Bro Gary Hawkins 22: The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization

[thoughtful]

The lovebirds:

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[thoughtful]

 

A little sleuthing found what looks like the same shirt on an employee of the Columbia TN public works department. So it looks like that's who Gary is working for these days.

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ETA - duh on me. Had I looked at the picture of Gary separately, rather than just taking a screen shot of the two cropped pics, I would have seen the whole logo:

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So much for my sleuthing skills.

Edited August 17, 2023 by thoughtful
extra word

[postscript]

That’s a good photo of Becky. Gary looks more relaxed and less pissy than he does when he’s preaching. Perhaps life off the road suits him. 

[Botkinetti]

I hope life off the road suits both of them. A regular paycheque and consistent sleep in one place instead of begging for places to let him preach may have calmed him down.

[thoughtful]

Gary is helping out at the men's home, which I assume means he gets to preach and/or proselytize. Hey, maybe he'll take them some tomatoes and actually do some good.

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https://www.facebook.com/OnesimusDiscipleshipProgram

Oh, and Gary is still a rebel without a cause:

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I love that he pouts that he'll stay home if need be, right after he posts about going out. I'm sure, Gary being Gary, he will stay home when he feels like it, and go wherever he wants, and think he is being a great independent thinker.

[thoughtful]

Becky reposted some things from other people - many, many pictures of handwritten recipes, mostly for chicken, and this:

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid035dRUmETnjZe7FRuzwYwYq8jkwE9WULUagdx9qoFFe2n8WXWqxe1ybMtdNGRJ2a9kl&id=100070445343392

Why, as someone who almost never posts, she suddenly found these two things important enough to post, I have no idea.

[FiveAcres]

25 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Becky reposted some things from other people - many, many pictures of handwritten recipes, mostly for chicken, and this:

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid035dRUmETnjZe7FRuzwYwYq8jkwE9WULUagdx9qoFFe2n8WXWqxe1ybMtdNGRJ2a9kl&id=100070445343392

Why, as someone who almost never posts, she suddenly found these two things important enough to post, I have no idea.

It doesn't look very well attended, does it? 

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, FiveAcres said:

It doesn't look very well attended, does it? 

Maybe the people in that area have caught on that free bouncy house access for their kids is not worth being harangued about burning in Hell.

The mystery to me is why Becky posted it. The events were in Iowa, and they're in Tennessee. I don't recognize the leader of this "ministry" from his picture, and couldn't find his name anywhere, so I don't know if it's someone they know.

A comment under Gary's post about going to the men's home is below. Looks like he did preach. At least he also provided something edible.

Edited August 18, 2023 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

A comment under Gary's Covid post. Chris has it all figured out.

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In other bad news, Gary has managed to get a preaching gig near home:

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And we find out that the cookies Gary took to the men's home were baked by Becky. But it's OK - she says she used to bake to relieve her stress. I'm sure this batch wasn't baked due to any whining from Gary.

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[thoughtful]

Becky is on a veritable posting spree. Here's an ironic one, considering that I strongly suspect most of these people of practicing what I consider child abuse - beatings, undereducation, and indoctrination in superstition.

But what they fear is a stranger in the well-lit supermarket walking off with their kid. So always shop armed with a gun, and try this cute little trick, as well:

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Comments:

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[Xan]

I long ago discovered that what works was HOLDING ONTO THE CART.   Good grief.  Was this woman just wandering off from the cart and leaving the little kid attached to the seat?  She's anxious enough to carry a gun in a store but lax enough to stop paying attention to the people around her and her child?  

I don't understand these people.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

I long ago discovered that what works was HOLDING ONTO THE CART.   Good grief.  Was this woman just wandering off from the cart and leaving the little kid attached to the seat?  She's anxious enough to carry a gun in a store but lax enough to stop paying attention to the people around her and her child?  

I don't understand these people.

I'm with you.

And I don't even have children. All I have in the child seat of my cart is my purse, and I keep an arm looped through the shoulder strap, and at least one hand on the cart handle. I just push the cart close enough to what I want to reach it.

I was curious to find out if there really are people who abduct children from supermarket carts. It seems rare. But I guess the conspiracy crowd thinks liberal globalists are after them for sex slavery and adrenochrome.

Squirmy kids falling out seems like more of a problem, and I guess the carabiner trick could slow some of them down.

