Maxwell 56: Mary Found Freedom to Get Engaged

[theologygeek]

Sarah playing the piano at church.  

 

[nokidsmom]

5 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Good points. Iʻd forgotten that itʻs now SOP for medical care teams to ask you questions about life issues -- do you have food security? Do you feel safe at home? Do you feel depressed? Are you under financial stress? Concerning responses to one or more of those kinds of questions, or a reluctance to answer, may have been at least a yellow flag.

Imagine Steve knowing that Sarah might be asked these questions but not being able to answer for her or control her answers.

That's right, it's now SOP to ask those questions now.  Which is a good thing, Mr. No has a regular consultation with one of his doctor's offices that goes over these questions along with any medical concerns.  

I can see Steveovah being very unhappy over not being allowed to answer on Sarah's behalf and possibly being prevented from being present when she was being questioned / treated.   Especially with a woman in her 30s, Daddy talking for her would have not been seen as normal.  

I suspect that part of the Maxgirls "emancipation" was that Steveovah was in way or another "outed" over his controlling ways.   And I suspect that in spite of his controlling ways, I don't think Steveovah could abide being seen as a "bad Dad".  

 

 

[kpmom]

1 hour ago, theologygeek said:

Sarah playing the piano at church.  

 

Sarah plays piano very well. I think Christopher taught his siblings piano, iirc. 

[Bethy]

6 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I would think that with an injury like that happening at home, the medical team probably did a lot of the standard "do you feel safe at home" questions and if they went to the ER when it happened there was probably some "what the heck were you doing working out in that long skirt?" sort of reaction. I could see news of the injury getting to the pastor and between the doctor's reaction and the pastor's reaction, the girls having some sort of epiphany. 

I remember the blogger from In Clothesline Alley (the Torah-observant one who called her daughter Peapod on the blog and then became a MRA) writing once about getting injured at home. As she told it, she tripped over the cat, and her husband wasn't even at home, so the whole thing about them questioning her about safety at home was stupid, but she figured it was because she showed up at the ER in a long skirt and headcovering and it made them assume things. (I've been conscious of that myself, especially as it pertains to my daughter's medical care. Even though I like a good baggy frumper now and then I try not to wear them to the doctor's office because I don't want them drawing untrue conclusions about our home.) So yeah, if she showed up with an injury from working out in an ankle-length skirt in her family's fake basement Crossfit gym, that would probably get some notice. And wasn't the second concussion caused by standing up under a cupboard door or something? Multiple head injuries on an adult approaching 40 who doesn't seem confident to speak for herself would definitely raise some eyebrows.

12 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

I suspect that part of the Maxgirls "emancipation" was that Steveovah was in way or another "outed" over his controlling ways.   And I suspect that in spite of his controlling ways, I don't think Steveovah could abide being seen as a "bad Dad".  

Are you kidding? It's a feature, not a bug.

1 hour ago, theologygeek said:

Sarah playing the piano at church.  

 

I love this so much. Sarah always pooh-poohed her own musical ability on the blog and tried to stay in the shadows of the dog and pony show. Basically, I think she felt like everything that she could do (with the possible exception of the Moody books) could be done better by one of her siblings so she should just stay out of the way. Seeing her play (and play modern worship songs Steve would probably have a conniption over) all by herself was wonderful.

[Coconut Flan]

I was shocked Sarah plays the piano well enough to play in church?  That's so surprising, but I'm happy for her.

Edited March 15, 2023 by Coconut Flan

[SPHASH]

Did you see the Easter Bunny and eggs signs the kids held up?  Steve had a fit about Easter baskets once.

[anniebgood]

53 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Did you see the Easter Bunny and eggs signs the kids held up?  Steve had a fit about Easter baskets once.

I think when Steve sees videos of her and Kory doing children's church, laughing and being casual he must just poop bullets as my mom would say. The lesson about Kory taught those kids was well thought out, presented at the appropriate age level and he connected with them. I don't believe Steve could or would ever be so relaxed to do that. I can only imagine him droning on and on  during the early morning Bible Study. His God is a fearful one, not a loving caring one.  His loss. 

[SassyPants]

Steve has a bad case of scrupulosity. I am happy to see that currently the Maxwell women (the offspring) do not share this affliction. I’m not sure about TM.

[theologygeek]

2 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

I was shocked Sarah plays the piano well enough to play in church?  That's so surprising, but I'm happy for her.

I followed the Maxwells since the beginning and had no idea she played well enough for church either.  I missed something somewhere because I was also surprised.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

Maybe Sarah is feeling more confident. And that’s why she’s playing more publicly now. I hope that’s the case. I want all 3 Maxwell daughters to feel confident in their abilities. 

