M is for Mama 16

[Xan]

8 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

Her life is only hard as a result of choices she’s made. 

Her life isn't hard.  Hard is when you have no one who can help or is willing to help.  Hard is not having extra money for something like a vacation.  Hard is wondering how you're going to pay for groceries after you've paid your utilities.  Hard is being in the same pair of pants for three days and not noticing.  Hard is reading posts from people like Abbie while you're chipping Cheerios off the table and considering eating a few as you go.

Abbie leaves her kids with her mom.  She lets her older children parent the younger ones.  She can hire nannies.  She has time to exercise, shop for useless crap for her house, shop for more clothes for herself, and hide away and pretend to write.  She doesn't know what hard really is.

One of her latest things on Instagram says that she hated that the house wasn't big enough but that the view made up for it.  What mother says that?  Who didn't have a bed so Abbie could keep her view?  

[Ozlsn]

28 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

Abbie and Shaun are going on weekly date nights alone in Europe while leaving their ten minor children (2-16yo) with a nanny they paid to bring on the trip. That privilege is laughably massive. 

Her life is only hard as a result of choices she’s made. 

I cannot get over the weekly date nights, honestly.  Weekly is over the top to me in their home life while they impose on family for childcare, but to leave an au pair in charge of 5 very young kids (presumably before said kids have gone to sleep) as well as 5 older kids so they can have a weekly childfree "date" somewhere exotic is just so bizarre. I get wanting time to actually be with your spouse, but if you choose to have 10 kids then you also essentially choose to look after those kids, and prioritise their needs - get a bottle of wine and have a glass together when the kids are asleep ffs.

[anachronistic]

I finally get it! Hard is not the same as bad, because Abby's life is not hard, but she is indeed bad.

[shesinsane]

4 hours ago, anachronistic said:

I finally get it! Hard is not the same as bad, because Abby's life is not hard, but she is indeed bad.

Perfect!    And this thread's title does have space for a subtitle...

[NotQuiteMotY]

17 hours ago, Xan said:

Her life isn't hard.  Hard is when you have no one who can help or is willing to help.  Hard is not having extra money for something like a vacation.  Hard is wondering how you're going to pay for groceries after you've paid your utilities.  Hard is being in the same pair of pants for three days and not noticing.  Hard is reading posts from people like Abbie while you're chipping Cheerios off the table and considering eating a few as you go.

Abbie leaves her kids with her mom.  She lets her older children parent the younger ones.  She can hire nannies.  She has time to exercise, shop for useless crap for her house, shop for more clothes for herself, and hide away and pretend to write.  She doesn't know what hard really is.

One of her latest things on Instagram says that she hated that the house wasn't big enough but that the view made up for it.  What mother says that?  Who didn't have a bed so Abbie could keep her view?  

All of this. I'll grumble about something in my life, don't get me wrong, because little kids can be frustrating no matter what, but I am incredibly lucky. I don't have to worry about buying food, my kids are fairly healthy, we have a roof over our heads and a car that runs, we have family nearby that is able and willing to help. No matter how momentarily rough it gets, I have more privilege and flexibility than a huge portion of the world.

And then there's Abbie.

[JermajestyDuggar]

36 minutes ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

All of this. I'll grumble about something in my life, don't get me wrong, because little kids can be frustrating no matter what, but I am incredibly lucky. I don't have to worry about buying food, my kids are fairly healthy, we have a roof over our heads and a car that runs, we have family nearby that is able and willing to help. No matter how momentarily rough it gets, I have more privilege and flexibility than a huge portion of the world.

And then there's Abbie.

I think because I grew up with divorced parents who lived paycheck to paycheck, I’m much more aware of my privilege. I think about all the times my parents said no to extra curriculars because they couldn’t afford it (they could only afford the most important ones and the rest just weren’t feasible). Sometimes they didn’t have lunch money for me and I had to use my birthday money. I had to pay for my school clothes and everything extra once I got a job at 15. My kids won’t have to worry about that. We aren’t rich. But we can afford any of the extra curriculars they want to try. And they won’t have to pay for their clothing and extra stuff themselves as teens. I don’t want to spoil them though. I don’t want them to grow up entitled. So it’s hard. It’s hard to find the happy medium with kids. 

