Maxwell 57: Planning Mary's Wedding

[Howl]

On 6/30/2023 at 9:13 AM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I mean ..... it might be Fun. Fun is bad. Fun is very bad. Very very very bad.  I don't think Stevehovah approves of the plant liking

And worse, enjoyable. 

Steve is probably tearing his hair, calling out to God and crying himself to sleep, wondering how things could have gone so terribly wrong. 

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

I'll be the voice of dissent here and speculate wildly that somehow Steve takes all the credit for his daughters getting married to godly young (-ish) men.

[Howl]

3 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

I'll be the voice of dissent here and speculate wildly that somehow Steve takes all the credit for his daughters getting married to godly young (-ish) men.

Well, I'm sure both Teri and Steve both are patting themselves on the back for isolating and controlling  their daughters, forcing them to wait decades for God to bust a move and pair them up with the right men.

 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, Howl said:

Well, I'm sure both Teri and Steve both are patting themselves on the back for isolating and controlling  their daughters, forcing them to wait decades for God to bust a move and pair them up with the right men.

Considering Mary is 26, I'm glad she didn't find someone to marry at 16.

Also women deserve better options than just living home or getting married.

[Howl]

16 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Considering Mary is 26, I'm glad she didn't find someone to marry at 16.

Right, I always forget how big an age gap there is between Mary and Sarah.  But, before the Big Change in Maxhell, Mary was headed for the same fate as Sarah: endless days of making bean burritos, dusting ceiling fans, and cutting up lettuce with a pizza slicer. 

17 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Also women deserve better options than just living home or getting married.

True, but I think they are both happy where they are in life right now. Each has found a partner OF HER OWN CHOOSING with similar life goals and each pulled it off without guidance/interference/final say from Stevehovah. 

 

[Botkinetti]

16 hours ago, Howl said:

And worse, enjoyable. 

Steve is probably tearing his hair, calling out to God and crying himself to sleep, wondering how things could have gone so terribly wrong. 

I really hope he is.

I also hope his daughters are enjoying their lives and not asking his opinion on anything.

[ElizaB]

16 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

I'll be the voice of dissent here and speculate wildly that somehow Steve takes all the credit for his daughters getting married to godly young (-ish) men.

I also wonder if this is is the case. For years there was criticism that his method of isolation wasn’t working because his daughters (especially Sarah) were all unmarried. If the ultimate goal for daughters was marriage, motherhood, and staying at home to take care of it his method was failing miserably. Now he can still claim he was right. 

[Xan]

Of course Steve thinks he's right.  He is always right.  He has way too much ego to ever admit he did anything wrong.  He might make bitter little private comments about the girls getting away but he will never say that it was anything beyond God's will.

This was when Steve was happiest.  He has an actual smile on his face.

The boys are grown and out supporting themselves.  There are no little children around except for grandchildren who don't stay for long.  His house is quiet, clean, and efficient.  Steve has Teri and the girls around to do everything.  They help in the office, keep the house clean, cook nutritious meals, and do whatever he tells them to do. 

It was sort of like his own little spiritual harem until it all fell apart.

Who does all the work now?  Does it fall to Teri or do they enlist the nearby grandchildren to come dust the fans and cut up the lettuce?  Who is there now when Steve barks orders?  How can he deprive his children of their happiness if they're not close enough to hear him lecture?  

I think Steve feels that everyone is having way too much fun now that they're not under his roof and I think, underneath it all, he's furious.

[SPHASH]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

Of course Steve thinks he's right.  He is always right.  He has way too much ego to ever admit he did anything wrong.  He might make bitter little private comments about the girls getting away but he will never say that it was anything beyond God's will.

This was when Steve was happiest.  He has an actual smile on his face.

The boys are grown and out supporting themselves.  There are no little children around except for grandchildren who don't stay for long.  His house is quiet, clean, and efficient.  Steve has Teri and the girls around to do everything.  They help in the office, keep the house clean, cook nutritious meals, and do whatever he tells them to do. 

It was sort of like his own little spiritual harem until it all fell apart.

Who does all the work now?  Does it fall to Teri or do they enlist the nearby grandchildren to come dust the fans and cut up the lettuce?  Who is there now when Steve barks orders?  How can he deprive his children of their happiness if they're not close enough to hear him lecture?  

I think Steve feels that everyone is having way too much fun now that they're not under his roof and I think, underneath it all, he's furious.

You can tell he's furious by the tone in his Seriously emails.  Each one is a little more unhinged than the previous one.

 

[Black Aliss]

5 hours ago, Xan said:

This was when Steve was happiest.  He has an actual smile on his face.