I did find this item, for people who want to keep kids happy, and protect them from falling out:

https://buggiehuggie.com/

 

[thoughtful]

I know Jerry means he lived there before he was saved, but, without the fundy interpretation, it sounds pretty funny, like he ended up living in Greenbrier by accident when he couldn't find his way home to where he originally lived.

[Xan]

Speculation bus alert!  I think Becky must have threatened to leave Gary.  She'd had enough of the road and, with her poor health, decided that she was done with traveling.  If he wanted to keep wandering around the country, he'd have to do it without her.  Otherwise, I don't think he'd have ever stopped.  He now has a real job which is a shocker.  He's bragging on her cooking and talking about how he loves being with her.  I think even dim-bulb Gary understood that he would be in trouble without Becky.  She kept him fed and organized.  I'd be willing to bet that a lot of those churches liked Becky better than Gary anyway.  His parents won't be around much longer and his children don't seem that fond of him.  Without Becky, who would love Gary?

If he has any sense, he'll stay off the road forever and take care of her.  I don't think she's a very good mother but, as bad as she is, she's a better person than Gary.  And who else would have him?

[thoughtful]

He not ready:

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Comments (for once, that's not what he asked, Scott - did you have to bring it up?):

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Edited August 20, 2023 by thoughtful
punctuation

[thoughtful]

Hey, Gary has given us a fun game to play, with his typo. What do you think the L stands for?

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Some of his commenters (including his pastor) tease him about it:

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[thoughtful]

Gary corrected his post, so it now says KJV instead of LJV. It still says the LORD day instead of the Lord's day, though. 

We have another gift from Gary - he posted video of his first sermon this morning at Impact Baptist Church in Greenbrier. He is preaching the second service right now.

So, let's give this first sermon a listen. Has Gary lost his touch? 😁

He starts with "Well, amen, it's good to be in church," so he remembers that part of his schtick. He doesn't sound as convinced as he used to, and doesn't complain when he only gets one  quiet "amen." The sound is very low, so I may not be able to hear everything.

He fusses with the microphone battery, has them turn to Psalms right away, then introduces himself and Becky.  He says they are evangelists, and have "come off the road" because of Becky's MS and other health problems. He continues into one of those classic Garystreams:

"They say we have the best doctor in Tennissee, ah guess we'll fahnd out. Ah don't trust any these doctors most of 'em is practicin' madison ah don't want 'em practicin' ohn me, amen? So ah'm glad mah wahf volunteered for that t'happen so do pray for her, that they can figure some this stuff out. Ah was innerduced to MS from a lady ah knew years ago,  annn' she - her family came to the church mah Daddy had started, some years ago, annn' he was always there an' th'kids was always there, but the wahf was not always there, ____ (incoherent sounds) had a pretty big battle, so . . . ah guess out of all th'diseases that they got - now, ah know what the Lord can do, amen? But, unless the Lord does it, MS is wonna those diseases that -  ah guess ya just have to endear t'the end. But, uh, ah do appreciate yer prayers for her Psalms chapter 63 if y'can yer willin' an able stand fer th'readin' of the worda God what tahm do ah need t'quit fer Sunday school?"

He stops just long enough to hear the answer, then starts reading.

The image of a stock of diseases that "they got,"  (who? doctors?) just waiting on the shelves like merchandise in Walmart(s), is very Gary.

I don't know if Gary has decided that it was OK to stay home from church due to MS because of his memories of that woman, and/or because his parents didn't condemn her for staying home, or if he's just looking for excuses now that Becky can't always go (and, sometimes, neither does he). It's a lot of work for so few brain cells.

More later.

 

[thoughtful]

Gary reads Psalm 63.

Quote

 O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;

2 To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.

3 Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.

4 Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.

5 My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips:

6 When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.

7 Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.

8 My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.

9 But those that seek my soul, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth.

10 They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes.

11 But the king shall rejoice in God; every one that sweareth by him shall glory: but the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped.

As usual, he stumbles, hesitates, repeats and misreads. Funnier errors:

KJV:  My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips
Bro Gary Version:  My soul shall be satisfied as mah marrow and mah fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joy - joyful lips

KJV: thy right hand upholdeth me
BGV: thy right hand upholdeth thee

Oooh, God can do a one-armed handstand? He is mighty! We know his son can, per artist Cosmo Sarson:

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[postscript]

“Mah marrow and mah fatness” - oh, Gary. Considering your weight struggles, that is an unfortunate misreading. 

Looks like those months off the preaching circuit haven’t changed his style. Not sure if that’s a positive or a negative. 