[Baba O'Riley]

I don't know what happened to help these young women escape.  I just hope that that at least one of them writes a book about it and that I live long enough to read it.  I'm about the same age as their parents, so c'mon girls, hurry up!  

Edited March 15, 2023 by Baba O'Riley
bad grammar

[Howl]

11 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Maybe Sarah is feeling more confident. And that’s why she’s playing more publicly now. I hope that’s the case. I want all 3 Maxwell daughters to feel confident in their abilities.

Hopefully, Kory is a supportive and encouraging husband who wants his new wife to bloom!   

12 hours ago, anniebgood said:

I think when Steve sees videos of her and Kory doing children's church, laughing and being casual he must just poop bullets as my mom would say.

Stevehovah will never admit that it's all God's will.  

 

 

Edited March 15, 2023 by Howl

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Somehow I missed Sarah played the piano. But yay Sarah!  I suspect Kory really is loving and supportive and encourages her to bloom in all things. Neither Stevehovah nor Teri ever did.  I wonder if Kory will encourage her to take some college classes?

I'd buy the tell-all book in a heartbeat.. But I really hope the "aunties" mentor and influence their nieces and nephews, especially the nieces, that there is life outside of Maxhell World.

That it's entirely possible to lead a faithful life outside of Stevehovah's control freak rules. That his rules are just that - his rules - and not the divine word of God. Especially teach them that life does not have to be scheduled in 15 min increments. It's not a sin to spend more than 15 min doing something.

I hope Kory is an influence on the nephews. A living example that sports/ public school/ college/ career you love do not make you a godless heathen.

[BigSandy]

Same here! I've followed the Maxwells since 2008 and have never heard Sarah play piano. She's written before about preferring to be "behind the scenes" but she seemed totally comfortable playing in public in that video. Way to go, Sarah! 

[nokidsmom]

16 hours ago, Bethy said:

Are you kidding? It's a feature, not a bug.

Was not kidding, do think it's a feature, perhaps I didn't express that well.  Think Steveovah was beside himself that in spite of his best and unrelenting efforts at control, he ended up losing it.   But he's got an ego, he's convinced he's right but also vested in being seen as right by others.  That he might have been approached about loosening the reins a bit would have been seen as criticism and not go over well.

My own father had some very uncomfortable similarities to Steve, though less extreme.   One of them was a strong belief that his more controlling parenting was right, it was superior to other parents (and did not hesitate to criticize other parents including within the family) but at the same time was very vested in being seen as a good parent by others.  He did not like criticism and he interpreted anything not in complete agreement as such.    His children leaving home and not staying close was seen as a terrible parenting fail.   All very similar.

13 hours ago, Baba O'Riley said:

I don't know what happened to help these young women escape.  I just hope that that at least one of them writes a book about it and that I live long enough to read it.  I'm about the same age as their parents, so c'mon girls, hurry up!  

If any book came out, I would definitely read it.  I would be damn curious to know how life really was for the Maxgirls and how they got out.   But unfortunately I see it as unlikely, as I think in spite of everything they would be too nice to do such a thing.     

[sableduck]

I am convinced that the pastor and possibly the elders of the church they were attending spoke strongly to Steve.  They hinted as much when they said the pastor had suggested the college Mary and Anna went to.  What surprises me is that Steve must have listened and not just left the church in a huff.

Or, possibly the most likely scenario, is that the church leaders were also talking to Sarah, Mary and Anna as well as Steve, and convincing them that they did not have to live under Steve’s rules. The pastor or others in the church may have even offered them a place to live or other assistance, and Steve felt it was better at that point to save face and let go rather than risk the daughters moving in with church members without his blessing.  That would have reflected even worse on him.

[Bastet]

36 minutes ago, sableduck said:

I am convinced that the pastor and possibly the elders of the church they were attending spoke strongly to Steve.  They hinted as much when they said the pastor had suggested the college Mary and Anna went to.  What surprises me is that Steve must have listened and not just left the church in a huff.

Or, possibly the most likely scenario, is that the church leaders were also talking to Sarah, Mary and Anna as well as Steve, and convincing them that they did not have to live under Steve’s rules. The pastor or others in the church may have even offered them a place to live or other assistance, and Steve felt it was better at that point to save face and let go rather than risk the daughters moving in with church members without his blessing.  That would have reflected even worse on him.

  Yes, they figured out a way to allow Steve to save face, and I bet there was some kind of financial settlement too, unless Steve had been paying them appropriately all along. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an implied agreement that there would be no public discussion of everything we so desperately want to know😏, though perhaps they are indeed simply too nice to indulge our curiosity.  

[nokidsmom]

51 minutes ago, sableduck said:

I am convinced that the pastor and possibly the elders of the church they were attending spoke strongly to Steve.  