Coincidentally, it is also the last time Sarah, Mary, and Anna were photographed with frumpy clothing and artificial smiles on their sad faces.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

5 hours ago, Xan said:

Of course Steve thinks he's right.  He is always right.  He has way too much ego to ever admit he did anything wrong.  He might make bitter little private comments about the girls getting away but he will never say that it was anything beyond God's will.

This was when Steve was happiest.  He has an actual smile on his face.

The boys are grown and out supporting themselves.  There are no little children around except for grandchildren who don't stay for long.  His house is quiet, clean, and efficient.  Steve has Teri and the girls around to do everything.  They help in the office, keep the house clean, cook nutritious meals, and do whatever he tells them to do. 

It was sort of like his own little spiritual harem until it all fell apart.

I think Steve feels that everyone is having way too much fun now that they're not under his roof and I think, underneath it all, he's furious.

That picture was taken at his 70th birthday (link to blog post). Yes, Anna and Mary were still "under his roof" but they had started their college degrees online. They were planning to move out to college in less than 2 months! Sarah had either moved out or was planning to move out soon.

Less than 2 months after the picture was taken, they announced all three daughters had moved out!

He had to know when it was taken that they would be leaving soon. The college move was already planned and probably Sarah's move too. If he looks happy in the picture, maybe he's not as unhappy as we think.

[moreorlessnu]

Mary's pose looks natural, but both Sarah and Anna look like they are being collared by Steve, and.......they are. He could have lightly put his hand on their shoulder.

[Bethy]

4 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

If he looks happy in the picture, maybe he's not as unhappy as we think.

Maybe we're barking up the wrong tree and he's not mad about the daughters moving out. Daughters are less important, after all (they don't grow up to bring in more Maxwells or make a new Maxwell generation.) Maybe he's angry about...

• Joe's presumed mortgage
• Jesse selling his debt-free home to live in an apartment just because he wanted to
• John's outspoken wife
• Nathan's wife and daughters in pants
• All of the men in the church who don't agree with him on everything

Even if he's okay with the daughters moving out (because 2 out of 3 married within a two years of that happening ain't bad, to paraphrase Meat Loaf) there's still plenty to inspire an angry tone in his Seriously posts.

[hoipolloi]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

Maybe we're barking up the wrong tree and he's not mad about the daughters moving out.

Could be. After all, two of the biggest components of FJ discussions are snark and the ISB. 🚌

That said, I have a hard time believing that Steve had no issues with Sarah pursuing online dating as Chelsy described:

Quote

 

Sarah and Kory met online earlier in the year and they are perfect for each other. We were all so happy for them both!

Speaking of meeting online, and since I'm writing this post anyways, let me give my single readers my unsolicited opinion here on online dating. 😃 That is this: God uses MANY different avenues to bring people together! The "husband delivered to your doorstep all wrapped up in a silver bow" concept that many people adhere to is neither biblical nor is it real life. 😃 It is so important to follow what God has for you individually and be willing to be brave in that no matter what the avenue may be! I'm super proud of Sarah for stepping out of her comfort zone and be open to meeting someone online! 

 

 

[Bethy]

@hoipolloi I do have to honestly wonder whether Steve is more upset that online dating happened, or that Chelsy announced it to the world while backhandedly insulting his parenting.

[Maggie Mae]

Don't forget David's Bridal for 1st communion dresses. And JC Penny/Sears/Nordstrom/any department store really. I haven't thought about those in so long. 

I think I wore my flower girl dress to my kindergarten graduation. Def got a new dress for first communion, it was years later. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

21 hours ago, Bethy said:

Maybe we're barking up the wrong tree and he's not mad about the daughters moving out. Daughters are less important, after all (they don't grow up to bring in more Maxwells or make a new Maxwell generation.) Maybe he's angry about...

• Joe's presumed mortgage
• Jesse selling his debt-free home to live in an apartment just because he wanted to
• John's outspoken wife
• Nathan's wife and daughters in pants
• All of the men in the church who don't agree with him on everything

Even if he's okay with the daughters moving out (because 2 out of 3 married within a two years of that happening ain't bad, to paraphrase Meat Loaf) there's still plenty to inspire an angry tone in his Seriously posts.

Steve made a big deal of how the Dad's column is only for men. I think Sarah used to help edit it when she lived at home. But it's for men only. Now that the daughters don't live at home, two of them are definitely part of the extended family and  I assume they aren't supposed to be reading the Seriously, Dads columns. That makes me think that the columns are aimed at the sons, particularly Joseph. I speculate he may be considering Christian schooling for his kids.

