Bro Gary Hawkins 22: The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization

[postscript]

“Budget” pricing? More budget than $30 per course? Do they even have all 48 courses prepared? WI’ll they need more than a couple? 

[Xan]

On 8/26/2023 at 8:18 PM, thoughtful said:

Oh, fuck.

  Reveal hidden contents

I have no idea if he has quit his job, or is planning to only do Sundays within easy driving distance. I can't believe he'd actually fly.

I was wondering how long he could resist the call of the road.  The trouble is that he's fallen in love with the sound of his own voice.  Not to mention how much Bro Gary really hates working for a living...

[Xan]

It occurred to me this morning that maybe Becky is just sick of Gary and would rather he be on the road and away from her.  He has seemed to be fixated lately on his homecooked meals.  If he has turned out to be a lousy caretaker, perhaps she'd prefer to have no caretaker at all.

[AmazonGrace]

I listened to a Gary sermon backwards and heard terrible things 

Spoiler

We have been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty

 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

It occurred to me this morning that maybe Becky is just sick of Gary and would rather he be on the road and away from her.  He has seemed to be fixated lately on his homecooked meals.  If he has turned out to be a lousy caretaker, perhaps she'd prefer to have no caretaker at all.

That occurred to me, as well. I suspect she's still doing more for him and their landlady than he is doing for either of them. He is actually gone for part of the day, since he works now. But she may think that having him out from underfoot even more could make her life easier.

She's probably still laundering (and, since he dresses up for church whether he's preaching or not, ironing) his clothes. She's still cooking for him. She may be doing some of the work involved in keeping the ducks and chickens and growing tomatoes. She's probably still doing the shopping while he pouts in the truck, since he  complains about going into Walmart(s) and seeing that they have self-checkouts which turn people into robots. She's probably still cutting his hair and caring for his beard. And I figure she's still the only one paying attention to their finances.

Not that she'd get much relief from any of that, other than a few days of cooking. And some duties would be added back in.

Packing and unpacking, setting up his schedule, doing any math that is needed, and communicating with people so he won't offend them too much (Becky writes all of the thank-you notes, and I suspect she smooths things over a great deal, especially with pastor's wives) will be added back in to her responsibilities.

She may need to do even more than she did in the past to help him plan messages, even  re-write some stuff in his little steno notebook, since she won't always be there to cue him, correct him, remember names, and say "Foxe's Book of Martyrs" from the congregation.

She might be needed to order a food delivery from her phone for him, as happened once before when they were hundreds of miles apart.

She'll probably still need to comfort him when he is butt-hurt, and due to his great sensitivity to her pain, which makes him suffer so, poor boy. 😡

But at least he'll be gone for a while now and then.

She'll have more quiet time, and be able to stretch out in bed for a night or two.

And that made this old-movie buff think of a line from The Women, which was probably not as bizarre to a 1939 American audience as it is to us now, when it calls up an "ewwwww, that's an awful image" reaction.

But, Becky and Gary being who they are, it seems appropriate.

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

Gary posted "OK, folks, this is funny," and a link to this Facebook group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/239767091593843/

I don't know if he thought he was posting one particular joke, or not.

Only comment so far:

Spoiler

Now, now, Ginger - get your priorities straight. What makes Gary laugh is much more important than his mother's health.

[thoughtful]

Becky re-posted something that actually praises a brick-and-mortar school! 

https://www.facebook.com/thinkingmindspage/posts/pfbid0254Sz9n2XPi12ThCK39AgPSr98NFakReZoozGAuSk6H1eRBDN3eXinvdLaYBpe2Vpl

ETA - I got curious enough to scroll down at that humor site, to see if I could figure out what, if any, particular thing Gary found amusing. I will admit that the things that were posted at the time were cute, if not haha funny, to me.

Spoiler

  

 

 

Edited August 29, 2023 by thoughtful

[Jasmar]

On 8/27/2023 at 4:46 PM, thoughtful said:

"And so, it's a lot t'do - an' ah even told mah pastor after church we was talkin', whenever we would wake in - back in - when ah was in - uh uh still at home, an'

I hate to do Porky wrong, but…

 

On 8/27/2023 at 4:46 PM, thoughtful said:

He does his jokes threatening to preach for too long, including saying that his wife could tell them he's never preached over two hours. A few weak chuckles from the congregation, and we hear Becky quietly say "Pretty close."

