Maxwell 57: Planning Mary's Wedding

[EmiSue]

1 hour ago, Howl said:

I'm at a loss.  Where does one shop for first communion dresses?

I found one at Macys when I was getting married in 2006. It was shortly before Easter and the kid's section had several to choose from. Not sure about the rest of the year.

[hoipolloi]

2 hours ago, Howl said:

I've seen quince photo shoots in full progress: limo, mega floofy dresses, guys in tuxes, it's a thing. 

When we visited family in Dallas for springtime graduations, we also made to time visit the Dallas Arboretum which is well worth seeing. At that time of year the Arboretum is a favorite place for a quinceañera to have her formal photographs done. We loved walking around the grounds and seeing these young women in their gorgeous dresses.

ETA:

Edited June 25, 2023 by hoipolloi

[arareyeah]

In my country regardless of your religion we don't have bridesmaids or MoH until fairly recently. But even if you have bridesmaids they don't actually do anything except wearing a matching outfit and looking pretty during the day because the wedding planning is a family affair/wedding organizer thing. Basically just hyping up the bride and I've been one several times.

If you're a Muslim here (and depends on your ethnic group really), the closest thing to MoH and bridesmaids role are the ladies who guides the bride by their hands to the ceremony table (usually sisters/cousins) and the ladies who put shawl on the bride and groom's head right before the wedding ceremony (older family members, usually aunts). I had my preteen nieces guide me (so, bridesmaids) while my older sister and my SIL (MoHs) put the shawl on our head. The next year I was tasked to be the ring bearer during my brother's wedding. (mine was my nephew and he threw a fit because he had to wear a sarong lol)

But in here if you're a family member you still have to wear matchy outfits* to differentiate you from other wedding guests. Can't say I like this one because the matchy "uniform" can be downright ugly. I decided against it so only my siblings and my nibblings wore matchy outfits, but my husband's family insisted on wearing a "uniform" so I let my MIL and his aunt picked them.

*depends on the wedding type, if it's a traditional wedding, then national attire called kebaya or baju kurung

[JermajestyDuggar]

Mary changed her name on FB: 

[NoseyNellie]

19 hours ago, EmiSue said:

An older cousin told me when I got engaged to look at first communion dresses for our flower girl. That's exactly what we got her her, and then one of my bridesmaids sewed a flower and ribbon thingy on it in the same color as the bridesmaid dresses. It was half the price and much less hassle than an actual flower girl dress, and she looked perfect.

@EmiSue That is what I did for my wedding.  My little cousin was going to be our Flower Girl.  I asked my aunt her dress size and I hit up the clearance section of  First Communion dresses.  found 5 I liked the look of and bought them all after I confirmed they were returnable.  Took them to my aunts house and we played dress up.  Let my cousin check out the dresses and try them all on.  I wanted to make sure whatever she wore she loved and it was comfortable with no sensory irritations etc.  Of course she hated the one I loved...once she picked out a dress I returned the other 4.. My aunt paid for the dress and then after our wedding it was able to be used for her confirmation and her younger sisters confirmation!  Best $27 ever!  lol 

[SunnySide]

On 6/16/2023 at 11:06 AM, Hane said:

In my idea of a perfect 21st-century world, it would be routine for us to throw “apartment showers” for young single people moving into their first grownup homes.

Ten years ago I would have died of joy if anyone beyond my mother and a few aunts had helped me with stuff for my first apartment. I didn’t move out of my parents house until I was 30 (I finished school a little later than most other college people). By then I had seen quite a few friends and cousins get married and have baby showers. I’ve only been in three weddings, but by 30 I had been to many a wedding shower, bachelorette party, wedding reception, and baby shower, bringing a gift each time. When I moved out almost none of these friends did a damn thing for me, and the few that helped out by moving the heavy stuff just complained because I had the audacity to move on the hottest day of the year (this was said in a way that would make someone think I had planned the whole thing!) I tend to think friendships and what not shouldn’t be transactional. However at some point if I helped you celebrate the milestones in your life, be there for me in that way. At least ask if I want one of the nine blenders you have. Nobody was interested in coming over to see or do a housewarming for “just an apartment”. At the end of the day it really felt like my accomplishment wasn’t valid or that I didn’t need anything because I wasn’t getting married, and didn’t have a baby. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SunnySide said:

Ten years ago I would have died of joy if anyone beyond my mother and a few aunts had helped me with stuff for my first apartment. I didn’t move out of my parents house until I was 30 (I finished school a little later than most other college people). By then I had seen quite a few friends and cousins get married and have baby showers. I’ve only been in three weddings, but by 30 I had been to many a wedding shower, bachelorette party, wedding reception, and baby shower, bringing a gift each time. When I moved out almost none of these friends did a damn thing for me, and the few that helped out by moving the heavy stuff just complained because I had the audacity to move on the hottest day of the year (this was said in a way that would make someone think I had planned the whole thing!) I tend to think friendships and what not shouldn’t be transactional. However at some point if I helped you celebrate the milestones in your life, be there for me in that way. At least ask if I want one of the nine blenders you have. Nobody was interested in coming over to see or do a housewarming for “just an apartment”. At the end of the day it really felt like my accomplishment wasn’t valid or that I didn’t need anything because I wasn’t getting married, and didn’t have a baby. 

