Maxwell 56: Mary Found Freedom to Get Engaged

[Johannah]

Doing the math, though, if that video was from January 1st, let’s say she was barely barely pregnant, like had just found out that day and was 4 weeks on January 1st, by now she would be at least 13 weeks, which is in the safe zone to announce (and likely much farther along than that). My guess is no pregnancy or maybe a miscarriage. But maybe she’s just not announcing in any way that we would have access to. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

If she's barely pregnant, then the changes in her body would be weight-gain and not super visible. 

There is no way to look at a woman and automatically know how pregnant she is (or even if she's pregnant), particularly in the early months. Every woman shows different. There are many factors that influence how someone looks pregnant, including age, pre-pregnancy weight, genetics, etc. 

I wouldn't be shocked or surprised if she's pregnant, but the amount of body scrutiny is too much.

At this point, we don't even know if Sarah can have kids. If she is struggling with some form of infertility, this speculation is cruel and hurtful. 

It's also cruel if she is just gaining weight or doesn't want kids. 

Edited March 4, 2023 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Bethy]

1 hour ago, Johannah said:

If Sarah was 10, or even 5, years younger I probably would not be engaging in hope and speculation. But as someone very close to her in age, I recognize the challenges of conception at this point in life. 
 

Her parents have stolen so much from her. At this point, due to her age, fertility and childbearing may not be in the choice category for her anymore and it is heartbreaking that they may have stolen that option from her, too.
 

Although it is possible she doesn’t want children, most likely she does. She’s on the bubble of it being possible, so I hope for her sake that she is standing there jubilant and expecting and unabashedly celebratory on her 41st birthday. Eff you Steve and Teri!

I remember this being something that was front and center in the Britney Spears conservatorship case - she wanted to be able to have another baby and under the rules of the conservatorship she could not remove the IUD to have hope of doing so, and her advancing age meant time was running out. Who would've thought there would be so many similarities between Sarah Maxwell and Britney Spears?

Re: the birthday celebration - anybody remember the year Teri (presumably) rubbed salt in the wound by mentioning in Sarah's BIRTHDAY post how she was still living at home and (2016) waiting for "the right guy"? I was looking to see which year that was and was also struck by the fact that Sarah's birthday is really close to Nate and Mel's anniversary. So every year, she'd be reminded of her singleness (since the marrieds didn't get birthday posts) while also getting the privilege of putting together a blog-post celebration for a brother who married when she herself would've been old enough to be planning a wedding. Also, there's a general pattern of Sarah's birthday posts saying how hardworking and diligent she was...as if Teri didn't even really know her as a person. Or as if she had to write them herself and slap her mom's name on them, and couldn't be too specific in her praise. In any case, I'm so glad to see her out and grinning at a real church with people of all ages, getting honored on her birthday in a cute dress after all of those melancholy birthdays.

[Johannah]

15 minutes ago, Bethy said:

I remember this being something that was front and center in the Britney Spears conservatorship case - she wanted to be able to have another baby and under the rules of the conservatorship she could not remove the IUD to have hope of doing so, and her advancing age meant time was running out. Who would've thought there would be so many similarities between Sarah Maxwell and Britney Spears?

Re: the birthday celebration - anybody remember the year Teri (presumably) rubbed salt in the wound by mentioning in Sarah's BIRTHDAY post how she was still living at home and (2016) waiting for "the right guy"? I was looking to see which year that was and was also struck by the fact that Sarah's birthday is really close to Nate and Mel's anniversary. So every year, she'd be reminded of her singleness (since the marrieds didn't get birthday posts) while also getting the privilege of putting together a blog-post celebration for a brother who married when she herself would've been old enough to be planning a wedding. Also, there's a general pattern of Sarah's birthday posts saying how hardworking and diligent she was...as if Teri didn't even really know her as a person. Or as if she had to write them herself and slap her mom's name on them, and couldn't be too specific in her praise. In any case, I'm so glad to see her out and grinning at a real church with people of all ages, getting honored on her birthday in a cute dress after all of those melancholy birthdays.

Yes to all of this! I was actually also thinking of Britney. Her case infuriated me.

We so often narrowly think of reproductive rights meaning preventing or terminating a pregnancy, but it’s just as controlling and violating to be prevented from conceiving or pressured to end a pregnancy. 

I think Sarah Mally is likely in the same position as Sarah Maxwell, and a little older, so even less likely to be able to conceive if she wants to. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

32 minutes ago, Johannah said:

Yes to all of this! I was actually also thinking of Britney. Her case infuriated me.

We so often narrowly think of reproductive rights meaning preventing or terminating a pregnancy, but it’s just as controlling and violating to be prevented from conceiving or pressured to end a pregnancy. 

I think Sarah Mally is likely in the same position as Sarah Maxwell, and a little older, so even less likely to be able to conceive if she wants to. 

Free Jinger had endless criticism for Teri and Steve as their daughters were single. They care mostly about women who are encouraged to be single and childless. There is not nearly as much criticism for people like the Duggars and the Bates pushing their daughters into early marriage and motherhood as there is for Teri and Steve and other like them. It's because getting married and having kids is always seen as a personal choice whereas being single is seen as an act of parental control. Marrying off your kids young is a way to try to control them, and leaving them with a lifetime of baggage about family size, birth control, etc. is also controlling by the parents. 