[anachronistic]

At some point this spring two doctors told me in Spanish two days that I had to stop being so aware of my own privilege, and accept the fact that my life was hard, basically because minimizing my problems when I have so many was getting to the point where it was a little weird. I just don't want to burden other people with my problems. I don't want them to know what hell I’m in, because I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I *hate* being pitied. And I get so tired of all the questions. It is *so* strange to think that Abby would welcome the questions, and that she would love being pitied. 

[JDuggs]

Abbie: Hey Envious Haters! Look at my kids at a playground. Happy now?

Spoiler

 

[SuperNova]

How long is Abbie going to drag out the twinbies thing? It's tired now but these boys will be in college and she'll probably still be using it. I'm also curious if this annoying little moniker is limited to the 'gram or if she actually uses it in public. 

[SassyPants]

35 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

How long is Abbie going to drag out the twinbies thing? It's tired now but these boys will be in college and she'll probably still be using it. I'm also curious if this annoying little moniker is limited to the 'gram or if she actually uses it in public. 

Doesn’t she still call her older twins, Twinsies?

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

On 5/19/2023 at 9:28 PM, Ozlsn said:

I cannot get over the weekly date nights, honestly.  Weekly is over the top to me in their home life while they impose on family for childcare, but to leave an au pair in charge of 5 very young kids (presumably before said kids have gone to sleep) as well as 5 older kids so they can have a weekly childfree "date" somewhere exotic is just so bizarre. I get wanting time to actually be with your spouse, but if you choose to have 10 kids then you also essentially choose to look after those kids, and prioritise their needs - get a bottle of wine and have a glass together when the kids are asleep ffs.

Prioritizing date night is a really popular idea in fundieland. I'm not sure where it came from but they all seem into it. I agree a weekly night out is pretty ridiculous, especially when they're on vacation.

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Prioritizing date night is a really popular idea in fundieland. I'm not sure where it came from but they all seem into it. I agree a weekly night out is pretty ridiculous, especially when they're on vacation.

Fundie (il)logic in full display: Have a bajillion kids, but expect to have weekly date nights without the kids.  

4 hours ago, JDuggs said:

Abbie: Hey Envious Haters! Look at my kids at a playground. Happy now?

  Hide contents

 

She clearly hate reads here.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think date night is mandatory in fundieland because it’s the only time a fundie mom can get a break. However Braggie is so overly privileged that she gets many many breaks. 

[anachronistic]

She constantly complains about what they get into they are not supervised, yet she continues to leave them without supervision. I mean, you leave your kids alone with sand and water, what the heck do you expect will happen? They’re kids! Also, who the heck when they see an older kid begin to pull a younger kid by there anything, doesn't step in and say, hey! Stop that! I am absolutely certain that what Titus did not enjoy being dragged by the foot, I am also absolutely certain that Abby was too busy laughing or filming stop it.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Zoo Anderson just posted about their flight to Germany. Zoo took 9 kids without her husband or nanny. She makes it sound like everything went perfectly. It’s funny how differently Zoo and Braggie frame things. Braggie has an overprivileged life she’s constantly complaining about. While Zoo has a less privileged life she wants to seem perfect. But if you’ve been watching the Andersons for awhile, you know their lives are far from perfect. The reason her husband didn’t go with her is because he’s banned. But she makes the trip sound downright magical and perfect.

[Giraffe]

When I was fundy date nights were expected to happen with a free babysitter (usually a single woman in her late teens or early 20s) once a week and it was to be prioritized above all else. The children needed to know the parents were an unbreakable unit and needed to know they came second to the marriage. 

[SassyPants]

My Monday morning BEC…I wish someone would wipe that smug look off Abbie’s face. If she wants to pray for anything, I think it should include the strength to change her attitude. Beyond date night and spending time in her own isolated little world, she always presents as miserable.