[AmazonGrace]

On 8/20/2023 at 5:37 AM, thoughtful said:

He not ready:

  Hide contents

 

 

Did Gary's Lord and Creator make a mistake when choosing the daylight settings?

I thought God was supposed to know best in everything. But Gary thinks he could improve on the seasons?

[griffin]

I assumed he was talking about Daylight Savings Time ending.

[AmazonGrace]

Already? It's not until October over here.

[thoughtful]

Changing clocks is done on the first Sunday in November here. I think Gary was just talking about the gradual change that happens naturally.

But then it's Gary, so anything could be rattling around in that head.

[thoughtful]

Gary got some more comments under his Covid post since the last time I looked. Henry has apostrophe issues. I wonder if he belongs to the One True and Apostrophic Church.

 

[thoughtful]

Continuing Gary's sermon from the first service at Impact in Greenbrier, last Sunday, he re-reads verse one of the Psalm, then vaguepreaches for a while, eventually getting into his spiel about how he thinks God is "slowly pullin' His spirit away." He blames this on "not as many people seeking God as there used t'be."

"You say over in th'book of Noah what did it say in the book of Noah - Matthew chapter  25 -24 - it said 'as it was in th'days of Noer' guess what? We're there."

Whoa, Gary - book of Noah? Get it together, boy.

He goes on with his End Times gibberish. He has a lot of friends who "do this number stuff, an' there's nothin' wrong with it, ah even had a gah tell me in 2020 when ah called him up one tahm an' ah was talkin' to him a little bit an' when our conversation was comin' to an end, he said 'Brother Hawkins ah wanna letchu know, don' worry 'bout it we got at least four more years.' You know what? Next year's gonna be the four years he's talkin' about."

Becky gets his attention to tell him the clip-on microphone has fallen. Gary is wearing his passion play tie, BTW:

Spoiler

 

Back to the message - people not praying the way they used to, Brother Carl Lackey, not enough people soulwinning, etc.

He says that at Family Baptist, "Pastor David Baker pushes, every week, 'We need t'be soulwinnin', we need t'be soulwinnin', we need t'be soulwinnin'.'"

Somehow, I'm not surprised to hear that.

After some more shaming people about not going soulwinning, he re-reads verse 2, then blabs about wanting to hear the power of God in a service, and tells his story of the church (he can't, of course, remember when and where this was) where there was a puddle of tears on the floor, from one particular person, after every altar call.

He goes off into wanting to get "God back into the White House." A new twist - he does not mention Trump. He just says they should vote for "some'un that's biblical" for president. He does his routine about being called to evangelize to America.

He wants to feel the power of God in the church, like it always was in the old days. He harks back to when people used to leave church and talk about the service and the message, and starts to say his usual bit about how people don't do that any more, but changes to saying that they do talk about the service after church with some people from Family Baptist.

He really is in love with his new church and pastor, I think.

On to his bit about how all of the people at work who only talk about how drunk they got over the weekend, and how Christians should talk about how good their church services were.

"We need God on our churches! We h- listen, hey - we nee - our churches! Did you know that we - well, number -  ah guess you could say with our country what about our families? Our families is in a mess."

That was like watching a cartoon robot break down. Or:

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He regains his ability to string words together, and this is the triumphant result: "Ya listen t'me an' ah'm not  ah'm not bein' mean of anybody that does this that's 'tween you an' God, butchu send these kids down to these public schools an' allofa sudden they wanna give 'em the queen - the drag queen mess? Amen!"

He says that, when Becky was in high school, she once thought she heard some classmates talking about drugs, but she wasn't 100% sure of it. But now the kids talk openly and are not even ashamed of it.

"Mattera fact, ah work with a gah that, uh, that, now, insteada smokin' cigarettes they do this vapor stuff or viper, whatever ya call it, an' there's a place that we pick up trash, an' it's wonna those places an' he looks through the trash t'see if he kin fahnd any of th'good stuff, an' he gives it to a friend or a cousin of his t'take t'the school t'sell that mess. T'little bitty kids. Amen?

And you've reported this guy to the police, or at least your supervisor, right, Gary? Or is he just fodder for your messages until he gets cast into the lake of fire?

He says he "didn't have t'go t'public school very much" and he's glad for that. So now we know that Gary did, indeed, spend some time going to public school.

He reassures them, again, that he's not "bashin'" anybody for sending their kids to public school, but "it's gittin' bad."

"Look at verses three."

Later, Gary - I've had enough for tonight.