That’s really shitty. I personally would have helped a friend move and went to see the new apartment. But I’m also a decent friend. I know this about myself. If I drop you as a friend, there’s probably a good reason. 

[Hazelbunny]

When my sister married in 2015 I was asked to translate the ceremony and the speeches for the British part of the family and friends. I was so scared - I HATE being anywhere even remotely close to the spotlight. And standing in front of about 90 people and actually speaking, even if it was just a translation was nightmare material for me! But I still agreed to do it, as I was the only one to be able to speak both English and German fluently. My sisters mother-in-law then said to me before it all started: "Don't worry Dear, they will all be focused on the bride and groom!" That one sentence helped me soooo much!! I will be forever grateful to her for that!!  And it was a beautiful wedding!! 

[MaryatHome]

11 hours ago, EmiSue said:

I found one at Macys when I was getting married in 2006. It was shortly before Easter and the kid's section had several to choose from. Not sure about the rest of the year.

Re: First Communion Dresses

I my (heavily Catholic) part of the midwest, modest white dresses for young girls start showing up in shops in the late winter/early spring.  There are also Catholic supply companies that have allllllll the Catholic gear you could ever imagine.  They aren't especially inexpensive, but are reliable and have stock on hand.

[Granwych]

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Mary changed her name on FB: 

Sam reminds me of Doug Phillips WIAT in that picture; Mary looks happy.

[Bethy]

Sam and Mary appear to have a joint IG account but it's private.

[AverageGiraffe]

On 6/25/2023 at 7:14 PM, Hazelbunny said:

When my sister married in 2015 I was asked to translate the ceremony and the speeches for the British part of the family and friends. I was so scared - I HATE being anywhere even remotely close to the spotlight. And standing in front of about 90 people and actually speaking, even if it was just a translation was nightmare material for me! But I still agreed to do it, as I was the only one to be able to speak both English and German fluently. My sisters mother-in-law then said to me before it all started: "Don't worry Dear, they will all be focused on the bride and groom!" That one sentence helped me soooo much!! I will be forever grateful to her for that!!  And it was a beautiful wedding!! 

My sister's bridesmaids were all kinds of anxious about walking down the aisle at her wedding. I was a bit surprised about some of them, because a couple are very outspoken, outgoing, confident women. I was the MOH and they kept asking me how I wasn't nervous. My answer was similar: No one is here to see me! Yeah they'll watch me walk 50 feet, but my sister is the star of the show. They're all just waiting on her to walk out, I might as well not even be here. 

[Hane]

At my wedding in 1973, my eight-year-old sister and eight-year-old cousin were junior bridesmaid and junior usher. (I guess I thought they were too “grown up” to be flower girl and ring bearer. 🤷‍♀️) They were a little nervous to go walking down the aisle alone, so they decided to hold hands and it was easily the cutest part of the wedding!

When I asked him to be in my wedding party, he exclaimed, “Gee, thanks! Gee, thanks!”—then asked me whether he’d have to wear short pants. (They were part of his Catholic school uniform, and he *hated* them.) He was eternally grateful when I said no—he’d have a tux like all the other guys.

We had the traditional bouquet and garter toss (hated that damn garter toss but didn’t have the guts to refuse it). My sister caught the bouquet, but when she saw a grown man catch the garter, she ran into the restroom and hid.

[kmachete14]

I'm going to be up front here and say that this is what my family/friend group of middle to upper-middle-class upbringing/parents, plus two employed, young professional people getting married, have done for their weddings (and and this point its been 19 weddings over the past 3 years): 

- traditional bridal shower thrown by the "aunts," with the sheet sets, towels, mixer, personalized cutting boards, knives, etc. Despite most of them living with their fiancees for years and and approaching 30, it seems most people want "forever" quality items for their homes, the same way their mothers are still using theirs. They also want matching sets to host holidays, etc. I also noticed men having more say and sometimes attending these together, which I think is great (not just women cooking and cleaning these days in my circles!)  **I will say, for many friends we have also done housewarming parties with Amazon registries for their first single apartments -- but again, these items were cheaper**

- bachelorette/bachelor weekends (2 nights, 3 days, ranging from beaches, to Vegas, to lake house cabins) which for the brides includes a lingerie shower. 

