to be officiating? Does iced out mean they weren’t able to attend or just weren’t allowed to say anything?

Link to Sun report:

https://www.the-sun.com/entertainment/8489803/duggar-family-snubs-gay-uncle-tommy-funeral-photos/

From the article:

Quote

 

In exclusive photos obtained by The U.S. Sun, around 20 loved ones, including Tommy’s husband, Lawrence Nestrud, were in attendance for the funeral. 

The services were held at the Fayetteville National Cemetery on Thursday. 

A 21-gun salute took place, as Tommy served in the US Navy aboard the USS Henderson during Vietnam. 

Noticeably absent from the services was the Duggar family, including dad Jim Bob. 

 

(The Sun is not generally considered an authoritative source).

[shesinsane]

I found this obituary for Tommy Lester:

https://www.heritageofnwa.com/obituary/tommy-lester

Quote

Graveside service will be 11:30 am Thursday, June 29, 2023 at the Fayetteville National Cemetery with Pastor Ben Seewald officiating the service. Military honors will be rendered by the United States Navy Honor Guard and American Legion Post 100. Arrangements are under the direction of Heritage Funeral Home.

The funeral announcement shows The Sun was correct about the cemetery and Lester's service record. Perhaps they were also correct about the lack of "Duggars" while Seewald was involved; his last name isn't Duggar (even though he's Duggar adjacent through his wife).  

Wishing peace and comfort to the Lester family. And wishing the Duggars would just accept that Josh ruined their legend and fade back into obscurity. 

 

[anjulibai]

I wonder if JB tried to take over the funeral and have Ben preach, but Tommy's widower and their friends/other family intervened. It sounds like Tommy hadn't been in contact with any Duggars in years. I can't imagine Tommy's real loves ones would want the Duggars around and conducting the funeral (which you know they wouldn't be respectful).

[JDuggs]

Maybe Ben was asked to officiate, but seeing all the extra attention it was drawing to the funeral, either bowed out himself or was asked not to do it.

[Giraffe]

Interesting that Ben officiated a funeral for someone who’s gay. I’m pleasantly surprised. 

[Coconut Flan]

23 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

Interesting that Ben officiated a funeral for someone who’s gay. I’m pleasantly surprised. 

He apparently did not even attend and allegedly wasn;t invited.

[Father Son Holy Goat]

On 6/29/2023 at 1:14 AM, AussieKrissy said:

Oh what fresh hell is this made me lol and i nominate it for a future thread title lol 

I second the nomination