I wonder if Becky quietly listens to country music. Good old Lyle Lovett has a word. Sunday:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZI0zO2TS1Y 

 

Edited August 29, 2023 by Jasmar

[keepercjr]

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

That occurred to me, as well. I suspect she's still doing more for him and their landlady than he is doing for either of them. He is actually gone for part of the day, since he works now. But she may think that having him out from underfoot even more could make her life easier.

She's probably still laundering (and, since he dresses up for church whether he's preaching or not, ironing) his clothes. She's still cooking for him. She may be doing some of the work involved in keeping the ducks and chickens and growing tomatoes. She's probably still doing the shopping while he pouts in the truck, since he  complains about going into Walmart(s) and seeing that they have self-checkouts which turn people into robots. She's probably still cutting his hair and caring for his beard. And I figure she's still the only one paying attention to their finances.

Not that she'd get much relief from any of that, other than a few days of cooking. And some duties would be added back in.

Packing and unpacking, setting up his schedule, doing any math that is needed, and communicating with people so he won't offend them too much (Becky writes all of the thank-you notes, and I suspect she smooths things over a great deal, especially with pastor's wives) will be added back in to her responsibilities.

She may need to do even more than she did in the past to help him plan messages, even  re-write some stuff in his little steno notebook, since she won't always be there to cue him, correct him, remember names, and say "Foxe's Book of Martyrs" from the congregation.

She might be needed to order a food delivery from her phone for him, as happened once before when they were hundreds of miles apart.

She'll probably still need to comfort him when he is butt-hurt, and due to his great sensitivity to her pain, which makes him suffer so, poor boy. 😡

But at least he'll be gone for a while now and then.

She'll have more quiet time, and be able to stretch out in bed for a night or two.

And that made this old-movie buff think of a line from The Women, which was probably not as bizarre to a 1939 American audience as it is to us now, when it calls up an "ewwwww, that's an awful image" reaction.

But, Becky and Gary being who they are, it seems appropriate.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I will forever be dumbfounded that Becky traded raising her own children for (gestures widely) *That*.  He is literally non functional without her and she enables it.  He provides nothing but work for her.  I guess he does love her in his own way (she is his manager, maid, cook, secretary, brain, sex) and for some sick reason that was enough for her.  I get that she probably had, and still has, very low self esteem but at some point she must have realized this was the life she signed up for (at least at a surface level given that her daughter talked about Becky wanting to leave Gary).  She let him terribly abuse her kids (and his I am sure) and together they chose a life of extreme poverty living on the road and traveling in a death trap RV.  Even when they settled down, they chose to do it not near any of their family.  I don't think Gary loves anyone but himself.  He sees people as tools to get what he wants.  It looks good to have a wife who literally takes care of his every need and a bunch of children who he could order around and abuse when he felt like it, but now even Jacob woke up and saw the light. Does she not wonder why their combined children don't want that much to do with them and Jacob is now LIVING with his mom.  I guess Michaela tries to convince herself that gary was a good dad (easier than accepting he is an abusive POS) and unfortunately it seems like Caleb has taken on the traveling preacher role from Gary.  I doubt Gary intends on visiting Jacob in Louisiana and his other kids for that matter, unless they come to him.  And I could be wrong but I don't think Becky has visited her children in a while either. 

[griffin]

Oh! keepercjr, thank you so much for telling us where Jacob is. I have always worried so about him. No real home, no friends, no clubs/classes/ interests, that thing for a father.... I could go on and on. Thank you.

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I don't think Gary loves anyone but himself.  He sees people as tools to get what he wants. 

That's about it. I think he's always been a monumentally selfish person, and now he claims he needs whatever his little heart desires, because he's doing it all for Jesus.

4 hours ago, keepercjr said:

now even Jacob woke up and saw the light. Does she not wonder why their combined children don't want that much to do with them and Jacob is now LIVING with his mom.