Also, given Steveovah's years of publicly proclaiming his views, especially on the internet, showed the pastor and other church members exactly who he was as a parent.   It wasn't taking the Maxgirls word for it, it was all out there.

 

[sableduck]

This is exactly why Steve resisted anything but the Church Of the Nursing Home for so many years.  He saw this exact scenario playing out.

The real curiosity to me is not so much the girls moving out but what precipitated attending a regular church.

[Coconut Flan]

39 minutes ago, sableduck said:

The real curiosity to me is not so much the girls moving out but what precipitated attending a regular church.

COVID.  When the pandemic began visitation at the elder care facitilies was stopped or severely limited.  The Maxwells wouldn't have been allowed to go in as a group and gather residents for services.  

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I'm sure I read here that Chelsea Maxwell posted on her blog comments she had a lot to do with Sarah online dating. Maybe she has more influence on the Maxwell women than we know about and it was her...along with perhaps senior church members, brothers etc. not just one person. 

[hoipolloi]

7 hours ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

I'm sure I read here that Chelsea Maxwell posted on her blog comments she had a lot to do with Sarah online dating. Maybe she has more influence on the Maxwell women than we know about and it was her...along with perhaps senior church members, brothers etc. not just one person. 

In the post on Sarah's wedding, Chelsea says the following:

Quote

 

Sarah and Kory met online earlier in the year and they are perfect for each other. We were all so happy for them both!

Speaking of meeting online, and since I'm writing this post anyways, let me give my single readers my unsolicited opinion here on online dating. 😃 That is this: God uses MANY different avenues to bring people together! The "husband delivered to your doorstep all wrapped up in a silver bow" concept that many people adhere to is neither biblical nor is it real life. 😃 It is so important to follow what God has for you individually and be willing to be brave in that no matter what the avenue may be! I'm super proud of Sarah for stepping out of her comfort zone and be open to meeting someone online!...

Some of you might remember me talking about my friend Laura who photographed John's and my wedding! Her and Sarah met at our wedding and have stayed in touch since. She gave Sarah lots of advice on navigating online dating, since Laura and her husband met online as well! It was so neat to see both couples together at the wedding!

 

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I cannot imagine that any of Chelsy's advice and actions made Stevehovah happy.  I think he blew a gasket and nearly had a stroke.  Especially this:

Quote

"husband delivered to your doorstep all wrapped up in a silver bow" concept that many people adhere to is neither biblical nor is it real life.

How very very dare Chelsy disagree with him, his rules, his control of his daughters' every thought, move and breath.  How dare she introduce her friend to Sarah who encouraged her to go for it with online dating.  This is absolutely not what Stevehovah God commands and demands.

Stevehovah alone know what God commands/demands, because God agrees with what Stevehovah commands/demands. God and Stevehovah's rules are exactly the same. 

Isn't it neat-o peachy keen how that worked out ........ for Stevehovah that is.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Chelsy can talk about advising Sarah to get out of her comfort zone all she wants but it’s too bad Chelsy doesn’t take her own advice and give her advice to her sisters who are SAHDs who worship their father and brothers like they are royalty. I wish her sisters would get out of their comfort zones and stand up to their parents for once in their lives. 

[Alisamer]

2 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

In the post on Sarah's wedding, Chelsea says the following:

 

I could totally see it going like "Hey, Sarah! You should meet my friend Laura. She's a photographer too. I bet you two would have lots to talk about. Make sure you ask her about how she met her husband!" Then Sarah, long resigned to her fate, makes a new friend and discovers online dating isn't just for horrible worldly heathens. 

I'm still just mind-blown that somehow after being stuck as a perpetual child at home working for family companies and writing books for daddy's business, wearing long skirts and matching shirt buttons, dusting ceiling fans and eating meatless burritos every. single. weekend. after TWENTY years of adulthood spent following daddy's 15-minute schedule and living under daddy's strict restrictions... Sarah moved out. And bought some jeans. And made friends, met someone online, went to a church with a youth group, and apparently began actually living. Finally!

Like the other girls going to a coed Christian college and wearing pants and shorts and all that is definitely big too. But college is traditionally more of a transitional period between child and adult for most people, so it makes sense and could even be justifiable in a way. Steve could play it off as him blessing them with an education and reluctantly granting them the choice to make some decisions on their own as adults. But Sarah? Moving out on her own? Online dating? Mind blown. 

I kind of feel like maybe there was some build-up on that one. They hid it, for sure, but getting her own dog, getting her own new car, dealing with concussions all while attending a different church where Steve wasn't God's messenger... I think all those things together probably contributed to Sarah feeling more and more adult and able to be independent. Combine it with meeting Laura and her found-online husband, and possibly church elders/pastor and maybe even medical professionals expressing concern about the level of control Steve had over her life, and finally things broke loose.