What did she think life with double digit numbers of kids would be like?????

[danvillebelle]

Braggie:  drags two 2yos halfway around the globe completely throwing off their internal clock, gives them no normal daily routine, takes them to places where they are expected to not act like 2yos.

Also Braggie:  Gosh, they're so clingy and emotional.  And they covered themselves with sand at the beach!  Can y'all just like, get it together?  You're throwing off my groove. 

[TuringMachine]

She put her toddlers in a situation where they'd undoubtedly get covered in sand and then got mad when they got covered in sand.

You're right, Braggie, your life is super unavoidably hard.

[yeahthatsme74]

I really want to read about the European shitshow, but I just loathe Abbie and want to smack her across her smug face more and more with each post. 🤬 

[tankgirl]

I bet the Air BnB is thrilled she has her kids playing on the table. 

Is she saving loads to post later because her content is DULL! I unusually avoid her page, is she always so boring, brown/orange toned and repetitive? 

And those baby carriers look totally out grown, so a terrible suggestion for others. Outgrown carriers can effect weight distribution making it easier for a kid to fall out, break the buckle and make the child really heavy to carry. But then they were using the carriers on bikes with a kid hanging half way out, they are not really "safety" people are they? 

 

[FundianaJones]

So, Florence was an afterthought. What kind of person travels all the way to Italy intending to stay for many days, and does not put Florence near the top of their list? They made a day trip out of it, but they only wandered around the streets looking at buildings from outside. Again, WTF? The churches, the Uffizzi... Florence is ART, lady. But then, Braggie had already been to Florence, so I guess SHE didn't need to see those places again... and her kids don't know what they are missing. Another advantage of not going inside any buildings, and especially not churches or museums, is that she can skip mentioning Catholicism, and art history, and nudes in art, and Michaelangelo's David´s junk... So much for that "education" she brags about for her kids. What a wasted opportunity for them.
 

[Ozlsn]

On 5/23/2023 at 12:51 AM, SassyPants said:

What did she think life with double digit numbers of kids would be like?????

Full of perfectly behaved children reflecting positive attention on her I think.

I read all the envy post. Family memories are great, don't think the youngest 5 will remember much of this trip. Also reading it again made me realise just how much she misses the point of the original comment. Abbie's "hard" is, to a large extent, self-manufactured. She has resources that she can (and does) use to make life easier. While there's a degree of envy possibly in the original comment there's a lot more frustration.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

On 5/22/2023 at 10:51 AM, SassyPants said:

What did she think life with double digit numbers of kids would be like?????

She never really thought about it. One of the things I find least comprehensible about Abbie is why she decided to leave her family size up to God if she wasn't raised to do that. Or since she didn't join a new church which pushed this. I guess she had naïve beliefs about family size and "how God wouldn't give you more than you can handle".  She also probably didn't expect to have even one set of twins let alone two sets of twins.

Edited May 24, 2023 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Xan]

Color me cynical but I don't think the parents in mega families "leave it up to God".  I think they purposefully try to have a lot of kids.  It can be for religion, for attention, for the possibility of using the mega family for money, or for working out their own early ideas about family.  In the big families like the Duggars, the babies were so close together that you could tell it was on purpose.  Michelle stopped nursing so her periods would kick back in.  I think JillRod wanted a tv show.  As for Abbie -- who knows?  Maybe she hoards babies like she hoards hats and wallpaper.  She certainly has used the children as fodder for her social media accounts and her books.  And she really wasn't "leaving it up to God" when she chose to have the second set of twins delivered on the birthday of the first set of twins.  That was pure Abbie.  Now she's known as the mother of ten who can still dress stylishly and travel the globe while staying in not-child-friendly houses.  She's worked out her support system so it doesn't all land on her shoulders.  I wouldn't be surprised if she has a couple more.

ETA:  There are large families who shun the spotlight.  They might be leaving it up to God.  I'm not judging that group.

Edited May 24, 2023 by Xan