We don't actually know how Jacob ended up away from Gary and Becky. They may have dumped him on his mother, whether he wanted to go or not.

 

4 hours ago, keepercjr said:

unfortunately it seems like Caleb has taken on the traveling preacher role from Gary

Maybe I'll give him a listen at some point, and find out if he has surpassed his father and grandfather at making sense.

He and his wife Sarah  have hit some of Gary's old haunts - these apogees of decor are unforgettable:

Spoiler

Hey, at least they took the Trump banner off of the piano:

IIRC, I think this is the church that, last I heard, had four members, including the pastor and his wife. It's also the place where the guy who wants to be a missionary to somewhere in Africa, who taught his children that singing meant screaming at the top of their lungs, had them perform, and the place where Becky fainted into the tub in the pastor's house.

   

They have a musical act that's about at the same level as his parents', although Caleb can actually play the guitar. Sarah presses awkwardly at the piano, and her singing is so quiet and her diction so bad that it's actually difficult to know that someone is, in fact, singing, let alone what the words are.

1 hour ago, griffin said:

Oh! keepercjr, thank you so much for telling us where Jacob is. I have always worried so about him. No real home, no friends, no clubs/classes/ interests, that thing for a father.... I could go on and on. Thank you.

Technically, I don't think we know for sure that he is living with his Mom. @Joyster let us know that he's attending a church in her town, so it seems likely he's living with her or a member of her church.

Other than being away from Gary and getting to stay in one place and make friends, both of which are huge, of course, we also don't know if other aspects of his life have improved. The church is pretty hateful, and I have no idea if and how he is being educated.

Spoiler

 

 

Edited August 30, 2023 by thoughtful
adding link re Bryant family

[postscript]

Their lives - not just Gary and Becky's, but Caleb's and Jacob's, too - seem so unsettled. There's zero stability. Not that people can't travel, but at some point, you would think they'd want to stay put for a while.

Gary and Becky seemed settled in Tennessee, but now Gary wants to get back on the road. After being dragged around the country in a variety of unsafe vehicles, forced to perform in every fly-by-night IFB church on the Eastern seaboard, and poorly homeschooled, Jacob has somehow ended up in Louisiana. Who knows how long he'll be there before he has to move on? I would not be surprised to see Caleb decide he wants to travel around spreading the incoherent gospel just like his dad. I'm only thankful he and Sarah haven't gotten pregnant yet (that we know of). 

4 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I don't think Gary loves anyone but himself.  He sees people as tools to get what he wants. 

I don't think he's capable of caring about anyone other than himself. He sees Becky, his parents, and his siblings only as extensions of himself. I'm not even sure he really cares about Jesus. 

[thoughtful]

Gary is still being a medical and political expert:

Spoiler

When we last left Gary on 8/20, Becky had just made a sarcastic comment about how long his messages are. He mumbles, "Yeah, mah wahf's got it down to the minute and second amen." then yells "Verses one of Psalms chapter 40 bahble says ah waited pay-shlee for th'Lor'; and he inclahned unto me, and heard my crah, he brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the mary clay, and set mah feet on ay rock, and established my goin', an' he hath put ay new song in mah mouth awanna say somethin' t'ya, those songs that we sung here since from Sundee school t'this mornin', they was pretty good songs. Ah almos' haveta say they was biblical songs."

"An' awanna say somethin' to ya, ah will never put a songbook up t'the King James bahble, but those songs've got some good stuff in 'em. Amen? They got some good words, an' an' an' you think about what is it Crosby - a cain't say the first name or the whole name or whatever, she was blahnd an' was writin' about seeeyun."

"Seeeyun" is how Gary says "sin" this time. Oh, and "blahnd" is blind, in case that wasn't clear.

I wonder if Gary doesn't remember Ms. Crosby's first name, or if it's another case of not wanting to accidentally say a bad word. I mean, Fanny is not as obscene in the US as it is in the UK, since we use it to mean derriere, but it could still be on Gary's no-no list.

He glides from Fanny Crosby into continuing to misread the Psalm, and ends up seeming to confuse her with God, because he replaces the "he" at the beginning of the next verse with "she!"