As for Sarah Mally Hancock, she was 41 when she got married and is now 44 (3 years older than Sarah Maxwell Bollinger). She has not been to have children, and most likely won't at this point. 

 

Edited March 5, 2023 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Johannah]

I think we all agree it’s toxic and controlling to push your kids into early marriage, particularly daughters. That is the norm in fundie families. It’s tragic and expressed here every time there’s a teen bride (Alyssa and Josie Bates, Kendra Duggar, etc) and celebration every time a could-have-been teen bride briefly escapes (i.e. Marjorie who was engaged to Josiah Duggar).

It is less common for fundie daughters not to be married off early. And it’s particularly concerning/suspicious when it’s all of the daughters in a family (Maxwell sisters vs Jana Duggar). And cruel and disturbing when passive aggressive comments are made indicating that a daughter is not living in line with her wishes (Teri’s posts about Sarah still being single). 

In a world in which daughters can only leave if they marry, can only marry with their father’s efforts and approval, and can only be considered adults if they’re married, single women at home are arguably more trapped and controlled than those who marry. It’s a less common occurrence and worth discussing, particularly when they never marry or marry so late that reproductive choice is taken away from them. It’s the controlling flip side of the patriarchal coin. 

 

[theologygeek]

6 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

If she's barely pregnant, then the changes in her body would be weight-gain and not super visible. 

That's not always true.  My breasts exploded from A to D cup before I had a belly.  In a lot of women, that's the first thing that gets bigger.  

[Bluebirdbluebell]

6 minutes ago, theologygeek said:

That's not always true.  My breasts exploded from A to D cup before I had a belly.  In a lot of women, that's the first thing that gets bigger.  

My point was she may have gained weight or not for a variety of reasons and her body looks different in different outfits/undergarments. I think you're overspeculating on someone's body. Especially since

6 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

At this point, we don't even know if Sarah can have kids. If she is struggling with some form of infertility, this speculation is cruel and hurtful.

We also don't know if she wants kids. 

[Tangy Bee]

If it's happy weight gain or pregnancy weight gain, both should be celebrated. I'm just glad she's away from Teri and Steve on a regular basis. Can't imagine how boring life was.

[Black Aliss]

Don't know, don't care whether Sarah has a bun in the oven. Both she and Kory look great. What really makes me smile is just how far from FIrst Church of the Elderly this church is, with everything Steve rails against. Christmas trees, contemporary music, a special sermon for the kids, who are then dismissed to another area, where presumably they do crafts, listen to stories, instead of having to sit quietly through the entire service. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I wonder what fun stuff they did for Sarah’s actual birthday. I hope they did something fun and worldly. 

Edited March 5, 2023 by JermajestyDuggar

[SPHASH]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wonder what fun stuff they did for Sarah’s actual birthday. I hope they did something fun and worldly. 

Whatever they did had to be much more fun than this:

https://blog.titus2.com/2013/01/21/another-safari-visit/

This was the post that first got me started on the Maxwells.  It was posted not very long after her 31st birthday and it made me wonder if her birthday had something to do with it.

https://blog.titus2.com/2013/02/07/are-we-grateful/

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Whatever they did had to be much more fun than this:

https://blog.titus2.com/2013/01/21/another-safari-visit/

This was the post that first got me started on the Maxwells.  It was posted not very long after her 31st birthday and it made me wonder if her birthday had something to do with it.

https://blog.titus2.com/2013/02/07/are-we-grateful/

 

I personally would enjoy an animal safari on my birthday. However I would be much more likely to do that for my birthday now that I have kids. Because it’s something all of us would enjoy. But I doubt I would choose it before I had kids. I’m trying to remember what I did for birthdays before I had kids. We often went out to a nice restaurant and watched a movie. 

[kpmom]

Oh good Lord, the picture of those young adults buckled into the back seat like a bunch of 5 year olds on a kindergarten field trip. 
And the picture of them at the restaurant after the drive through safari, again looking like little kids, sitting up straight, hands folded.

if I wasn’t glad that all them escaped Maxhell before (I was), I’m 1,000 times happier now after refreshing my memory with those pictures.

 

 

 

 

[Bethy]

5 hours ago, SPHASH said:

This was the post that first got me started on the Maxwells.  It was posted not very long after her 31st birthday and it made me wonder if her birthday had something to do with it.

https://blog.titus2.com/2013/02/07/are-we-grateful/

 

There was a bit of conjecture to that end - whether Sarah wasn't appropriately jumping for joy at the opportunity to spend her 31st birthday watching her parents and siblings feed wildlife out the windows of the van, or whether she was just dissatisfied with her stalled not-quite-adult life in general (no Reversals were married yet at this point, but Joe had had the broken engagement by this time, so she'd seen one of the kids she'd raised make it almost to the altar while she waited patiently at home for "that right guy") but that post definitely smacked of public penitence.