- Full-shebang weddings with Mass or other ceremony, cocktail hour, and then full dinner reception with hours of dancing and full bar. I known a lot of people are now eschewing the ridiculous cost of these weddings, but everyone I know has huge families, lots of close friends, and really loves the opportunity to get everyone together for a big reunion. Is part of it showing off? Maybe. But I also think its a way of showing hospitality and love for all the family and friends who supported you - and a way to enjoy a no-strings attached joyful time with everyone you love. 

- Mini moon (3 day getaway after the wedding to somewhere local so they could take off work). 

- Honeymoon (couple months later during a cheaper season to go to somewhere out of the country)

Again, these are 25-33 year olds with well-paying jobs (or jobs lined up, for the doctors/lawyers) and usually parents also contributing from both sides. Almost all of them then bought a house or had already bought a house as well. 

I feel very, very lucky and privileged to have had this experience myself and recognize how many factors have contributed to the success of my family and friends. 

Now, the interesting thing here: the two wealthiest members of my extended family (my uncle and my husband's uncle) both got married in their mid 40s. One had a courthouse wedding and one had a backyard wedding. Very cheap! But this is misleading because they already lived in super expensive houses, travel all the time, all over the world, for work, and spend lots of money good food and drink in their regular lives, lol. I think they both just felt the big white weddings were too juvenile for people with gray hair. 

It also might be that most of these people are culturally Catholic or else an ethnicity that traditionally has festive weddings, so an opportunity to drink and dance for 6 hours with each other is welcomed and expected historically! 

[nvmbr02]

We got my youngest daughter's first communion dress on Amazon. My older daughter got her's at Macys I think.

[Hellothere]

Wow,  just noticed in Mary's lovely new facebook account photo that Sam's boutinierre (sp?) is really pretty  large for a guy's lapel flower situation. Or maybe that is just part of Mary's bouquet that she is holding up and got in the picture?

[Loveday]

2 hours ago, Hellothere said:

Wow,  just noticed in Mary's lovely new facebook account photo that Sam's boutinierre (sp?) is really pretty  large for a guy's lapel flower situation. Or maybe that is just part of Mary's bouquet that she is holding up and got in the picture?

Pretty sure that's her bouquet.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

That's his boutonniere. They had their engagement photos in a plant store and like plants.

Edited June 30, 2023 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Wait. Wait. They like plants.  Could that be fun for them,...... gardening or growing houseplants or just admiring plants in the store?

I mean ..... it might be Fun. Fun is bad. Fun is very bad. Very very very bad.  I don't think Stevehovah approves of the plant liking.

I also don't think Mary and Sam give a shiny tiny flip if Stevehovah approves or not.

 

[Loveday]

20 hours ago, Hellothere said:

Wow,  just noticed in Mary's lovely new facebook account photo that Sam's boutinierre (sp?) is really pretty  large for a guy's lapel flower situation. Or maybe that is just part of Mary's bouquet that she is holding up and got in the picture?

Looks like I was wrong. I just went back a few pages and looked at the wedding photos, and on page 14 you'll see, if you scroll down just a few posts, that it is indeed his boutonniere. I've never seen one quite that large on a guy, but I like it. 

[Bethy]

20 hours ago, Hellothere said:

Wow,  just noticed in Mary's lovely new facebook account photo that Sam's boutinierre (sp?) is really pretty  large for a guy's lapel flower situation. Or maybe that is just part of Mary's bouquet that she is holding up and got in the picture?

That's definitely his boutonniere. It does look large to me, compared to both my wedding party's florals (from almost a decade and a half ago) as well as a boutonniere a coworker got from a local florist recently - but I wouldn't call that florist trendy or forward-thinking. Maybe the trend is toward larger, more detailed boutonnieres? I went back and looked at a friends' kids' prom photos just now, and while I wouldn't say those guys' boutonnieres were quite on par with Sam's, they were definitely larger than the old-school "rose and leaf and little sprig of baby's breath" that would've been typical in my day.

In any case, Chelsy's post said that Anna3 did the florals for the wedding, including the flowers for Mary's hair. I cannot imagine she would just cobble something together without looking at current trends or getting input from Mary and Sam about what they wanted. I wonder if she learned to do flowers for her own wedding? I know Ohio was a lot freer with restrictions than some places, but I don't know if florists there were freely able to do business (or even get flowers/materials) by the part of 2020 when she would've been placing those orders.

[loveisadream]

21 hours ago, Hellothere said:

Wow,  just noticed in Mary's lovely new facebook account photo that Sam's boutinierre (sp?) is really pretty  large for a guy's lapel flower situation. Or maybe that is just part of Mary's bouquet that she is holding up and got in the picture?

Those guys are wearing downright corsages.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I totally love the idea of corsages for men. Corsages for everyone!!!!!!!

[ElizaB]

Corsages for men? Pants for women? Heavens to Betsy what will these crazy fundies do next!!

[Bethy]

19 hours ago, ElizaB said:

Corsages for men? Pants for women? Heavens to Betsy what will these crazy fundies do next!!

You forgot the big one - Maxwell daughters getting married!