"An' ah'm gonna say somethin' to ya - ah understand that she  done gone on to heaven, but she said a lotta things amen? She put - she put -  a new song in mah mouth, even praises unto our God."

He blahblahs about praising God, and reads a bit more of the psalm.

The audio keeps skipping, so it's hard to tell, but I think Gary is referring to playlists on phones and other devices when he says "Hey! Quit puttin' yer junk on there and start puttin' somethin' on about God."

Inner 12-year-olds, rejoice!

Gary returns to his original theme of Jesus Passing By. I will continue next time I pass by.

 

[Alisamer]

On 8/27/2023 at 7:46 PM, thoughtful said:

"And so, it's a lot t'do - an' ah even told mah pastor after church we was talkin', whenever we would wake in - back in - when ah was in - uh uh still at home, an' we would wake up the alarm clock, would play somma this - rock music? Backwards. An' you think it's bad playin' it forward? It really was bad playin' it backwards. You'd hear some stuff thatchu wouldn't even - it would even - it would blow yer mahnd even today at whatchu would hear stuff, but awanna tellya somethin' mah ears don' wanna listen t'that junk amen?

LOL I love it when the fundies go talking about "rock music". You don't see it so much anymore. I'd love for Gary to tell us about this sort of rock music - since his TV go to reference is "I Love Lucy" I wonder exactly what sort of rock he's thinking about here? Buddy Holly? Elvis?

It's strange the way he falls decades back in time like that. I'm fairly certain Gary and I are pretty close in age. When I think of "rock music" I think Van Halen, Kiss, Bon Jovi, all the hair metal bands, etc. 

In fact I finally, once my free Sirius XM trial ended and I decided to pay for it, went through and curated the saved channels in my car. My presets include Turbo, Octane, Ozzy's Boneyard, Hair Nation, 80's, 90's, 2000's, 2010's, Pop Rocks, Alt Nation, Lithium, and 1st Wave. Plus a couple more current stations so I don't fall completely behind the times. But it's been really awesome having all that rock music available to listen to again, both new and old stuff. The regular radio stations are really limited in comparison.

Also I don't think he really got this to play any music of any kind backward:

Generally playing stuff backward would have required an actual record player. And those were old news by the time I was a teenager, though you'd still hear the "satanic panic" rumors about back masking subliminal messages and such now and again. 

Since Halloween is coming up I'll recommend a terrible 1986 horror movie (that I really enjoyed LOL, I know I have awful taste in movies) called Trick Or Treat. The music is great and is by Fastway. There are appearances by Gene Simmons (as a radio DJ) and Ozzy Osborne (as a televangelist). And the basis of the plot is that the ghost of a heavy metal singer is summoned by playing his final album backward, allowing him to cause havoc. 

[thoughtful]

Sorry if it wasn't clear during this reiteration of the backwards rock story - Gary has told it many times before. He is talking about the DJs on the radio station (to which his alarm was set) playing the music backward.

Gary was born in 1972, and he's talking about being old enough to go to school. So, while his radio probably looked like the one you pictured (or perhaps with little tabs that flip down, like the one in Groundhog Day), he could have heard some music played backwards.

Of course, it's Gary, so it's just as likely it happened only once, or one of his siblings or friends told him it did, and then it turned into a memory of many mornings being awakened by satanic content.

Edited August 30, 2023 by thoughtful
clarity

[Alisamer]

51 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Sorry if it wasn't clear during this reiteration of the backwards rock story - Gary has told it many times before. He is talking about the DJs on the radio station (to which his alarm was set) playing the music backward.

Gary was born in 1972, and he's talking about being old enough to go to school. So, while his radio probably looked like the one you pictured (or perhaps with little tabs that flip down, like the one in Groundhog Day), he could have heard some music played backwards.

Of course, it's Gary, so it's just as likely it happened only once, or one of his siblings or friends told him it did, and then it turned into a memory of many mornings being awakened by satanic content.

Oh, thanks for explaining! That makes somewhat better sense. 