[SassyPants]

7 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Don't know, don't care whether Sarah has a bun in the oven. Both she and Kory look great. What really makes me smile is just how far from FIrst Church of the Elderly this church is, with everything Steve rails against. Christmas trees, contemporary music, a special sermon for the kids, who are then dismissed to another area, where presumably they do crafts, listen to stories, instead of having to sit quietly through the entire service. 

Real churches can be fun. Most religions are not all doom and gloom and hell and death an Maxhellian. They just aren’t. And if you are currently attending that kind of church, please exit and try another house of worship.

[MamaJunebug]

Loved where she commented on the zebra having a lot of teeth.  That is all I’ll say about that. 
 

It has to be about a 3-hour trip from Chez Maxwell to Springfield, Mo.  Granted, I’m used to living in an urban area, and I know folks in more isolated small towns drive an hour or more for appointments and engagements on the regular.  But 6 hours on the road for an hour-long drive through a barren patch with slobbery animals begging treats?  Ehhhhh … [/Curb Your Enthusiasm)

 

Over-controlled adult children, esp. daughters, will never not remind me of Rebecca and Elizabeth Serven. Kept at home til ages 29 and ~27 until their selfish parents outgrew their need for their live-in nannies/ domestic staff. 
 

And then the third Serven dsughter, the widow of Cody Winton, May he RIP. His brother told FJ in an AMA that the woman’s over-attachment to her parents and their direction had damaged the marriage so deeply that Mr. Winton had been driven to consider divorce.  
 

If the Servens and the Steve Maxwells ever get together, the nexus of entitled boomer egoism will probably cause a shift in the tectonic plates locally. *shudder*

Edited March 6, 2023 by MamaJunebug

[ClareDeLune]

I'm so happy to see Sarah looking radiant and having the church sing Happy Birthday to her. I hope she got as much coffee and as many cookies as she wanted after church, and that Steve choked on his jar of undressed salad when he saw the happy video! 😁

[usmcmom]

On 3/4/2023 at 4:03 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I hope Sarah is getting counseling for living with Steve and Teri and not just church counseling. I hope she is able to make progress in her journey. It wouldn't surprise me if she's had a counselour for some time now. 

.

I think of this often regarding Sarah, Anna and Mary.  I can’t imagine the level of resentment that might build up in a young woman when she is released from a home like Teri and Steve’s. Seeing everything they’ve missed because of deliberate actions and decisions made by their parents…for me, that would take a lot of work to overcome. 

[Xan]

It just always felt clear to me that Steve and Teri (mostly Steve) were determined to keep the girls home and single forever.  Steve wanted to make sure they had someone to cook and clean and to take care of them in their old age.  It also helped that they assisted in his work and they entertained the grandchildren who might be over visiting.  He must have been stupidly confident enough to say something along these lines or else I doubt that others would have intervened on behalf of the daughters.  The fact that they all left and did it so quickly and joyfully just shows that they were about as fed up with him as fundie children can manage.

Whatever sort of lives they choose for themselves, I wish them well.  Sarah looks happy now and that makes me smile.

Edited March 7, 2023 by Xan

[Jana814]

Steve is an ass plain & simple. He wanted to keep his daughters home because he was afraid that they would realize that his ways are wrong. 

[SassyPants]

13 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I think of this often regarding Sarah, Anna and Mary.  I can’t imagine the level of resentment that might build up in a young woman when she is released from a home like Teri and Steve’s. Seeing everything they’ve missed because of deliberate actions and decisions made by their parents…for me, that would take a lot of work to overcome. 

Especially how they are all succeeding in their new lives outside of Steve’s prison. Within a year, Sarah is married and living in OK, Mary is engaged and Anna has a busy and what likes like fulfilling life. Awful, just awful how he robbed them, especially Sarah, of so many activities and opportunities for growth. Amen to whomever spoke up and got those girls out of there.

[Tatar-tot]

On 3/4/2023 at 6:15 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

If she's barely pregnant, then the changes in her body would be weight-gain and not super visible. 

There is no way to look at a woman and automatically know how pregnant she is (or even if she's pregnant), particularly in the early months. Every woman shows different. There are many factors that influence how someone looks pregnant, including age, pre-pregnancy weight, genetics, etc. 

I wouldn't be shocked or surprised if she's pregnant, but the amount of body scrutiny is too much.

At this point, we don't even know if Sarah can have kids. If she is struggling with some form of infertility, this speculation is cruel and hurtful. 

It's also cruel if she is just gaining weight or doesn't want kids. 

The boobs usually betray the secret.

[browngrl]

Sarah does have a glow about her. I am not sure if this is due to a pregnancy or newlywed happiness. Either way it is nice to see Sarah so happy.

[Bethy]

6 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

The boobs usually betray the secret.

IDK about that. Mine didn't grow until halfway through (and then it was rather instantaneous, like "I need new bras RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE BECAUSE THE ONES I HAVE HURT ME.") My early-pregnancy boob issue was that they hurt like crazy. We had a farewell for somebody at work right after I found out I was pregnant and she hugged me - she was super skinny and had very bony shoulders/collarbone and I almost yelled in pain. Not a good time.