Edited July 5, 2023 by Bluebirdbluebell

[kpmom]

On 7/4/2023 at 6:55 AM, ElizaB said:

I also wonder if this is is the case. For years there was criticism that his method of isolation wasn’t working because his daughters (especially Sarah) were all unmarried. If the ultimate goal for daughters was marriage, motherhood, and staying at home to take care of it his method was failing miserably. Now he can still claim he was right. 

His method wasn’t right, though.  
Sarah found a husband by joining a dating site that her SIL recommended. I'm not sure how Mary met Sam, but I’m assuming maybe through the mission work she and Anna did in the summers. 
 

No husbands just appeared out of blue sent by God, which I think is what Steve thought would happen. 

[Hane]

@kpmom, Mary net Sam at college—that horrible place that her daddy once convinced her was entirely unnecessary.

[HermioneSparrow]

On 7/4/2023 at 9:30 PM, moreorlessnu said:

Mary's pose looks natural, but both Sarah and Anna look like they are being collared by Steve, and.......they are. He could have lightly put his hand on their shoulder.

Sure but Mary's smile was so fake, she looks completely different now. Those three ladies were very unhappy IMO.

[kpmom]

1 hour ago, Hane said:

@kpmom, Mary net Sam at college—that horrible place that her daddy once convinced her was entirely unnecessary.

Do you think they met before college, though?  
Do you remember the pictures of  she and Anna when they first started in-person school there?  Sam was already in background in those pics. 
I always wondered if they met earlier. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, kpmom said:

Do you think they met before college, though?  
Do you remember the pictures of  she and Anna when they first started in-person school there?  Sam was already in background in those pics. 
I always wondered if they met earlier. 

I think they definitely met earlier. People forget that Mary and Anna would go on month long mission trips without telling us where they went. I think the Maxwells met Sam and the Hocks through their mission connections. 

[hoipolloi]

24 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I think the Maxwells met Sam and the Hocks through their mission connections. 

Could that have been how they learned about ABC? 

[Howl]

3 hours ago, kpmom said:

No husbands just appeared out of blue sent by God, which I think is what Steve thought would happen. 

STEVEHOVAH thought God would send the husbands to him, as the patriarch, for his approval. I'm sure it chafed his chaps to be bypassed and made irrelevant to the process. 

[Bethy]

I think the whole church/ABC/missions trips/Sam and Mary thing is all very connected, though I don't know for sure which connections really happened. Remember that in 2020 when the Maxes announced that their church services with The Elderly were canceled due to covid, they already had a church lined up that they'd been attending on Sunday evenings for an unspecified period of time. My ISB theory: once Mary finished high school and they were out of the Youth Group Danger Zone, they started going there, which would have put them there on Sunday nights for like five years before they started going Sunday mornings too. This also would have avoided any potential conflicts with their touring ministry as that was winding down around that time, by which I mean, the part where they taught in the Keeping Hearts sessions that parents needed to absolutely sequester their children away from everyone. Other possibilities: they had to join a church - like, officially, become members - for Anna and Mary to attend ABC. Possibly they needed an actual church affiliation for Anna and Mary's missions trip in 2018 or even John's in 2015. A lot of these organizations want a recommendation from the church you attend, and "well, my dad preaches at a fake nursing home church and we do music for The Elderly" might not cut it.

There seems to be a connection between the Hocks and/or Maxwells and Pastor Efta from COTOD, as he was along for at least part of Sam and Mary's mission in Africa in the summer of 2022. I don't see the Hocks on the list of missionaries supported by COTOD, but that doesn't mean they didn't come speak at COTOD at some point, so Sam and Mary could have met then. Or on that mysterious monthlong mission the girls went on. They never did leak where they went, or even hint at it. As @kpmom pointed out, Sam was already nearby when the girls arrived at ABC in the fall of 2021.

ETA Also don't forget that the girls went to ABC "at our pastor's recommendation." It's unclear whether their pastor has personal ties with ABC (doesn't look that way, Pastor Efta's bio says he's ex-military with degrees from other schools) or if he just looked around for a school that he knew could be within the realm of the possible for Steve's approval, since a lot of Christian colleges today would not. Any way you slice it, though, I think we can thank Pastor Efta for a large measure of Anna and Mary's freedom, and I wouldn't be surprised if he counseled in favor of Sarah's move-out as well.

I'd love to hear Sam and Mary's "how we met/started our relationship" story. Even though I'm sure it has a chapter of "we met in [year] but didn't notice each other, until [person we both respect] pointed out that we'd be perfect for marriage and ministry together" like most fundie courtship stories.

Edited July 7, 2023 by Bethy
Thought of another detail