I still think it's likely not true that he heard that himself, at least not quite the way he described it. I'm 2 years younger than him and from a similar area - no chance anyone was playing backward rock music on the radio when his morning alarm went off. Not on the stations in that area, especially! 

If he did hear rock music played backwards on the radio, I'd bet it was one of the night time programs, probably on a weekend, done to be funny or deliberately "edgy". Maybe done on a late night show on a college station. Or as an example in a news story. Or on some Christian radio station playing the most ominous sounding thing they can find as an example to scare people - a brief clip before they cut back to whatever weeping/ranting evangelist they had on. I think there was at some point during the early 80's some sort of THING in NC with some church kids going on about backward masking maybe. 

So I'm sure at some point he heard some rock music played backward, as most people did during that time. Probably on a news report or a Christian program. But it wasn't like people were actually playing whole albums or even whole songs backward - when I heard music being played backward it was to try and hear what the scaremongers were going on about, or to try and prove that rock music was evil, or to joke about how silly people were being about the whole thing, or on the news as they reported about the big scare. All the music I heard played backward just sounded like a distorted mess, except the few occasions something was deliberately put in to be funny or edgy. 

I still want to know what he was listening to that was backward. Maybe the Beatles - they did some experimenting with backward recording and would have been out of date enough for Gary to reference them.

[AmazonGrace]

A radio channel I sometimes listen to have had a quiz segment in one of the morning shows in which they play music clips backwards and people have to guess which song it is. Never ever have I heard anything that I understood as words on those music clips.

[keepercjr]

I agree that we don't know for sure that Jacob is living with his mom but I can't see any other reason why he would be in Louisiana, in the same city as her.  If Gary wanted to dump him somewhere my guess is that it would be back with his family.  When Michaela stopped traveling with them, she was living with someone in his family as she was seen in their family photos and that is where she met her husband.  It is possible Gary dumped him there but he kept them from their mom for so long and I don't see him wanting to give her an inch.  If Jacob was rebelling, I am sure Gary would just vow to beat him more. 

on an unrelated note, I can't find Gary's criminal record anymore.  The website where I first found it doesn't seem to exist anymore.  When you search his name there is almost *nothing* out there about him.  Almost like he has been erased from the internet.  Reminds me of when I try to search for Kimi (horrible adoptive mom).  She is gone from the internet too.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, keepercjr said:

I agree that we don't know for sure that Jacob is living with his mom but I can't see any other reason why he would be in Louisiana, in the same city as her. 

I just didn't want to pass it on as absolute fact. I agree that it's likely he's with her.

1 hour ago, keepercjr said:

on an unrelated note, I can't find Gary's criminal record anymore.

Here you go:

https://webapps.doc.state.nc.us/opi/viewoffender.do?method=view&offenderID=0174434&searchLastName=Hawkins&searchFirstName=William&listurl=pagelistoffendersearchresults&listpage=2

[postscript]

I’m amused that it shows “Gary Hawkins” as an alias (as opposed to his full name, William Gary Hawkins). The other alias, William Gry, is him all over. It may very well be a misprint, but if anyone were to misspell his own name, it would be Gary. 

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, postscript said:

I’m amused that it shows “Gary Hawkins” as an alias (as opposed to his full name, William Gary Hawkins). The other alias, William Gry, is him all over. It may very well be a misprint, but if anyone were to misspell his own name, it would be Gary. 

Shall we start calling him Gry?

That just made me remember Dna and his skirt cheese making spouse.

You probably remember this, but for anyone reading who is new to Gary; Danny, Gary, and Caleb are all technically William, and go by their middle name. I don't know how far back that tradition goes. But I'd be willing to bet that if Caleb has sons, the first one will be William Something and is never called William.

[keepercjr]

15 hours ago, postscript said:

I’m amused that it shows “Gary Hawkins” as an alias (as opposed to his full name, William Gary Hawkins). The other alias, William Gry, is him all over. It may very well be a misprint, but if anyone were to misspell his own name, it would be Gary. 

I am a notary and when doing loan signings, there is usually always a paper called a signature and name affidavit.  It has other names on there that the person may have gone by.  Sometimes the names are very strange and aren't connected to the person signing at all (usually the person will write on there "Never known as") but sometimes there are clear misspellings like Gry.  A guy who worked finance in a car dealership told me that its because someone put it in wrong when doing a credit check or something similar.  Gary may have applied for a credit card at one point and didn't spell it right (or someone else mistyped it).  Either way it is there to stay. 

I would love to read the police report of his crimes. I wonder how old the minor was and who reported him.  From what I can tell, he has to have been 5+ years older than the minor involved.  He was 18 so she would have had to be 13 or younger and it doesn't have to mean sex.  Any background check would expose this secret of his.  Traveling preacher man requires no background and nobody would question it.  I would also love to read the divorce papers between him and his first wife. I bet he was abusive to her but that is just my speculation.

Edited August 31, 2023 by keepercjr

[thoughtful]

19 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I would love to read the police report of his crimes. I wonder how old the minor was and who reported him.  From what I can tell, he has to have been 5+ years older than the minor involved.  He was 18 so she would have had to be 13 or younger and it doesn't have to mean sex.

IIRC, at one point someone researched this, and I think the 5+ year difference may not have been part of the law at the time - it may be a more recent addition. If I have time later, I'll see if I can find the information again.

Not to say that Gary wouldn't have done such a thing. In fact, he strikes me as the type who'd fall back on the "she looked older" crap, and maybe even be stupid enough to really have thought that.

19 hours ago, keepercjr said:

Any background check would expose this secret of his.  Traveling preacher man requires no background and nobody would question it. 

Yet another reason to be disgusted by the whole system, in which any male who declares himself a preacher, is a preacher.

And, even if someone found out and was concerned, the man would just say "It's under the blood." Nobody can be held responsible for past sins if they're saved, in their world.

19 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I would also love to read the divorce papers between him and his first wife. I bet he was abusive to her but that is just my speculation.

Me, too. I think that speculation is a pretty safe bet.

[Alisamer]

9 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Me, too. I think that speculation is a pretty safe bet.

I could see him being abusive. I could also see her just getting fed up with his stupidity and weaponized incompetence. Maybe Becky is OK being his mommy, but I imagine his first wife, raising actual young children, might have had that get old fast. Whether he was abusive or not, he is a barely-literate hard-headed sexist racist prick. I can't imagine he was contributing much to the marriage. 

What was the date of his actual being saved, again? I can't hold numbers in my brain. Was he married still then? I can totally see her marrying this regular, if stupid, man child and having kids with him and getting by. But then he gets "saved", decides he needs to be the boss of the house and she needs to stay home, while he also decides to be a preacher so he's not making any money, all while being super preachy to her too, and her being like "NOPE. Dude. Not happening." and filing the papers. 

Honestly I'd love to see the soap opera of Becky and Gary's lives. Just because I'm nosy. And to know more background... like, was Becky always super fundie Christian? Was it a reaction to her first husband turning out to be gay? Was she a decent person before (seems to maybe have been, she was a nurse, wasn't she? So at least educated.) and then decided after her world was rocked to go the exact opposite direction so ended up with bigoted Gary?

How did she end up with this half-witted blob? 

They seem to really love each other, so good for them on that, but just how did they get from their former seemingly normal lives to being homeless itinerant preachers heading from teeny church to teeny church spreading stupidity and bigotry?

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Alisamer said:

What was the date of his actual being saved, again? I can't hold numbers in my brain. Was he married still then?

July 11, 1999. I'm pretty sure that Stephanie was pregnant with Michaela, their first child, when Gary got saved. Jacob was born in 2007, which gives us somewhat of a timeline of how long they were together.

Spoiler

Stephanie's fourth child (who is Facebook friends with Gary's kids) doesn't seem that much younger than Jacob, and has Hawkins as a last name - whether or not he is also Gary's biological child is unknown to any of us, as far as I know.

Stephanie was in high school from 1994-1996, per her Facebook, and it says she left, not that she graduated. So I don't know what year she was born, but am guessing she is about six years younger than Gary.

I am curious about how they got together in the first place. She was raised in Michigan, and I think only visited South Carolina.

And, like you, I would love to know the rest of the story.